What are the classic components of an UMC or UC American childhood?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nice house on a quiet, leafy street with other children their age to play with. I’m picturing something from a Nancy Meyer movie - a big old colonial or Victorian that has a ton of old school charm but updated kitchens and bathrooms with modern finishes.

Lots of books for every member of the household.

A piano or other musical instruments.

Parents who are home early enough every night for family dinner at 6 or 6:30.

Bonus points for at least one parent being able to get home early enough to greet kids off the school bus, give them a snack, hear about their day, host play dates, take them to activities, etc. In our house, it’s my husband (doctor with a flex schedule) who does this!

If parents are unable to be home early like this, a typical UNC/UC family will hire a housekeeper to perform the role plus cook, clean, and run errands.

Parents who value education which means a top private or public school. Parents should volunteer in the schools regularly and help with homework and projects. Parents should save for college so they are able to pay 100% of their kids’ schools of choice so they have no student debt.

Private music and sports lessons. Typical UMC/UC families belong to a country club, where their children learn to swim, play tennis and golf (at least the boys anyway, the girls might choose something like horseback riding or dance), and ski.

Vacations: the typical schedule seems to me to be an annual ski trip out West, a trip to the Caribbean to escape winter weather, 10 days to 2 weeks in Europe, PLUS 1-2 weeks at a nice East Coast beach. Richer folk will have their own beach house. At least this is what I’ve observed among the he people I know in CC, Bethesda, and Arlington.

Sleep away summer camp for tween years

New car at 16 (doesn’t have to be extravagant)

Semester abroad in college

UMC parent here. A lot of high income families don’t have two parents home for dinner by 6:30. People with big jobs often have dinners out or travel. And a stay at home parent.

Eh depends on age and seniority. The older/more senior you get, the easier it is to make your own schedule and prioritize family time.

Not all UMC or UC parents prioritize family time, you know.

My dad, for example, prioritized golf and his planes. We had a polite, distant relationship and loved each other, but he wasn't at the family dinner table every night.

Actually, I wasn't at the family dinner table every night, either. I was often at study groups or working with my horse/at Pony Club events. My mom was a horse show mom and we often spent weekends away for competitions. We were a very busy family.

LMC kids were the ones who went home, did their homework and watched tv, and then had dinner with mom and dad every night. Maybe they had the odd school basketball or soccer game every now and then, but mostly they were all there.

I would rather be LMC and see my parents every night.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you aren't born into wealth and social status, you'll never really be upper class. I say this as someone who went to Phillips Academy Andover for high school and met a lot of kids from that world. My parents could afford to pay full freight, but I quickly realized I would never be part of the world some of those kids occupied, no matter how much money my parents make. That's fine--it doesn't bother me--but it's the reality.

Truly upper class people don't make their money from paychecks. They make their money through dividends. They have trust funds. They have dorms named after their families. Their families have been going to Ivy League schools since the early 1900s. They have legacy at prep schools like Andover, Brearley, and Collegiate.

It's not about vacations, nannies, etc. It's about whether you have generations of participation in the halls of power in this country.

If you haven't been born into that world, you will never be truly accepted into it, no matter how much money you make.

But isn’t this the beauty of America? You can make it in one generation and you dgaf who accepts you or not, actually plenty of UC people stand in line to greet truly successful entrepreneurs.

Also, Bezos wasn’t born in that world. Do you think he has any issues fitting in or he even cares?

I think having parents who come from a lower social class who rose up is a benefit. Talking about grit and determination and the things they didn't have growing up helps a child to appreciate his UMC or even UC privilege and gives them a different perspective.

I wasn’t talking about whether that can give someone a different perspective. I was talking about whether you’ll be accepted.

A billionaire entrepreneur might be an exception, but I know for a fact that being considered upper class by those born into it requires more than money and material possessions. It’s not fair, but it’s the truth.

Understood, and not disagreeing with you. I still think it's an advantage overall to have parents come from a lower social class, despite that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you aren't born into wealth and social status, you'll never really be upper class. I say this as someone who went to Phillips Academy Andover for high school and met a lot of kids from that world. My parents could afford to pay full freight, but I quickly realized I would never be part of the world some of those kids occupied, no matter how much money my parents make. That's fine--it doesn't bother me--but it's the reality.

Truly upper class people don't make their money from paychecks. They make their money through dividends. They have trust funds. They have dorms named after their families. Their families have been going to Ivy League schools since the early 1900s. They have legacy at prep schools like Andover, Brearley, and Collegiate.

It's not about vacations, nannies, etc. It's about whether you have generations of participation in the halls of power in this country.

If you haven't been born into that world, you will never be truly accepted into it, no matter how much money you make.

But isn’t this the beauty of America? You can make it in one generation and you dgaf who accepts you or not, actually plenty of UC people stand in line to greet truly successful entrepreneurs.

Also, Bezos wasn’t born in that world. Do you think he has any issues fitting in or he even cares?

That’s the joke in America. He was born into that world. His family and friends gave him his start up funding but every UMC person likes to pretend they were born poor and pulled themselves up by their bootstraps.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you aren't born into wealth and social status, you'll never really be upper class. I say this as someone who went to Phillips Academy Andover for high school and met a lot of kids from that world. My parents could afford to pay full freight, but I quickly realized I would never be part of the world some of those kids occupied, no matter how much money my parents make. That's fine--it doesn't bother me--but it's the reality.

Truly upper class people don't make their money from paychecks. They make their money through dividends. They have trust funds. They have dorms named after their families. Their families have been going to Ivy League schools since the early 1900s. They have legacy at prep schools like Andover, Brearley, and Collegiate.

It's not about vacations, nannies, etc. It's about whether you have generations of participation in the halls of power in this country.

If you haven't been born into that world, you will never be truly accepted into it, no matter how much money you make.

But isn’t this the beauty of America? You can make it in one generation and you dgaf who accepts you or not, actually plenty of UC people stand in line to greet truly successful entrepreneurs.

Also, Bezos wasn’t born in that world. Do you think he has any issues fitting in or he even cares?

How many Bezoses are there really?

You don't understand the totality of "making it". Yes you can achieve a comfortable life in one generation. But UC membership comes with a mass of connections and supports that aren't really there unless your family has been at it for generations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you aren't born into wealth and social status, you'll never really be upper class. I say this as someone who went to Phillips Academy Andover for high school and met a lot of kids from that world. My parents could afford to pay full freight, but I quickly realized I would never be part of the world some of those kids occupied, no matter how much money my parents make. That's fine--it doesn't bother me--but it's the reality.

Truly upper class people don't make their money from paychecks. They make their money through dividends. They have trust funds. They have dorms named after their families. Their families have been going to Ivy League schools since the early 1900s. They have legacy at prep schools like Andover, Brearley, and Collegiate.

It's not about vacations, nannies, etc. It's about whether you have generations of participation in the halls of power in this country.

If you haven't been born into that world, you will never be truly accepted into it, no matter how much money you make.

But isn’t this the beauty of America? You can make it in one generation and you dgaf who accepts you or not, actually plenty of UC people stand in line to greet truly successful entrepreneurs.

Also, Bezos wasn’t born in that world. Do you think he has any issues fitting in or he even cares?

I think having parents who come from a lower social class who rose up is a benefit. Talking about grit and determination and the things they didn't have growing up helps a child to appreciate his UMC or even UC privilege and gives them a different perspective.

In your eyes, not everyone's. I had a friend back home (in a country that went through extreme changes and came out very stratified) who refused to date men, no matter how successful, who didn't come from stable affluent families to begin with. She said self-made men had a level of aggression and indiscriminateness of means about them that she didn't want to deal with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you aren't born into wealth and social status, you'll never really be upper class. I say this as someone who went to Phillips Academy Andover for high school and met a lot of kids from that world. My parents could afford to pay full freight, but I quickly realized I would never be part of the world some of those kids occupied, no matter how much money my parents make. That's fine--it doesn't bother me--but it's the reality.

Truly upper class people don't make their money from paychecks. They make their money through dividends. They have trust funds. They have dorms named after their families. Their families have been going to Ivy League schools since the early 1900s. They have legacy at prep schools like Andover, Brearley, and Collegiate.

It's not about vacations, nannies, etc. It's about whether you have generations of participation in the halls of power in this country.

If you haven't been born into that world, you will never be truly accepted into it, no matter how much money you make.

But isn’t this the beauty of America? You can make it in one generation and you dgaf who accepts you or not, actually plenty of UC people stand in line to greet truly successful entrepreneurs.

Also, Bezos wasn’t born in that world. Do you think he has any issues fitting in or he even cares?

I think having parents who come from a lower social class who rose up is a benefit. Talking about grit and determination and the things they didn't have growing up helps a child to appreciate his UMC or even UC privilege and gives them a different perspective.

In your eyes, not everyone's. I had a friend back home (in a country that went through extreme changes and came out very stratified) who refused to date men, no matter how successful, who didn't come from stable affluent families to begin with. She said self-made men had a level of aggression and indiscriminateness of means about them that she didn't want to deal with.

That is just one person. I’m the opposite. I only like self made men.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ll add that there are some non-material/non-purchasable things that go into it to:
Parents talk to their kids a LOT. About current events, about school, etc.
Parents are authoritative: they have clear expectations for their children and there is a clear hierarchy in the home, but they don’t have the “rule with an iron fist/RESPECT ME OR ELSE” style as is more common in LMC/working class homes. When the children fail to meet the expectations, discipline is age-appropriate and designed to teach, not to control or done in a fit of anger.
Parents encourage their kids to question things and be confident in who they are

That's because the consequences for bad behavior are less severe for wealthy kids.

Absolutely true

signed,
Umc mom

[Anonymous]

My late father was raised in poverty and was the embodiment of a self-made, American success story. His ticket out of generational poverty was through a college education. I was raised solidly UMC. My mom was MC.

- the value of education and expectation of a college degree
- manners and etiquette
- ability to make polite, respectful and intelligent conversation with adults
- clear, articulate speech
- personal neatness and pride in appearance
- strong work ethic and belief that intense focus and dedication and willingness to work hard reaped rewards
- respect and kindness for what we'd now call service workers whether your co workers or people you employ (my great grandma was a "domestic" and a member of a wealthy family's staff)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you aren't born into wealth and social status, you'll never really be upper class. I say this as someone who went to Phillips Academy Andover for high school and met a lot of kids from that world. My parents could afford to pay full freight, but I quickly realized I would never be part of the world some of those kids occupied, no matter how much money my parents make. That's fine--it doesn't bother me--but it's the reality.

Truly upper class people don't make their money from paychecks. They make their money through dividends. They have trust funds. They have dorms named after their families. Their families have been going to Ivy League schools since the early 1900s. They have legacy at prep schools like Andover, Brearley, and Collegiate.

It's not about vacations, nannies, etc. It's about whether you have generations of participation in the halls of power in this country.

If you haven't been born into that world, you will never be truly accepted into it, no matter how much money you make.

But isn’t this the beauty of America? You can make it in one generation and you dgaf who accepts you or not, actually plenty of UC people stand in line to greet truly successful entrepreneurs.

Also, Bezos wasn’t born in that world. Do you think he has any issues fitting in or he even cares?

I think having parents who come from a lower social class who rose up is a benefit. Talking about grit and determination and the things they didn't have growing up helps a child to appreciate his UMC or even UC privilege and gives them a different perspective.

I wasn’t talking about whether that can give someone a different perspective. I was talking about whether you’ll be accepted.

A billionaire entrepreneur might be an exception, but I know for a fact that being considered upper class by those born into it requires more than money and material possessions. It’s not fair, but it’s the truth.

Agree but that line starts to blur especially when they co mingle. I’m the pp UMC poster who’s kids do private jets and UC parents. We may make UC money but our main home looks average in a high cost of living area. True you will never be in and be regarded as classy. But when you reach billionaire status you start to be able to meet people that want to meet you. There’s tons of little story lines, like Markle and royalty. She’s never going to be UC but she indeed got to co mingle. That’s just someone in the news, but there’s tons. The line between UC and UMC is the most jarring to reach. MC and UMC is no big deal imo. It’s hard because I grew up UMC knowing parent was UC in another country-and then lost it. So went the social connections of generations. I think if the both spouses are anything less than MC they will always show those habits.

[Anonymous]

To all of the above, I would add in some smaller details like:

Fresh flowers replaced weekly several in public rooms and/or guest bedrooms

Expensive, nice, hand made furniture and rugs (no Ikea or wood veneer)

Hand made, one of a kid art (no reproductions or posters)

Efforts to keep house and lawn tidy (usually outsourced to others)

Organic fruits and veggies, free range meats and eggs

Eating out at nicer restaurants as a family a few times a month

Mother gets professional beauty treatments (hair, nails, pedi, wax) rather than doing it herself

Kids always have nice clothing that is well kept and fits. No hand me downs. More Mini Boden or Tea than Target.

[Anonymous]

i grew up dirt poor and this thread is shit. that's it, that's the comment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ll add that there are some non-material/non-purchasable things that go into it to:
Parents talk to their kids a LOT. About current events, about school, etc.
Parents are authoritative: they have clear expectations for their children and there is a clear hierarchy in the home, but they don’t have the “rule with an iron fist/RESPECT ME OR ELSE” style as is more common in LMC/working class homes. When the children fail to meet the expectations, discipline is age-appropriate and designed to teach, not to control or done in a fit of anger.
Parents encourage their kids to question things and be confident in who they are

That's because the consequences for bad behavior are less severe for wealthy kids.

Absolutely true

signed,
Umc mom

I grew up in a UMC area and here is the thing: when UMC kids drop out of college or get addicted to drugs, there is a better chance (not a guarantee but a better chance at least) that things will turn around for them. UMC parents have the resources to help their kids get help like rehab, get a good lawyer if they got arrested, support their kids while they go to another college and get their life together, that kind of thing... while LC and LMC kids have one chance to get it right and no safety net.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To all of the above, I would add in some smaller details like:

Fresh flowers replaced weekly several in public rooms and/or guest bedrooms

Expensive, nice, hand made furniture and rugs (no Ikea or wood veneer)

Hand made, one of a kid art (no reproductions or posters)

Efforts to keep house and lawn tidy (usually outsourced to others)

Organic fruits and veggies, free range meats and eggs

Eating out at nicer restaurants as a family a few times a month

Mother gets professional beauty treatments (hair, nails, pedi, wax) rather than doing it herself

Kids always have nice clothing that is well kept and fits. No hand me downs. More Mini Boden or Tea than Target.

Lol actually a lot of UMC families buy Target clothing for the kids but spend on other things like good colleges.

This sounds like what a LMC thinks the UMC live like.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:i grew up dirt poor and this thread is shit. that's it, that's the comment.

Why? Because of the uneven distribution of wealth? Lack of social safety nets? Can you explain?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:i grew up dirt poor and this thread is shit. that's it, that's the comment.

Why? Because of the uneven distribution of wealth? Lack of social safety nets? Can you explain?

NP and I agree. It's shit because it betrays a complete lack of class on the part of most of the posters.