The Stigma around AA parents adopting a white baby

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Due to racism, AAs feels inferior and protect themselves with bigotry. It's a cheap way towards affirmation. "I'm yucky and worthless, so I'll just say white babies are..." The real question is what's wrong with supposed white DH. I doubt there is one.

You can believe whatever comforts you at night. There are people out here who don't find your yellow haired pink kids attractive. We don't want them or your affirmation. My white husband doesn't care because he just wants me however he can get me, lol. To hell with the white race as long as he can have his wife.

And the ignorance continues... For one, I'm not Caucasian. But, that's beside the point. You want affirmation from the parents who abandoned you and the white man who has exploited you. You could care a less about yellow-haired pink kids, except you desperately want to look like them. You can't and so you attack. That is how you've learned to cope. But, that sort of "coping" never produces longterm results. You remain empty inside and you seek whatever venue you can to feel a sense of worthiness. Today it's DCUM, tomorrow it'll be something else.

You write so eloquently about this because it is how you feel. You want to be white very badly, don't you?

I'm a sociologist of Asian descent and I'm incredibly proud of my heritage and glad to be surrounded by well-rounded confident content people of all races and backgrounds. We've gone far as a group because we're focused on ourselves and bettering the community around us. We don't blame others for our shortcomings or project hatred on others because of our lack of self-worth. I would love to be a white woman, or a black woman or whatever woman because I find them all beautiful. Alas, I'm especially grateful to be Asian and see our own unique beauty. It would be juvenile of me to describe women or children for that matter of other backgrounds as "ugly" or some other demeaning way. It would show how poorly I must feel about myself. That is what you've done here. You are unhappy in your own skin and until you confront that you'll be an empty person going through life aimlessly and miserably. Also, your husband sounds like an empty person as well. He's clinging to you, as you've described, to seek anything that will give him value. Mistakenly, he's sought that from someone who doesn't respect him or his heritage. You all have a very sick relationship indeed. Best of luck you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Due to racism, AAs feels inferior and protect themselves with bigotry. It's a cheap way towards affirmation. "I'm yucky and worthless, so I'll just say white babies are..." The real question is what's wrong with supposed white DH. I doubt there is one.

Sorry woman, but speak for your damn self. I am inferior to no one.

The inferiority is so engrained in your subconscious you're not likely to see its presence within you. It manifests in hatred- bigotry specifically. Many AAs aren't bigots. They've self-actualized and made amends with their pasts. As a result of that coping, and an understanding that AAs aren't inferior, they go through life as full beings capable of seeing the world for what it is and pursuing happiness unfettered by worry about the "white man". Many AAs are too busy at the bank than to worry for one minute about what white people are up to or what's going on with white babies. Inferior people, of which there are many, are focused on that and withering their unhappy lives away to boot!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Due to racism, AAs feels inferior and protect themselves with bigotry. It's a cheap way towards affirmation. "I'm yucky and worthless, so I'll just say white babies are..." The real question is what's wrong with supposed white DH. I doubt there is one.

Sorry woman, but speak for your damn self. I am inferior to no one.

The inferiority is so engrained in your subconscious you're not likely to see its presence within you. It manifests in hatred- bigotry specifically. Many AAs aren't bigots. They've self-actualized and made amends with their pasts. As a result of that coping, and an understanding that AAs aren't inferior, they go through life as full beings capable of seeing the world for what it is and pursuing happiness unfettered by worry about the "white man". Many AAs are too busy at the bank than to worry for one minute about what white people are up to or what's going on with white babies. Inferior people, of which there are many, are focused on that and withering their unhappy lives away to boot!

And this is what we call, psycho-babble bullshit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Due to racism, AAs feels inferior and protect themselves with bigotry. It's a cheap way towards affirmation. "I'm yucky and worthless, so I'll just say white babies are..." The real question is what's wrong with supposed white DH. I doubt there is one.

Sorry woman, but speak for your damn self. I am inferior to no one.

The inferiority is so engrained in your subconscious you're not likely to see its presence within you. It manifests in hatred- bigotry specifically. Many AAs aren't bigots. They've self-actualized and made amends with their pasts. As a result of that coping, and an understanding that AAs aren't inferior, they go through life as full beings capable of seeing the world for what it is and pursuing happiness unfettered by worry about the "white man". Many AAs are too busy at the bank than to worry for one minute about what white people are up to or what's going on with white babies. Inferior people, of which there are many, are focused on that and withering their unhappy lives away to boot!

And this is what we call, psycho-babble bullshit.

Seriously. I didn't even finish reading her nonsense. Psychologists are often head cases.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Due to racism, AAs feels inferior and protect themselves with bigotry. It's a cheap way towards affirmation. "I'm yucky and worthless, so I'll just say white babies are..." The real question is what's wrong with supposed white DH. I doubt there is one.

Sorry woman, but speak for your damn self. I am inferior to no one.

The inferiority is so engrained in your subconscious you're not likely to see its presence within you. It manifests in hatred- bigotry specifically. Many AAs aren't bigots. They've self-actualized and made amends with their pasts. As a result of that coping, and an understanding that AAs aren't inferior, they go through life as full beings capable of seeing the world for what it is and pursuing happiness unfettered by worry about the "white man". Many AAs are too busy at the bank than to worry for one minute about what white people are up to or what's going on with white babies. Inferior people, of which there are many, are focused on that and withering their unhappy lives away to boot!

And this is what we call, psycho-babble bullshit.

No, you're just in denial and this is why nothing changes. Until we confront our ills we'll forever be stumped by them. The conversation about slavery etc... is so tired that no one listens at all. It's background noise at best. The truth here is people are hurting from systematic racism and a subconscious internalizing of being less worthy. That manifests itself in what we are seeing- someone proud of their hatred of white babies, etc... A confident self-assurred person would never espouse that. When you view yourself as worthy, you view others less as a threat or a target to hate. Hate is really about fear and sense of one's own worthlessness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Due to racism, AAs feels inferior and protect themselves with bigotry. It's a cheap way towards affirmation. "I'm yucky and worthless, so I'll just say white babies are..." The real question is what's wrong with supposed white DH. I doubt there is one.

Sorry woman, but speak for your damn self. I am inferior to no one.

The inferiority is so engrained in your subconscious you're not likely to see its presence within you. It manifests in hatred- bigotry specifically. Many AAs aren't bigots. They've self-actualized and made amends with their pasts. As a result of that coping, and an understanding that AAs aren't inferior, they go through life as full beings capable of seeing the world for what it is and pursuing happiness unfettered by worry about the "white man". Many AAs are too busy at the bank than to worry for one minute about what white people are up to or what's going on with white babies. Inferior people, of which there are many, are focused on that and withering their unhappy lives away to boot!

And this is what we call, psycho-babble bullshit.

Seriously. I didn't even finish reading her nonsense. Psychologists are often head cases.

You're hurting. We get that. Time to find something productive to help you rise above. Hating others won't bring you the freedom you desire. It leaves you emptier and emptier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've often wondered why there are plenty of white parents adopting black children, but never vice-versa. Why is that?

take a wild guess

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am black and I would never adopt a white baby. With all the unearned benefits that whites enjoy just for being white, they don't need my resources too. I would much rather take care of a black child because black children are less likely to be adopted and much more in need of stability in this racist, unfriendly society. I also don't think I could relate to a white child. I have a white husband, but taking care of a white child reminds me too much of playing nanny to a lazy white woman's spoiled child.

Please be a troll.

Nope, I am not a troll and I speak for most black people on this one. White people have always wanted black babies whether through adoption or outright theft. We don't want your kids though. I don't think white babies are cute and I would rather have no children than raise a white child. My husband (white) knows how I feel because I really do want to adopt after we are done having biological children. We have discussed the fact that our adopted children can be any race except white and he is not at all offended by how I feel. Think about it: Black people spend a lot of our lives subservient to white people when we leave our homes. Why would we want to continue this dynamic in our homes by adopting white babies? The photo posted by PP disgusts me. No way I will ever breastfeed and cater to a white child. Those days are behind black women.

I am black and don't believe any of the crap you just spewed, especially about being a black person. Nutty troll!

[Anonymous]

Adoption is common in the AA community but may not be a legal formal adoption due to the expense. There are many more adopted children in my extended AA family and close AA friends than among my white friends and Latino family.

[Anonymous]

I think this thread was started by the racist troll who starts all of these threads. I also believe that the Troll OP is the same person sock puppeting as the racist black ladies who hate white babies.
DON'T BELIEVE THE HYPE CHUCK!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am black and I would never adopt a white baby. With all the unearned benefits that whites enjoy just for being white, they don't need my resources too. I would much rather take care of a black child because black children are less likely to be adopted and much more in need of stability in this racist, unfriendly society. I also don't think I could relate to a white child. I have a white husband, but taking care of a white child reminds me too much of playing nanny to a lazy white woman's spoiled child.

Please be a troll.

Nope, I am not a troll and I speak for most black people on this one. White people have always wanted black babies whether through adoption or outright theft. We don't want your kids though. I don't think white babies are cute and I would rather have no children than raise a white child. My husband (white) knows how I feel because I really do want to adopt after we are done having biological children. We have discussed the fact that our adopted children can be any race except white and he is not at all offended by how I feel. Think about it: Black people spend a lot of our lives subservient to white people when we leave our homes. Why would we want to continue this dynamic in our homes by adopting white babies? The photo posted by PP disgusts me. No way I will ever breastfeed and cater to a white child. Those days are behind black women.

I am black and don't believe any of the crap you just spewed, especially about being a black person. Nutty troll!

+1.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am black and I would never adopt a white baby. With all the unearned benefits that whites enjoy just for being white, they don't need my resources too. I would much rather take care of a black child because black children are less likely to be adopted and much more in need of stability in this racist, unfriendly society. I also don't think I could relate to a white child. I have a white husband, but taking care of a white child reminds me too much of playing nanny to a lazy white woman's spoiled child.

Please be a troll.

Nope, I am not a troll and I speak for most black people on this one. White people have always wanted black babies whether through adoption or outright theft. We don't want your kids though. I don't think white babies are cute and I would rather have no children than raise a white child. My husband (white) knows how I feel because I really do want to adopt after we are done having biological children. We have discussed the fact that our adopted children can be any race except white and he is not at all offended by how I feel. Think about it: Black people spend a lot of our lives subservient to white people when we leave our homes. Why would we want to continue this dynamic in our homes by adopting white babies? The photo posted by PP disgusts me. No way I will ever breastfeed and cater to a white child. Those days are behind black women.

Are you bio children at least half-cute?

Seriously, you are either a troll, or a deranged person. I'm reporting your filth to the admin. You don't deserve to open your mouth here.

You're reporting the legacy of slavery to the admin?

Yes, I don't get why people are so upset about this pp's point of view. It makes a lot of sense to me and I'm white. Some of her critics seem to think she should be colorblind but it hasn't been a colorblind world while that pp was growing up and it's still not a colorblind world. Plus when she is ready to adopt, there's going to be lots of white families competing for those white babies. Why should she get involved in that? When there are so many black kids that are waiting for forever homes?

Oh, I don't think anyone's condemning her for simply not wanting to adopt a white child. It's the need to slam the attractiveness of white children and express her disgust towards them. Similarly, I can't imagine anyone saying "I don't feel like I'm in a good position personally or culturally to adopt a black child " being condemned for that. But if they feel the need to go into gleeful detail about how unappealing they find black children… yeah, I'd judge that.

Okay, so that's not particularly attractive, I see your point. But given what it's like to grow up AA in this country, I totally understand why she would feel that way. Plus she's talking in the abstract. It doesn't seem to be a factor in her relationship with her family members.

For example, I was born in the 50s and when I was pregnant I wasn't sure if I wanted a boy. Even though my kid was born in the 90s, I didn't know if I could be fair to a boy who would come into the world with a lot more advantages just due to his gender and because when I was young, being a girl was like a punishment. (Didn't watch Madmen for years because I didn't want to be reminded of that.) I had a girl so the point is moot but I'm sure that if I'd had a boy I'd get over my concern and love that kid with all my heart. But I could see saying something negative about baby boys in the abstract, given my history. That's how I view the pp's assertion about white children.

I don't think some people realize the damage that was done to a lot of people over the years having to grow up in a world that systematically provides advantages to people of a certain racial/ethnic background (and class as well but we'll stick with race/ethnicity here). Just because we have a black president doesn't mean that all that is in the past now. I can understand why she would still be angry.

I'm the PP who reported the bitch. AA in this country need to remember that not everybody's ancestors here had something to do with the legacy of slavery. Yes, surprise-surprise, diversity goes both ways. Many ways, actually. I'm a first generation immigrant, and I--don't--want--to--hear--about--any--slavery--shit--EVER. Keep it for old money folks in Virginia.

Slavery is the history and legacy of this country. If you cannot handle it, then you should return to wherever you came from. You have no right to tell people whose families have been in this country farrrr longer than yours that we should simply not speak of what happened to our ancestors. You and your family chose to come over here, that's not our problem.

Pretty much. Worst of all, PP is too stupid to realize that there is a lot more than slavery at work. She needs to take her ignorant behind back wherever she came from.

Are you saying that, because someone suggested you take your ass back to Africa? LOL

Noone has ever suggested that to me, but I do suggest you fly home if you can't handle the reality of living in this country. The situation between black and white people has been going on for centuries long before you or your parents volunteered to come over here. You or your family chose to come here, no one asked you too. And since you're first generation you shouldn't have too much problem going back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am black and I would never adopt a white baby. With all the unearned benefits that whites enjoy just for being white, they don't need my resources too. I would much rather take care of a black child because black children are less likely to be adopted and much more in need of stability in this racist, unfriendly society. I also don't think I could relate to a white child. I have a white husband, but taking care of a white child reminds me too much of playing nanny to a lazy white woman's spoiled child.

Please be a troll.

Nope, I am not a troll and I speak for most black people on this one. White people have always wanted black babies whether through adoption or outright theft. We don't want your kids though. I don't think white babies are cute and I would rather have no children than raise a white child. My husband (white) knows how I feel because I really do want to adopt after we are done having biological children. We have discussed the fact that our adopted children can be any race except white and he is not at all offended by how I feel. Think about it: Black people spend a lot of our lives subservient to white people when we leave our homes. Why would we want to continue this dynamic in our homes by adopting white babies? The photo posted by PP disgusts me. No way I will ever breastfeed and cater to a white child. Those days are behind black women.

I am black and don't believe any of the crap you just spewed, especially about being a black person. Nutty troll!

+1.

Another +1. This troll definitely does not represent Black women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am black and I would never adopt a white baby. With all the unearned benefits that whites enjoy just for being white, they don't need my resources too. I would much rather take care of a black child because black children are less likely to be adopted and much more in need of stability in this racist, unfriendly society. I also don't think I could relate to a white child. I have a white husband, but taking care of a white child reminds me too much of playing nanny to a lazy white woman's spoiled child.

Please be a troll.

Nope, I am not a troll and I speak for most black people on this one. White people have always wanted black babies whether through adoption or outright theft. We don't want your kids though. I don't think white babies are cute and I would rather have no children than raise a white child. My husband (white) knows how I feel because I really do want to adopt after we are done having biological children. We have discussed the fact that our adopted children can be any race except white and he is not at all offended by how I feel. Think about it: Black people spend a lot of our lives subservient to white people when we leave our homes. Why would we want to continue this dynamic in our homes by adopting white babies? The photo posted by PP disgusts me. No way I will ever breastfeed and cater to a white child. Those days are behind black women.

I am black and don't believe any of the crap you just spewed, especially about being a black person. Nutty troll!

+1.

Another +1. This troll definitely does not represent Black women.

If someone feels that way, instead of commenting, go adopt. Its easy to proclaim that white have no business adopting blacks, but reality is these kids need homes and if no one else is available its better for a different race vs. a child growing up in foster care or group home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am black and I would never adopt a white baby. With all the unearned benefits that whites enjoy just for being white, they don't need my resources too. I would much rather take care of a black child because black children are less likely to be adopted and much more in need of stability in this racist, unfriendly society. I also don't think I could relate to a white child. I have a white husband, but taking care of a white child reminds me too much of playing nanny to a lazy white woman's spoiled child.

Please be a troll.

Nope, I am not a troll and I speak for most black people on this one. White people have always wanted black babies whether through adoption or outright theft. We don't want your kids though. I don't think white babies are cute and I would rather have no children than raise a white child. My husband (white) knows how I feel because I really do want to adopt after we are done having biological children. We have discussed the fact that our adopted children can be any race except white and he is not at all offended by how I feel. Think about it: Black people spend a lot of our lives subservient to white people when we leave our homes. Why would we want to continue this dynamic in our homes by adopting white babies? The photo posted by PP disgusts me. No way I will ever breastfeed and cater to a white child. Those days are behind black women.

As an adoptive parent, I don't see any issue with what this poster is saying. It's honest and that's the best policy when discussing adoption.

Far too often, white parents adopt a non-white child even when deep down they are unsure or think that race won't matter to them.

I've seen this in the adoption forums I participate. White women who adopt from Ethiopia and the Congo have said that their children are not Black, but African. As if Africans are not Black. That's like saying I am not white, I am Irish or British. They have also stated that they keep their children away from the Black community, but don't know anyone in the Ethiopian or Congo community. I personally believe that those children will have some serious issues once they hit their teens. It's my opinion and I am sticking with it.

When my DH was a social worker he had a white family that had black foster kids. But it turned out the family had serious, serious racial issues. They actually ended up sending the kids to another foster home it was so bad. It was obvious they could not stand black people. Lots of white people have no business adopting or taking in non-white foster kids, but do it anyway.

I was a foster care worker and its partly about race but most of those people should not have been fostering/adopting but they were doing it strictly for the money/income. Its very difficult to get homes shut down. I tried for one and they kept placing kids there despite my many concerns as well as the biological families (legit concerns) and it took several more placements before they finally shut them down.