In case anyone still thinks spanking is okay

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread is nuts. I wouldn't have expected these sentiments from this demographic.

There are endless posts on DCUM along the lines of "I can't control my four-year-old, nothing that I do works."

Just keep in mind that we're not the ones writing those posts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I spanked my kids probably a total of 3 times when they were toddlers and ran into the street. I wanted them to stay out of the street. You often don't get a second chance to learn that lesson. I didn't care if they stayed out of the street because they were scared I would spank them. Not dying was more important than that. Both are terrific teens with whom I have a great relationship! I think you really need to distinguish between how and why the child is being spanked.

Same here. That's the only reason I ever spanked, and it was two times when she was two. Personally, I don't think I could spank her now at age four. I don't think I could explain why it is ok for me to hit her and why it's not ok for her to hit her friends (or me or her sister). I was never spanked but I saw a friend get belted once. It scared the crap out of me and I never wanted to go back to her house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I spanked my kids probably a total of 3 times when they were toddlers and ran into the street. I wanted them to stay out of the street. You often don't get a second chance to learn that lesson. I didn't care if they stayed out of the street because they were scared I would spank them. Not dying was more important than that. Both are terrific teens with whom I have a great relationship! I think you really need to distinguish between how and why the child is being spanked.

Same here. That's the only reason I ever spanked, and it was two times when she was two. Personally, I don't think I could spank her now at age four. I don't think I could explain why it is ok for me to hit her and why it's not ok for her to hit her friends (or me or her sister). I was never spanked but I saw a friend get belted once. It scared the crap out of me and I never wanted to go back to her house.

If you take away a toy, can you explain to her why that is OK, even though she is not able to take away her sister's toy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:
My youngest might still get a spanking occasionally, but it's very rare now.

I remember my dad telling me to “come over here and bend over my lap for your spanking.” [b] The moment from that until I got to his lap were the most fearful moments of my life. It was terrifying to me. Much like I imagine it would fell to be walking to an execution. That’s how it feels from a child’s perspective. [/b]
That’s what I remember—NOT whatever behavior got me spanked.

That's how it feels from "A" child's perspective. As in, you. I remember the feeling more like, "crap this sucks. I'm in big trouble, and it's gonna hurt." And then moving on with life. Hopefully you'll never have to actually make that walk to the electric chair, so the comparison to what your dad did will continue to be theoretical.

The first PP's experience is how I felt too. It was so anxiety provoking. I remember shaking and crying and trying to run away from him. It was terrifying. I also remember going to the bathroom afterward and pulling down my pants to see how red my butt was and it was always red and painful. I don't remember any of what I did to "earn" the spankings.

were you spanked bare butt?

I think the poster who was spanked by her dad (and also hit slapped etc. if it is the same poster) sounds like maybe she suffered some abuse. It's hard to follow who is who but if this is the poster whose dad was the one who used to use the belt on his first kids then it sounds like maybe a lot more was going on in their household which I am truly sorry to hear.

What I haven't heard much of in this thread is that children are not mini adults. Their mental faculties are not fully formed and that includes the ability to keep themselves out of harms way. Our child needs to know and understand that when mommy or daddy says stop something/type of behavior they stop immediately. That takes training. A few posters who admitted spanking to prevent the kid from running across the street or in the parking lot provided examples of this but there are many other types of examples. Training kids to know when no means no and when to stop something is not developed overnight. One doesn't always have the opportunity to explain the why behind things. That doesn't mean one never does, but it does mean that one's kids need to know when they just must listen and yes "obey". That is not say that one is authoritarian in one's upbringing, but it does mean for little kids in particular, they do need to know how to respect authority. Over time, that changes as they grow. Even though we spank, we still explain things to our kids and give them the opportunity to state their views. We talk about things (including why they are going to be spanked for x behavior). Spanking is one of many tools in the tool kit (not the only one). We still do time out. We still take things away from them. We use many tools on a day to day basis. We also apologize to our kids if we are wrong about something. If we've taken something away from them and find out that we were wrong in understanding what happened, we apologize. We all are trying to teach our kids so many different things every day. There is no right or wrong way. Abuse and spanking are not the same thing. For those who may have faced abuse growing up. I am truly sorry. If that is your reason for not spanking your kid then that is your right. No one should judge you for that. However, to judge others for incorporating spanking in their discipline toolbox is also not fair.

+1,000. Well said.

Agreed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I spanked my kids probably a total of 3 times when they were toddlers and ran into the street. I wanted them to stay out of the street. You often don't get a second chance to learn that lesson. I didn't care if they stayed out of the street because they were scared I would spank them. Not dying was more important than that. Both are terrific teens with whom I have a great relationship! I think you really need to distinguish between how and why the child is being spanked.

Same here. That's the only reason I ever spanked, and it was two times when she was two. Personally, I don't think I could spank her now at age four. I don't think I could explain why it is ok for me to hit her and why it's not ok for her to hit her friends (or me or her sister). I was never spanked but I saw a friend get belted once. It scared the crap out of me and I never wanted to go back to her house.

If you take away a toy, can you explain to her why that is OK, even though she is not able to take away her sister's toy?

Yes, I can. I can take a toy away from her if she loses the privilege to have that toy for some reason. She can't take a toy away from her sister because she's not an adult and she's not in charge of her sister. But I can't explain to her why I am allowed to cause her physical pain if she acts out for some reason while at the same time telling her that she can't hit someone because it's not ok to cause someone else physical pain.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread is nuts. I wouldn't have expected these sentiments from this demographic.

I'm curious - what demographic are you referring to?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I spanked my kids probably a total of 3 times when they were toddlers and ran into the street. I wanted them to stay out of the street. You often don't get a second chance to learn that lesson. I didn't care if they stayed out of the street because they were scared I would spank them. Not dying was more important than that. Both are terrific teens with whom I have a great relationship! I think you really need to distinguish between how and why the child is being spanked.

Same here. That's the only reason I ever spanked, and it was two times when she was two. Personally, I don't think I could spank her now at age four. I don't think I could explain why it is ok for me to hit her and why it's not ok for her to hit her friends (or me or her sister). I was never spanked but I saw a friend get belted once. It scared the crap out of me and I never wanted to go back to her house.

If you take away a toy, can you explain to her why that is OK, even though she is not able to take away her sister's toy?

Yes, I can. I can take a toy away from her if she loses the privilege to have that toy for some reason. She can't take a toy away from her sister because she's not an adult and she's not in charge of her sister. But I can't explain to her why I am allowed to cause her physical pain if she acts out for some reason while at the same time telling her that she can't hit someone because it's not ok to cause someone else physical pain.

Interesting - so you couldn't explain to her that as her mommy/daddy you are charged to take care of her and teach her things. One of the things you are trying to teach her is x. You have told her x number of times not to do x. She has refused to listen on x number of occasions. As a result, she will be punished with a spanking which only mommy/daddy are allowed to do because she continuously did not do x. In the future, when mommy/daddy tell you to do x, you expect her to do x.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I spanked my kids probably a total of 3 times when they were toddlers and ran into the street. I wanted them to stay out of the street. You often don't get a second chance to learn that lesson. I didn't care if they stayed out of the street because they were scared I would spank them. Not dying was more important than that. Both are terrific teens with whom I have a great relationship! I think you really need to distinguish between how and why the child is being spanked.

Same here. That's the only reason I ever spanked, and it was two times when she was two. Personally, I don't think I could spank her now at age four. I don't think I could explain why it is ok for me to hit her and why it's not ok for her to hit her friends (or me or her sister). I was never spanked but I saw a friend get belted once. It scared the crap out of me and I never wanted to go back to her house.

If you take away a toy, can you explain to her why that is OK, even though she is not able to take away her sister's toy?

Yes, I can. I can take a toy away from her if she loses the privilege to have that toy for some reason. She can't take a toy away from her sister because she's not an adult and she's not in charge of her sister. But I can't explain to her why I am allowed to cause her physical pain if she acts out for some reason while at the same time telling her that she can't hit someone because it's not ok to cause someone else physical pain.

Interesting - so you couldn't explain to her that as her mommy/daddy you are charged to take care of her and teach her things. One of the things you are trying to teach her is x. You have told her x number of times not to do x. She has refused to listen on x number of occasions. As a result, she will be punished with a spanking which only mommy/daddy are allowed to do because she continuously did not do x. In the future, when mommy/daddy tell you to do x, you expect her to do x.

I'm not going to debate with you. I use other tactics than spanking when my children don't listen (except for the two times she ran into the street and frankly, if spanking worked, I should have only had to spank her once, but it obviously didn't work and I didn't like hitting her so I never did it again). You want to hit your kids, then hit your kids. I don't want to hit my kids. End of conversation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I spanked my kids probably a total of 3 times when they were toddlers and ran into the street. I wanted them to stay out of the street. You often don't get a second chance to learn that lesson. I didn't care if they stayed out of the street because they were scared I would spank them. Not dying was more important than that. Both are terrific teens with whom I have a great relationship! I think you really need to distinguish between how and why the child is being spanked.

Same here. That's the only reason I ever spanked, and it was two times when she was two. Personally, I don't think I could spank her now at age four. I don't think I could explain why it is ok for me to hit her and why it's not ok for her to hit her friends (or me or her sister). I was never spanked but I saw a friend get belted once. It scared the crap out of me and I never wanted to go back to her house.

If you take away a toy, can you explain to her why that is OK, even though she is not able to take away her sister's toy?

Yes, I can. I can take a toy away from her if she loses the privilege to have that toy for some reason. She can't take a toy away from her sister because she's not an adult and she's not in charge of her sister. But I can't explain to her why I am allowed to cause her physical pain if she acts out for some reason while at the same time telling her that she can't hit someone because it's not ok to cause someone else physical pain.

Interesting - so you couldn't explain to her that as her mommy/daddy you are charged to take care of her and teach her things. One of the things you are trying to teach her is x. You have told her x number of times not to do x. She has refused to listen on x number of occasions. As a result, she will be punished with a spanking which only mommy/daddy are allowed to do because she continuously did not do x. In the future, when mommy/daddy tell you to do x, you expect her to do x.

I'm not going to debate with you. I use other tactics than spanking when my children don't listen (except for the two times she ran into the street and frankly, if spanking worked, I should have only had to spank her once, but it obviously didn't work and I didn't like hitting her so I never did it again). You want to hit your kids, then hit your kids. I don't want to hit my kids. End of conversation.

NP. You already did debate with her, and you lost. Your argument that you can cite legitimate parental authority to impose one punishment is exactly the same for administering a spanking. End of conversation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I spanked my kids probably a total of 3 times when they were toddlers and ran into the street. I wanted them to stay out of the street. You often don't get a second chance to learn that lesson. I didn't care if they stayed out of the street because they were scared I would spank them. Not dying was more important than that. Both are terrific teens with whom I have a great relationship! I think you really need to distinguish between how and why the child is being spanked.

Same here. That's the only reason I ever spanked, and it was two times when she was two. Personally, I don't think I could spank her now at age four. I don't think I could explain why it is ok for me to hit her and why it's not ok for her to hit her friends (or me or her sister). I was never spanked but I saw a friend get belted once. It scared the crap out of me and I never wanted to go back to her house.

If you take away a toy, can you explain to her why that is OK, even though she is not able to take away her sister's toy?

Yes, I can. I can take a toy away from her if she loses the privilege to have that toy for some reason. She can't take a toy away from her sister because she's not an adult and she's not in charge of her sister. But I can't explain to her why I am allowed to cause her physical pain if she acts out for some reason while at the same time telling her that she can't hit someone because it's not ok to cause someone else physical pain.

Interesting - so you couldn't explain to her that as her mommy/daddy you are charged to take care of her and teach her things. One of the things you are trying to teach her is x. You have told her x number of times not to do x. She has refused to listen on x number of occasions. As a result, she will be punished with a spanking which only mommy/daddy are allowed to do because she continuously did not do x. In the future, when mommy/daddy tell you to do x, you expect her to do x.

I'm not going to debate with you. I use other tactics than spanking when my children don't listen (except for the two times she ran into the street and frankly, if spanking worked, I should have only had to spank her once, but it obviously didn't work and I didn't like hitting her so I never did it again). You want to hit your kids, then hit your kids. I don't want to hit my kids. End of conversation.

Is there any punishment that works with 100% effectiveness, when used once in 18 years, the behavior will never, ever be repeated?

[Anonymous]

4 kids and I've never, ever even considered hitting one of them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I spanked my kids probably a total of 3 times when they were toddlers and ran into the street. I wanted them to stay out of the street. You often don't get a second chance to learn that lesson. I didn't care if they stayed out of the street because they were scared I would spank them. Not dying was more important than that. Both are terrific teens with whom I have a great relationship! I think you really need to distinguish between how and why the child is being spanked.

Same here. That's the only reason I ever spanked, and it was two times when she was two. Personally, I don't think I could spank her now at age four. I don't think I could explain why it is ok for me to hit her and why it's not ok for her to hit her friends (or me or her sister). I was never spanked but I saw a friend get belted once. It scared the crap out of me and I never wanted to go back to her house.

If you take away a toy, can you explain to her why that is OK, even though she is not able to take away her sister's toy?

Yes, I can. I can take a toy away from her if she loses the privilege to have that toy for some reason. She can't take a toy away from her sister because she's not an adult and she's not in charge of her sister. But I can't explain to her why I am allowed to cause her physical pain if she acts out for some reason while at the same time telling her that she can't hit someone because it's not ok to cause someone else physical pain.

Interesting - so you couldn't explain to her that as her mommy/daddy you are charged to take care of her and teach her things. One of the things you are trying to teach her is x. You have told her x number of times not to do x. She has refused to listen on x number of occasions. As a result, she will be punished with a spanking which only mommy/daddy are allowed to do because she continuously did not do x. In the future, when mommy/daddy tell you to do x, you expect her to do x.

I'm not going to debate with you. I use other tactics than spanking when my children don't listen (except for the two times she ran into the street and frankly, if spanking worked, I should have only had to spank her once, but it obviously didn't work and I didn't like hitting her so I never did it again). You want to hit your kids, then hit your kids. I don't want to hit my kids. End of conversation.

Actually I'm not the pp who asked you a question. No need to get testy. I honestly thought one was just having a discussion not a debate. I can read and appreciate your response to the posters question and asked a follow-up question. That was all. The conversation will continue with or without you as it should. There's no need to shut things down because someone countered your point. No one said things should be shut down when you raised your point countering another posters point. I believe one uses 1-2-3 magic a number of times before it works. Using it once and not getting the result you expect doesn't mean it doesn't work. Often one has to continue using it for your kids to get it. I read that book and others like it and recall that that is exactly what was conveyed. That both kid and parents have to get used to a new approach. No harm done poster by having a discussion...come back and join in. All points are appreciated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I spanked my kids probably a total of 3 times when they were toddlers and ran into the street. I wanted them to stay out of the street. You often don't get a second chance to learn that lesson. I didn't care if they stayed out of the street because they were scared I would spank them. Not dying was more important than that. Both are terrific teens with whom I have a great relationship! I think you really need to distinguish between how and why the child is being spanked.

Same here. That's the only reason I ever spanked, and it was two times when she was two. Personally, I don't think I could spank her now at age four. I don't think I could explain why it is ok for me to hit her and why it's not ok for her to hit her friends (or me or her sister). I was never spanked but I saw a friend get belted once. It scared the crap out of me and I never wanted to go back to her house.

If you take away a toy, can you explain to her why that is OK, even though she is not able to take away her sister's toy?

Yes, I can. I can take a toy away from her if she loses the privilege to have that toy for some reason. She can't take a toy away from her sister because she's not an adult and she's not in charge of her sister. But I can't explain to her why I am allowed to cause her physical pain if she acts out for some reason while at the same time telling her that she can't hit someone because it's not ok to cause someone else physical pain.

Interesting - so you couldn't explain to her that as her mommy/daddy you are charged to take care of her and teach her things. One of the things you are trying to teach her is x. You have told her x number of times not to do x. She has refused to listen on x number of occasions. As a result, she will be punished with a spanking which only mommy/daddy are allowed to do because she continuously did not do x. In the future, when mommy/daddy tell you to do x, you expect her to do x.

I'm not going to debate with you. I use other tactics than spanking when my children don't listen (except for the two times she ran into the street and frankly, if spanking worked, I should have only had to spank her once, but it obviously didn't work and I didn't like hitting her so I never did it again). You want to hit your kids, then hit your kids. I don't want to hit my kids. End of conversation.

Is there any punishment that works with 100% effectiveness, when used once in 18 years, the behavior will never, ever be repeated?

Would love to hear PP's response to this.

[Anonymous]

Why strike your children on what you're simultaneously teaching them is a "private area"? I've been called a pedophile for having the audacity to find this sick.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why strike your children on what you're simultaneously teaching them is a "private area"? I've been called a pedophile for having the audacity to find this sick.

It's an interesting question. I'd say tradition is a big part of it. Also, I think it seems a little more dissociated from the person, if that makes sense. Having been slapped in the face once or twice, it's a totally different feeling, like it's much more of a personal affront.

Where would you recommend striking them?