Mom Too Busy to Help

[Anonymous]

I was just put on bed rest and my retired wealthy mother didn't have any time to help- just asked if my nanny could work extra hours- but my MIL who works to make ends meet just took off three weeks from her demanding job to come help. When I told her how thankful I am she just said we were more important to her than anything else in the world. The difference in attitude was shocking.

[Anonymous]

My MIL had passed by the time I had kids. I have preeclampsia with both pregnancies, and nearly died after my first delivery. My Mom did make it down then but was so little help I did not even bother to ask her to come for number 2. Sometimes you just have to realize that Moms are not all that you would hope, and make a vow to do better by your own kids. In the meantime, look into a post-natal doula to help out. It will probably be better for everyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think a lot of the differences between grandmothers' involvement in their grand kids are culturally based. I'm guessing OP's mother is Caucasian American. Asian and middle eastern grandmothers wouldn't dream of putting a volunteer job over helping their daughter with their newborn. Its just a cultural difference in priorities.

I agree with this generalization overall but my asian mom was very resentful that she helped me out with my first fir a month for free. It all came out later. When I was alone with my newborn and 3 year old after csection and a second surgery, she made sure she was busy working a 2 month temp job during my maternity leave. That was the hardest time in my life when I was barely able to move around without some pain and she wasn't around even for a minute. I never asked bc of what happened with the first. Honestly tho, just let it go because everyone can choose whatever they want in his or her life. The good thing is Ill owe her nothing.

I never asked my Asian mom to come help me after the birth of my two kids, because I knew she would never want to come. She'd rather watch movies on her iPhone.

Haha. My mom would rather watch chinese soap operas on the computer too. Actually one time, I had to leave my infant son with her and I left him in the carseat since he was sleeping at the time. When I came back a few hours later, he was still in there and she was rocking his carseat with her foo while watching some chinese tv show. That was the last time I left him with her. I just hire someone now to babysit. I recently told my friend's mom that not everyone wants to take care of her grandchild, and she had to most puzzled look at her face.

LOL! Glad to know my mom isn't the only one!!

[Anonymous]

I'm amazed to see these judgemental, rude, and downright nasty responses. Whatever happened to sisterhood? Representative of our national motto: you're on your own. Ah, my loving hometown.

OP - I'm sorry your mother isn't making you a priority, as you're going through an incredible emotional and physical transformation and are about to become a mother of three. (Congratulations, btw!). I'm sorry to hear that your husband has to leave so quickly after the birth, and I hope you are able to find support from friends, other relatives, women in the community, or hired help from a doula or a nanny. In any case, while I disagree with your mother here, it is her life and her choice to do as she pleases. Unfortunately, you'll just have to find another way.

[Anonymous]

I don't know whether to be sad or angry reading this forum.

WTF is family for? Is motherhood a cut-and-dry "I raised you, now fuck off" deal? I say this as someone who's been independent (financially and otherwise) since eighteen; my relationship with my parents is distant and strained. I don't expect anything - ever - from either of them. Yet I was hoping my situation was the exception, rather than the rule. From what I'm reading, nothing is sacred. Not the arrival of a new life, nor one's inextricable bond with mother.

The message seems to be: shut up, no one cares, get used to it. So sad. God bless America, I guess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't know whether to be sad or angry reading this forum.

WTF is family for? Is motherhood a cut-and-dry "I raised you, now fuck off" deal? I say this as someone who's been independent (financially and otherwise) since eighteen; my relationship with my parents is distant and strained. I don't expect anything - ever - from either of them. Yet I was hoping my situation was the exception, rather than the rule. From what I'm reading, nothing is sacred. Not the arrival of a new life, nor one's inextricable bond with mother.

The message seems to be: shut up, no one cares, get used to it. So sad. God bless America, I guess.

Your relationship is still the exception. You are seeing a skewed population here.

[Anonymous]

No, mom is declining to rescue her daughter yet again. Sometimes moms get tired of being the pain in the ass busybody to be avoided at all cost until kids are in trouble. You don't know what you are seeing here, the viewpoint is skewed to the innocent daughter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was just put on bed rest and my retired wealthy mother didn't have any time to help- just asked if my nanny could work extra hours- but my MIL who works to make ends meet just took off three weeks from her demanding job to come help. When I told her how thankful I am she just said we were more important to her than anything else in the world. The difference in attitude was shocking.

This sounds like me but flipped. Wealthy mil won't ever lift a finger or spend a dollar on anyone but herself, but my still working mom is happily the one giving time and money.