High school recommendations from our k-8 school and how should I feel about?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op - my first preference over a basis or a Trevor would be a bronxville/ Scarsdale/ rye etc. Def open to some of the publics mentioned here also. Basis is a joke, I feel, and also I could have sent him there years ago and saved money if I thought it was up to anything

The standout thing to me is their list is incoherent. Trevor/ LREI, Dwight and basis have only in common that they are relatively easy to get into. The same student who thrives at lrei is not the same student who thrives at basis. I feel like we are just saying it needs to be an easy get for him bc he’s an undesirable student, rather than they had a thoughtful assessment of his profile that we’ve all been discussing for some time. As for the ISEE yes he has taken practice ISEEs and had quite varying results with the first one in high 8s and then when he took it again more variation.

I guess my expectation was that they’d suggest a couple ‘stretches’ eg a fieldston, a packer etc.. maybe a Buckley. And then some mid range - I wouldn’t have been surprised to see LREI in there. But it feels like we are just aiming for the lowest rung without us being prepped for that outcome along the way

Buckley is a K-8 and Packer has gotten very competitive.

I’m not sure moving to the burbs is your solution. Have you thought about the lifestyle adjustment and the social impact to your kids. The teen years are hard. I wouldn’t make it worse by forcing an unnecessary move where the kids will likely have less freedom and social outlets. Also, some of those Westchester schools can be real pressure cookers and difficult to navigate socially. I would not make the move just for the schools. Have you asked your kid about the type of school they would like to attend?

op - yes they would like a school with a lot of sports and that is academically 'good'. he has expressed interest in the burbs.
It will be an adjustment but I can't keep throwing huge amounts of money downstream at schools where the ROI is so arbitrary. If I could go back in time i would 100% choose public. Saving and investing that money would have been much smarter IMO than a situation where I will have thrown over half a million dollars at a school who comes up with 'have you thought about basis or dwight' as their best suggestion. I'd have been able to buy him an apartment rather than hoping he can buy it himself in a world where he's gone to dwight and lehigh and anyway AI has taken all the jobs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:op - school got back to me and suggested Trevor day, lrei, Dwight, basis

You guys - I have worked so hard for so long to afford this school. I never go out - I just work. I trusted them that if they saw him tracking academically in a way where he needed help they would tell me. I asked them flat out so many times- so many times they could have said - you know - he could use a tutor. I’m so angry but also just feel like such an idiot and like I got duped by these people. We are signed up for next year for my 10 and 12 yo and all I want to do is take them both out. It feels like such a freaking racket. Not bc I am expecting him to be someone he’s not. But I shouldn’t be finding out the reality of what they think he can achieve when it’s almost too late to do anything to help him. Like - if a kid is never getting into T1 or T2 then say - hey this kid really needs some extra help and say it early! Jfc

Tell them you are all in on Trevor. It is a very good school and has been really upping its game. And from a few data points I know, they seem to like kids who really want to be there. It is a good school with good outcomes. If your kid is as smart as you think, they will finish at the top of the class at Trevor. The top kids at Trevor do as well as the top kid at any school in NY - plenty of Ivies and the like. It is further down the list where things are worse - the 75% kid at Trevor is significantly worse than the 75% kid at a TT.

Same applies for some of the others but I think Trevor is the best of the batch. I know several families who are very happy there, including a few who turned down better "names" to go there.

BTW, same largely applies to Grace, Packer and a few others like that.

Agree. I know a middle school transfer from HM to Trevor. HM wasn’t a good fit and they weren’t getting counseled out, but just middle of the road B student. Now at Trevor and killing it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op - my first preference over a basis or a Trevor would be a bronxville/ Scarsdale/ rye etc. Def open to some of the publics mentioned here also. Basis is a joke, I feel, and also I could have sent him there years ago and saved money if I thought it was up to anything

The standout thing to me is their list is incoherent. Trevor/ LREI, Dwight and basis have only in common that they are relatively easy to get into. The same student who thrives at lrei is not the same student who thrives at basis. I feel like we are just saying it needs to be an easy get for him bc he’s an undesirable student, rather than they had a thoughtful assessment of his profile that we’ve all been discussing for some time. As for the ISEE yes he has taken practice ISEEs and had quite varying results with the first one in high 8s and then when he took it again more variation.

I guess my expectation was that they’d suggest a couple ‘stretches’ eg a fieldston, a packer etc.. maybe a Buckley. And then some mid range - I wouldn’t have been surprised to see LREI in there. But it feels like we are just aiming for the lowest rung without us being prepped for that outcome along the way

Buckley is a K-8 and Packer has gotten very competitive.

I’m not sure moving to the burbs is your solution. Have you thought about the lifestyle adjustment and the social impact to your kids. The teen years are hard. I wouldn’t make it worse by forcing an unnecessary move where the kids will likely have less freedom and social outlets. Also, some of those Westchester schools can be real pressure cookers and difficult to navigate socially. I would not make the move just for the schools. Have you asked your kid about the type of school they would like to attend?

op - yes they would like a school with a lot of sports and that is academically 'good'. he has expressed interest in the burbs.
It will be an adjustment but I can't keep throwing huge amounts of money downstream at schools where the ROI is so arbitrary. If I could go back in time i would 100% choose public. Saving and investing that money would have been much smarter IMO than a situation where I will have thrown over half a million dollars at a school who comes up with 'have you thought about basis or dwight' as their best suggestion. I'd have been able to buy him an apartment rather than hoping he can buy it himself in a world where he's gone to dwight and lehigh and anyway AI has taken all the jobs.

I was with you and sympathetic until this point. Now I think you are unhinged and there is just a bit of schadenfreude. Your kid is in 7th grade and you are predicting his life is screwed up because of his K-8? And Lehigh is a perfectly fine school.

Your kid probably takes after you: a total lack of resilience, an inability to think creatively and problem solve, and a lack of work ethic to earn what you deserve (e.g a school better than Dwight/Lehigh) Btw. I have no affiliation to any of these schools and colleges as I am from DC where my child attends a rigorous school and got into their first choice for college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op - my first preference over a basis or a Trevor would be a bronxville/ Scarsdale/ rye etc. Def open to some of the publics mentioned here also. Basis is a joke, I feel, and also I could have sent him there years ago and saved money if I thought it was up to anything

The standout thing to me is their list is incoherent. Trevor/ LREI, Dwight and basis have only in common that they are relatively easy to get into. The same student who thrives at lrei is not the same student who thrives at basis. I feel like we are just saying it needs to be an easy get for him bc he’s an undesirable student, rather than they had a thoughtful assessment of his profile that we’ve all been discussing for some time. As for the ISEE yes he has taken practice ISEEs and had quite varying results with the first one in high 8s and then when he took it again more variation.

I guess my expectation was that they’d suggest a couple ‘stretches’ eg a fieldston, a packer etc.. maybe a Buckley. And then some mid range - I wouldn’t have been surprised to see LREI in there. But it feels like we are just aiming for the lowest rung without us being prepped for that outcome along the way

Buckley is a K-8 and Packer has gotten very competitive.

I’m not sure moving to the burbs is your solution. Have you thought about the lifestyle adjustment and the social impact to your kids. The teen years are hard. I wouldn’t make it worse by forcing an unnecessary move where the kids will likely have less freedom and social outlets. Also, some of those Westchester schools can be real pressure cookers and difficult to navigate socially. I would not make the move just for the schools. Have you asked your kid about the type of school they would like to attend?

op - yes they would like a school with a lot of sports and that is academically 'good'. he has expressed interest in the burbs.
It will be an adjustment but I can't keep throwing huge amounts of money downstream at schools where the ROI is so arbitrary. If I could go back in time i would 100% choose public. Saving and investing that money would have been much smarter IMO than a situation where I will have thrown over half a million dollars at a school who comes up with 'have you thought about basis or dwight' as their best suggestion. I'd have been able to buy him an apartment rather than hoping he can buy it himself in a world where he's gone to dwight and lehigh and anyway AI has taken all the jobs.

I was with you and sympathetic until this point. Now I think you are unhinged and there is just a bit of schadenfreude. Your kid is in 7th grade and you are predicting his life is screwed up because of his K-8? And Lehigh is a perfectly fine school.

Your kid probably takes after you: a total lack of resilience, an inability to think creatively and problem solve, and a lack of work ethic to earn what you deserve (e.g a school better than Dwight/Lehigh) Btw. I have no affiliation to any of these schools and colleges as I am from DC where my child attends a rigorous school and got into their first choice for college.

Way to be empathetic while you have a child who cruised through to their top choice college. Also bravo on the ad hominems and assuming op has no resilience.

Most educated people think it’s crazy to spend 70k a year to wind up at Lehigh. Objectively, it is crazy. Op is right to feel duped.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you have to begin with the end in mind. You sound like you would not be happy to spend another 300k and be sitting in a colleges counseling office hearing suggestions like Lehigh or Holy Cross. (perfectly good schools!)

I have two kids at HYP right now. So I get it. I acknowledge I wanted my kids to go to the kind of college that wasn't on the table for me.

We could sorta kinda afford private K-8, which sounded like a financial slog so we did pubic k-5 and public middle and then private HS. (Also had SHS spots, which would have also been fine).

Think about what kind of college you'd be happy with. You might say, maybe something cool like Pitzer or Wes. If so, go to public. BC? Go to Loyola. You will have better luck getting into Cornell from a strong public. At Middlebury, getting a great GPA and applying ED would be the more important than public or private. Or learn to play Rugby at Xavier and go to Cal or Michigan and maybe Brown. Want to go to UVA, buy a nice house in Rye and get him a tutor to keep his grades up.

A top HS in NY can totally help you, but all privates can hurt you too. Top or not. They're all full of "institutional priorities": legacies, donors, and very strong FGLI kids who came in via Prep for Prep etc and can thrive in PWI - colleges love them. All these legacy/donor kids get leadership positions - not because of nepotism (disagree with the podcast), but because they were born with the confidence and swagger my kids didn't have at 14.

Different poster - thanks for sharing. I am interested in going a similar route with my kids - public for younger years and apply to private for HS. How was the transition from public to private for your kids? Pros/cons of this path? TYSM

They were both behind in math - which I think was more about Covid than curriculum. Publics were remote when privates went hybrid. For quite a while. Studying for the SHSAT helped fill in some blanks. But they got great grades in HS. I think it helped that they had done so little homework in middle school. they were the opposite of burned out.

Also, socially, I felt public middle school was a little behind private. In a good way. Again, this was during Covid so it didn't really impact my kids and their private peers, but I saw it in other grades.

This board always talks about how the HYP kids from private are all legacies donors institutional priorities. Was it easy for your kids to find a niche and stand out at your private to gain acceptance? I assume they got in unconnected?

They were unconnected, although I think TT NYC privates kids are all connected in a way. Colleges know these school. But yes, you're bumping up against very very connected kids. And your competition are your classmates to some extent. If you're not the uber connected, probably better to zig where they zag.

My kids had great grades - which took a lot of work but no tutors - and leadership within the school, which wasn't easy but wasn't hard. They also gravitated to their niche pretty easily - you're either a debate kid or a theater kid or a math kid. I wouldn't try to make a kid something they're not. Being a boy in humanities helps. Paid real work helps. I listened to a lot of podcasts tbh. I think I sort of understood what was going to help an unconnected kid at a private school. Narrow academic interest, rigor, "grit" (a summer job at shake shack stands out in the pile from these schools), and a national award in .. debate or math or whatever to "certify" the stats. And an essay that pulls all that together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op - my first preference over a basis or a Trevor would be a bronxville/ Scarsdale/ rye etc. Def open to some of the publics mentioned here also. Basis is a joke, I feel, and also I could have sent him there years ago and saved money if I thought it was up to anything

The standout thing to me is their list is incoherent. Trevor/ LREI, Dwight and basis have only in common that they are relatively easy to get into. The same student who thrives at lrei is not the same student who thrives at basis. I feel like we are just saying it needs to be an easy get for him bc he’s an undesirable student, rather than they had a thoughtful assessment of his profile that we’ve all been discussing for some time. As for the ISEE yes he has taken practice ISEEs and had quite varying results with the first one in high 8s and then when he took it again more variation.

I guess my expectation was that they’d suggest a couple ‘stretches’ eg a fieldston, a packer etc.. maybe a Buckley. And then some mid range - I wouldn’t have been surprised to see LREI in there. But it feels like we are just aiming for the lowest rung without us being prepped for that outcome along the way

Buckley is a K-8 and Packer has gotten very competitive.

I’m not sure moving to the burbs is your solution. Have you thought about the lifestyle adjustment and the social impact to your kids. The teen years are hard. I wouldn’t make it worse by forcing an unnecessary move where the kids will likely have less freedom and social outlets. Also, some of those Westchester schools can be real pressure cookers and difficult to navigate socially. I would not make the move just for the schools. Have you asked your kid about the type of school they would like to attend?

op - yes they would like a school with a lot of sports and that is academically 'good'. he has expressed interest in the burbs.
It will be an adjustment but I can't keep throwing huge amounts of money downstream at schools where the ROI is so arbitrary. If I could go back in time i would 100% choose public. Saving and investing that money would have been much smarter IMO than a situation where I will have thrown over half a million dollars at a school who comes up with 'have you thought about basis or dwight' as their best suggestion. I'd have been able to buy him an apartment rather than hoping he can buy it himself in a world where he's gone to dwight and lehigh and anyway AI has taken all the jobs.

I'd go to Xavier if I were you. BC/Georgetown is possible and a great outcome!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op - my first preference over a basis or a Trevor would be a bronxville/ Scarsdale/ rye etc. Def open to some of the publics mentioned here also. Basis is a joke, I feel, and also I could have sent him there years ago and saved money if I thought it was up to anything

The standout thing to me is their list is incoherent. Trevor/ LREI, Dwight and basis have only in common that they are relatively easy to get into. The same student who thrives at lrei is not the same student who thrives at basis. I feel like we are just saying it needs to be an easy get for him bc he’s an undesirable student, rather than they had a thoughtful assessment of his profile that we’ve all been discussing for some time. As for the ISEE yes he has taken practice ISEEs and had quite varying results with the first one in high 8s and then when he took it again more variation.

I guess my expectation was that they’d suggest a couple ‘stretches’ eg a fieldston, a packer etc.. maybe a Buckley. And then some mid range - I wouldn’t have been surprised to see LREI in there. But it feels like we are just aiming for the lowest rung without us being prepped for that outcome along the way

Buckley is a K-8 and Packer has gotten very competitive.

I’m not sure moving to the burbs is your solution. Have you thought about the lifestyle adjustment and the social impact to your kids. The teen years are hard. I wouldn’t make it worse by forcing an unnecessary move where the kids will likely have less freedom and social outlets. Also, some of those Westchester schools can be real pressure cookers and difficult to navigate socially. I would not make the move just for the schools. Have you asked your kid about the type of school they would like to attend?

op - yes they would like a school with a lot of sports and that is academically 'good'. he has expressed interest in the burbs.
It will be an adjustment but I can't keep throwing huge amounts of money downstream at schools where the ROI is so arbitrary. If I could go back in time i would 100% choose public. Saving and investing that money would have been much smarter IMO than a situation where I will have thrown over half a million dollars at a school who comes up with 'have you thought about basis or dwight' as their best suggestion. I'd have been able to buy him an apartment rather than hoping he can buy it himself in a world where he's gone to dwight and lehigh and anyway AI has taken all the jobs.

I was with you and sympathetic until this point. Now I think you are unhinged and there is just a bit of schadenfreude. Your kid is in 7th grade and you are predicting his life is screwed up because of his K-8? And Lehigh is a perfectly fine school.

Your kid probably takes after you: a total lack of resilience, an inability to think creatively and problem solve, and a lack of work ethic to earn what you deserve (e.g a school better than Dwight/Lehigh) Btw. I have no affiliation to any of these schools and colleges as I am from DC where my child attends a rigorous school and got into their first choice for college.

Way to be empathetic while you have a child who cruised through to their top choice college. Also bravo on the ad hominems and assuming op has no resilience.

Most educated people think it’s crazy to spend 70k a year to wind up at Lehigh. Objectively, it is crazy. Op is right to feel duped.

Are you OP sock puppeting? Because you missed the point of my post. Any parent that has a high achieving kid will tell you the same. No kid “cruised through” to their top choice. Mine worked tirelessly and made a lot of sacrifices and I have set high expectations since elementary school. You can’t be a slacker unless you have generational wealth.

[Anonymous]

um, some of this is about the raw stuff of your kid. maybe dwight would have been a reach for him if he had been somewhere else. there are kids at harvard from nothing public schools in the middle of nowhere who are just really smart and academically inclined. find out what brings out the best in your kid. they aren’t input output machines. i come from a family of academics, and let me tell you, it isn’t a road to fame and fortune, but we just got tick that way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op - my first preference over a basis or a Trevor would be a bronxville/ Scarsdale/ rye etc. Def open to some of the publics mentioned here also. Basis is a joke, I feel, and also I could have sent him there years ago and saved money if I thought it was up to anything

The standout thing to me is their list is incoherent. Trevor/ LREI, Dwight and basis have only in common that they are relatively easy to get into. The same student who thrives at lrei is not the same student who thrives at basis. I feel like we are just saying it needs to be an easy get for him bc he’s an undesirable student, rather than they had a thoughtful assessment of his profile that we’ve all been discussing for some time. As for the ISEE yes he has taken practice ISEEs and had quite varying results with the first one in high 8s and then when he took it again more variation.

I guess my expectation was that they’d suggest a couple ‘stretches’ eg a fieldston, a packer etc.. maybe a Buckley. And then some mid range - I wouldn’t have been surprised to see LREI in there. But it feels like we are just aiming for the lowest rung without us being prepped for that outcome along the way

Buckley is a K-8 and Packer has gotten very competitive.

I’m not sure moving to the burbs is your solution. Have you thought about the lifestyle adjustment and the social impact to your kids. The teen years are hard. I wouldn’t make it worse by forcing an unnecessary move where the kids will likely have less freedom and social outlets. Also, some of those Westchester schools can be real pressure cookers and difficult to navigate socially. I would not make the move just for the schools. Have you asked your kid about the type of school they would like to attend?

op - yes they would like a school with a lot of sports and that is academically 'good'. he has expressed interest in the burbs.
It will be an adjustment but I can't keep throwing huge amounts of money downstream at schools where the ROI is so arbitrary. If I could go back in time i would 100% choose public. Saving and investing that money would have been much smarter IMO than a situation where I will have thrown over half a million dollars at a school who comes up with 'have you thought about basis or dwight' as their best suggestion. I'd have been able to buy him an apartment rather than hoping he can buy it himself in a world where he's gone to dwight and lehigh and anyway AI has taken all the jobs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op - my first preference over a basis or a Trevor would be a bronxville/ Scarsdale/ rye etc. Def open to some of the publics mentioned here also. Basis is a joke, I feel, and also I could have sent him there years ago and saved money if I thought it was up to anything

The standout thing to me is their list is incoherent. Trevor/ LREI, Dwight and basis have only in common that they are relatively easy to get into. The same student who thrives at lrei is not the same student who thrives at basis. I feel like we are just saying it needs to be an easy get for him bc he’s an undesirable student, rather than they had a thoughtful assessment of his profile that we’ve all been discussing for some time. As for the ISEE yes he has taken practice ISEEs and had quite varying results with the first one in high 8s and then when he took it again more variation.

I guess my expectation was that they’d suggest a couple ‘stretches’ eg a fieldston, a packer etc.. maybe a Buckley. And then some mid range - I wouldn’t have been surprised to see LREI in there. But it feels like we are just aiming for the lowest rung without us being prepped for that outcome along the way

Buckley is a K-8 and Packer has gotten very competitive.

I’m not sure moving to the burbs is your solution. Have you thought about the lifestyle adjustment and the social impact to your kids. The teen years are hard. I wouldn’t make it worse by forcing an unnecessary move where the kids will likely have less freedom and social outlets. Also, some of those Westchester schools can be real pressure cookers and difficult to navigate socially. I would not make the move just for the schools. Have you asked your kid about the type of school they would like to attend?

op - yes they would like a school with a lot of sports and that is academically 'good'. he has expressed interest in the burbs.
It will be an adjustment but I can't keep throwing huge amounts of money downstream at schools where the ROI is so arbitrary. If I could go back in time i would 100% choose public. Saving and investing that money would have been much smarter IMO than a situation where I will have thrown over half a million dollars at a school who comes up with 'have you thought about basis or dwight' as their best suggestion. I'd have been able to buy him an apartment rather than hoping he can buy it himself in a world where he's gone to dwight and lehigh and anyway AI has taken all the jobs.

I'd go to Xavier if I were you. BC/Georgetown is possible and a great outcome!

I agree. The Jesuit schools are great but have more socio-economic diversity so are often overlooked by snobs. Great sports, very good academics, and very good at educating boys specifically. Regis is a home run for top colleges but I have known a number of families that have sent their boys to Xavier and kids have gone on to Columbia, Brown and Univ of Chicago.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op - my first preference over a basis or a Trevor would be a bronxville/ Scarsdale/ rye etc. Def open to some of the publics mentioned here also. Basis is a joke, I feel, and also I could have sent him there years ago and saved money if I thought it was up to anything

The standout thing to me is their list is incoherent. Trevor/ LREI, Dwight and basis have only in common that they are relatively easy to get into. The same student who thrives at lrei is not the same student who thrives at basis. I feel like we are just saying it needs to be an easy get for him bc he’s an undesirable student, rather than they had a thoughtful assessment of his profile that we’ve all been discussing for some time. As for the ISEE yes he has taken practice ISEEs and had quite varying results with the first one in high 8s and then when he took it again more variation.

I guess my expectation was that they’d suggest a couple ‘stretches’ eg a fieldston, a packer etc.. maybe a Buckley. And then some mid range - I wouldn’t have been surprised to see LREI in there. But it feels like we are just aiming for the lowest rung without us being prepped for that outcome along the way

Buckley is a K-8 and Packer has gotten very competitive.

I’m not sure moving to the burbs is your solution. Have you thought about the lifestyle adjustment and the social impact to your kids. The teen years are hard. I wouldn’t make it worse by forcing an unnecessary move where the kids will likely have less freedom and social outlets. Also, some of those Westchester schools can be real pressure cookers and difficult to navigate socially. I would not make the move just for the schools. Have you asked your kid about the type of school they would like to attend?

op - yes they would like a school with a lot of sports and that is academically 'good'. he has expressed interest in the burbs.
It will be an adjustment but I can't keep throwing huge amounts of money downstream at schools where the ROI is so arbitrary. If I could go back in time i would 100% choose public. Saving and investing that money would have been much smarter IMO than a situation where I will have thrown over half a million dollars at a school who comes up with 'have you thought about basis or dwight' as their best suggestion. I'd have been able to buy him an apartment rather than hoping he can buy it himself in a world where he's gone to dwight and lehigh and anyway AI has taken all the jobs.

I was with you and sympathetic until this point. Now I think you are unhinged and there is just a bit of schadenfreude. Your kid is in 7th grade and you are predicting his life is screwed up because of his K-8? And Lehigh is a perfectly fine school.

Your kid probably takes after you: a total lack of resilience, an inability to think creatively and problem solve, and a lack of work ethic to earn what you deserve (e.g a school better than Dwight/Lehigh) Btw. I have no affiliation to any of these schools and colleges as I am from DC where my child attends a rigorous school and got into their first choice for college.

Way to be empathetic while you have a child who cruised through to their top choice college. Also bravo on the ad hominems and assuming op has no resilience.

Most educated people think it’s crazy to spend 70k a year to wind up at Lehigh. Objectively, it is crazy. Op is right to feel duped.

Are you OP sock puppeting? Because you missed the point of my post. Any parent that has a high achieving kid will tell you the same. No kid “cruised through” to their top choice. Mine worked tirelessly and made a lot of sacrifices and I have set high expectations since elementary school. You can’t be a slacker unless you have generational wealth.

There are plenty of savants who cruise to a T20 outcome and put in little work (unless you count weed and a loose gf “work”). Maybe your kid wasn’t that bright and you pushed them too hard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you have to begin with the end in mind. You sound like you would not be happy to spend another 300k and be sitting in a colleges counseling office hearing suggestions like Lehigh or Holy Cross. (perfectly good schools!)

I have two kids at HYP right now. So I get it. I acknowledge I wanted my kids to go to the kind of college that wasn't on the table for me.

We could sorta kinda afford private K-8, which sounded like a financial slog so we did pubic k-5 and public middle and then private HS. (Also had SHS spots, which would have also been fine).

Think about what kind of college you'd be happy with. You might say, maybe something cool like Pitzer or Wes. If so, go to public. BC? Go to Loyola. You will have better luck getting into Cornell from a strong public. At Middlebury, getting a great GPA and applying ED would be the more important than public or private. Or learn to play Rugby at Xavier and go to Cal or Michigan and maybe Brown. Want to go to UVA, buy a nice house in Rye and get him a tutor to keep his grades up.

A top HS in NY can totally help you, but all privates can hurt you too. Top or not. They're all full of "institutional priorities": legacies, donors, and very strong FGLI kids who came in via Prep for Prep etc and can thrive in PWI - colleges love them. All these legacy/donor kids get leadership positions - not because of nepotism (disagree with the podcast), but because they were born with the confidence and swagger my kids didn't have at 14.

Different poster - thanks for sharing. I am interested in going a similar route with my kids - public for younger years and apply to private for HS. How was the transition from public to private for your kids? Pros/cons of this path? TYSM

They were both behind in math - which I think was more about Covid than curriculum. Publics were remote when privates went hybrid. For quite a while. Studying for the SHSAT helped fill in some blanks. But they got great grades in HS. I think it helped that they had done so little homework in middle school. they were the opposite of burned out.

Also, socially, I felt public middle school was a little behind private. In a good way. Again, this was during Covid so it didn't really impact my kids and their private peers, but I saw it in other grades.

This board always talks about how the HYP kids from private are all legacies donors institutional priorities. Was it easy for your kids to find a niche and stand out at your private to gain acceptance? I assume they got in unconnected?

They were unconnected, although I think TT NYC privates kids are all connected in a way. Colleges know these school. But yes, you're bumping up against very very connected kids. And your competition are your classmates to some extent. If you're not the uber connected, probably better to zig where they zag.

My kids had great grades - which took a lot of work but no tutors - and leadership within the school, which wasn't easy but wasn't hard. They also gravitated to their niche pretty easily - you're either a debate kid or a theater kid or a math kid. I wouldn't try to make a kid something they're not. Being a boy in humanities helps. Paid real work helps. I listened to a lot of podcasts tbh. I think I sort of understood what was going to help an unconnected kid at a private school. Narrow academic interest, rigor, "grit" (a summer job at shake shack stands out in the pile from these schools), and a national award in .. debate or math or whatever to "certify" the stats. And an essay that pulls all that together.

Interested in the podcasts you've mentioned.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op - my first preference over a basis or a Trevor would be a bronxville/ Scarsdale/ rye etc. Def open to some of the publics mentioned here also. Basis is a joke, I feel, and also I could have sent him there years ago and saved money if I thought it was up to anything

The standout thing to me is their list is incoherent. Trevor/ LREI, Dwight and basis have only in common that they are relatively easy to get into. The same student who thrives at lrei is not the same student who thrives at basis. I feel like we are just saying it needs to be an easy get for him bc he’s an undesirable student, rather than they had a thoughtful assessment of his profile that we’ve all been discussing for some time. As for the ISEE yes he has taken practice ISEEs and had quite varying results with the first one in high 8s and then when he took it again more variation.

I guess my expectation was that they’d suggest a couple ‘stretches’ eg a fieldston, a packer etc.. maybe a Buckley. And then some mid range - I wouldn’t have been surprised to see LREI in there. But it feels like we are just aiming for the lowest rung without us being prepped for that outcome along the way

Buckley is a K-8 and Packer has gotten very competitive.

I’m not sure moving to the burbs is your solution. Have you thought about the lifestyle adjustment and the social impact to your kids. The teen years are hard. I wouldn’t make it worse by forcing an unnecessary move where the kids will likely have less freedom and social outlets. Also, some of those Westchester schools can be real pressure cookers and difficult to navigate socially. I would not make the move just for the schools. Have you asked your kid about the type of school they would like to attend?

op - yes they would like a school with a lot of sports and that is academically 'good'. he has expressed interest in the burbs.
It will be an adjustment but I can't keep throwing huge amounts of money downstream at schools where the ROI is so arbitrary. If I could go back in time i would 100% choose public. Saving and investing that money would have been much smarter IMO than a situation where I will have thrown over half a million dollars at a school who comes up with 'have you thought about basis or dwight' as their best suggestion. I'd have been able to buy him an apartment rather than hoping he can buy it himself in a world where he's gone to dwight and lehigh and anyway AI has taken all the jobs.

I was with you and sympathetic until this point. Now I think you are unhinged and there is just a bit of schadenfreude. Your kid is in 7th grade and you are predicting his life is screwed up because of his K-8? And Lehigh is a perfectly fine school.

Your kid probably takes after you: a total lack of resilience, an inability to think creatively and problem solve, and a lack of work ethic to earn what you deserve (e.g a school better than Dwight/Lehigh) Btw. I have no affiliation to any of these schools and colleges as I am from DC where my child attends a rigorous school and got into their first choice for college.

Op - well if he takes after me he’ll go to an ivy and make 7 figures so let’s hope so. But sure - go off

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op - my first preference over a basis or a Trevor would be a bronxville/ Scarsdale/ rye etc. Def open to some of the publics mentioned here also. Basis is a joke, I feel, and also I could have sent him there years ago and saved money if I thought it was up to anything

The standout thing to me is their list is incoherent. Trevor/ LREI, Dwight and basis have only in common that they are relatively easy to get into. The same student who thrives at lrei is not the same student who thrives at basis. I feel like we are just saying it needs to be an easy get for him bc he’s an undesirable student, rather than they had a thoughtful assessment of his profile that we’ve all been discussing for some time. As for the ISEE yes he has taken practice ISEEs and had quite varying results with the first one in high 8s and then when he took it again more variation.

I guess my expectation was that they’d suggest a couple ‘stretches’ eg a fieldston, a packer etc.. maybe a Buckley. And then some mid range - I wouldn’t have been surprised to see LREI in there. But it feels like we are just aiming for the lowest rung without us being prepped for that outcome along the way

Buckley is a K-8 and Packer has gotten very competitive.

I’m not sure moving to the burbs is your solution. Have you thought about the lifestyle adjustment and the social impact to your kids. The teen years are hard. I wouldn’t make it worse by forcing an unnecessary move where the kids will likely have less freedom and social outlets. Also, some of those Westchester schools can be real pressure cookers and difficult to navigate socially. I would not make the move just for the schools. Have you asked your kid about the type of school they would like to attend?

op - yes they would like a school with a lot of sports and that is academically 'good'. he has expressed interest in the burbs.
It will be an adjustment but I can't keep throwing huge amounts of money downstream at schools where the ROI is so arbitrary. If I could go back in time i would 100% choose public. Saving and investing that money would have been much smarter IMO than a situation where I will have thrown over half a million dollars at a school who comes up with 'have you thought about basis or dwight' as their best suggestion. I'd have been able to buy him an apartment rather than hoping he can buy it himself in a world where he's gone to dwight and lehigh and anyway AI has taken all the jobs.

I'd go to Xavier if I were you. BC/Georgetown is possible and a great outcome!

Op - am interested in Xavier. They didn’t suggest it but will look into it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op - my first preference over a basis or a Trevor would be a bronxville/ Scarsdale/ rye etc. Def open to some of the publics mentioned here also. Basis is a joke, I feel, and also I could have sent him there years ago and saved money if I thought it was up to anything

The standout thing to me is their list is incoherent. Trevor/ LREI, Dwight and basis have only in common that they are relatively easy to get into. The same student who thrives at lrei is not the same student who thrives at basis. I feel like we are just saying it needs to be an easy get for him bc he’s an undesirable student, rather than they had a thoughtful assessment of his profile that we’ve all been discussing for some time. As for the ISEE yes he has taken practice ISEEs and had quite varying results with the first one in high 8s and then when he took it again more variation.

I guess my expectation was that they’d suggest a couple ‘stretches’ eg a fieldston, a packer etc.. maybe a Buckley. And then some mid range - I wouldn’t have been surprised to see LREI in there. But it feels like we are just aiming for the lowest rung without us being prepped for that outcome along the way

Buckley is a K-8 and Packer has gotten very competitive.

I’m not sure moving to the burbs is your solution. Have you thought about the lifestyle adjustment and the social impact to your kids. The teen years are hard. I wouldn’t make it worse by forcing an unnecessary move where the kids will likely have less freedom and social outlets. Also, some of those Westchester schools can be real pressure cookers and difficult to navigate socially. I would not make the move just for the schools. Have you asked your kid about the type of school they would like to attend?

op - yes they would like a school with a lot of sports and that is academically 'good'. he has expressed interest in the burbs.
It will be an adjustment but I can't keep throwing huge amounts of money downstream at schools where the ROI is so arbitrary. If I could go back in time i would 100% choose public. Saving and investing that money would have been much smarter IMO than a situation where I will have thrown over half a million dollars at a school who comes up with 'have you thought about basis or dwight' as their best suggestion. I'd have been able to buy him an apartment rather than hoping he can buy it himself in a world where he's gone to dwight and lehigh and anyway AI has taken all the jobs.

I was with you and sympathetic until this point. Now I think you are unhinged and there is just a bit of schadenfreude. Your kid is in 7th grade and you are predicting his life is screwed up because of his K-8? And Lehigh is a perfectly fine school.

Your kid probably takes after you: a total lack of resilience, an inability to think creatively and problem solve, and a lack of work ethic to earn what you deserve (e.g a school better than Dwight/Lehigh) Btw. I have no affiliation to any of these schools and colleges as I am from DC where my child attends a rigorous school and got into their first choice for college.

Op - well if he takes after me he’ll go to an ivy and make 7 figures so let’s hope so. But sure - go off

If you make 7 figures then you wouldn't be whining over and over and over again about how much you are spending for private school. It would be a drop in the bucket.

At first you came across as somewhat sincere. But you have really gone downhill over the course of this thread. Perhaps the people at school think you are the problem and TT schools will interview you and quickly figure this out and not let your otherwise qualified kid in?