Why its almost always women putting partner's career ahead of their own

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is 2026. Why aren't more men doing it?

Because many people still have common sense. Men are providers by nature. Household and children are the primary responsibilities of women. This type of lifestyle is closest to the human nature.

Do you believe everything the patriarchy has taught you?

Stop using the "patriarchy" as a cop-out for all of your failings and lack of accountability for your choices. Take some responsibility.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread makes me so thankful I’m a lesbian married to a woman.

This thread makes me so thankful I'm a woman married to a real man, you know, one who actually cares for his children and doesn't treat his wife as an employee.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread makes me so thankful I’m a lesbian married to a woman.

This thread makes me so thankful I'm a woman married to a real man, you know, one who actually cares for his children and doesn't treat his wife as an employee.

Now tell me about what a "real woman" does. Or better yet, let your husband tell me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Reality is that a big chunk of women don’t play the long game on careers. The issue is entrenched long before kids happen. Having kids just highlights the issue, because by late twenties early thirties, it’s the exact time when you need to switch from the easy job hopping of your early career vs double down on a real career. A lot of women aren’t into that idea, and stepping back is a convenience for them at just the right time.

Many of these women will cite their fancy college degree and five years of work experience for the rest of their life as proof of all their sacrificed. Because that’s a better look than the reality that they were never really on a track to much of substance.

FWIW this is not me or any of my best friends in life, who all have full careers in our fifties. But we all met in college and clearly gravitated to a certain kind of woman. There are enough women who -don’t- sacrifice their careers that it’s clearly not required and it is clearly a choice for the vast majority of women who do so sacrifice. But they don’t want to admit they took the path of less work because they wanted to.

I didn’t have a choice as a woman. My exH was 11 years older and requested I choose a less demanding job because he traveled. I personally think it’s best for women when they don’t sacrifice their career. Husbands would be more involved in raising their kids and more bonded with their children reducing the risk of divorce.

But the crucial career years late 20-early 30s usually is when women are expected to birth children. And given the corporate environment these two things are incompatible.


Btw if your wives were truly successful in their careers they would be already retired by mid 50s

You had a CHOICE not to marry that guy. Seriously, stop with the woe is me stuff, it's so annoying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Reality is that a big chunk of women don’t play the long game on careers. The issue is entrenched long before kids happen. Having kids just highlights the issue, because by late twenties early thirties, it’s the exact time when you need to switch from the easy job hopping of your early career vs double down on a real career. A lot of women aren’t into that idea, and stepping back is a convenience for them at just the right time.

Many of these women will cite their fancy college degree and five years of work experience for the rest of their life as proof of all their sacrificed. Because that’s a better look than the reality that they were never really on a track to much of substance.

FWIW this is not me or any of my best friends in life, who all have full careers in our fifties. But we all met in college and clearly gravitated to a certain kind of woman. There are enough women who -don’t- sacrifice their careers that it’s clearly not required and it is clearly a choice for the vast majority of women who do so sacrifice. But they don’t want to admit they took the path of less work because they wanted to.

Want to cite any empirical evidence? The wage gap is only 8-10% pre-marriage.

It's less about salaries and more about not playing the long game, making investments in your career, being strategic, putting in the hard work to create a valuable skill set. Young woman gets job in nonprofit admin. Young man gets entry level job in a corporate. She jumps in different nonprofits, all jobs with soft skills. He jumps a couple times but on an upward trajectory, focusing on jobs that have higher salaries. The salaries aren't that different in their 20s. But at 30, his resume is better placed to be a launchpad to start earning good cash through his 30s and 40s.

Basically, what is the fact pattern that leads all these women at age 30, with first baby and equivalent or better higher education than their husbands, to say: Oh, it just happened that he was in a position to make a lot more money than me long term. That doesn't just happen randomly in a vacuum at age 30. It happens because of choices both have been making since college.

Biglaw is a great counterexample because pay is lockstep industry-wide. Women outnumber men in associate ranks. Plenty of women raking in half a million a year leave after having a baby.

Yeah, because biglaw isn’t compatible with being a present parent. It just isn’t. The question isn’t why women leave, it’s why men don’t. It would ve great if parents could earn a UMC life on two parents working 30 hours a week vs one working 60.

This actually is possible. Most of my friends are in this exact situation, as are we. But all the husbands respect their wives' careers and are equal participants in their lives (i.e. dads took paternity leave, dads do things around the house, etc.). Stop throwing your hands in the air and saying welp this is just how it is so I guess I'll quit my job. Do better marrying someone who respects you. Do better raising sons who will respect their wives. Stop being doormats.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Reality is that a big chunk of women don’t play the long game on careers. The issue is entrenched long before kids happen. Having kids just highlights the issue, because by late twenties early thirties, it’s the exact time when you need to switch from the easy job hopping of your early career vs double down on a real career. A lot of women aren’t into that idea, and stepping back is a convenience for them at just the right time.

Many of these women will cite their fancy college degree and five years of work experience for the rest of their life as proof of all their sacrificed. Because that’s a better look than the reality that they were never really on a track to much of substance.

FWIW this is not me or any of my best friends in life, who all have full careers in our fifties. But we all met in college and clearly gravitated to a certain kind of woman. There are enough women who -don’t- sacrifice their careers that it’s clearly not required and it is clearly a choice for the vast majority of women who do so sacrifice. But they don’t want to admit they took the path of less work because they wanted to.

I didn’t have a choice as a woman. My exH was 11 years older and requested I choose a less demanding job because he traveled. I personally think it’s best for women when they don’t sacrifice their career. Husbands would be more involved in raising their kids and more bonded with their children reducing the risk of divorce.

But the crucial career years late 20-early 30s usually is when women are expected to birth children. And given the corporate environment these two things are incompatible.


Btw if your wives were truly successful in their careers they would be already retired by mid 50s

Of course you had a choice to not quit your job.

Also, i made $2m last year. I work because i want to. You prove my exact point that a lot of women who so-called 'sacrificed' for their DH's career didn't actually sacrifice anything. Because your default position is that "work = bad" and that anyone who didn't need to work wouldn't work. You really didn't want to work, you don't like the idea of working.

Lots of people like work. Lots of women and men. But a lot of women don't like work. Hence, they stay home and call it 'sacrifice'.

Who told you I quit my job ? I make 400k/year working 20 hrs a week. I don’t need to earn $2m a year in law, if it requires placing my family second.

And no, women have no 100% choice in their 20s or 30s who to marry or to marry a younger man. Statistically average gap is 2-3 years for first marriage. That means spouses begin marriages with a salary gap and with her giving birth it will only expand.

Are you American? Or maybe you're from a culture that has arranged marriages? Seriously WTF are you talking about?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Reality is that a big chunk of women don’t play the long game on careers. The issue is entrenched long before kids happen. Having kids just highlights the issue, because by late twenties early thirties, it’s the exact time when you need to switch from the easy job hopping of your early career vs double down on a real career. A lot of women aren’t into that idea, and stepping back is a convenience for them at just the right time.

Many of these women will cite their fancy college degree and five years of work experience for the rest of their life as proof of all their sacrificed. Because that’s a better look than the reality that they were never really on a track to much of substance.

FWIW this is not me or any of my best friends in life, who all have full careers in our fifties. But we all met in college and clearly gravitated to a certain kind of woman. There are enough women who -don’t- sacrifice their careers that it’s clearly not required and it is clearly a choice for the vast majority of women who do so sacrifice. But they don’t want to admit they took the path of less work because they wanted to.

I didn’t have a choice as a woman. My exH was 11 years older and requested I choose a less demanding job because he traveled. I personally think it’s best for women when they don’t sacrifice their career. Husbands would be more involved in raising their kids and more bonded with their children reducing the risk of divorce.

But the crucial career years late 20-early 30s usually is when women are expected to birth children. And given the corporate environment these two things are incompatible.


Btw if your wives were truly successful in their careers they would be already retired by mid 50s

You had a CHOICE not to marry that guy. Seriously, stop with the woe is me stuff, it's so annoying.

Accountability is kryptonite. Every failing is externalized (no choice, systemic, patriarchy), unless they want to cosplay as empowered and full of agency. The same person will take on each persona at different times, depending on what suits them situationally. You have to laugh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is 2026. Why aren't more men doing it?

Because women are smarter and know they can make men their employees if they allow them to pursue their careers. Being CEO of the home is a better gig than being a non-equity partner at Wilmer.

Being the CEO of something where you earn no paycheck isn't such a hot gig but go ahead with your nonsense.

+1. CEO position with no compensation, retirement benefits, or job security? Hard pass.

I genuinely appreciate that this works out for some ladies. Please know he can walk in a heartbeat when that midlife crisis hits.

- woman who watched her father do this to her mom and said welp time for med school. And look I don’t love my job but no one’s ever taking it from me. The ability to always care for myself and my children: priceless

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:On average, women don't want to work outside of the home as much as men do. It's that simple.

I don't know who these average women are - 95% of my friends that I've known from age 5 to now work because they want to.

Have you ever considered the possibility that your friend group and immediate circle may not be representative? Try to look past your own nose. You're doing that thing that women do again.

So cite your sources that women don't WANT to work outside the home. Maybe your group of either uneducated friends? But take a look around the DMV, which is where this website is based, for a second.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I stepped back from my career that I loved to raise the kids. The reasons were:

1) just being pregnant was really hard on me
2) giving birth and recovering from that took time
3) men cannot breast-feed, if you want to breast-feed your baby, it’s on you. Pumping doesn’t really solve that because you still have to wake up to pump.

Between #1 and #2, a year is gone. Then another year for the not sleeping through the night phase and #3. x3 kids and you have six years. At that point you have a two, four, and six-year-old, and it is really tough to have both parents working in demanding full-time non flexible jobs where you cannot work from home at all, possibly unless you have some reliable family help. In my experience, hired help isn’t the same, they’re just not as dependable, it’s tough to get them to work the hours that you truly need, and frankly they’re not as good. And then the kids get a little older and things get easier, but then something like Covid hits and they are home again, and since you’ve been the one home all along, it’s still you. Then you get into the high school where the demands, stress, and the drama increase, plus you have been out a really long time, and it just feels like it doesn’t make sense to try to go back.

You poor, poor thing. All of these things that just happened to you over and over again and made it so that you couldn't work. How sad that at no point did you ever have a choice about what you were doing.

Obliviously you have no kids or empathy.

I have two kids, actually. I also have empathy, but not for someone who is such a victim in the life of their own creating. You seriously think it's normal to not have kids who don't sleep through the night for two entire years and then you decide at that point to have another one and then two years later have another one so that you don't sleep through the night for six years straight? That sits right with you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is 2026. Why aren't more men doing it?

Because many people still have common sense. Men are providers by nature. Household and children are the primary responsibilities of women. This type of lifestyle is closest to the human nature.

Do you believe everything the patriarchy has taught you?

Stop using the "patriarchy" as a cop-out for all of your failings and lack of accountability for your choices. Take some responsibility.

I'm not failing at anything and I do take accountability for my choices, unlike the poster above who says that she has no choice to be a SAHM because, nature.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread makes me so thankful I’m a lesbian married to a woman.

This thread makes me so thankful I'm a woman married to a real man, you know, one who actually cares for his children and doesn't treat his wife as an employee.

Now tell me about what a "real woman" does. Or better yet, let your husband tell me.

Sure, if you are still able to read after rolling your eyes so hard. A real woman does what a real man does, you know, actually care for their children and not treat their husband like an ATM. It's not difficult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread makes me so thankful I’m a lesbian married to a woman.

This thread makes me so thankful I'm a woman married to a real man, you know, one who actually cares for his children and doesn't treat his wife as an employee.

Now tell me about what a "real woman" does. Or better yet, let your husband tell me.

Sure, if you are still able to read after rolling your eyes so hard. A real woman does what a real man does, you know, actually care for their children and not treat their husband like an ATM. It's not difficult.

So a "real man" and a "real woman" do the exact same things? Interesting...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:On average, women don't want to work outside of the home as much as men do. It's that simple.

I don't know who these average women are - 95% of my friends that I've known from age 5 to now work because they want to.

Have you ever considered the possibility that your friend group and immediate circle may not be representative? Try to look past your own nose. You're doing that thing that women do again.

So cite your sources that women don't WANT to work outside the home. Maybe your group of either uneducated friends? But take a look around the DMV, which is where this website is based, for a second.

Soooo many biglaw/banker/girlboss women secretly moan about hating their jobs and prefer having some rich man so they don't have to work. Constantly hearing this in "educated" circles. It's laughable.

Put it this way, if you factor in a rich spouse, more men would still prefer to work than vice versa. Men and women are just built different and have different impulses, drives and incentives. A bit stupid and delusional to deny this, even though such thought processes are all the rage these days.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Reality is that a big chunk of women don’t play the long game on careers. The issue is entrenched long before kids happen. Having kids just highlights the issue, because by late twenties early thirties, it’s the exact time when you need to switch from the easy job hopping of your early career vs double down on a real career. A lot of women aren’t into that idea, and stepping back is a convenience for them at just the right time.

Many of these women will cite their fancy college degree and five years of work experience for the rest of their life as proof of all their sacrificed. Because that’s a better look than the reality that they were never really on a track to much of substance.

FWIW this is not me or any of my best friends in life, who all have full careers in our fifties. But we all met in college and clearly gravitated to a certain kind of woman. There are enough women who -don’t- sacrifice their careers that it’s clearly not required and it is clearly a choice for the vast majority of women who do so sacrifice. But they don’t want to admit they took the path of less work because they wanted to.

Want to cite any empirical evidence? The wage gap is only 8-10% pre-marriage.

It's less about salaries and more about not playing the long game, making investments in your career, being strategic, putting in the hard work to create a valuable skill set. Young woman gets job in nonprofit admin. Young man gets entry level job in a corporate. She jumps in different nonprofits, all jobs with soft skills. He jumps a couple times but on an upward trajectory, focusing on jobs that have higher salaries. The salaries aren't that different in their 20s. But at 30, his resume is better placed to be a launchpad to start earning good cash through his 30s and 40s.

Basically, what is the fact pattern that leads all these women at age 30, with first baby and equivalent or better higher education than their husbands, to say: Oh, it just happened that he was in a position to make a lot more money than me long term. That doesn't just happen randomly in a vacuum at age 30. It happens because of choices both have been making since college.

Biglaw is a great counterexample because pay is lockstep industry-wide. Women outnumber men in associate ranks. Plenty of women raking in half a million a year leave after having a baby.

Yeah, because biglaw isn’t compatible with being a present parent. It just isn’t. The question isn’t why women leave, it’s why men don’t. It would ve great if parents could earn a UMC life on two parents working 30 hours a week vs one working 60.

This actually is possible. Most of my friends are in this exact situation, as are we. But all the husbands respect their wives' careers and are equal participants in their lives (i.e. dads took paternity leave, dads do things around the house, etc.). Stop throwing your hands in the air and saying welp this is just how it is so I guess I'll quit my job. Do better marrying someone who respects you. Do better raising sons who will respect their wives. Stop being doormats.

DP. I think the problem is that women start down this path actually believing that their husband respects them and that the unequal relationship will work out. It probably doesn’t feel unequal to start with. In my case I did not sacrifice my career specifically because I didn’t trust my ex’s ability to step up or provide for me or to even be fair about it. Once the writing was on the wall, I made sure that my career stayed viable and that the burdens of childcare didn’t threaten my earning capacity.