Who is right? Son accidentally took item - disagreement results

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She was inconvenienced because of your son's fault. That is the fact. It does not matter if you think that her inconvenience was small. That is your opinion.

You are feeling inconvenienced because you are supposed to fix your son's fault. That was your moral obligation. But you did not allow yourself to be inconvenienced to fix your son's fault. That is your selfishness and entitlement. You are not a good role model to your children in doing the right thing. Sorry, but I am not on your side. Even though I have sympathy for your situation.

Sometime doing the right thing is not easy, but not doing the right thing is wrong.

Amen

This is moral gibberish. Suppose the other mom demanded that OP fly to their international vacation destination to hand deliver the bathing suit. We would all agree that's unreasonable, right? So clearly there's SOME threshold at which we think OP no longer has an obligation to accommodate the other mom. The question is just what that level of inconvenience is. Saying OP's inconvenience is irrelevant because of a moral obligation is plainly wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, why do you care what DCUM thinks?

Your child took someone's swimsuit, and you did not return it to the other person. Both these acts (your son taking something, and you not returning it in time) has already happened. Why do you need DCUM to approve or disapprove? We do not know you. The other person knows you somewhat, and she does not have a good impression of you. Worry about her impression because she knows you IRL.

I think once the crazy lady's request starts getting out there, she's going to be the one who has to worry what people think of her.

Over a bathing suit.

She sounds self-absorbed. There will be more stories, after this one, I imagine.

How can she be self-absorbed, when it wasn't her suit that was taken by mistake? I don't think there's anything crazy about asking for a stolen by accident item to be returned immediately. OP doesn't want to return it immediately, which means she should keep closer tabs on her child who takes other people's things, if she doesn't want to be doing this for the next 10 years.

Again the word stolen. The kid is 6/7 . Really you need to let it go and just enjoy your vacation.

Again- you don't read very well. Try it again. Sound it out.

The word stolen, by definition, requires intent. Grabbing the wrong swim suit by mistake is not stealing.

Seriously. I'm on the Jersey shore right now and I'm pretty sure I could WALK to the Target here in 15 minutes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you screwed up when you offered to drive to return the suit. You bargained that she'd decline your offer but she didn't. That's on you. If you had left that from the conversation and just offered reimbursement, that would have probably been that. You offered to drive it, then backed off.

BTW, agreeing to meet you halfway was a good compromise, IMO. Driving 30 minutes is not an unreasonable request.

No, because she suggested meeting at 10pm. OP would have had to schlep two young kids. I wouldn't do it.

10PM is not the middle of the night and, IMO, not an unreasonable hour. The kids would have slept. I would have put on a mellow station to listen to music on the drive and returned the suit. Not sure why the other Mom should have all the inconvenience (store pick-up at Target, buy suit at vacation spot, etc). Where is OP's accountability? Money does not outweigh common courtesy.

It is just now ten pm so you guess...

I am confused. Did the mom call at 10, or call earlier and say I want the suit but I can't meet until 10? Either way is a little off. Either she should have called earlier or should have been available earlier. I'm usually asleep by 10 - I wouldn't have even seen that text.

It is just now 10pm so you guess...

She said "later that night" not "later tonight." I doubt this happened today. It sounds like she is rehashing something that has come and gone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is t the ocean too cold to swim in right now anyway?

We have a house on the Jersey Shore and my kids were in the ocean last weekend and the weekend before. It's too cold for me at 55°, but not for everyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I understand that the lady was crazy.

However, if it was me, I would have made sure that she gets it somehow. Even if I had to send my neighbor on Uber to drop it at her house or something. Mainly because it was my DS's fault. After that I would have never had any communication with that person because best to leave toxic people out of your life. This would be called taking the high road.

Agreed. Her unreasonable request should not outweigh taking responsibility for an unfortunate mistake.

You teach your kids to take responsibility for someone else's mistake?

javascript:emoticon(''); The kid took the swimsuit. He needs to fix this mistake. Since he is a kid, his parents need to fix the kid's mistake. You are teaching the kid to take responsibility for his own mistake. The other lady did not commit a mistake. She also offered alternatives to the OP, that the OP refused.

OP is entitled. She will raise entitled brats.

OP husband is gone away. She is alone with an infant and 6 year old. You do not ask a mom to drive alone with an infant and 6 year old to meet that distance. You either drive and get your suit or buy another one. She is not entitled. Her child and the mom driving the child made a mistake. Mistakes happen. OP can return the suit on Monday. Other mom can return the suit on Monday. OP can do a Target instore pick up or fedex the suit... lots of options but its not ok to ask someone to drive at that hour.

I would agree with you EXCEPT OP offered. OP should not have offered if she was unwilling. Yes, offering to return something and then refusing to do so is bitchy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op is it 50 minutes to their house AND 50 minutes back so total time an hour and 40 minutes in the car? Or 25 minutes there 25 back?
No way would I drive an hour and 50 minutes to return a boys bathing suit. Worse case scenario he can wear some dry fit shorts to the beach and they can buy another one at the beach.

If the woman lives near Baltimore then yes this is the scenario the OP is describing. I can't believe the number of posters that think she should drive 50 minutes each way to return the swimsuit. The boy can wear a pair shorts as a swimsuit if they are unable to get to a target on the way to the beach but there are always stores at the beach. The other woman is bat shit crazy.

No one said she lives near Baltimore. Another poster asked if that was the scenario.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I understand that the lady was crazy.

However, if it was me, I would have made sure that she gets it somehow. Even if I had to send my neighbor on Uber to drop it at her house or something. Mainly because it was my DS's fault. After that I would have never had any communication with that person because best to leave toxic people out of your life. This would be called taking the high road.

Agreed. Her unreasonable request should not outweigh taking responsibility for an unfortunate mistake.

You teach your kids to take responsibility for someone else's mistake?

javascript:emoticon(''); The kid took the swimsuit. He needs to fix this mistake. Since he is a kid, his parents need to fix the kid's mistake. You are teaching the kid to take responsibility for his own mistake. The other lady did not commit a mistake. She also offered alternatives to the OP, that the OP refused.

OP is entitled. She will raise entitled brats.

OP husband is gone away. She is alone with an infant and 6 year old. You do not ask a mom to drive alone with an infant and 6 year old to meet that distance. You either drive and get your suit or buy another one. She is not entitled. Her child and the mom driving the child made a mistake. Mistakes happen. OP can return the suit on Monday. Other mom can return the suit on Monday. OP can do a Target instore pick up or fedex the suit... lots of options but its not ok to ask someone to drive at that hour.

I would agree with you EXCEPT OP offered. OP should not have offered if she was unwilling. Yes, offering to return something and then refusing to do so is bitchy.

It sounded to me like the OP offered because she assumed that the family lived the same 10 minutes from the private school that she does (and that most normal people would say to just bring the suit to school on Monday). If most of the families live close to the school (which is pretty much true of our private school) but this one family lives far away, she probably assumed it was a much shorter trip when offering and only realized that it was so long when given the address. We go to a NW private but live on Capitol Hill. It's not 50 minutes, but I would never expect another family to drive over here in the middle of the night, with or without a baby, for something so small. Karma is a bitch and my kid is definitely going to screw up the same way at some point because kids just do stuff like this.

I feel like this thread is 99 normal people who agree with the OP and understand the concept of the normal aggravations that come along with having kids and one person who keeps responding (in a fairly easy to spot writing style) who disagrees and is filled with moral outrage. That level of moral outrage must be exhausting to maintain!

[Anonymous]

Did anyone read "Where'd You Go, Bernadette" by Maria Semple? This thread feels like an episode from that book. Pretty soon the other mom is going to say that the OP ran over her foot in the school parking lot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This story has so many holes. OP won't explain how the other mom knew her son had the suit, yet no one knows this family?

They're a new family that lives an hour away from the school? Why is the poor kid going there?

the other family lives 50 minutes away from OP, not the school. The probably just live in the opposite direction from the school than OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think many of you guys are missing the a big point. NO ONE IS THE WRONGED PARTY!! A kid accidentally took another kids swim suit. A Target suit swim suit!

I'm sure the OP wishes now that she had just offered to pay for a new one and then replace the old one latter.

This shouting prompts me to ask WHO ONLY HAS ONE BATHING SUIT FOR THEIR KID?!!

I wonder that too. I understood that the pool party took place at the friend's house, although I may have misread that. If that's the case, it's crazy that a child with a pool in the backyard would only have one swim suit. Maybe the dog ate his other swim trunks. [/quote

Pretty sure the party took place at a third, mutual classmate/friend's house, not at the home of the child whose suit was mistakenly taken by OP's son.

[Anonymous]

I actually imagined the conversation went like this ("CB" = crazy bitch"):

CB: "Hi, it looks like your son accidentally grabbed my son's swimsuit. We're packing for a trip to the Jersey Shore in the morning. Is there any way we can get it back tonight?"
OP: "Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry. Let me drive it to you."
CB: "That would be great, my address is ---"
OP: "Oh. That's 50 minutes away! My husband is out of town, I have a sleeping baby, and I need to put my other kid to bed. Sorry."
CB: "Oh ok. Can I meet you at address X instead? It's about half as far for you, but I'm in the middle of packing, so I can't get there until 10:00."
OP: "Um...let me check with DCUM and get back to you."

Who is the crazy bitch in this scenario?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She was inconvenienced because of your son's fault. That is the fact. It does not matter if you think that her inconvenience was small. That is your opinion.

You are feeling inconvenienced because you are supposed to fix your son's fault. That was your moral obligation. But you did not allow yourself to be inconvenienced to fix your son's fault. That is your selfishness and entitlement. You are not a good role model to your children in doing the right thing. Sorry, but I am not on your side. Even though I have sympathy for your situation.

Sometime doing the right thing is not easy, but not doing the right thing is wrong.

Amen

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is your son's fault.

I'm pretty sure OP knows that.

It's OP job to "fix" it.

I don't think it's hat simple. Other kid should have checked his things, maybe other kid picked up OP's kids suit first and caused it all. Regardless, the lady is out of line.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did anyone read "Where'd You Go, Bernadette" by Maria Semple? This thread feels like an episode from that book. Pretty soon the other mom is going to say that the OP ran over her foot in the school parking lot.

I loved that book!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I understand that the lady was crazy.

However, if it was me, I would have made sure that she gets it somehow. Even if I had to send my neighbor on Uber to drop it at her house or something. Mainly because it was my DS's fault. After that I would have never had any communication with that person because best to leave toxic people out of your life. This would be called taking the high road.

Agreed. Her unreasonable request should not outweigh taking responsibility for an unfortunate mistake.

You teach your kids to take responsibility for someone else's mistake?

javascript:emoticon(''); The kid took the swimsuit. He needs to fix this mistake. Since he is a kid, his parents need to fix the kid's mistake. You are teaching the kid to take responsibility for his own mistake. The other lady did not commit a mistake. She also offered alternatives to the OP, that the OP refused.

OP is entitled. She will raise entitled brats.

OP husband is gone away. She is alone with an infant and 6 year old. You do not ask a mom to drive alone with an infant and 6 year old to meet that distance. You either drive and get your suit or buy another one. She is not entitled. Her child and the mom driving the child made a mistake. Mistakes happen. OP can return the suit on Monday. Other mom can return the suit on Monday. OP can do a Target instore pick up or fedex the suit... lots of options but its not ok to ask someone to drive at that hour.

I would agree with you EXCEPT OP offered. OP should not have offered if she was unwilling. Yes, offering to return something and then refusing to do so is bitchy.

It sounded to me like the OP offered because she assumed that the family lived the same 10 minutes from the private school that she does (and that most normal people would say to just bring the suit to school on Monday). If most of the families live close to the school (which is pretty much true of our private school) but this one family lives far away, she probably assumed it was a much shorter trip when offering and only realized that it was so long when given the address. We go to a NW private but live on Capitol Hill. It's not 50 minutes, but I would never expect another family to drive over here in the middle of the night, with or without a baby, for something so small. Karma is a bitch and my kid is definitely going to screw up the same way at some point because kids just do stuff like this.

I feel like this thread is 99 normal people who agree with the OP and understand the concept of the normal aggravations that come along with having kids and one person who keeps responding (in a fairly easy to spot writing style) who disagrees and is filled with moral outrage. That level of moral outrage must be exhausting to maintain!

How do you know OP isn't the one who lives far? Why are you assuming the other mom is crazy based just on OPs retell?