Reply to It’s like I don’t exist other than to hand off DS

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'd point out to the posters suggesting inviting MIL over instead to avoid the 2-4 hours of driving that hosting someone is often as much work and disruptive to your schedule. I know that I always clean my house before my MIL comes and would not want to entertain a visit while I was under work deadlines/husband traveling. I also would not want her coming over right after I got back from my own work travel because when DH is on his own with the kids the house looks like it was ransacked even when it was perfectly clean before I left. [/quote]

And that's okay.  It would be okay for OP to say "I'm super swamped right now but maybe when DH gets back?"  It's just strange that she's turned the request to see her grandson into "she's such a taker."[/quote]

She’s a taker because she’s trying to manipulate her DIL into driving 2 hours each way just to facilitate a visit with her. She’s doing this when she knows DIL is handling everything home related on her own while her husband travels. Of course, it’s a bad time!

When you know someone is dealing with a stressful time, you don’t pile on the requests for favors. That’s flat out rude. Of course, that’s only if you care about them. If you don’t care about them, then you probably do ask for whatever you can get away with and completely disregard what they’re going through.

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"Is there a good time soon DS can come for a visit" is the opposite of manipulation.  Wanting to see your grandson is not a favor.  And literally no part of the MIL's behavior was rude.  Your response is out of all proportion to what happened.  And I'm a DIL, not a MIL.  There are some great posts in this forum about monster in laws.  This isn't one.  This is a normal interaction with people being polite and respecting boundaries and then one party turning around and complaining "look what I have to put up with!"  There's no there, there.[/quote]

NP. I think there's nothing wrong with "I'd love to see Jimmy; can we work out a plan?" But there IS something wrong with "can DS *come for a visit.*" Because Jimmy can't drive himself, now can he? So you are basically asking someone else to do you the favor of bringing Jimmy to you. That IS a favor. Driving two hours IS a favor. [/quote]

DP. Yes, let's throw her under the bus because she didn't use the exact tiny subset of words you deem permissible, in her attempt to offer to help. Also, there are other posts in this thread saying that MIL offering to drive is rude too. MIL can't win.

This OP is genuinely making me question the authenticity of some of the other MIL stories I hear on DCUM. They sound horrible but if the DILs are actually like PP and the other anti-MIL posters, I would switch to team MIL. I think the pro-OP posters on this thread sound wildly controlling and impossible to have even a conversation with. And I am not a MIL.[/quote]

Ha! I love offers to “help” that involve me driving 4 hours on a weekend. It’s also great how so many posters keep insisting that this not a favor!

Would you ever treat a friend this way? “When’s a good time for you to drive 4 hours to do something for me? This isn’t a favor BTW so don’t expect a thank you.”

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