Who are these loser millennials?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a gen-x manager, I find millennials draining. As someone upthread pointed out, it’s the need for positive feedback, picking and choosing projects based on whether it makes them feel fulfilled, and the inability to shut up and listen and learn that makes me crazy. Part of that is based on characteristics of my generation. - many of our parents were silent generation and we were a lot of latchkey kids. It was kind of ingrained that no one really cared what we thought and you just be quiet and get things done. I’m actually uncomfortable when people gush about my work, and I don’t need rewards - I figure if someone is unhappy they’ll let me know. My workplace is not there to make me feel validated as a human being. I don’t normally think about providing lots of positive feedback. I am very aware of being respectful of peoples’ time out of work and wanting people to have down time, but when it’s your turn to take the grunt work and spend actual time becoming good in what you do, you need to do it.

Why is it so terrible to have a different perspective on these things than you do? Moving through life believing that your thoughts and opinions aren't worth anyone caring about sounds quite sad. Something like one third of your life is spent working, and that a huge percentage of the one life you get to spend not feeling valued or fulfilled. And seriously what's wrong with positive feedback? A good manager should provide both. Your employees need to know what they are doing well just as much as what they are doing wrong.

A lot of the complaints I see about managing and working with millennials seems rooted in the idea that work should suck and millennials are difficult because they won't just accept that.

Gen-Xer who couldn’t care less about positive feedback. It’s infantilizing. I know what I’m good at and I know when I’m doing good work. I don’t look to my job to feel valued or fulfilled, I just go there to get paid so I can enjoy real fulfillment in my free time.

Sure, that's your choice and your opinion, but is it a character failing to have a different approach? Personally, I don't want to waste any significant amount of time on anything that doesn't contribute to my happiness when there are plenty of options out there that will.

And I don't believe positive feedback is just about ego stroking. Positive feedback can be instructive about future career moves, what I should focus more of my energy on, and let's me know what I'm doing that my company actually values. There are plenty of people who think they're amazing at things they actually aren't, or that don't actually matter. It's important to have the full picture. From a management perspective, positive feedback is often a great motivator, costs literally nothing, and employees who feel appreciated and fulfilled are actually better employees.

I think that’s one of the main differences between being an employee in your 20s/30s vs. your 40s/50s—the notion of having plenty of other options out there and the illusion that any of them will bring you happiness.

Perhaps. I'm now in my mid 30s and it's served me pretty well thus far. I've had jobs at some really great companies doing work that I'm passionate about and really enjoy. I watched my parents work their asses off at jobs that didn't make them happy and it seemed to really suck the joy out of their lives both in and outside of work. My siblings and I had anxiety coming home from school each day never knowing what kind of mood they'd be in after work. They each pretty much collapsed in front of a screen and zoned out each night, when they weren't being sour with us. I just don't believe for one second that fulfillment and happiness at work doesn't matter, and I would guess that people who insist it doesn't matter aren't to leave that unhappiness at work as well as they think they do. My parents are finally loving life now that they're retired, and I'm so happy for them, but I plan to enjoy my whole life not just the final bit.

I’m 34 and feel the exact same way. I love my job — it pays well, there’s great job security, and I’m passionate about it.

I watched my dad work for 30 years at a job he hated. My mom quit her job, which she loved, when we were younger and eventually found something else when my sister and I were younger, but it was tough. I’ve made some very conscious choices to ensure that I can be the mom I want to be to my daughter and not quit my job or go part-time.

I guess it just makes some people very uncomfortable to see others achieve this balance.

So you are a nurse?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a gen-x manager, I find millennials draining. As someone upthread pointed out, it’s the need for positive feedback, picking and choosing projects based on whether it makes them feel fulfilled, and the inability to shut up and listen and learn that makes me crazy. Part of that is based on characteristics of my generation. - many of our parents were silent generation and we were a lot of latchkey kids. It was kind of ingrained that no one really cared what we thought and you just be quiet and get things done. I’m actually uncomfortable when people gush about my work, and I don’t need rewards - I figure if someone is unhappy they’ll let me know. My workplace is not there to make me feel validated as a human being. I don’t normally think about providing lots of positive feedback. I am very aware of being respectful of peoples’ time out of work and wanting people to have down time, but when it’s your turn to take the grunt work and spend actual time becoming good in what you do, you need to do it.

Why is it so terrible to have a different perspective on these things than you do? Moving through life believing that your thoughts and opinions aren't worth anyone caring about sounds quite sad. Something like one third of your life is spent working, and that a huge percentage of the one life you get to spend not feeling valued or fulfilled. And seriously what's wrong with positive feedback? A good manager should provide both. Your employees need to know what they are doing well just as much as what they are doing wrong.

A lot of the complaints I see about managing and working with millennials seems rooted in the idea that work should suck and millennials are difficult because they won't just accept that.

Gen-Xer who couldn’t care less about positive feedback. It’s infantilizing. I know what I’m good at and I know when I’m doing good work. I don’t look to my job to feel valued or fulfilled, I just go there to get paid so I can enjoy real fulfillment in my free time.

Sure, that's your choice and your opinion, but is it a character failing to have a different approach? Personally, I don't want to waste any significant amount of time on anything that doesn't contribute to my happiness when there are plenty of options out there that will.

And I don't believe positive feedback is just about ego stroking. Positive feedback can be instructive about future career moves, what I should focus more of my energy on, and let's me know what I'm doing that my company actually values. There are plenty of people who think they're amazing at things they actually aren't, or that don't actually matter. It's important to have the full picture. From a management perspective, positive feedback is often a great motivator, costs literally nothing, and employees who feel appreciated and fulfilled are actually better employees.

I think that’s one of the main differences between being an employee in your 20s/30s vs. your 40s/50s—the notion of having plenty of other options out there and the illusion that any of them will bring you happiness.

Perhaps. I'm now in my mid 30s and it's served me pretty well thus far. I've had jobs at some really great companies doing work that I'm passionate about and really enjoy. I watched my parents work their asses off at jobs that didn't make them happy and it seemed to really suck the joy out of their lives both in and outside of work. My siblings and I had anxiety coming home from school each day never knowing what kind of mood they'd be in after work. They each pretty much collapsed in front of a screen and zoned out each night, when they weren't being sour with us. I just don't believe for one second that fulfillment and happiness at work doesn't matter, and I would guess that people who insist it doesn't matter aren't to leave that unhappiness at work as well as they think they do. My parents are finally loving life now that they're retired, and I'm so happy for them, but I plan to enjoy my whole life not just the final bit.

I’m 34 and feel the exact same way. I love my job — it pays well, there’s great job security, and I’m passionate about it.

I watched my dad work for 30 years at a job he hated. My mom quit her job, which she loved, when we were younger and eventually found something else when my sister and I were younger, but it was tough. I’ve made some very conscious choices to ensure that I can be the mom I want to be to my daughter and not quit my job or go part-time.

I guess it just makes some people very uncomfortable to see others achieve this balance.

So you are a nurse?

Can’t tell if this is a dig at nurses? Really uncalled for, if so.

I’m an analyst in the IC (will not specify further). I truly love my job. The material is fascinating, I’m passionate about the mission, the hours are almost always pretty predictable, and there’s virtually no chance my job would ever be in jeopardy. My coworkers are terrific. I really have no complaints.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a gen-x manager, I find millennials draining. As someone upthread pointed out, it’s the need for positive feedback, picking and choosing projects based on whether it makes them feel fulfilled, and the inability to shut up and listen and learn that makes me crazy. Part of that is based on characteristics of my generation. - many of our parents were silent generation and we were a lot of latchkey kids. It was kind of ingrained that no one really cared what we thought and you just be quiet and get things done. I’m actually uncomfortable when people gush about my work, and I don’t need rewards - I figure if someone is unhappy they’ll let me know. My workplace is not there to make me feel validated as a human being. I don’t normally think about providing lots of positive feedback. I am very aware of being respectful of peoples’ time out of work and wanting people to have down time, but when it’s your turn to take the grunt work and spend actual time becoming good in what you do, you need to do it.

Why is it so terrible to have a different perspective on these things than you do? Moving through life believing that your thoughts and opinions aren't worth anyone caring about sounds quite sad. Something like one third of your life is spent working, and that a huge percentage of the one life you get to spend not feeling valued or fulfilled. And seriously what's wrong with positive feedback? A good manager should provide both. Your employees need to know what they are doing well just as much as what they are doing wrong.

A lot of the complaints I see about managing and working with millennials seems rooted in the idea that work should suck and millennials are difficult because they won't just accept that.

Gen-Xer who couldn’t care less about positive feedback. It’s infantilizing. I know what I’m good at and I know when I’m doing good work. I don’t look to my job to feel valued or fulfilled, I just go there to get paid so I can enjoy real fulfillment in my free time.

Do you manage people? If you manage people and have zero concept as to why positive feedback is critical for running a team, then you must be a pretty shitty boss.

No, I’m only on the receiving end and I really don’t care about it.

That’s nice. I asked my husband about whether he considers providing positive feedback a productive thing for his employees, as he’s managed people for years. He said “of course. It’s critical if they’re going to understand where they’re strong and where they need to improve, as well as for helping them develop their careers moving forward.”

Thank god you don’t manage people.

I agree, thank god. And, uh, tell your husband thanks for his thoughts on this?

Considering he’s a manager and you’re not, i think your viewpoint on this is fairly useless.

DP but omg is there anything worse than the DCUM cliche of the poster who asks her darling husband for his comments on work culture... it’s so cringey.

I wish she’d start an AMHA (Ask my husband anything) thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a gen-x manager, I find millennials draining. As someone upthread pointed out, it’s the need for positive feedback, picking and choosing projects based on whether it makes them feel fulfilled, and the inability to shut up and listen and learn that makes me crazy. Part of that is based on characteristics of my generation. - many of our parents were silent generation and we were a lot of latchkey kids. It was kind of ingrained that no one really cared what we thought and you just be quiet and get things done. I’m actually uncomfortable when people gush about my work, and I don’t need rewards - I figure if someone is unhappy they’ll let me know. My workplace is not there to make me feel validated as a human being. I don’t normally think about providing lots of positive feedback. I am very aware of being respectful of peoples’ time out of work and wanting people to have down time, but when it’s your turn to take the grunt work and spend actual time becoming good in what you do, you need to do it.

Why is it so terrible to have a different perspective on these things than you do? Moving through life believing that your thoughts and opinions aren't worth anyone caring about sounds quite sad. Something like one third of your life is spent working, and that a huge percentage of the one life you get to spend not feeling valued or fulfilled. And seriously what's wrong with positive feedback? A good manager should provide both. Your employees need to know what they are doing well just as much as what they are doing wrong.

A lot of the complaints I see about managing and working with millennials seems rooted in the idea that work should suck and millennials are difficult because they won't just accept that.

Gen-Xer who couldn’t care less about positive feedback. It’s infantilizing. I know what I’m good at and I know when I’m doing good work. I don’t look to my job to feel valued or fulfilled, I just go there to get paid so I can enjoy real fulfillment in my free time.

Do you manage people? If you manage people and have zero concept as to why positive feedback is critical for running a team, then you must be a pretty shitty boss.

No, I’m only on the receiving end and I really don’t care about it.

That’s nice. I asked my husband about whether he considers providing positive feedback a productive thing for his employees, as he’s managed people for years. He said “of course. It’s critical if they’re going to understand where they’re strong and where they need to improve, as well as for helping them develop their careers moving forward.”

Thank god you don’t manage people.

I agree, thank god. And, uh, tell your husband thanks for his thoughts on this?

Considering he’s a manager and you’re not, i think your viewpoint on this is fairly useless.

DP but omg is there anything worse than the DCUM cliche of the poster who asks her darling husband for his comments on work culture... it’s so cringey.

I wish she’d start an AMHA (Ask my husband anything) thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am one of the oldest Millennial (born 1981) and I definitely did not have a UMC life growing up. I did study hard as a first generation immigrant and got a full ride for my undergraduate and graduate school. I got married at 24 and we bought our first house 2 years after starting work. I got my GS-15 at 31. DH started a small business a few years back. We now own a million dollar house that is 80% paid off, have two kids with a good chunk of money in their 529s, and have a healthy amount of money in our retirement and investment accounts.

What was the small business? Are you an attorney?

Small business is in technology and his clients are non-government. I am an engineer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am one of the oldest Millennial (born 1981) and I definitely did not have a UMC life growing up. I did study hard as a first generation immigrant and got a full ride for my undergraduate and graduate school. I got married at 24 and we bought our first house 2 years after starting work. I got my GS-15 at 31. DH started a small business a few years back. We now own a million dollar house that is 80% paid off, have two kids with a good chunk of money in their 529s, and have a healthy amount of money in our retirement and investment accounts.

Sounds like you had a comfortable life though. I was born in 81 too but had an unmotivated dad and mom who married for love. Dad didn't know how to manage his money or that education was important. We rented and I didn't have my own bed until I was 14 or my own space. You got so lucky!

I definitely did not have a comfortable life. My parents were very poor and my dad was in graduate school for the first 5 years after we immigrated here so he only had a small stipend. My mom worked in restaurants to support us so I was left home alone for most of my childhood starting at 7. We lived in shared housing where there were 4-5 families living in a small house filled with roaches so I never had my own bedroom growing up. I do consider myself lucky in that my parents believed in education and I inherited some good genes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am one of the oldest Millennial (born 1981) and I definitely did not have a UMC life growing up. I did study hard as a first generation immigrant and got a full ride for my undergraduate and graduate school. I got married at 24 and we bought our first house 2 years after starting work. I got my GS-15 at 31. DH started a small business a few years back. We now own a million dollar house that is 80% paid off, have two kids with a good chunk of money in their 529s, and have a healthy amount of money in our retirement and investment accounts.

Sounds like you had a comfortable life though. I was born in 81 too but had an unmotivated dad and mom who married for love. Dad didn't know how to manage his money or that education was important. We rented and I didn't have my own bed until I was 14 or my own space. You got so lucky!

I definitely did not have a comfortable life. My parents were very poor and my dad was in graduate school for the first 5 years after we immigrated here so he only had a small stipend. My mom worked in restaurants to support us so I was left home alone for most of my childhood starting at 7. We lived in shared housing where there were 4-5 families living in a small house filled with roaches so I never had my own bedroom growing up. I do consider myself lucky in that my parents believed in education and I inherited some good genes.

If I may ask, how did you figure it all out so young?

Where did you go to school and get a full ride - and how? Were you top of your class?
And how did you get a high paying job so quickly?

I’m not doubting you, I’m in a benign way envious of how you got your life together pretty much by 30. That’s amazing. What period of time were you sacrificing the most, in which you feel other American millennials aren’t? For example, did you largely spend your teens and 20s studying and working and budgeting hard as opposed to traveling/partying. Like, at what period of your life was it grueling with long hours and little reward? I feel like everyone has to go through that to “make it” like you have. Nobody achieves that much wealth by 30 (unless they come from money) without sweat and blood.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a gen-x manager, I find millennials draining. As someone upthread pointed out, it’s the need for positive feedback, picking and choosing projects based on whether it makes them feel fulfilled, and the inability to shut up and listen and learn that makes me crazy. Part of that is based on characteristics of my generation. - many of our parents were silent generation and we were a lot of latchkey kids. It was kind of ingrained that no one really cared what we thought and you just be quiet and get things done. I’m actually uncomfortable when people gush about my work, and I don’t need rewards - I figure if someone is unhappy they’ll let me know. My workplace is not there to make me feel validated as a human being. I don’t normally think about providing lots of positive feedback. I am very aware of being respectful of peoples’ time out of work and wanting people to have down time, but when it’s your turn to take the grunt work and spend actual time becoming good in what you do, you need to do it.

That’s interesting, because my older managers regularly praise me (early 30s millennial) for being the hardest working person in our office and willing to take on any grunt task. Frankly, they are too lazy to do it themselves and own that, which is kind of funny and refreshing. I don’t mind it because they have my back and award/promote me regularly. Just goes to show you that it’s pointless to generalize.

I'm an older millennial in management and I love when we hire millennials, especially younger ones. They're self motivated and hard working, they take on all kinds of extra projects, and they're ready to learn. Far and away our best employees.

Interesting. Im an older millennial and feel the younger millennial are annoying to the core. Very age ist and butt kissers. Work stupidly hard, more materialistic than older millennials. I don't even feel we're the same generation. They all say they wish they had experienced the 90s the era I grew up in.

If you grew up in the 90s, are you a millennial? Aren't you Gen X?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a gen-x manager, I find millennials draining. As someone upthread pointed out, it’s the need for positive feedback, picking and choosing projects based on whether it makes them feel fulfilled, and the inability to shut up and listen and learn that makes me crazy. Part of that is based on characteristics of my generation. - many of our parents were silent generation and we were a lot of latchkey kids. It was kind of ingrained that no one really cared what we thought and you just be quiet and get things done. I’m actually uncomfortable when people gush about my work, and I don’t need rewards - I figure if someone is unhappy they’ll let me know. My workplace is not there to make me feel validated as a human being. I don’t normally think about providing lots of positive feedback. I am very aware of being respectful of peoples’ time out of work and wanting people to have down time, but when it’s your turn to take the grunt work and spend actual time becoming good in what you do, you need to do it.

That’s interesting, because my older managers regularly praise me (early 30s millennial) for being the hardest working person in our office and willing to take on any grunt task. Frankly, they are too lazy to do it themselves and own that, which is kind of funny and refreshing. I don’t mind it because they have my back and award/promote me regularly. Just goes to show you that it’s pointless to generalize.

I'm an older millennial in management and I love when we hire millennials, especially younger ones. They're self motivated and hard working, they take on all kinds of extra projects, and they're ready to learn. Far and away our best employees.

Interesting. Im an older millennial and feel the younger millennial are annoying to the core. Very age ist and butt kissers. Work stupidly hard, more materialistic than older millennials. I don't even feel we're the same generation. They all say they wish they had experienced the 90s the era I grew up in.

If you grew up in the 90s, are you a millennial? Aren't you Gen X?

NP: millennials start with people born in about 1981 and end with people born in 1996. You’re mixing us up with Gen Z.

https://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2019/01/17/where-millennials-end-and-generation-z-begins/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am one of the oldest Millennial (born 1981) and I definitely did not have a UMC life growing up. I did study hard as a first generation immigrant and got a full ride for my undergraduate and graduate school. I got married at 24 and we bought our first house 2 years after starting work. I got my GS-15 at 31. DH started a small business a few years back. We now own a million dollar house that is 80% paid off, have two kids with a good chunk of money in their 529s, and have a healthy amount of money in our retirement and investment accounts.

Sounds like you had a comfortable life though. I was born in 81 too but had an unmotivated dad and mom who married for love. Dad didn't know how to manage his money or that education was important. We rented and I didn't have my own bed until I was 14 or my own space. You got so lucky!

I definitely did not have a comfortable life. My parents were very poor and my dad was in graduate school for the first 5 years after we immigrated here so he only had a small stipend. My mom worked in restaurants to support us so I was left home alone for most of my childhood starting at 7. We lived in shared housing where there were 4-5 families living in a small house filled with roaches so I never had my own bedroom growing up. I do consider myself lucky in that my parents believed in education and I inherited some good genes.

If I may ask, how did you figure it all out so young?

Where did you go to school and get a full ride - and how? Were you top of your class?
And how did you get a high paying job so quickly?

I’m not doubting you, I’m in a benign way envious of how you got your life together pretty much by 30. That’s amazing. What period of time were you sacrificing the most, in which you feel other American millennials aren’t? For example, did you largely spend your teens and 20s studying and working and budgeting hard as opposed to traveling/partying. Like, at what period of your life was it grueling with long hours and little reward? I feel like everyone has to go through that to “make it” like you have. Nobody achieves that much wealth by 30 (unless they come from money) without sweat and blood.

I worked really hard in high school and college and I never partied. I went to UMD and got the Banneker Key scholarship. I always worked part time jobs throughout high school and college (even though I had a full ride) and sometimes I worked multiple jobs at once. I did not date in high school and had one boyfriend in college and we got married right after graduate school. I was lucky to get great internships throughout undergraduate and graduate school that provided great experience and pay. These internships definitely helped me get started with building my career and nest egg earlier than others.