What are the classic components of an UMC or UC American childhood?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think one of the hallmarks of UC/UMC is exposure to the arts at a young age. Your first time to the theater or opera or art museum is not on a high school field trip. As a tween you might have family outings to the orchestra, or season tickets to a local theater company.

Np. Yes I was going to add something like this. Grew up UMC (500k) in a low cost of living area and had everything.

My family really focused on the arts and music. We discussed Renoirs, different housing styles (Georgian and such) and built vacations around museums. I remember loving the unicorn tapestries and we made a trip to Paris just to see them. We had discussions on current events, novels and history. We went on international vacations 4x a year and a new place every time. We focused a lot on learning new things. By 25 I’d been to all 50 states and every country in Central America (not sure why, we just enjoyed those countries a lot and I spoke Spanish). My parents were home at 6pm nightly for dinner.

Also, cars aren’t modest at 16. I had the car of my dreams and I got to pick out the color. My mom remembered her MG midget and my dad spoke often of the car he got too. I see a lot of kids getting 50k Jeeps.

My parents gave me a car at 16, 13 years of private school (nothing like the costs here though), paid full price to the college I wanted to go to (which was a state college), 2nd new car for college graduation, put 20% down on my first house at 22 in DC and paid for my wedding. I don’t get any other help but all of that really set me up well. I do have friends who get the max from their parents yearly (30k?).

This exactly sums up how I grew up. Consequently, I was taught museum etiquette and proper table manners at a very young age. Being the only child of an only child certainly heightened familial expectations. Grandparents favorite discussions with me were history and the stock market as an elementary schooler. Definitely an interesting lifestyle!

This is not UMC...

[Anonymous]

UMC 60-80% these folks aren't going private or fancy vacations etc

UC 80%+ that's where you have the private schools and fancier vacations start to come in

less than 10% of the United States goes to private schools and the bulk of those are non top tier religious schools

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm going to go on a limb and add a mildly controversial thing. In addition to all the "things" in this thread, in my humble opinion, you cannot really comfortably belong to the UMC unless your family, ideally in two generations before you (so your parents and grandparents) were also UMC. It's great having UMC-level money and UMC-level jobs. But growing up with these things also gives you habits and assumptions and mannerisms that are frankly very hard to teach. They are hard to articulate even for people who grew up with them, that's how unspoken/DNA-level they are.

I somewhat agree. I grew up LMC. My DH and I now have a fairly high net worth, mostly from saving our above average incomes. We can afford a bigger home, more expensive vacations, new cars, etc., but we live in our paid off modest home and usually just rent a house near the water in the summer for a vacation. It is really hard for us to spend money on big splurges. We did take a trip to the Caribbean, but that was hard to me to get my head around that. It just felt like something "I" don't do, if that makes sense. We do let our DD participate in whatever activity floats her boat and she goes to several overnight camps. She can also pick whatever college she wants to go to. Her view on the world will be much different than mine. It's hard to shake your upbringing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think one of the hallmarks of UC/UMC is exposure to the arts at a young age. Your first time to the theater or opera or art museum is not on a high school field trip. As a tween you might have family outings to the orchestra, or season tickets to a local theater company.

Np. Yes I was going to add something like this. Grew up UMC (500k) in a low cost of living area and had everything.

My family really focused on the arts and music. We discussed Renoirs, different housing styles (Georgian and such) and built vacations around museums. I remember loving the unicorn tapestries and we made a trip to Paris just to see them. We had discussions on current events, novels and history. We went on international vacations 4x a year and a new place every time. We focused a lot on learning new things. By 25 I’d been to all 50 states and every country in Central America (not sure why, we just enjoyed those countries a lot and I spoke Spanish). My parents were home at 6pm nightly for dinner.

Also, cars aren’t modest at 16. I had the car of my dreams and I got to pick out the color. My mom remembered her MG midget and my dad spoke often of the car he got too. I see a lot of kids getting 50k Jeeps.

My parents gave me a car at 16, 13 years of private school (nothing like the costs here though), paid full price to the college I wanted to go to (which was a state college), 2nd new car for college graduation, put 20% down on my first house at 22 in DC and paid for my wedding. I don’t get any other help but all of that really set me up well. I do have friends who get the max from their parents yearly (30k?).

This sounds more like “new” money. People with upper middle class values tend to avoid this kind of extravagance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:11:56 - One more thing.
Cleaning people every week or 2 weeks.
Landscaper to mow / mulch / weed
Hire help for household projects like painting or changing a light fixture.

We make $400K and live in a modest home and have this. This is common here. People are just too busy to do these things themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
This sounds more like “new” money. People with upper middle class values tend to avoid this kind of extravagance.

I am 21:06, and at least for my UMC childhood this was very true. Parents believed in investing/saving, much more than I ever realized! Growing up, though, parents essentially encouraged a plethora of activities and enrichment opportunities. From pottery to horseback riding to swim team to tennis lessons to flute lessons that I hated. There was a fine line between education about finances from parents/grandparents and it being a sin to be materialistic. Re: the finances aspect, UMC families in my perspective want to preserve family "standing" and ensure smart financial decisions. A funny (and memorable to this day) example was my grandparents stopped giving material gifts at age seven, and instead gave checks for multiple times a year (birthday, Christmas, special events/achievements) to teach responsibility and the value of a dollar. We always joked that my grandfather had his broker and lawyer on speed dial...

[Anonymous]

I can’t believe multiple people in this thread claim to have a 7 figure income and believe themselves to be UMC. Who are you people? JFC step outside and talk to a normal human

[Anonymous]

If you have any of the following

- a vacation home, even a “cheap” one
- a live in house keeper
- think flying on a private jet is normal
- buy the kids luxury cars at 16
- travel internationally in luxury multiple times a year with multiple children

You are NOT UMC. You are upper upper class. (In wealth only, not speaking to manners... the people bragging about the above do not have Old money UC manners)

[Anonymous]

I think what UMC looks like varies regionally based on cost of living, but in an average cost of living area the common elements in my mind are:

-Suburban SFH with each child in his/her own room
-Good to excellent public school, good (but not elite) private, rarely a parochial school
-Mix of activities: think swim team, field hockey, travel soccer, music, cross country...lots of variety
-Perhaps 2 vacations a year — Caribbean, Mexico, Florida, Hawaii, Western Europe, driving distance beaches/lake/mountain
-Assumed that kids will go to college (how exactly it will be paid for varies in UMC circles, but a common narrative in my UMC (Southern, medium cost of living, suburban) upbringing was parents would foot the bill and were able to pay up to whatever the priciest in-state public cost for 4 years
-A money-sucking extra depending on family’s interests — could be a modest vacation home/cabin, additional or more exotic vacations, boats, cars

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you aren't born into wealth and social status, you'll never really be upper class. I say this as someone who went to Phillips Academy Andover for high school and met a lot of kids from that world. My parents could afford to pay full freight, but I quickly realized I would never be part of the world some of those kids occupied, no matter how much money my parents make. That's fine--it doesn't bother me--but it's the reality.

Truly upper class people don't make their money from paychecks. They make their money through dividends. They have trust funds. They have dorms named after their families. Their families have been going to Ivy League schools since the early 1900s. They have legacy at prep schools like Andover, Brearley, and Collegiate.

It's not about vacations, nannies, etc. It's about whether you have generations of participation in the halls of power in this country.

If you haven't been born into that world, you will never be truly accepted into it, no matter how much money you make.

But isn’t this the beauty of America? You can make it in one generation and you dgaf who accepts you or not, actually plenty of UC people stand in line to greet truly successful entrepreneurs.

Also, Bezos wasn’t born in that world. Do you think he has any issues fitting in or he even cares?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can’t believe multiple people in this thread claim to have a 7 figure income and believe themselves to be UMC. Who are you people? JFC step outside and talk to a normal human

Agree. I grew up UMC (in terms of finances). Dad WOHM, mom SAH. Private school for elementary, public after that, Ivy League for college with parents paying full freight. We had a nice home (nicer than I have now). Sleep away camp, music lessons, other activities, exposure to the arts (eg symphony, museums), a (used) car at 16, some nice vacations. More than that and you're definitely in UC territory.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can’t believe multiple people in this thread claim to have a 7 figure income and believe themselves to be UMC. Who are you people? JFC step outside and talk to a normal human

Agree. I grew up UMC (in terms of finances). Dad WOHM, mom SAH. Private school for elementary, public after that, Ivy League for college with parents paying full freight. We had a nice home (nicer than I have now). Sleep away camp, music lessons, other activities, exposure to the arts (eg symphony, museums), a (used) car at 16, some nice vacations. More than that and you're definitely in UC territory.

I’m the seven figure poster who said we had an UMC lifestyle.

DH and I both attended ivy schools. I consider UC the type of rich people who have generations at Andover and HYP. We are not that. We don’t have a vacation home or a boat. We still fly economy. Our kids attend public school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you aren't born into wealth and social status, you'll never really be upper class. I say this as someone who went to Phillips Academy Andover for high school and met a lot of kids from that world. My parents could afford to pay full freight, but I quickly realized I would never be part of the world some of those kids occupied, no matter how much money my parents make. That's fine--it doesn't bother me--but it's the reality.

Truly upper class people don't make their money from paychecks. They make their money through dividends. They have trust funds. They have dorms named after their families. Their families have been going to Ivy League schools since the early 1900s. They have legacy at prep schools like Andover, Brearley, and Collegiate.

It's not about vacations, nannies, etc. It's about whether you have generations of participation in the halls of power in this country.

If you haven't been born into that world, you will never be truly accepted into it, no matter how much money you make.

But isn’t this the beauty of America? You can make it in one generation and you dgaf who accepts you or not, actually plenty of UC people stand in line to greet truly successful entrepreneurs.

Also, Bezos wasn’t born in that world. Do you think he has any issues fitting in or he even cares?

I think having parents who come from a lower social class who rose up is a benefit. Talking about grit and determination and the things they didn't have growing up helps a child to appreciate his UMC or even UC privilege and gives them a different perspective.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I think having parents who come from a lower social class who rose up is a benefit. Talking about grit and determination and the things they didn't have growing up helps a child to appreciate his UMC or even UC privilege and gives them a different perspective.

I wonder. The only thing I ever wanted when I was young were some gymnastics lessons and to join Girl Scouts. My DD can do whatever activity interests her, but I'm not sure she appreciates it. Not in the way I would have anyway. I don't really know how to instill that kind of gratitude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you aren't born into wealth and social status, you'll never really be upper class. I say this as someone who went to Phillips Academy Andover for high school and met a lot of kids from that world. My parents could afford to pay full freight, but I quickly realized I would never be part of the world some of those kids occupied, no matter how much money my parents make. That's fine--it doesn't bother me--but it's the reality.

Truly upper class people don't make their money from paychecks. They make their money through dividends. They have trust funds. They have dorms named after their families. Their families have been going to Ivy League schools since the early 1900s. They have legacy at prep schools like Andover, Brearley, and Collegiate.

It's not about vacations, nannies, etc. It's about whether you have generations of participation in the halls of power in this country.

If you haven't been born into that world, you will never be truly accepted into it, no matter how much money you make.

But isn’t this the beauty of America? You can make it in one generation and you dgaf who accepts you or not, actually plenty of UC people stand in line to greet truly successful entrepreneurs.

Also, Bezos wasn’t born in that world. Do you think he has any issues fitting in or he even cares?

I think having parents who come from a lower social class who rose up is a benefit. Talking about grit and determination and the things they didn't have growing up helps a child to appreciate his UMC or even UC privilege and gives them a different perspective.

I wasn’t talking about whether that can give someone a different perspective. I was talking about whether you’ll be accepted.

A billionaire entrepreneur might be an exception, but I know for a fact that being considered upper class by those born into it requires more than money and material possessions. It’s not fair, but it’s the truth.