Mil wants to be called Mama X
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Anonymous
I have only heard it among my lesbian/bisexual friends who have children with their wives/partners. One is Mommy, the other Mama, in nearly all these cases. |
Anonymous
NP. Why do so many of you hold grandmothers to no standards whatsoever? My mother and MIL are nothing like the women described here, thank God. They would never seek to substitute their own judgment or opinion for mine when it comes to anything involving my children, nor would they make bizarre threats and then expect to be treated like a treasured member of the family. The fact is that most people don't need or receive that much concrete help from their families, so your rationale that "you need all the help you can get" is irrelevant. There is no reason to tolerate hostile or inappropriate behavior in relatives that you would never consider tolerating in a friend. |
Anonymous
I have never, ever heard a woman happily accept being called "Big Mama". Unless the grandmother has suggested herself that her grand kids call her that, I do not think it's safe to assume that she would be up for that nickname. Also, once kids hit elementary school most of them are calling their mothers Mom. Not Mommy, not Mama. Just plain old Mom. My kids went from Ma-ma as a baby, Mommy as toddler/preschooler and Mom from elementary up. |
Anonymous
Big Mama makes me think of Cat on a Hot Tin Roof. Perhaps it's a mid-century southern affectation? |
Anonymous
Most southern belles would not welcome the thought of being referred to as "Big Mama". So I don't think you can consider it an endearing southern tradition to call the ladies of the family "Big Mama". It's not a compliment unless the grandma in question has asked to be called that. |
Anonymous
| Reminds me of that other thread where the FTM was super upset because her MIL wanted to wear the baby in the ergo and see what it was like, and all the other harpies agreed that it was a gross overstep and only a "real" parent should be allowed to babywear. |
Anonymous
I don't consider it as such. It's also not currently the mid-century. Both my mother and my MIL would think it was completely freakish and off-putting if I started calling them that, because it sounds pretty redneck. As I said, I do associate it with Cat on a Hot Tin Roof, and I assume Tennessee Williams got it from somewhere. |
Anonymous
Yes, maybe that's where it comes from. But it comes across as a pointed insult to call a grandmother or random mother that out of the blue. If you walked up to another mom in the preschool pick up line and said "Hey, how's it going Big Mama" she would probably not appreciate it too much. |
Anonymous
So we're back to calling people what they would prefer to be called. Mama X it is ! |
Anonymous
For me, that would be fine. But if Op's child is calling Op Mama then I can see how it would be annoying to have the child calling Grandma "Mama X". I can just see it. The child wakes up from a nap and calls "Mama!". Mama X goes running towards the crib, heading Op off. Mama X looks at Op and says "Oh, I thought the baby was calling me". And these little "mistakes" happen throughout the day "Oh, I thought the baby was calling me to feed her/take her to the potty , etc" So much depends on the specific MIL. Of course, if Op is called Mommy then there shouldn't be an issue with Mama X. |
Anonymous
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I've only read about 3 of the 11 pages, but I just want to reassure OP: your child will most likely call his or her grandparents by the name that you use. If you and your husband both consistently refer to her as Grandma X, all her Mama X talk will not win out. So focus your energy on your husband and make sure the two of you can agree on a name for Grandma, and then just go with it.
(I do not, however, agree with the posters who say a name may emerge organically. We started calling my mom Grandma and then reconsidered when it was getting confused with another Grandma name in our family, but it was so stuck by the time my kid was about 2 that there was no turning back. So choose a name and stick with it!!) |
Anonymous
Within reason. I roll my eyes at all my MIL's friends who have made up names for themselves because they don't want to "feel old" by being called grandma, but none of them asked to be called mama. That's just weird and The Hand That Rocks the Cradle-esque. |
Anonymous
| OP, none of us know your situation. Don't ask us for advice. |
Anonymous
No one, ever? It's common in my family. Both of my parents called their moms mama and I've called my mom that since I was a kid. My 5-year-old primarily calls me mama, too. Maybe it's a southern thing, but I know lots of people who use mama. I find it odd that anyone would use it for a grandmother's name. |
Anonymous
I do not want to be called "Grandma." This is very formal and distant to me. So I wouldn't be happy if my children didn't at least ask me what I wanted to be called. |