Cliquey parents

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have laughed so many times reading this thread. So many hilarious observations. “Sports moms are just out of shape women with athletic kids who socialize together”
I think there’s a lot of gray area. I am social and have many friends and plans, but also fell lonely and worry my kid isn’t included at times too. It’s a weird time of life and you worry your actions or inactions will affect your kid. In the 80s my mom didn’t step foot at my school and I had a robust social life. Weird how parents are expected to do so much now.

That was me and I said it because it’s true! And sports/dance is the only thing where the moms act like this. My son is in a youth orchestra and there is no group chat, wine nights for “music moms”. It’s absurd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have laughed so many times reading this thread. So many hilarious observations. “Sports moms are just out of shape women with athletic kids who socialize together”
I think there’s a lot of gray area. I am social and have many friends and plans, but also fell lonely and worry my kid isn’t included at times too. It’s a weird time of life and you worry your actions or inactions will affect your kid. In the 80s my mom didn’t step foot at my school and I had a robust social life. Weird how parents are expected to do so much now.

That was me and I said it because it’s true! And sports/dance is the only thing where the moms act like this. My son is in a youth orchestra and there is no group chat, wine nights for “music moms”. It’s absurd.

I have been both in and out of these groups. It really isn’t absurd. If a group of people click, they hang out.

There were years where moms would reach out to me to coordinate camps and teams. Those moms would plan pool parties, beach and ski trips. It was nice to be included.

My youngest is now in elementary school. I’m too tired to be inclusive and invite everyone. I barely try even when my child adores the other kid. I don’t want to hang with the mom. There may be absolutely nothing wrong with the mom but I would rather read a book, hang out with my other friends than chitchat with a person I don’t really click with. Some moms make the effort, invite us over for tea, try to plan play dates, invite our family over on the weekends. We have to really like you to give you a Saturday block of time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have laughed so many times reading this thread. So many hilarious observations. “Sports moms are just out of shape women with athletic kids who socialize together”
I think there’s a lot of gray area. I am social and have many friends and plans, but also fell lonely and worry my kid isn’t included at times too. It’s a weird time of life and you worry your actions or inactions will affect your kid. In the 80s my mom didn’t step foot at my school and I had a robust social life. Weird how parents are expected to do so much now.

+1

[Anonymous]

It is better to be not be included in parent-led group chats with other parents. If the group chats are started by the activity coordinator, that is fine. What appears as an exclusive clique to an outsider is a group of annoying people you are forced to interact with as an insider. One on one friendships are much more satisfying.

[Anonymous]

I think what a lot of people don't realize is that parenting can expose people's childhood wounds. People will feel more hurt by exclusion related to their kid than they would in other settings, because in many cases people have childhood exclusion experiences and feeling that again in a school setting (even when you aren't the one in school) can bring it back.

I have plenty of friends and an active social life but was kind of amazed that I still felt hurt when my kid started elementary school and I didn't "click" with any other parents. I realized it was bringing up these feelings from my own elementary experience and just hitting differently than it would have in another setting.

I also wind up protective of my kid, who like me, is unathletic and sensitive. She has friends but school can be a difficult experience because in large groups, the social scene tends to be dominated by sporty, outgoing kids. She gets forgotten a lot, which is what happened to me at that age too. So watching her go through that, and then also feeling kind of isolated among the moms, has just brought up more feelings of rejection than you might expect. It is what it is.

My kid only has one more year of elementary and I'm glad. I already see things getting better for her. My life got a lot better in middle school and high school because kids diversify as they get older and it's easier for the non-sporty, not outgoing kids to find a niche where they fit. I think as that happens for my kid, my own feelings of being an outsider will dissipate too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't dislike parent cliques because I want to be in one (shudder). I dislike them because of the vibes. I find it weird when I'm at back to school night or international night or whatever, and the adults act like their are at the homecoming dance their sophomore year of HS, standing in little clumps along the perimeter talking amongst themselves and refusing to make eye contact with anyone not in their crew.

It's just sad. Grow up! Learn how to act in mixed social settings. You are welcome to go have your little wine nights and BBQs among your little cliques later, but you come off so immature in school settings.

So, you don't really know anyone and want people to not talk to people they already know and just talk to strangers?

The people whose kids your kids go to school are not strangers. They can be friends but don't have to be. There are many settings in life where you need to be able to interact with what are basically friendly acquaintances, and your kids' school is one of them. It's similar to work. The problem is that in 2026 a lot of people simply have no social skills and don't feel compelled to work on them, so they silo themselves and engage in childish social behaviors in community settings.

Society is so broken. This stuff is basic if you were raised with any real manners at all.

+1

[Anonymous]

You’re never going to convince these people that they are doing anything wrong. They have their “people” and they want their kids to stay with the kids of their people and never branch out. I don’t know how this works in the teen years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think what a lot of people don't realize is that parenting can expose people's childhood wounds. People will feel more hurt by exclusion related to their kid than they would in other settings, because in many cases people have childhood exclusion experiences and feeling that again in a school setting (even when you aren't the one in school) can bring it back.

I have plenty of friends and an active social life but was kind of amazed that I still felt hurt when my kid started elementary school and I didn't "click" with any other parents. I realized it was bringing up these feelings from my own elementary experience and just hitting differently than it would have in another setting.

I also wind up protective of my kid, who like me, is unathletic and sensitive. She has friends but school can be a difficult experience because in large groups, the social scene tends to be dominated by sporty, outgoing kids. She gets forgotten a lot, which is what happened to me at that age too. So watching her go through that, and then also feeling kind of isolated among the moms, has just brought up more feelings of rejection than you might expect. It is what it is.

My kid only has one more year of elementary and I'm glad. I already see things getting better for her. My life got a lot better in middle school and high school because kids diversify as they get older and it's easier for the non-sporty, not outgoing kids to find a niche where they fit. I think as that happens for my kid, my own feelings of being an outsider will dissipate too.

Mom with two teens here plus kid in elementary. Sorry to break it to you but middle school is way worse than elementary, not better. This is when girls hit peak insecurity. And you can’t blame parent cliques. There will actually be true mean girl behavior.

[Anonymous]

Many went to the same religious preschool and were from the area so the ties were strong. Hard to break in as a new parent to the area.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think what a lot of people don't realize is that parenting can expose people's childhood wounds. People will feel more hurt by exclusion related to their kid than they would in other settings, because in many cases people have childhood exclusion experiences and feeling that again in a school setting (even when you aren't the one in school) can bring it back.

I have plenty of friends and an active social life but was kind of amazed that I still felt hurt when my kid started elementary school and I didn't "click" with any other parents. I realized it was bringing up these feelings from my own elementary experience and just hitting differently than it would have in another setting.

I also wind up protective of my kid, who like me, is unathletic and sensitive. She has friends but school can be a difficult experience because in large groups, the social scene tends to be dominated by sporty, outgoing kids. She gets forgotten a lot, which is what happened to me at that age too. So watching her go through that, and then also feeling kind of isolated among the moms, has just brought up more feelings of rejection than you might expect. It is what it is.

My kid only has one more year of elementary and I'm glad. I already see things getting better for her. My life got a lot better in middle school and high school because kids diversify as they get older and it's easier for the non-sporty, not outgoing kids to find a niche where they fit. I think as that happens for my kid, my own feelings of being an outsider will dissipate too.

Mom with two teens here plus kid in elementary. Sorry to break it to you but middle school is way worse than elementary, not better. This is when girls hit peak insecurity. And you can’t blame parent cliques. There will actually be true mean girl behavior.

I have a kid who is much happier in middle.... it's all relative

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't dislike parent cliques because I want to be in one (shudder). I dislike them because of the vibes. I find it weird when I'm at back to school night or international night or whatever, and the adults act like their are at the homecoming dance their sophomore year of HS, standing in little clumps along the perimeter talking amongst themselves and refusing to make eye contact with anyone not in their crew.

It's just sad. Grow up! Learn how to act in mixed social settings. You are welcome to go have your little wine nights and BBQs among your little cliques later, but you come off so immature in school settings.

So, you don't really know anyone and want people to not talk to people they already know and just talk to strangers?

The people whose kids your kids go to school are not strangers. They can be friends but don't have to be. There are many settings in life where you need to be able to interact with what are basically friendly acquaintances, and your kids' school is one of them. It's similar to work. The problem is that in 2026 a lot of people simply have no social skills and don't feel compelled to work on them, so they silo themselves and engage in childish social behaviors in community settings.

Society is so broken. This stuff is basic if you were raised with any real manners at all.

+1

This goes along with a thread from the holidays about whatever happened to neighborhood parties. People used to throw parties for neighbors that included the octogenarians next door, brand new people, young couples, empty nesters. People from all phases of life with nothing in common except their address and everyone managed to be polite and make conversation. Now no one would want to go to a party unless the guest list was exclusively “their people”. No one wants to get stuck talking to some “stranger.”