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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]But they can control how much they prioritize sex and put an effort into getting into the mood. Which is where expectations kick in. If  you're low drive but you and your spouse have set expectations for your marriage, you're less likely to sit around and wait for the mood to magically strike or expect your spouse to do all the heavy lifting getting you into the mood. You'll take some initiative by reading erotical or looking at porn or masturbating to keep in touch with your sexuality. [/quote]

I'm a 3-4 a week person, but that was not always the case.  My DH is high drive and it was a major problem in our relationship.  One day I decided that I was going to just say yes instead of NO and not make it a big deal in my head.  After 2 weeks of just saying yes, I asked DH to stop masturbating because sex was taking too long (I always orgasm and normally it happens in under 10 minuets). His masturbating was making sex last 30 min which often we simply don't have time for. In turn for him to stop masturbating, I agreed to more BJs and more HJs if I was not in the mood. It has worked out great and my drive has greatly increased. All I did was shift my attitude. Instead of it being a chore, I look at it as NBD.

For instance, this week we have been so busy, no sex M-F. He has been pulling 12 hour days.  This morning, he said, hey, I'm going to head into the shower and need to masturbate. I asked him to stay in bed and I'd do it for him. I started to get turned on and we ended up having sex. That has been the way it has been playing out since I decided to shift my attitude. It was no big deal. Kids were sleeping, it's Saturday and it only took 20 minuets. He's happy, we are both happy. Marriage has greatly improved. People are fooling themselves if they think sex is not critical. For my DH, if he is getting regular sex, he is so pleasant to be around and just generally more relaxed. He will do just about anything and go with the flow when he's getting it. It truly makes him feel loved.

I think if you are both low drive in a marriage, my experience is of no relevance to you, but when drives differ, I do think the low drive person has to work more to meet the high drive person in the middle. Like anything in a marriage, compromise is healthy.[/quote]
I feel sad for you. How old are you?[/quote]

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