Host informs parents "don't bring your monsters"

[Anonymous]

Yes they do. Whew.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Everyone involved in this entire situation seems horrible TBH.

Don't forget that the original invitation wasn't worded that way and was apparently completely appropriate. And then people checked that it was fine to bring kids to a coming-of-age drinking party that the OP acknowledges the hosts were "going all out for". So they said no. And then people were suggesting that since they weren't allowed at the party, then the host should pay to set up another party for the kids. And then he said no. Or the hosts should at least have a babysitter there to mind the kids. And evidently there were several people who were being pushy about it, which means there must have been even more people out there who just assumed it would be fine and intended on bringing their kids without even checking.

I can understand the host losing it. Especially when you see that OP clearly distinguishes herself from the "inappropriate" members of the family despite being entitled and totally out of line, so you can just imagine how bad the rest of them are.

Since a classy invitation and then a further clarification of "adults only" didn't work for at least several people, he did the only thing possible to ensure that there wouldn't be children there and met rude with rude. Sometimes you really do need to speak people's language if you want them to understand you.

There's just no excuse to send a message like that to an entire party. Especially as a host. Publicly humiliating and shaming people like that, regardless of whether you think it was warranted, is not polite behavior for the host of a party to be expressing. This entire party is now defined by this guy getting into a facebook fight with his family over whether or not kids are invited to a kegger. In what world is this not a mess of crappy behavior?

Lets turn this around to this being a destination wedding and the bride sends out a scathing message to all the invitees telling them that "NO she will not pay for her cheap guests' airline tickets and she will not tolerate being asked about it. Anyone ELSE who asks me about it will be disinvited from the wedding. "

Everyone would be calling her a b$(#$ bridezilla.

1) OP sucks because she inserted herself where she doesn't belong
2) Host sucks because he's just exceptionally rude and entitled and instead of handling this privately publicly excoriated people
3) People who asked a young idiotic man to organize babysitting for their kids during his rager are idiots
5) People who didn't accept no for an answer and started badgering about babysitting suck even more than the rest of the #3 crowd
6) Cohost who allowed idiot young man to taint the entire event by starting it off on this aggressively obnoxious foot sucks
5) IYM's parents suck for not intervening and telling him not to suck so much

Your analogy doesn't apply at all. First, it wasn't specifically emailed to an entire list of people, it was posted as an update to an invitation on Facebook.

The biggest thing you're missing though is that this is a 21st party. It's NOT a wedding designed for a bunch of young and much older people as a family-style gathering. It's a 21st party for a bunch of kids who want to drink and celebrate being young. They are the ones that are the target audience for the party, not the host's uptight extended family with children. The real invitees (i.e. the friends) would not be offended in the slightest. So the "entire event" is NOT tainted. They'd think it's funny that someone would seriously expect a frat party style of event to cater to kids. The only ones offended are the host's extended family, and obviously the host doesn't care. After realizing that they were going to ruin the entire event by bringing kids, the real invitees wouldn't care either, nor would the birthday person. They'd be appreciative about the nice save so they can still enjoy the party.

The only mistake the host made was inviting family in the first place. Then again, if they knew how obnoxious the family would behave, I'm sure they wouldn't have.

How old are you? Emailing the invited guests to a wedding is absolutely analogous to sending a message to everyone you invited to a party on facebook. Did they just randomly invite all of facebook?

And I get it, its a 21st birthday party. I would not have asked if my baby could go to such a party. Did you miss numbers 3 and 5 (apparently I hate the number 4) on my list? It doesn't matter though. Bad behavior on your part does not justify bad behavior on my part. Especially when that additional poor behavior will have ripple effects out to all the rest of the innocent guests (like OP, prior to her meddling) making it an awkward and slightly tainted affair. If you wanted some crazy jello shot rager where you play a bunch of beer pong until you puke then fine don't invite any of the olds. If you're having a big party where you're inviting a lot of family accept that you're going to have to deal with some family drama.

What you don't seem to realize is that when it was just some annoying family members badgering party organizer about babysitting, only AFM and PO were in the middle of this and feeling upset. Now there is a crazy facebook post that is giving EVERYONE invited to the party an opinion and creating bad feelings. That is a BAD way to plan a party. ESPECIALLY a party where you are expecting people to come and get wasted. There will be a fight at this party now, I bet you.

This. The annoying family members were in the wrong, unequivocally...right up until the party organizer decided to blow up FB. Now, people who wouldn't have dreamed of bringing their children are reading this and are getting a bad taste in their mouth. Many of them, unlike OP, won't say anything to the hosts, but they'll be thinking less of the organizer and feeling kind of awkward about the whole thing. The organizer could just as easily have handled this privately and/or posted a public message that conveyed the same message without being a dick about it. He is perfectly right about the underlying substantive issue--no kids, no babysitting--but wrong in how he handled it.

Nah, the people who weren't planning to bring kids or don't have any are secretly saying 'AMEN BROTHER!'. And they know exactly who was calling the host.

I have kids and if invited to such an event would not dream of thinking they could come or that they would provide childcare.

If I saw this message I would be totally turned off, want the scoop, and the event would become basically all about this family fight instead of the celebration itself. I would think the organizer was a complete tool and that a bunch of the family members coming were obnoxious jerks. That would in fact taint the party.

[Anonymous]

Yuck. I would not be in the least excited by this invitation.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Telling guests in a joking way to keep their little monsters at home = fine. Calling other family members/guests out (and disinviting them) for inquiring about bringing children or labeling the guests as "cheap" for asking if there would be a baby sitting room provided = not cool.

He could have gotten his message across in a humored way but instead chose to be snippy (bratty) about it. I probably would not go.

I agree. It started off as being semi-funny/sarcastic/an attempt to defuse, and then went much too far and got attacking/offensice

Yeah and if he hadn't made it VERY CLEAR, someone would have still brought their kids and pouted that they 'thought it was fine'. Happens all the time.

How is a post that says, 'just wanted to clarify since we had gotten some questions that this is an adults only party and we won't be providing any childcare. Thanks hope to see you there!' unclear?

Imagine this.

Aunt Mindy A: Oh, okay so no babysitters that's fine. Toddler A can sit in my lap and sulky pre-tween B can hang out on the edge with soda.
Uncle Jack A: Honey, I think he means no kids at all.
Aunt Mindy A: He didn't say that! He just said he's not providing services and besides our babies are angels and we're FAMILY.
Uncle Jack A: ...
Aunt Mindy A: You agree right?
Uncle Jack A: Yeah, fine whatever.
Aunt Mindy: Besides we're only going to be there an hour at most. It's good for the whole family to support him.
Uncle Jack A: Uh-huh.

Tell me you haven't seen your family show up with squalling brats at weddings, parties, and barbecues. It's fine if they're invited, super not if the host doesn't want them there.

Did you read my post? It says 'adults only. '

Honestly if you bring small children to a 21st birthday party I'm pretty sure there will be some immediate natural consequences.

The host had already said it's ADULTS ONLY. Guess what? People kept pushing.

Don't forget that the original invitation wasn't worded that way and was apparently completely appropriate. And then people checked that it was fine to bring kids to a coming-of-age drinking party that the OP acknowledges the hosts were "going all out for". So they said no. And then people were suggesting that since they weren't allowed at the party, then the host should pay to set up another party for the kids. And then he said no. Or the hosts should at least have a babysitter there to mind the kids.

I haven't read the original invitation? Did op post it? But fine how about this.

"Hi everyone. We've had some questions so we want to clarify that this is an adults only party. Because there will be a lot of alcohol we will not be allowing anyone under the age of 21 to enter the party. We are unfortunately going to have to be very strict about this. We also are unable to provide childcare. We hope this won't stop anyone from celebrating with us and can't wait to see you all next month!'

You can't say the think about the reason being the alcohol, otherwise you'd get responses like, "But surely you didn't mean little Larlo? He sees us drinking all the time, he's used to it. There's nothing he will be shocked by! And nobody is going to think he's 21 and serve him alcohol, so don't worry about that! He's 5 years old for pete's sake! And BirthdayGirl is his favorite Aunty! We've already told him that she's having a party! He loves parties! It would break his heart to miss it! He will just dance a bit and be cute, and we'll only stay an hour or two at the most. It will be fine, I promise. Nobody will even know he's there." Some people are oblivious. I mean, anyone stupid enough to seriously consider taking a child to such a party is by definition too stupid to understand your more-clear-but-still-inviting-exceptions-from-entitled-people clarification.

The fact is, they don't want children there because they can't think of anything worse than having children there. There aren't really any non-offensive ways to say that. Someone is always going to be offended, so he thought he'd try to be funny and at least amuse the majority of invitees.

[Anonymous]

.bring the kids anyway, fight rudeness with rudeness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yuck. I would not be in the least excited by this invitation.

I suspect you're a little old for it anyway.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Telling guests in a joking way to keep their little monsters at home = fine. Calling other family members/guests out (and disinviting them) for inquiring about bringing children or labeling the guests as "cheap" for asking if there would be a baby sitting room provided = not cool.

He could have gotten his message across in a humored way but instead chose to be snippy (bratty) about it. I probably would not go.

I agree. It started off as being semi-funny/sarcastic/an attempt to defuse, and then went much too far and got attacking/offensice

Yeah and if he hadn't made it VERY CLEAR, someone would have still brought their kids and pouted that they 'thought it was fine'. Happens all the time.

How is a post that says, 'just wanted to clarify since we had gotten some questions that this is an adults only party and we won't be providing any childcare. Thanks hope to see you there!' unclear?

Imagine this.

Aunt Mindy A: Oh, okay so no babysitters that's fine. Toddler A can sit in my lap and sulky pre-tween B can hang out on the edge with soda.
Uncle Jack A: Honey, I think he means no kids at all.
Aunt Mindy A: He didn't say that! He just said he's not providing services and besides our babies are angels and we're FAMILY.
Uncle Jack A: ...
Aunt Mindy A: You agree right?
Uncle Jack A: Yeah, fine whatever.
Aunt Mindy: Besides we're only going to be there an hour at most. It's good for the whole family to support him.
Uncle Jack A: Uh-huh.

Tell me you haven't seen your family show up with squalling brats at weddings, parties, and barbecues. It's fine if they're invited, super not if the host doesn't want them there.

Did you read my post? It says 'adults only. '

Honestly if you bring small children to a 21st birthday party I'm pretty sure there will be some immediate natural consequences.

The host had already said it's ADULTS ONLY. Guess what? People kept pushing.

Don't forget that the original invitation wasn't worded that way and was apparently completely appropriate. And then people checked that it was fine to bring kids to a coming-of-age drinking party that the OP acknowledges the hosts were "going all out for". So they said no. And then people were suggesting that since they weren't allowed at the party, then the host should pay to set up another party for the kids. And then he said no. Or the hosts should at least have a babysitter there to mind the kids.

I haven't read the original invitation? Did op post it? But fine how about this.

"Hi everyone. We've had some questions so we want to clarify that this is an adults only party. Because there will be a lot of alcohol we will not be allowing anyone under the age of 21 to enter the party. We are unfortunately going to have to be very strict about this. We also are unable to provide childcare. We hope this won't stop anyone from celebrating with us and can't wait to see you all next month!'

You can't say the think about the reason being the alcohol, otherwise you'd get responses like, "But surely you didn't mean little Larlo? He sees us drinking all the time, he's used to it. There's nothing he will be shocked by! And nobody is going to think he's 21 and serve him alcohol, so don't worry about that! He's 5 years old for pete's sake! And BirthdayGirl is his favorite Aunty! We've already told him that she's having a party! He loves parties! It would break his heart to miss it! He will just dance a bit and be cute, and we'll only stay an hour or two at the most. It will be fine, I promise. Nobody will even know he's there." Some people are oblivious. I mean, anyone stupid enough to seriously consider taking a child to such a party is by definition too stupid to understand your more-clear-but-still-inviting-exceptions-from-entitled-people clarification.

The fact is, they don't want children there because they can't think of anything worse than having children there. There aren't really any non-offensive ways to say that. Someone is always going to be offended, so he thought he'd try to be funny and at least amuse the majority of invitees.

Rude presumptuous aholes will be rude presumptuous aholes no matter what.

OP, as party planner, should have to deal with these rude aholes without bringing the party down. That's what this comes down to. If he had been rude to someone rude one on one no one would care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:.bring the kids anyway, fight rudeness with rudeness.

Fighting rudeness with rudeness is how this happened!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Forget it. It was tongue in cheek funny, and I have 2 “monsters.” I would just laugh, especially if the host doesn’t have kids. Totally out of line for relatives to ask for childcare at a “coming of drinking age” party! I mean, are the kids going to Uber home with the ?! So weird people even did that.

The rest of it was rude, the monster part was probably just an attempt to be funny. If he was going for rude, he would have said brats, not monsters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Forget it. It was tongue in cheek funny, and I have 2 “monsters.” I would just laugh, especially if the host doesn’t have kids. Totally out of line for relatives to ask for childcare at a “coming of drinking age” party! I mean, are the kids going to Uber home with the ?! So weird people even did that.

The rest of it was rude, the monster part was probably just an attempt to be funny. If he was going for rude, he would have said brats, not monsters.

+2. Just go and have fun. The really rude people were the ones putting pressure on the host to let them bring their kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Forget it. It was tongue in cheek funny, and I have 2 “monsters.” I would just laugh, especially if the host doesn’t have kids. Totally out of line for relatives to ask for childcare at a “coming of drinking age” party! I mean, are the kids going to Uber home with the ?! So weird people even did that.

The rest of it was rude, the monster part was probably just an attempt to be funny. If he was going for rude, he would have said brats, not monsters.

+2. Just go and have fun. The really rude people were the ones putting pressure on the host to let them bring their kids.

+3

People need to get over themselves and realize that sometimes, it is not all about them. The host is the host, so let it go.

[Anonymous]

16-24 year old men aren’t exactly known for their amazing manners. There’s a reason for that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yuck. I would not be in the least excited by this invitation.

I suspect you're a little old for it anyway.

And here I was going to say this person can't go cause there won't be any babysitting available....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yuck. I would not be in the least excited by this invitation.

I suspect you're a little old for it anyway.

Not PP but I'm 25 and too old for it. Birthday is incredibly immature. No proble with not wanting children but what he wrote sounds like something a child would say.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yuck. I would not be in the least excited by this invitation.

I suspect you're a little old for it anyway.

Not PP but I'm 25 and too old for it. Birthday is incredibly immature. No proble with not wanting children but what he wrote sounds like something a child would say.

25 years old and you can’t enjoy a party at a nice venue with a good DJ?

You sound like loads of fun.