Teen son slapped my face, what should I do

[Anonymous]

Last night, younger teen son accidentally elbowed older teen son’s jaw, he immediately physically got
on younger son, who has an injure on his ankle, I was worried older son was going to hurt him. I was
loudly talking to him, he can’t just physically revenge just because he was hurt.
The history is younger son is very impulsive, which often causes to provoke a fight, younger teen son
also has a uncontrollable anger, I was worried of it.

When I was talking to older son, he suddenly slapped my face. I was totally in shock, asked why he
slapped me. He said he think I didn’t understand his jaw was hurt badly, I seemed always on younger
teen son side, he felt he is justified to physically get back, and I don’t understand him, he wanted me
feel the same way.

His dad tried to talk to him, couldn’t get him think differently. Later he came to apologize, I asked him
what he apologized for. He said, ok you still need time to calm down, he then walked away. He think
when he apologize, I should accept it right away. If not, I need time to calm down. I don’t want to
accept his apology just for sake of apology.

I still can’t believe what he did, feeling sad, don’t know to proceed. I want to ignore him, want to talk
to him but couldn’t bring myself to.
Should I just forgive since he came to apologize?

[Anonymous]

Your son slapped you unprovoked and your husband just talked to him?

Okay.

[Anonymous]

In my house, this would result in full lock down. All privileges gone. Mandatory counseling and possibly some sort of domestic abuser program. I might go to school with him for a week, walk beside him in the hall, and sit beside him in class before escorting him home.

[Anonymous]

I think the bigger issue here is that I do get from your first paragraph, before you even said it, that you seem to take your younger teen son's side. "He has uncontrollable anger issues." Ummmm... and you think that's... okay? You just let your house run like this? I grew up with a younger brother and it's hard enough managing relationships with siblings. I can't imagine how stressful it would be to live with a brother who has "uncontrollable anger issues" and who my mom apparently constantly makes excuses for? It's not excusable to perpetrate physical violence on anyone, let alone a parent, but I do understand how things could get that out of hand based on your enabling of your younger son's mental health problems

[Anonymous]

Does he not understand the difference between an accidental harm and a deliberate harm?

Do you usually take the younger child’s side? You said the younger one is impulsive and has anger problems? Maybe your older son is tired of having to bear the brunt of that.

What’s the age difference between your kids?

If you and your DH do not get through to your son about how unacceptable what he did is, there’s no coming back from the loss of respect and authority. He will also feel it’s ok to hit to make his point. You know that the three of you need to have a real talk. Amd he needs to get to a place where he can make a real apology, without tacking the word “but” at the end of it.

[Anonymous]

You need to call the police before he does that to someone else.

[Anonymous]

Your older son hit you.

He thinks it's okay that he hit you because he feels that you were being unfair to him.

Your younger son has, in your own words, a history of uncontrollable anger.

I think your family would benefit from therapy.

[Anonymous]

No, you still need to process everything. I'm sorry this happened and your ds may need some time to think too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to call the police before he does that to someone else.

This is the dumbest thing I have probably ever read.

[Anonymous]

If either one of my kids slapped me they would get f-ing whiplash from how fast they lost every single one of their privileges/“freedoms”. And they would also be treated to an earful about what sort of person lays their hands on their mother.

[Anonymous]

And a few posts in, we are blaming the parent of course.

OP you need to consult a professional. I would definitely remove all privileges from older child. That’s a big red line.

[Anonymous]

Op, I hope your whole family is in counseling- separately and collectively.

Agree with pp, this would result in a full lockdown for a month in our house. Zero access to phones, activities, outings, etc. he could watch tv with us as a family and join us on family outings, but nothing in his own.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like a lot of issues. You have one kid with uncontrollable anger. Hopefully you are getting him treatment. You have another who slapped you.

Here’s my experience. I have been physically attacked by one of my kids. I called the police and had him hospitalized for being a danger to himself and others. We’re now in therapy together. He is on a last chance agreement before I have him permanently removed from my house. We are white which might make a difference.

IME, once the seal is broken, things don’t go back to normal. You’ve got a lot of work to do. And if your younger son isn’t in treatment you need to do that. It seems he’s tearing your family apart and you’re not listening.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And a few posts in, we are blaming the parent of course.

OP you need to consult a professional. I would definitely remove all privileges from older child. That’s a big red line.

Sounds like the parent is to blame.

The younger son has 'uncontrollable anger' and accidentally 'elbowed the older son in the jaw'. How TF do you accidentally elbow anyone in their jaw? That's a deliberate provocation.

On top of that the elder son has so little respect for the parent who interfered on the younger son's side that they decided to retaliate against the parent to show them how it feels.

That's poor parenting for both sons.

[Anonymous]

How did you not immediately slap his face back? I'm sorry he slapped you, that would have been my reaction. Everything and I mean everything would be gone and that would just be the start.