Secret about your child

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter was sexually abbused.
She doesn't remember.

I was too. I remember and I intend to tell her the story one day. Still I'm not sure if I should tell her about her own story.

So so sorry. Have you talked to a therapist about it and what to (or not) tell her?

I agree that you should talk to a therapist. She may not remember consciously, but it may be in her subconscious and she may have issues when she grows up. Keep a close watch on her and have a good therapist on hand who has a good rapport with your child so that when the time comes, it will be easier.

Yes. We saw two therapists and they basically told is it's up to us to let her know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

My eldest is a delicate flower. I'm putting her in sports because I want her to learn about teamwork and sportmanship, but I am pretty sure she's a nerd and not cut out for athletics in the long run.


Debate team would teach her about teamwork and sportsmanship, but without making her feel like a failure.

You don't know yet if it will make her feel like a failure. My son is not very athletic and still has fun on his low-key rec soccer team. He's not a good player, but not terrible either, and he has a good time.

Why in the world would not being into sports make a kid feel like a failure? Many, many kids are not into sports and they are perfectly happy and successful, in school, with friends, etc.

I love nerds. So do other nerds (I'm not one). So sick of the assumption that nerds are not good enough. Sports kids bore me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Re: the HIV+ child and generational issues.

When aids first became an epidemic, it WAS a death sentence. Research and treatments are making it something one can live with.

However, just because it is survivable doesn't make it something you want to contract. Not to mention the other stds still out there and also stuff that could kill you.

Don't slack off on condoms just because HIV is no longer an immediate death sentence.

How is not wanting to stigmatize HIV the same as choosing not to use condoms?! It just really makes me sad to see how misinformed the statements regarding people, especially children, with HIV are. Especially when the number of AIDS orphans in the African continent is exploding, and we may well see larger numbers of children adopted to the US who have HIV. Please, don't let your kids treat these children as pariahs!!

[Anonymous]

My children are good kids but boring, no juicy secrets. Unless you count my 12 year old daughter who would be mortified if her friends new she still plays with dolls, ponies, plays "house" etc. I did those things until I was a sophomore in HS, so I don't see it as a big deal. Anyhoo...


I have a childhood friend that is keeping a secret about her two children that is going to backfire spectacularly one day. They are adopted and they do not know and she intends to keep it that way. Only myself,(& my DH), her DH and her cousin know. She pretended to be pregnant both times. She is considering adopting another.

She had to tell me because she came to our reunion, not pregnant, saw her four days later in her now hometown (about 2 hours away) and she was magically in her third trimester. She said she is protecting her children by doing this. Myself, I'm staying out of it and wish I didn't know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Re: the HIV+ child and generational issues.

When aids first became an epidemic, it WAS a death sentence. Research and treatments are making it something one can live with.

However, just because it is survivable doesn't make it something you want to contract. Not to mention the other stds still out there and also stuff that could kill you.

Don't slack off on condoms just because HIV is no longer an immediate death sentence.

How is not wanting to stigmatize HIV the same as choosing not to use condoms?! It just really makes me sad to see how misinformed the statements regarding people, especially children, with HIV are. Especially when the number of AIDS orphans in the African continent is exploding, and we may well see larger numbers of children adopted to the US who have HIV. Please, don't let your kids treat these children as pariahs!!

You misread my statement. I was referring to millennials acting like it's NOT a big deal. It is still a serious disease and if you can avoid contracting it, you should.

I wasn't at all saying children should be stigmatized or that I thought they got it by the same means.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My children are good kids but boring, no juicy secrets. Unless you count my 12 year old daughter who would be mortified if her friends new she still plays with dolls, ponies, plays "house" etc. I did those things until I was a sophomore in HS, so I don't see it as a big deal. Anyhoo...


I have a childhood friend that is keeping a secret about her two children that is going to backfire spectacularly one day. They are adopted and they do not know and she intends to keep it that way. Only myself,(& my DH), her DH and her cousin know. She pretended to be pregnant both times. She is considering adopting another.

She had to tell me because she came to our reunion, not pregnant, saw her four days later in her now hometown (about 2 hours away) and she was magically in her third trimester. She said she is protecting her children by doing this. Myself, I'm staying out of it and wish I didn't know.[/quote
For real? This sounds like the plot for some really bad lifetime movie.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My children are good kids but boring, no juicy secrets. Unless you count my 12 year old daughter who would be mortified if her friends new she still plays with dolls, ponies, plays "house" etc. I did those things until I was a sophomore in HS, so I don't see it as a big deal. Anyhoo...


I have a childhood friend that is keeping a secret about her two children that is going to backfire spectacularly one day. They are adopted and they do not know and she intends to keep it that way. Only myself,(& my DH), her DH and her cousin know. She pretended to be pregnant both times. She is considering adopting another.

She had to tell me because she came to our reunion, not pregnant, saw her four days later in her now hometown (about 2 hours away) and she was magically in her third trimester. She said she is protecting her children by doing this. Myself, I'm staying out of it and wish I didn't know.

Anonymous wrote:For real? This sounds like the plot for some really bad lifetime movie.

I agree. And that is truly terrible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My children are good kids but boring, no juicy secrets. Unless you count my 12 year old daughter who would be mortified if her friends new she still plays with dolls, ponies, plays "house" etc. I did those things until I was a sophomore in HS, so I don't see it as a big deal. Anyhoo...


I have a childhood friend that is keeping a secret about her two children that is going to backfire spectacularly one day. They are adopted and they do not know and she intends to keep it that way. Only myself,(& my DH), her DH and her cousin know. She pretended to be pregnant both times. She is considering adopting another.

She had to tell me because she came to our reunion, not pregnant, saw her four days later in her now hometown (about 2 hours away) and she was magically in her third trimester. She said she is protecting her children by doing this. Myself, I'm staying out of it and wish I didn't know.

For real? This sounds like the plot for some really bad lifetime movie.

I agree. And that is truly terrible.

Yep, all real. I'm sure there is some type of disorder behind it. Worse part is now that I'm "in on it" she talks to me about it all the time. She truly feels this is best for her children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My children are good kids but boring, no juicy secrets. Unless you count my 12 year old daughter who would be mortified if her friends new she still plays with dolls, ponies, plays "house" etc. I did those things until I was a sophomore in HS, so I don't see it as a big deal. Anyhoo...


I have a childhood friend that is keeping a secret about her two children that is going to backfire spectacularly one day. They are adopted and they do not know and she intends to keep it that way. Only myself,(& my DH), her DH and her cousin know. She pretended to be pregnant both times. She is considering adopting another.

She had to tell me because she came to our reunion, not pregnant, saw her four days later in her now hometown (about 2 hours away) and she was magically in her third trimester. She said she is protecting her children by doing this. Myself, I'm staying out of it and wish I didn't know.

For real? This sounds like the plot for some really bad lifetime movie.

I agree. And that is truly terrible.

Yep, all real. I'm sure there is some type of disorder behind it. Worse part is now that I'm "in on it" she talks to me about it all the time. She truly feels this is best for her children.

She's delusional. It's in her best interest, not theirs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Re: the HIV+ child and generational issues.

When aids first became an epidemic, it WAS a death sentence. Research and treatments are making it something one can live with.

However, just because it is survivable doesn't make it something you want to contract. Not to mention the other stds still out there and also stuff that could kill you.

Don't slack off on condoms just because HIV is no longer an immediate death sentence.

How is not wanting to stigmatize HIV the same as choosing not to use condoms?! It just really makes me sad to see how misinformed the statements regarding people, especially children, with HIV are. Especially when the number of AIDS orphans in the African continent is exploding, and we may well see larger numbers of children adopted to the US who have HIV. Please, don't let your kids treat these children as pariahs!!

You misread my statement. I was referring to millennials acting like it's NOT a big deal. It is still a serious disease and if you can avoid contracting it, you should.

I wasn't at all saying children should be stigmatized or that I thought they got it by the same means.

What on earth are you going on about? I'm a millennial and I don't know anyone my age who thinks HIV isn't a big deal. Stop generalizing. You're embarrassing yourself.

[Anonymous]

^^^ look, I was just responding to the odd statement about "we see it for what it actually is" that seemed to imply just because it is survivable now, that it isn't a big deal.

I remember reading somewhere that std transmission rates have gone up, which is disturbing - it does mean people are not as concerned about killer diseases as they used to be.

Whether it is a millennial problem is not really the point-std's are still dangerous and not something anyone should mess around with. Any number of them can kill you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My children are good kids but boring, no juicy secrets. Unless you count my 12 year old daughter who would be mortified if her friends new she still plays with dolls, ponies, plays "house" etc. I did those things until I was a sophomore in HS, so I don't see it as a big deal. Anyhoo...


I have a childhood friend that is keeping a secret about her two children that is going to backfire spectacularly one day. They are adopted and they do not know and she intends to keep it that way. Only myself,(& my DH), her DH and her cousin know. She pretended to be pregnant both times. She is considering adopting another.

She had to tell me because she came to our reunion, not pregnant, saw her four days later in her now hometown (about 2 hours away) and she was magically in her third trimester. She said she is protecting her children by doing this. Myself, I'm staying out of it and wish I didn't know.

For real? This sounds like the plot for some really bad lifetime movie.

I agree. And that is truly terrible.

Adoptee here... This is not in ANYONE's best interest! There ought to be some kind of screen for this, like how do potential adoptive parents "feel" about adoption? Although I suppose itould be easy enough to lie.
I knew another adoptee who KNEW she was adopted, but it was a big secret, like it was shameful or sonething. Her parents encouraged her not to discuss it.
As an interracial adoptee, I suppose that was never an option for me, but... Geez. I never thought I was LESS THAN other kids or anything.
DH grew up with soneone who found out they were adopted as an infant, when thry were 13, bc just being 13 isn't already hard enough. They wound up committing suicide over it.
And pretending to be pregnant is just messed up. Your friend needs therapy, not another baby.

Yep, all real. I'm sure there is some type of disorder behind it. Worse part is now that I'm "in on it" she talks to me about it all the time. She truly feels this is best for her children.

[Anonymous]

more about me than kids- I have a fear that my in laws are just waiting for me to screw up so they can get custody and run away with my kids. Its completely unfounded as I have nothing in my past to indicate that I would be an unfit mother and despite some insecurities, I know that I am a great mother.
ironically, this is also my dream (them running away with my kids) when I'm in the trenches, covered in spit-up while my two year old throws a tantrum and the baby refuses to sleep.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My eldest is a delicate flower. I'm putting her in sports because I want her to learn about teamwork and sportmanship, but I am pretty sure she's a nerd and not cut out for athletics in the long run.

Debate team would teach her about teamwork and sportsmanship, but without making her feel like a failure.

So would playing in an orchestra or playing chamber music.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

My eldest is a delicate flower. I'm putting her in sports because I want her to learn about teamwork and sportmanship, but I am pretty sure she's a nerd and not cut out for athletics in the long run.


Debate team would teach her about teamwork and sportsmanship, but without making her feel like a failure.

You don't know yet if it will make her feel like a failure. My son is not very athletic and still has fun on his low-key rec soccer team. He's not a good player, but not terrible either, and he has a good time.

Why in the world would not being into sports make a kid feel like a failure? Many, many kids are not into sports and they are perfectly happy and successful, in school, with friends, etc.

I love nerds. So do other nerds (I'm not one). So sick of the assumption that nerds are not good enough. Sports kids bore me.

I wasn't into sports and my parents made me feel like a failure because of it. I tried a lot of sports, too.