Pregnant with non-boyfriend - he wants me to keep it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, abortion doesn’t solve all problems either. A friend of mine had an abortion and after that ended up with clinical depression and a lot of ‘what ifs’. An other one got very embarrassed when years later one of her older kids found out about the ‘missing sibling’. It is not an easy choice. Plus probably the OP will split up with the guy anyway after abortion since this is going to be a deal breaker for him.

Anecdotes are not persuasive. There are many people who've felt relief after an abortion in a complicated situation.

Depression after abortion is not that rare and can be a pretty serious complication
https://americanpregnancy.org/unplanned-pregnancy/abortion-emotional-effects/

Just because these words are written on a random website doesn't make them true. If you want to make a claim like this, please link to an actual study in a peer-reviewed journal.

Here a very recent one on a very large sample of women but there are many more articles, just do a quick search with PubMed
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/m/pubmed/30921593/?i=4&from=depression%20abortion

Guess I'm just another anecdote but I pray to whatever higher being exists that my daughters never have to go through an abortion. The odds probably aren't in their favor, as I suspect rates are higher than reported. I'm pro-choice to the core, but I'm not sure I would survive another abortion after I had one at 28 (pre-kids). It took me a year to mostly recover mentally. Not sure I've ever 100% recovered.

But for others it IS the right choice and they don't regret it. I already had depression issues so for me it just triggered a long, major episode. Others are different. OP if you can't wrap your mind around another child, you don't have to. The idea of money is enticing but is it enough?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, abortion doesn’t solve all problems either. A friend of mine had an abortion and after that ended up with clinical depression and a lot of ‘what ifs’. An other one got very embarrassed when years later one of her older kids found out about the ‘missing sibling’. It is not an easy choice. Plus probably the OP will split up with the guy anyway after abortion since this is going to be a deal breaker for him.

Anecdotes are not persuasive. There are many people who've felt relief after an abortion in a complicated situation.

Depression after abortion is not that rare and can be a pretty serious complication
https://americanpregnancy.org/unplanned-pregnancy/abortion-emotional-effects/

Just because these words are written on a random website doesn't make them true. If you want to make a claim like this, please link to an actual study in a peer-reviewed journal.

Here a very recent one on a very large sample of women but there are many more articles, just do a quick search with PubMed
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/m/pubmed/30921593/?i=4&from=depression%20abortion

Guess I'm just another anecdote but I pray to whatever higher being exists that my daughters never have to go through an abortion. The odds probably aren't in their favor, as I suspect rates are higher than reported. I'm pro-choice to the core, but I'm not sure I would survive another abortion after I had one at 28 (pre-kids). It took me a year to mostly recover mentally. Not sure I've ever 100% recovered.

But for others it IS the right choice and they don't regret it. I already had depression issues so for me it just triggered a long, major episode. Others are different. OP if you can't wrap your mind around another child, you don't have to. The idea of money is enticing but is it enough?

I wish I could give you a hug right now. May you find peace and healing in your heart.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, abortion doesn’t solve all problems either. A friend of mine had an abortion and after that ended up with clinical depression and a lot of ‘what ifs’. An other one got very embarrassed when years later one of her older kids found out about the ‘missing sibling’. It is not an easy choice. Plus probably the OP will split up with the guy anyway after abortion since this is going to be a deal breaker for him.

I don't understand this. I know about my mom's multiple abortions and "missing siblings" isn't really something that comes to mind. What reason is there to be embarrassed? In fact, part of me is glad they happened because I know my parents only wanted two kids, and if any of her earlier abortions became full term pregnancies, I would likely not be here.

Glad you won the embryo lottery!!

Meh. Every single person alive won the sperm lottery. We’re not all sitting around crying for the fallen sperm who didn’t get to fertilize the egg and continue the journey to become a person.

[Anonymous]

Abort but don't tell him. Then in a month 'miscarry' and be sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Marry him?

Yeah, providing is pretty easy way out. He will have to provide in any way if you keep the baby. Legally. He has to.
So if he want you to do all the work and buy his way out then why don't you flip the plate and if he is such
a great dad to be why doesn't he join the team and for the sake of the baby marry you and help to rise it.
Fair is fair. Otherwise you will carry all the burden. It is only fair to ask. See what he can do.
Tell him you will be happy to but you need to be in a marriage for this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Abort but don't tell him. Then in a month 'miscarry' and be sad.

No, don't. Talk to him, work it out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, abortion doesn’t solve all problems either. A friend of mine had an abortion and after that ended up with clinical depression and a lot of ‘what ifs’. An other one got very embarrassed when years later one of her older kids found out about the ‘missing sibling’. It is not an easy choice. Plus probably the OP will split up with the guy anyway after abortion since this is going to be a deal breaker for him.

I don't understand this. I know about my mom's multiple abortions and "missing siblings" isn't really something that comes to mind. What reason is there to be embarrassed? In fact, part of me is glad they happened because I know my parents only wanted two kids, and if any of her earlier abortions became full term pregnancies, I would likely not be here.

Glad you won the embryo lottery!!

Meh. Every single person alive won the sperm lottery. We’re not all sitting around crying for the fallen sperm who didn’t get to fertilize the egg and continue the journey to become a person.

What was your grade in biology?
Let’s review the basics together
Egg alone>> no baby
Sperm alone>>no baby
Egg+sperm>>zygote (fertilized egg)>> implant on the lining of the uterus>>pregnancy begins>>embryo>>fetus>>delivery>>baby

In other words who cares of the sperm alone that doesn’t reach the egg?!? But the embryo could have developed into a fully formed human being.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Abort but don't tell him. Then in a month 'miscarry' and be sad.

Wow!!
What a manipulative and deceiving behavior is suggested here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Abort but don't tell him. Then in a month 'miscarry' and be sad.

No, don't. Talk to him, work it out.

+ 1000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, abortion doesn’t solve all problems either. A friend of mine had an abortion and after that ended up with clinical depression and a lot of ‘what ifs’. An other one got very embarrassed when years later one of her older kids found out about the ‘missing sibling’. It is not an easy choice. Plus probably the OP will split up with the guy anyway after abortion since this is going to be a deal breaker for him.

Anecdotes are not persuasive. There are many people who've felt relief after an abortion in a complicated situation.

Depression after abortion is not that rare and can be a pretty serious complication
https://americanpregnancy.org/unplanned-pregnancy/abortion-emotional-effects/

Just because these words are written on a random website doesn't make them true. If you want to make a claim like this, please link to an actual study in a peer-reviewed journal.

Here a very recent one on a very large sample of women but there are many more articles, just do a quick search with PubMed
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/m/pubmed/30921593/?i=4&from=depression%20abortion

Guess I'm just another anecdote but I pray to whatever higher being exists that my daughters never have to go through an abortion. The odds probably aren't in their favor, as I suspect rates are higher than reported. I'm pro-choice to the core, but I'm not sure I would survive another abortion after I had one at 28 (pre-kids). It took me a year to mostly recover mentally. Not sure I've ever 100% recovered.

But for others it IS the right choice and they don't regret it. I already had depression issues so for me it just triggered a long, major episode. Others are different. OP if you can't wrap your mind around another child, you don't have to. The idea of money is enticing but is it enough?

Thank you for sharing your story. I wish more women would speak up about emotional struggles after having an abortion. It’s a terrible choice to have to make. <3

[Anonymous]

Worse is having a baby you don't want with a f@%k buddy.

[Anonymous]

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6207970/

A review of the literature..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, abortion doesn’t solve all problems either. A friend of mine had an abortion and after that ended up with clinical depression and a lot of ‘what ifs’. An other one got very embarrassed when years later one of her older kids found out about the ‘missing sibling’. It is not an easy choice. Plus probably the OP will split up with the guy anyway after abortion since this is going to be a deal breaker for him.

Anecdotes are not persuasive. There are many people who've felt relief after an abortion in a complicated situation.

Depression after abortion is not that rare and can be a pretty serious complication
https://americanpregnancy.org/unplanned-pregnancy/abortion-emotional-effects/

Just because these words are written on a random website doesn't make them true. If you want to make a claim like this, please link to an actual study in a peer-reviewed journal.

Here a very recent one on a very large sample of women but there are many more articles, just do a quick search with PubMed
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/m/pubmed/30921593/?i=4&from=depression%20abortion

Guess I'm just another anecdote but I pray to whatever higher being exists that my daughters never have to go through an abortion. The odds probably aren't in their favor, as I suspect rates are higher than reported. I'm pro-choice to the core, but I'm not sure I would survive another abortion after I had one at 28 (pre-kids). It took me a year to mostly recover mentally. Not sure I've ever 100% recovered.

But for others it IS the right choice and they don't regret it. I already had depression issues so for me it just triggered a long, major episode. Others are different. OP if you can't wrap your mind around another child, you don't have to. The idea of money is enticing but is it enough?

Thank you for sharing your story. I wish more women would speak up about emotional struggles after having an abortion. It’s a terrible choice to have to make. <3

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi DCUM. Please don’t flame me.

Been dating a guy for about a year - were friends for a long time before that. I’m mid-thirties, divorced with two kids, he’s early forties, never married, no kids.

We were fooling around and had sex without a condom. He pulled out, and it was a week before I was supposed to ovulate, so I didn’t think twice about it. (Dumb!) Well, here I am, just found out I was pregnant last week.

The guy has always wanted a kid and was raised Catholic - he desperately does NOT want me to abort. He’s well-off (like, millions) and has assured me he’ll provide very well.

I’m just hitting a groove in my career and have a very hard time thinking about raising three children without a partner, to say nothing about finding a partner with three kids from two men. Not a look I aspire to.

I really wish I hadn’t told him. I’m stuck. WWYD?

Yet he believes in pre-marital sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Him being Catholic is not a reason for you to keep it, because he should have known to marry you before engaging in conduct that could bring a child into the world.

Would you consider having the child and giving it to him to raise on his own? I mean if he thinks it is OK for you to single parent, why shouldn't he do that himself?

I think the abortion thing is just a culturally ingrained thing - he’s not a practicing Catholic (obviously), but the idea of *my* aborting his kid makes him bristle.

I couldn’t hand over the kid. I actually enjoy being a mother, but it’s hard enough with two. Add an infant to the mix - oy!

Yes. This.

Also, Seems to me he wants to have a kid and maybe settle down and get married. Op you seem like the one who doesn’t want to settle down just because it’ll make your life harder. I know this is terrible but just say you miscarried and that’s that. Donthave sex with him again. Or suggest getting together and becoming a couple