Same. My work was surprised when I didn't take time off when our DD was sick, because DH could do it. He also did pick-ups and drop offs to school, and was the only dad doing it. Our DD is 15 now and has very fond memories of this, because it made her special in her class. They are still very close. |
OMG yes. I was walking down Connecticut with some colleagues when my oldest was a baby, and accidentally said, "Look, a bus!" |
Second the point about gender inequality. Before you have kids you have oceans of time and autonomy. Once you have kids it becomes, inevitably, a competition between the spouses for time to work, play, sleep. And somehow it's mostly the women who get the short end of the stick.
It doesn't happen because anyone "wants" it to happen (usually). It's the cumulative impact of all the little decisions and non-decisions. Example: Doc says breast is best. Gotcha. So, woman is the one who gets up four times in the middle of the night to feed the baby because, well, husband has no breastmilk (and pumping a lot of extra is also hard, esp. early). So baby gets used to mom and is easier for mom to settle down... so mom becomes the parent the baby gets handed to when things are tough... and it becomes self fulfilling. Ditto: mom gets more parental leave than dad and spends more time with baby, so gets better at handling baby things efficiently and settling baby... self-fulfilling, see above. And then: mom is sleep-deprived and has been off work for months. It starts seeming like maybe someone should stay home or cut back on work to care for the baby, and mom probably made a little less money than dad, and she's been home anyway, and she's better at baby stuff by now (see above), and maybe dad's a little older and his career is more advanced so it somehow seems higher stakes if he quits or cuts back... and anyway mom is now so sleep-deprived she can't imagine being fully functioning at work... so if anyone's career goes on the back burner, it's hers. And then... husband thinks, well, I have the important job and make more money, and she is home all day/two days a week/more hours each day... so really there is not reason not to expect her to handle the play dates and doctors appointments and making dinner... And then you're stuck. I also wish I had read "The Bitch in the House" before having children. It might have led me to think through some things and talk them through with DH so we could avoid the problems that emerged. In hindsight I feel very naive. I fell into all the traps I described above. |
How it’s possible to not notice/mind how annoying your own kid is when everyone else’s are BLATANTLY annoying... love is weird |
That when you change a little boys diaper that you need to cover him or he might pee in your face! That was news to me. |
“Making the decision to have a child - it's momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking outside your body.”
? Elizabeth Stone I get it now. Being a parent is the hardest and scariest thing because you love someone more than yourself and your happiness. Heck! They are your happiness.. |
Mother’s Intuition. I’ve never been wrong. |
My son as a toddler loved trucks...so every time the recycling or the garbage truck came...we were outside...waving at the them. Then the drivers started to toot their horns, because he would laugh and clap his hands. After a few months of this, I was driving somewhere and the garbage truck was going past me...in the middle of the traffic...he recognized us and tooted his horn, much to the delight of my son.
I felt as if I was a beloved celebrity who was caught on the jumbotron of a ball game and I happily waved back!!! |
+1000 Also driven by your very own husband on the homefront. |
I take pictures almost every day because both sets of grandparents live far away and both grandfathers are absolutely nuts about my kid. My dad only gets to see my kid once every 8-12 months, and my mom told me the last thing he does in bed is scroll through watching pictures and videos. |
This. Nobody prepared me for how much fun it was. All I heard were complaints. Also, I’m a guy and drop off and pick up my kid all the time and see many other fathers doing it too. No one seems to think it’s unusual or remark on it. |
I fell into this too. It wasn't even that I didn't enjoy those things. I did. It just didn't occur to me that little decision by little decision in those early months/years, I was setting up a pattern for all of our years raising children. |
Ditto! So true!! |
I didn't realize how all encompassing it is. I remember someone asked me not too long after my oldest was born about how much babies cost, and I went through and itemized some things: daycare, diapers, formula, etc. Then a few years later someone asked the same thing, and I remember just thinking "All of it. You will never make another major financial decision where you don't factor in your child."
And its not just finances. Our children impact so many life decisions. It's true for our careers, both of us, what city we decided to live in, and where in the city, how we spend our time on the weekends, where we vacation, who our friends are, whether or not we would get divorced when things got hard, how we think and talk and perceive every day experiences, our relationships with our own parents, etc etc. I can't even say how much my children have impacted my life except to say that it has been thoroughly and in every aspect. |
That you can never be “ready” for a baby. You can buy all the stuff, read all the books, etc but nothing compares to those first days home with your first. I am pretty sure I looked at the nurse like she was crazy when she said we could leave the hospital. We got home and I just thought “now what? This for the rest of my life?” With my second baby I couldn’t leave the hospital fast enough.
Also nobody told me about the monotony of day to day stuff. It’s the same thing day in and day out with some fun and laughter sprinkled in the mix. I love being a parent but the thought of making dinner for my kids for the rest of my life (well till they leave) makes me want to put a fork in my eye. And I love cooking! |