Sad about minuscule pool of eligible men after divorce at 44

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was divorced from age 35 to 45, raising a daughter by myself. I dated frequently. Here are some of my observation.

Many women felt sorry for me having to raise my daughter. Funny, I always felt blessed that I had the opportunity.

Many women envisioned themselves as a replacement mother. Thank you, but no thank you. My daughter has a mother.

It was obvious that many wanted to be married, but did not want to be a wife, companion, friend, and soul mate.

Many women wanted be the victim-- clearly no insight that their attitudes had a lot to do with the breakup of their marriage or explained why they were single.

Many women wanted a meal ticket.

Many women had so much baggage that they needed a UHaul trailer.

All that being said, I dated many lovey women 28-50. The ones I enjoyed the most were content and happy with themselves, accomplished, self reliant, adventuresome, and just seemed to enjoy the moment. Finally found for one the moments turned into years + we have 2 boys of our marriage

Very sweet.

I guess, but a do over family BEGINNING at age 45 is my version of hell.

OMG. YES! Our neighbor had 3 kids in college, 1 in HS and was 50. He knocked up his 40-something AP with twins and is starting all OVER again. I actually chuckled with his ex-wife. That is punishment right there. Holy f*ck I love being a mother, but at my age if someone said back to newborn, preschool, etc, etc., when I'm getting ready to live footloose and fancy free at empty stage...shoot me right then and there.

+1. DH and I are in our 40s and our kids are wrapping up college. I couldn’t imagine starting kids in the 40s. Footloose and fancy free! Love it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was divorced from age 35 to 45, raising a daughter by myself. I dated frequently. Here are some of my observation.

Many women felt sorry for me having to raise my daughter. Funny, I always felt blessed that I had the opportunity.

Many women envisioned themselves as a replacement mother. Thank you, but no thank you. My daughter has a mother.

It was obvious that many wanted to be married, but did not want to be a wife, companion, friend, and soul mate.

Many women wanted be the victim-- clearly no insight that their attitudes had a lot to do with the breakup of their marriage or explained why they were single.

Many women wanted a meal ticket.

Many women had so much baggage that they needed a UHaul trailer.

All that being said, I dated many lovey women 28-50. The ones I enjoyed the most were content and happy with themselves, accomplished, self reliant, adventuresome, and just seemed to enjoy the moment. Finally found for one the moments turned into years + we have 2 boys of our marriage

Very sweet.

I guess, but a do over family BEGINNING at age 45 is my version of hell.

OMG. YES! Our neighbor had 3 kids in college, 1 in HS and was 50. He knocked up his 40-something AP with twins and is starting all OVER again. I actually chuckled with his ex-wife. That is punishment right there. Holy f*ck I love being a mother, but at my age if someone said back to newborn, preschool, etc, etc., when I'm getting ready to live footloose and fancy free at empty stage...shoot me right then and there.

+1. DH and I are in our 40s and our kids are wrapping up college. I couldn’t imagine starting kids in the 40s. Footloose and fancy free! Love it!

That's because you started having kids while you were in your twenties. You didn't get much footloose and fancy free time as a childless adult. There are plenty of older parents who didn't have kids until their late 30s, so having young kids in their forties and even fifties doesn't seem that daunting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was divorced from age 35 to 45, raising a daughter by myself. I dated frequently. Here are some of my observation.

Many women felt sorry for me having to raise my daughter. Funny, I always felt blessed that I had the opportunity.

Many women envisioned themselves as a replacement mother. Thank you, but no thank you. My daughter has a mother.

It was obvious that many wanted to be married, but did not want to be a wife, companion, friend, and soul mate.

Many women wanted be the victim-- clearly no insight that their attitudes had a lot to do with the breakup of their marriage or explained why they were single.

Many women wanted a meal ticket.

Many women had so much baggage that they needed a UHaul trailer.

All that being said, I dated many lovey women 28-50. The ones I enjoyed the most were content and happy with themselves, accomplished, self reliant, adventuresome, and just seemed to enjoy the moment. Finally found for one the moments turned into years + we have 2 boys of our marriage

Very sweet.

I guess, but a do over family BEGINNING at age 45 is my version of hell.

OMG. YES! Our neighbor had 3 kids in college, 1 in HS and was 50. He knocked up his 40-something AP with twins and is starting all OVER again. I actually chuckled with his ex-wife. That is punishment right there. Holy f*ck I love being a mother, but at my age if someone said back to newborn, preschool, etc, etc., when I'm getting ready to live footloose and fancy free at empty stage...shoot me right then and there.

+1. DH and I are in our 40s and our kids are wrapping up college. I couldn’t imagine starting kids in the 40s. Footloose and fancy free! Love it!

Good for you. A lot of people are just starting in late 30s early 40s. I am 43. My youngest is in kindergarten. Friend had accidental twins at 45. It happens.

[Anonymous]

If you are unwilling to accept someone divorced or in a coparenting situation, you are likely going to wind up with someone who never previously partnered because 1) they aren't interested in it; or 2) they have issues that prevented them from doing so. It sounds like your standards may be unreasonable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was divorced from age 35 to 45, raising a daughter by myself. I dated frequently. Here are some of my observation.

Many women felt sorry for me having to raise my daughter. Funny, I always felt blessed that I had the opportunity.

Many women envisioned themselves as a replacement mother. Thank you, but no thank you. My daughter has a mother.

It was obvious that many wanted to be married, but did not want to be a wife, companion, friend, and soul mate.

Many women wanted be the victim-- clearly no insight that their attitudes had a lot to do with the breakup of their marriage or explained why they were single.

Many women wanted a meal ticket.

Many women had so much baggage that they needed a UHaul trailer.

All that being said, I dated many lovey women 28-50. The ones I enjoyed the most were content and happy with themselves, accomplished, self reliant, adventuresome, and just seemed to enjoy the moment. Finally found for one the moments turned into years + we have 2 boys of our marriage

Very sweet.

I guess, but a do over family BEGINNING at age 45 is my version of hell.

Agreed- Try being a mid 50 divorced guy with young kids. That has a small candidate pool.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was divorced from age 35 to 45, raising a daughter by myself. I dated frequently. Here are some of my observation.

Many women felt sorry for me having to raise my daughter. Funny, I always felt blessed that I had the opportunity.

Many women envisioned themselves as a replacement mother. Thank you, but no thank you. My daughter has a mother.

It was obvious that many wanted to be married, but did not want to be a wife, companion, friend, and soul mate.

Many women wanted be the victim-- clearly no insight that their attitudes had a lot to do with the breakup of their marriage or explained why they were single.

Many women wanted a meal ticket.

Many women had so much baggage that they needed a UHaul trailer.

All that being said, I dated many lovey women 28-50. The ones I enjoyed the most were content and happy with themselves, accomplished, self reliant, adventuresome, and just seemed to enjoy the moment. Finally found for one the moments turned into years + we have 2 boys of our marriage

Very sweet.

I guess, but a do over family BEGINNING at age 45 is my version of hell.

OMG. YES! Our neighbor had 3 kids in college, 1 in HS and was 50. He knocked up his 40-something AP with twins and is starting all OVER again. I actually chuckled with his ex-wife. That is punishment right there. Holy f*ck I love being a mother, but at my age if someone said back to newborn, preschool, etc, etc., when I'm getting ready to live footloose and fancy free at empty stage...shoot me right then and there.

+1. DH and I are in our 40s and our kids are wrapping up college. I couldn’t imagine starting kids in the 40s. Footloose and fancy free! Love it!

That's because you started having kids while you were in your twenties. You didn't get much footloose and fancy free time as a childless adult. There are plenty of older parents who didn't have kids until their late 30s, so having young kids in their forties and even fifties doesn't seem that daunting.

That's because they don't know any better, dear. Once those kids are in school and everyone thinks they're the kids' grandparents they'll feel it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was divorced from age 35 to 45, raising a daughter by myself. I dated frequently. Here are some of my observation.

Many women felt sorry for me having to raise my daughter. Funny, I always felt blessed that I had the opportunity.

Many women envisioned themselves as a replacement mother. Thank you, but no thank you. My daughter has a mother.

It was obvious that many wanted to be married, but did not want to be a wife, companion, friend, and soul mate.

Many women wanted be the victim-- clearly no insight that their attitudes had a lot to do with the breakup of their marriage or explained why they were single.

Many women wanted a meal ticket.

Many women had so much baggage that they needed a UHaul trailer.

All that being said, I dated many lovey women 28-50. The ones I enjoyed the most were content and happy with themselves, accomplished, self reliant, adventuresome, and just seemed to enjoy the moment. Finally found for one the moments turned into years + we have 2 boys of our marriage

Very sweet.

I guess, but a do over family BEGINNING at age 45 is my version of hell.

Agreed- Try being a mid 50 divorced guy with young kids. That has a small candidate pool.

I went on a date with a guy who lied about his age by 9 years and neglected to mention his TWO year old child- he was 53. Extremely connected successful trial attorney but I burst out laughing and basically said that was my version of hell as a 45 yo woman- ended his chances of getting in my pants. Yes, not hot.

I get it that it’s fun and reinvigorating and probably makes you feel like a virile man and like you’re getting a fresh start to undo your first family- but any successful woman is wayyyyyy past this crap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was divorced from age 35 to 45, raising a daughter by myself. I dated frequently. Here are some of my observation.

Many women felt sorry for me having to raise my daughter. Funny, I always felt blessed that I had the opportunity.

Many women envisioned themselves as a replacement mother. Thank you, but no thank you. My daughter has a mother.

It was obvious that many wanted to be married, but did not want to be a wife, companion, friend, and soul mate.

Many women wanted be the victim-- clearly no insight that their attitudes had a lot to do with the breakup of their marriage or explained why they were single.

Many women wanted a meal ticket.

Many women had so much baggage that they needed a UHaul trailer.

All that being said, I dated many lovey women 28-50. The ones I enjoyed the most were content and happy with themselves, accomplished, self reliant, adventuresome, and just seemed to enjoy the moment. Finally found for one the moments turned into years + we have 2 boys of our marriage

Very sweet.

I guess, but a do over family BEGINNING at age 45 is my version of hell.

OMG. YES! Our neighbor had 3 kids in college, 1 in HS and was 50. He knocked up his 40-something AP with twins and is starting all OVER again. I actually chuckled with his ex-wife. That is punishment right there. Holy f*ck I love being a mother, but at my age if someone said back to newborn, preschool, etc, etc., when I'm getting ready to live footloose and fancy free at empty stage...shoot me right then and there.

+1. DH and I are in our 40s and our kids are wrapping up college. I couldn’t imagine starting kids in the 40s. Footloose and fancy free! Love it!

That's because you started having kids while you were in your twenties. You didn't get much footloose and fancy free time as a childless adult. There are plenty of older parents who didn't have kids until their late 30s, so having young kids in their forties and even fifties doesn't seem that daunting.

That's because they don't know any better, dear. Once those kids are in school and everyone thinks they're the kids' grandparents they'll feel it.

Nobody thinks that anymore, sweetie. We are not living in 1950 or small town USA.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was divorced from age 35 to 45, raising a daughter by myself. I dated frequently. Here are some of my observation.

Many women felt sorry for me having to raise my daughter. Funny, I always felt blessed that I had the opportunity.

Many women envisioned themselves as a replacement mother. Thank you, but no thank you. My daughter has a mother.

It was obvious that many wanted to be married, but did not want to be a wife, companion, friend, and soul mate.

Many women wanted be the victim-- clearly no insight that their attitudes had a lot to do with the breakup of their marriage or explained why they were single.

Many women wanted a meal ticket.

Many women had so much baggage that they needed a UHaul trailer.

All that being said, I dated many lovey women 28-50. The ones I enjoyed the most were content and happy with themselves, accomplished, self reliant, adventuresome, and just seemed to enjoy the moment. Finally found for one the moments turned into years + we have 2 boys of our marriage

Very sweet.

I guess, but a do over family BEGINNING at age 45 is my version of hell.

Agreed- Try being a mid 50 divorced guy with young kids. That has a small candidate pool.

Hmm, speaking as a mid forties woman who dates divorced dads, very true. Most guys your age have kids who are out of the house and that boosts their dating stock. If I am going to date a guy with young kids, I am going to go for a hotel, younger, forty year old rather than a guy in his mid fifties.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was divorced from age 35 to 45, raising a daughter by myself. I dated frequently. Here are some of my observation.

Many women felt sorry for me having to raise my daughter. Funny, I always felt blessed that I had the opportunity.

Many women envisioned themselves as a replacement mother. Thank you, but no thank you. My daughter has a mother.

It was obvious that many wanted to be married, but did not want to be a wife, companion, friend, and soul mate.

Many women wanted be the victim-- clearly no insight that their attitudes had a lot to do with the breakup of their marriage or explained why they were single.

Many women wanted a meal ticket.

Many women had so much baggage that they needed a UHaul trailer.

All that being said, I dated many lovey women 28-50. The ones I enjoyed the most were content and happy with themselves, accomplished, self reliant, adventuresome, and just seemed to enjoy the moment. Finally found for one the moments turned into years + we have 2 boys of our marriage

Very sweet.

I guess, but a do over family BEGINNING at age 45 is my version of hell.

OMG. YES! Our neighbor had 3 kids in college, 1 in HS and was 50. He knocked up his 40-something AP with twins and is starting all OVER again. I actually chuckled with his ex-wife. That is punishment right there. Holy f*ck I love being a mother, but at my age if someone said back to newborn, preschool, etc, etc., when I'm getting ready to live footloose and fancy free at empty stage...shoot me right then and there.

+1. DH and I are in our 40s and our kids are wrapping up college. I couldn’t imagine starting kids in the 40s. Footloose and fancy free! Love it!

That's because you started having kids while you were in your twenties. You didn't get much footloose and fancy free time as a childless adult. There are plenty of older parents who didn't have kids until their late 30s, so having young kids in their forties and even fifties doesn't seem that daunting.

That's because they don't know any better, dear. Once those kids are in school and everyone thinks they're the kids' grandparents they'll feel it.

Nobody thinks that anymore, sweetie. We are not living in 1950 or small town USA.

Exactly, this is dcurbanmoms. Go find a board based in flyover country and chortle at first time parents in their forties. Here that is the norm.

[Anonymous]

No, you are right- we aren’t living in 1950. That’s why it’s funny when men re partner and anti up on the family they screwed up the first time around. It’s generally because they thirsted for a younger partner, who thirsts for her own family. He grants her her 1950 wish to the detriment of his first kids, while the women who have BYDT giggle at the old man. The ex wives are living in the present- enjoying their lives while dad tries to please new wife with speed deposits and limerance.

[Anonymous]

*sperm deposits. Though they may be speedily deposited at half mast

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was divorced from age 35 to 45, raising a daughter by myself. I dated frequently. Here are some of my observation.

Many women felt sorry for me having to raise my daughter. Funny, I always felt blessed that I had the opportunity.

Many women envisioned themselves as a replacement mother. Thank you, but no thank you. My daughter has a mother.

It was obvious that many wanted to be married, but did not want to be a wife, companion, friend, and soul mate.

Many women wanted be the victim-- clearly no insight that their attitudes had a lot to do with the breakup of their marriage or explained why they were single.

Many women wanted a meal ticket.

Many women had so much baggage that they needed a UHaul trailer.

All that being said, I dated many lovey women 28-50. The ones I enjoyed the most were content and happy with themselves, accomplished, self reliant, adventuresome, and just seemed to enjoy the moment. Finally found for one the moments turned into years + we have 2 boys of our marriage

Very sweet.

I guess, but a do over family BEGINNING at age 45 is my version of hell.

OMG. YES! Our neighbor had 3 kids in college, 1 in HS and was 50. He knocked up his 40-something AP with twins and is starting all OVER again. I actually chuckled with his ex-wife. That is punishment right there. Holy f*ck I love being a mother, but at my age if someone said back to newborn, preschool, etc, etc., when I'm getting ready to live footloose and fancy free at empty stage...shoot me right then and there.

+1. DH and I are in our 40s and our kids are wrapping up college. I couldn’t imagine starting kids in the 40s. Footloose and fancy free! Love it!

That's because you started having kids while you were in your twenties. You didn't get much footloose and fancy free time as a childless adult. There are plenty of older parents who didn't have kids until their late 30s, so having young kids in their forties and even fifties doesn't seem that daunting.

That's because they don't know any better, dear. Once those kids are in school and everyone thinks they're the kids' grandparents they'll feel it.

Nobody thinks that anymore, sweetie. We are not living in 1950 or small town USA.

+1 no one thinks that anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was divorced from age 35 to 45, raising a daughter by myself. I dated frequently. Here are some of my observation.

Many women felt sorry for me having to raise my daughter. Funny, I always felt blessed that I had the opportunity.

Many women envisioned themselves as a replacement mother. Thank you, but no thank you. My daughter has a mother.

It was obvious that many wanted to be married, but did not want to be a wife, companion, friend, and soul mate.

Many women wanted be the victim-- clearly no insight that their attitudes had a lot to do with the breakup of their marriage or explained why they were single.

Many women wanted a meal ticket.

Many women had so much baggage that they needed a UHaul trailer.

All that being said, I dated many lovey women 28-50. The ones I enjoyed the most were content and happy with themselves, accomplished, self reliant, adventuresome, and just seemed to enjoy the moment. Finally found for one the moments turned into years + we have 2 boys of our marriage

Very sweet.

I guess, but a do over family BEGINNING at age 45 is my version of hell.

Agreed- Try being a mid 50 divorced guy with young kids. That has a small candidate pool.

Hmm, speaking as a mid forties woman who dates divorced dads, very true. Most guys your age have kids who are out of the house and that boosts their dating stock. If I am going to date a guy with young kids, I am going to go for a hotel, younger, forty year old rather than a guy in his mid fifties.

+1. I am early 40s. I date men 36-40. I have no reason to date my age or older. I am not remarrying. Not EVER.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was divorced from age 35 to 45, raising a daughter by myself. I dated frequently. Here are some of my observation.

Many women felt sorry for me having to raise my daughter. Funny, I always felt blessed that I had the opportunity.

Many women envisioned themselves as a replacement mother. Thank you, but no thank you. My daughter has a mother.

It was obvious that many wanted to be married, but did not want to be a wife, companion, friend, and soul mate.

Many women wanted be the victim-- clearly no insight that their attitudes had a lot to do with the breakup of their marriage or explained why they were single.

Many women wanted a meal ticket.

Many women had so much baggage that they needed a UHaul trailer.

All that being said, I dated many lovey women 28-50. The ones I enjoyed the most were content and happy with themselves, accomplished, self reliant, adventuresome, and just seemed to enjoy the moment. Finally found for one the moments turned into years + we have 2 boys of our marriage

Very sweet.

I guess, but a do over family BEGINNING at age 45 is my version of hell.

Agreed- Try being a mid 50 divorced guy with young kids. That has a small candidate pool.

Hmm, speaking as a mid forties woman who dates divorced dads, very true. Most guys your age have kids who are out of the house and that boosts their dating stock. If I am going to date a guy with young kids, I am going to go for a hotel, younger, forty year old rather than a guy in his mid fifties.

+1. I am early 40s. I date men 36-40. I have no reason to date my age or older. I am not remarrying. Not EVER.

I am also in early 40s. My exH was 12 years older (55 when we divorced). I would say, men in their mid 50s go through such major mental crisis and reassessment of themselves, that I no longer want to witness my partner through this! It's like after he turned 50 he became a completely different person.

I decided to date either slightly younger men (who are still far from that "crisis" age), or older ones, widowers in early 60s. They seem to be more stable psychologically and certainly have their kids out the house.