Physical attraction at 60yo

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:You have a guy on the hook, reel him in. The sea is pretty empty the older you get.

Why? For what?

Because the pool shrinks the older women get. There are fewer men around and those who can engage a younger woman do so. The 60yo rich adonis is dating 45 and below. The nice, decent guys who want to date a woman of his age has many many women to pick from.

This really is true.

We're longtime expats, and have lived in Eastern Europe and now in Asia. In both places, it was super common to see middle aged expat couples divorce because the man (always the man) had an affair with a much younger local girl. By much younger, I mean early 20s to early 30s women with men aged 40, 50, 60, and beyond. Literally any Western man of any age is/was constantly targeted by drop-dead gorgeous young women. The women weren't all "bar girls" or yokels from the village, either: I have a 65 year old male colleague now who is married to a gorgeous 28 year old lawyer.

As a woman, I don't know what to say. I've accepted the reality of the situation and now believe that almost every man will choose a much younger woman if possible, and that includes leaving a wife/family. I've just seen this happen so many times while living in countries where there is an endless supply of young women who would do almost anything to land a pot-bellied 65 year old American man.

I've seen men abandon young families with kids, wives in their 30s, wives in their 40s, wives in middle age. It is super depressing to see this happen with a guy who initially seems like such a loving family man.

My best friend is married to a 30 years older man. He’s 80 and she’s 50. Their marriage is companionship and business arrangement. She is very low L and never needed much sex. She’s not the happiest wife out there and often regrets her choices but they have a child together so divorce is out of question. She screams at him sometimes.

That’s not unique to an age-gap marriage. It’s every marriage on this forum.

The inter personal conflicts in large gap relationships are much worse.

I don't know why we men are so stupid for real. Why do we believe that a woman 30 years younger is going to stick around.

When was the last time you heard an 80 years old woman married to a 50 years old man? Women don't make these kind of dumb stupid decisions

The divorce rate suggests there is no reason for a man to believe a woman approximately your own age is going to stick around, either. If you're a geezer over 70 and you "only" get 5 or 10 years with a woman in her 30s, that goes in the WIN column even though she pulled the plug.

"An age gap marriage likely won't last!" - yeah neither will a no-age-gap marriage, statistically.

"Women don't make these kind of dumb stupid decisions" - lmao that's why there are so many single moms and so many married women consumed with anger at their husbands, because women don't make dumb stupid decisions.

1. 5-10 years of access to young body is not worth marriage. [Beside the point. The point is that women don't stick around, married or not, age gap or not. An old guy who dates 30 years younger and gets dumped... a young guy who marries the same age and gets divorced... they both end up in the same place.]

2. It’s untrue that divorce rates of 1st marriage are same as 2-3 marriages with larger age gaps. The smaller the age gap, the less chances of divorce and more stable life . There are stats for that [Meh, you gotta control for second marriage, that's what's causing the divorce not the age gap.]

Both of your premises are incorrect. First marriages (almost equal age ) last longest . 2-3 marriages with last age gaps are on average much shorter with higher divorce rates. Main reason for divorce higher rates of relationship satisfaction which tanks quickly for large gap marriages. The longest lasting and most successful marriages are when partners only 1-3 years apart.

Those "studies" are garbage. Try again.

NP here. It's well known that age gap relationships have much higher rates of divorce and the longest lasting are people closer in age. Sounds like that upsets you

“It’s well known that” = something I want to believe is true so it must be true

[Anonymous]

I'm in good shape but the dating pool is what it is. My last couple of boyfriends have not had good bodies. I've had to prioritize brains and humor and kindness over being in shape. And unfortunately if you try to subtly suggest they get in better shape, they will do it... after you break up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm in good shape but the dating pool is what it is. My last couple of boyfriends have not had good bodies. I've had to prioritize brains and humor and kindness over being in shape. And unfortunately if you try to subtly suggest they get in better shape, they will do it... after you break up.

It constantly surprises me that the majority of people lack any vanity at all. I can’t imagine walking around not GAF at all about what I look like, like most men. (And I’m sure a lot of women)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you really like him otherwise, you might consider trying the “10 f***s rule.” Give it 10 tries to see if the attraction grows. I’m a little younger than you, OP, in my 50s, but at our age butterflies are pretty hard to come by. So are good men. It sounds like this one might be worth some effort.

Single men in general get scarcer and scarcer relative to women as you get older. And looking slightly younger isn’t going to help op with such ratios.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have a guy on the hook, reel him in. The sea is pretty empty the older you get.

Why? For what?

Because the pool shrinks the older women get. There are fewer men around and those who can engage a younger woman do so. The 60yo rich adonis is dating 45 and below. The nice, decent guys who want to date a woman of his age has many many women to pick from.

This really is true.

We're longtime expats, and have lived in Eastern Europe and now in Asia. In both places, it was super common to see middle aged expat couples divorce because the man (always the man) had an affair with a much younger local girl. By much younger, I mean early 20s to early 30s women with men aged 40, 50, 60, and beyond. Literally any Western man of any age is/was constantly targeted by drop-dead gorgeous young women. The women weren't all "bar girls" or yokels from the village, either: I have a 65 year old male colleague now who is married to a gorgeous 28 year old lawyer.

As a woman, I don't know what to say. I've accepted the reality of the situation and now believe that almost every man will choose a much younger woman if possible, and that includes leaving a wife/family. I've just seen this happen so many times while living in countries where there is an endless supply of young women who would do almost anything to land a pot-bellied 65 year old American man.

I've seen men abandon young families with kids, wives in their 30s, wives in their 40s, wives in middle age. It is super depressing to see this happen with a guy who initially seems like such a loving family man.

This is somewhat the phenomenon of "LBH," losers back home. I mean there is something sad and pathetic about a man in his 60s ending a long term relationship with history and shared life experiences so that he can bang a young woman in his old age.

I think you're seeing a distorted view of Western men who move overseas. They simply have different options. But for people who don't move around the world to leverage their economic power, it doesn't work out like this.

Nah, the creation of tech multimillionaires and billionaires who used to be geeks allowed some men to do this without moving overseas.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are both late 50’s and recently divorced. I am fit and told I look younger. He looks his age with a dad bod. He’s funny and kind. Seems like a genuine good person. I wish he was in better shape but I’m otherwise very attracted to his eyes and smile and personality. I need some encouragement not to get hung up on this potbelly. I know I’m not perfect either. My cellulite and aging skin is not gonna get any better.

Frankly, if he was in better shape, he’d have options for someone younger despite the fact that your girlfriends tell you that you look younger.

There is a difference between late 50s with friends say that you ”look younger” versus an actual 50-52 year old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are both late 50’s and recently divorced. I am fit and told I look younger. He looks his age with a dad bod. He’s funny and kind. Seems like a genuine good person. I wish he was in better shape but I’m otherwise very attracted to his eyes and smile and personality. I need some encouragement not to get hung up on this potbelly. I know I’m not perfect either. My cellulite and aging skin is not gonna get any better.

Frankly, if he was in better shape, he’d have options for someone younger despite the fact that your girlfriends tell you that you look younger.

There is a difference between late 50s with friends say that you ”look younger” versus an actual 50-52 year old.

You completely discount the fact the men select women not just based on age (as if they were used automobiles) but other factors. OP might have a great sense of humor, demeanor, cooks well, relationship stable . It’s a combination of factors.
My mom had no issues meeting and dating men who were in great shape well into her mid 60s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm in good shape but the dating pool is what it is. My last couple of boyfriends have not had good bodies. I've had to prioritize brains and humor and kindness over being in shape. And unfortunately if you try to subtly suggest they get in better shape, they will do it... after you break up.

I flat out told my bf he needed to do something about it bc it was affecting my attraction to him. He did something about it. We are still together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm in good shape but the dating pool is what it is. My last couple of boyfriends have not had good bodies. I've had to prioritize brains and humor and kindness over being in shape. And unfortunately if you try to subtly suggest they get in better shape, they will do it... after you break up.

It constantly surprises me that the majority of people lack any vanity at all. I can’t imagine walking around not GAF at all about what I look like, like most men. (And I’m sure a lot of women)

Perhaps people do GAF, but they are still working full time and raising young adults at 60, and don't have the hours a week required to work out, prepare meals from scratch, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm in good shape but the dating pool is what it is. My last couple of boyfriends have not had good bodies. I've had to prioritize brains and humor and kindness over being in shape. And unfortunately if you try to subtly suggest they get in better shape, they will do it... after you break up.

It constantly surprises me that the majority of people lack any vanity at all. I can’t imagine walking around not GAF at all about what I look like, like most men. (And I’m sure a lot of women)

Perhaps people do GAF, but they are still working full time and raising young adults at 60, and don't have the hours a week required to work out, prepare meals from scratch, etc.

Raising young adults/kids away in college doesn’t require full time engagement. And you don’t need to cook from scratch every day to be fit. You just need to move your lazy a…s and wake up for gym before work or after work for couple years. And don’t stuff yourself on cakes and fries.

I dated men who had weight issues they all were overeating

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm in good shape but the dating pool is what it is. My last couple of boyfriends have not had good bodies. I've had to prioritize brains and humor and kindness over being in shape. And unfortunately if you try to subtly suggest they get in better shape, they will do it... after you break up.

It constantly surprises me that the majority of people lack any vanity at all. I can’t imagine walking around not GAF at all about what I look like, like most men. (And I’m sure a lot of women)

Perhaps people do GAF, but they are still working full time and raising young adults at 60, and don't have the hours a week required to work out, prepare meals from scratch, etc.

Raising young adults/kids away in college doesn’t require full time engagement. And you don’t need to cook from scratch every day to be fit. You just need to move your lazy a…s and wake up for gym before work or after work for couple years. And don’t stuff yourself on cakes and fries.

I dated men who had weight issues they all were overeating

Not being overweight for men is diet only. To have a nice body you need to strength train and everyone should get cardio for the health benefits, but if it's just not being a fata$$, diet alone can accomplish that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm in good shape but the dating pool is what it is. My last couple of boyfriends have not had good bodies. I've had to prioritize brains and humor and kindness over being in shape. And unfortunately if you try to subtly suggest they get in better shape, they will do it... after you break up.

It constantly surprises me that the majority of people lack any vanity at all. I can’t imagine walking around not GAF at all about what I look like, like most men. (And I’m sure a lot of women)

Perhaps people do GAF, but they are still working full time and raising young adults at 60, and don't have the hours a week required to work out, prepare meals from scratch, etc.

Raising young adults/kids away in college doesn’t require full time engagement. And you don’t need to cook from scratch every day to be fit. You just need to move your lazy a…s and wake up for gym before work or after work for couple years. And don’t stuff yourself on cakes and fries.

I dated men who had weight issues they all were overeating

Not being overweight for men is diet only. To have a nice body you need to strength train and everyone should get cardio for the health benefits, but if it's just not being a fata$$, diet alone can accomplish that.

This is equally true for women. Losing weight doesn't require having more free time. It merely requires eating fewer calories. It is physiologically impossible to lose weight in a sustained way through exercise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm in good shape but the dating pool is what it is. My last couple of boyfriends have not had good bodies. I've had to prioritize brains and humor and kindness over being in shape. And unfortunately if you try to subtly suggest they get in better shape, they will do it... after you break up.

It constantly surprises me that the majority of people lack any vanity at all. I can’t imagine walking around not GAF at all about what I look like, like most men. (And I’m sure a lot of women)

Perhaps people do GAF, but they are still working full time and raising young adults at 60, and don't have the hours a week required to work out, prepare meals from scratch, etc.

Raising young adults/kids away in college doesn’t require full time engagement. And you don’t need to cook from scratch every day to be fit. You just need to move your lazy a…s and wake up for gym before work or after work for couple years. And don’t stuff yourself on cakes and fries.

I dated men who had weight issues they all were overeating

Not being overweight for men is diet only. To have a nice body you need to strength train and everyone should get cardio for the health benefits, but if it's just not being a fata$$, diet alone can accomplish that.

This is equally true for women. Losing weight doesn't require having more free time. It merely requires eating fewer calories. It is physiologically impossible to lose weight in a sustained way through exercise.

Women don’t have testosterone so for them it’s harder and slower to grow muscular mass and shed fat cells. Plus many have raptured abdomen from childbirth.
It’s unforgivable and shows poor hygiene when a man is overweight

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

There is a difference between late 50s with friends say that you ”look younger” versus an actual 50-52 year old

+1
No way does a 58 yo look as young as a 50 yo. I'm 53 and look at pics of me at 50 and I look so much younger! Menopause is so awful for your face. It doesn't matter that I'm in shape, exercise and get enough sleep. People are delusional about aging!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm in good shape but the dating pool is what it is. My last couple of boyfriends have not had good bodies. I've had to prioritize brains and humor and kindness over being in shape. And unfortunately if you try to subtly suggest they get in better shape, they will do it... after you break up.

It constantly surprises me that the majority of people lack any vanity at all. I can’t imagine walking around not GAF at all about what I look like, like most men. (And I’m sure a lot of women)

Perhaps people do GAF, but they are still working full time and raising young adults at 60, and don't have the hours a week required to work out, prepare meals from scratch, etc.

Raising young adults/kids away in college doesn’t require full time engagement. And you don’t need to cook from scratch every day to be fit. You just need to move your lazy a…s and wake up for gym before work or after work for couple years. And don’t stuff yourself on cakes and fries.

I dated men who had weight issues they all were overeating

Not being overweight for men is diet only. To have a nice body you need to strength train and everyone should get cardio for the health benefits, but if it's just not being a fata$$, diet alone can accomplish that.

This is equally true for women. Losing weight doesn't require having more free time. It merely requires eating fewer calories. It is physiologically impossible to lose weight in a sustained way through exercise.

Women don’t have testosterone so for them it’s harder and slower to grow muscular mass and shed fat cells. Plus many have raptured abdomen from childbirth.
It’s unforgivable and shows poor hygiene when a man is overweight

Having a ruptured ab doesn't have to do with weight.

Growing muscle mass can affect weight on the margins but only if you already know how to eat properly (because muscle burns more calories than fat). Having more or less testosterone is irrelevant to an individual's weight loss. Everyone has the amount of calories their body needs for stasis, so whatever that level is, you have to consume less to lose weight. There is no way around this; it will work; and nothing else will work (aside from surgery, but that's also rarely sustainable without, again, learning how to control your consumption). You can listen to whatever your friends or your trainer or your favorite youtuber or tiktoker says, but these are the facts from extensive empirical studies and scientific literature.