My husband doesn't want kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you love him? You can be happy childfree.

Big mistake. My friend's husband pulled the same crap. Had an affair 10 years later and divorced her. Her biggest regret was not having kids, family.

[Anonymous]

I would say have the kids with him. Many are scared, but he will be happy he did. What I always see.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you love him? You can be happy childfree.

Why does he get what he wants and she doesn't?

This is life. This is how life works.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you love him? You can be happy childfree.

Big mistake. My friend's husband pulled the same crap. Had an affair 10 years later and divorced her. Her biggest regret was not having kids, family.

Her biggest regret isn't leaving her husband for a husband who actually wants a child?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Total deal breaker. I’m sorry OP. I would consider getting pregnant ASAP then leave him. Better a single mom with child support.

This sounds horrible! He told her he doesn't want kids so make him an involuntary dad and collect child support?

NP. He deserves it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Total deal breaker. I’m sorry OP. I would consider getting pregnant ASAP then leave him. Better a single mom with child support.

This sounds horrible! He told her he doesn't want kids so make him an involuntary dad and collect child support?

NP. He deserves it.

NP. Children don't deserve this. They don't deserve to be brought into these toxic dysfunctional relationships to serve as cudgels to beat men who've wronged you. Shame on you.

[Anonymous]

I would also leave him. You will always hold resentments whichever way this goes. If you don't have kids, you will grow to resent him. Same with him if you do have kids. Also, I would leave him for the simple bait-and-switch BS. He lied, plain and simple.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Total deal breaker. I’m sorry OP. I would consider getting pregnant ASAP then leave him. Better a single mom with child support.

This sounds horrible! He told her he doesn't want kids so make him an involuntary dad and collect child support?

NP. He deserves it.

NP. Children don't deserve this. They don't deserve to be brought into these toxic dysfunctional relationships to serve as cudgels to beat men who've wronged you. Shame on you.

+1 better to leave him and if, in a couple years, you haven't found a partner you want to raise a family with, then have a child via sperm donor. Then at least the kid doesn't grow up knowing their father doesn't want them. Not ideal -- I do think children do best with two loving parents -- but way better than rejection by your father.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Total deal breaker. I’m sorry OP. I would consider getting pregnant ASAP then leave him. Better a single mom with child support.

This sounds horrible! He told her he doesn't want kids so make him an involuntary dad and collect child support?

NP. He deserves it.

NP. Children don't deserve this. They don't deserve to be brought into these toxic dysfunctional relationships to serve as cudgels to beat men who've wronged you. Shame on you.

+1
Irresponsible people shouldn't have children if this is what theyre doing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Interesting that no one has focused on OPS language: “I couldn’t have been clearer and he agreed.” Note that she doesn’t say “and he said he wanted them too.“

Not so sure he “changed his mind.”

Who gives a shit? She’s 31 and can still have kids elsewhere!!! Run OP!!

I am not saying she should or shouldn’t. What I am saying is that it’s not necessarily fair to blame the guy. It sounds like OP went into the marriage with a lot of wishful thinking.

Who cares about blame. She is on the tail end of fertility and he is playing games and wasting her time.

But because she's on the tail end of fertility, she needs to accept the real possibility that she won't have a child if she leaves him either.

Huh? 31 is not the tail end of fertility. She has plenty of time, and suggesting she stay and actively have children with someone who specifically said they didn't want them is NOT a good plan.

1 year divorce, 3 years to find someone, 1 year to get married, 2 years of marriage before having kids.

That's 37 years. Kids at 38 years old is how you end up with kids with ASD or Downs.

🙄

She doesn’t have to stick to that timeline. And 38 is fine even if she does stick to your ridiculous timeline.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you love him? You can be happy childfree.

Big mistake. My friend's husband pulled the same crap. Had an affair 10 years later and divorced her. Her biggest regret was not having kids, family.

Most men at that age have kids, and don't want more. If it's a choice of staying and having the kids, I would.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Interesting that no one has focused on OPS language: “I couldn’t have been clearer and he agreed.” Note that she doesn’t say “and he said he wanted them too.“

Not so sure he “changed his mind.”

Who gives a shit? She’s 31 and can still have kids elsewhere!!! Run OP!!

I am not saying she should or shouldn’t. What I am saying is that it’s not necessarily fair to blame the guy. It sounds like OP went into the marriage with a lot of wishful thinking.

Who cares about blame. She is on the tail end of fertility and he is playing games and wasting her time.

But because she's on the tail end of fertility, she needs to accept the real possibility that she won't have a child if she leaves him either.

Huh? 31 is not the tail end of fertility. She has plenty of time, and suggesting she stay and actively have children with someone who specifically said they didn't want them is NOT a good plan.

1 year divorce, 3 years to find someone, 1 year to get married, 2 years of marriage before having kids.

That's 37 years. Kids at 38 years old is how you end up with kids with ASD or Downs.

🙄

She doesn’t have to stick to that timeline. And 38 is fine even if she does stick to your ridiculous timeline.

No, it's called reality. I would get my children in, have a family. You can't depend on men to always be there, or for the relationship to last.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Interesting that no one has focused on OPS language: “I couldn’t have been clearer and he agreed.” Note that she doesn’t say “and he said he wanted them too.“

Not so sure he “changed his mind.”

Who gives a shit? She’s 31 and can still have kids elsewhere!!! Run OP!!

I am not saying she should or shouldn’t. What I am saying is that it’s not necessarily fair to blame the guy. It sounds like OP went into the marriage with a lot of wishful thinking.

Who cares about blame. She is on the tail end of fertility and he is playing games and wasting her time.

But because she's on the tail end of fertility, she needs to accept the real possibility that she won't have a child if she leaves him either.

Huh? 31 is not the tail end of fertility. She has plenty of time, and suggesting she stay and actively have children with someone who specifically said they didn't want them is NOT a good plan.

1 year divorce, 3 years to find someone, 1 year to get married, 2 years of marriage before having kids.

That's 37 years. Kids at 38 years old is how you end up with kids with ASD or Downs.

🙄

She doesn’t have to stick to that timeline. And 38 is fine even if she does stick to your ridiculous timeline.

No, it's called reality. I would get my children in, have a family. You can't depend on men to always be there, or for the relationship to last.

Nope! I would never just have the kids because I wanted them with a man I knew would not be there for them. So selfish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Interesting that no one has focused on OPS language: “I couldn’t have been clearer and he agreed.” Note that she doesn’t say “and he said he wanted them too.“

Not so sure he “changed his mind.”

Who gives a shit? She’s 31 and can still have kids elsewhere!!! Run OP!!

I am not saying she should or shouldn’t. What I am saying is that it’s not necessarily fair to blame the guy. It sounds like OP went into the marriage with a lot of wishful thinking.

Who cares about blame. She is on the tail end of fertility and he is playing games and wasting her time.

But because she's on the tail end of fertility, she needs to accept the real possibility that she won't have a child if she leaves him either.

Huh? 31 is not the tail end of fertility. She has plenty of time, and suggesting she stay and actively have children with someone who specifically said they didn't want them is NOT a good plan.

1 year divorce, 3 years to find someone, 1 year to get married, 2 years of marriage before having kids.

That's 37 years. Kids at 38 years old is how you end up with kids with ASD or Downs.

🙄

She doesn’t have to stick to that timeline. And 38 is fine even if she does stick to your ridiculous timeline.

No, it's called reality. I would get my children in, have a family. You can't depend on men to always be there, or for the relationship to last.

Nope! I would never just have the kids because I wanted them with a man I knew would not be there for them. So selfish.

+1 to selfish.

Create the loving, stable, healthy environment necessary for raising the child before having the child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Devil’s advocate: why not have a kid, since he is willing, and see how it goes?

He might do a 180 and fall in love when the kid is born. I did that (as a woman). I was ambivalent before and planned one mostly because due to social convention.

Or if he’s terrible, well at least you’ll get custody and some spousal support, which is better than doing it alone.

Don't be a crappy parent who willing brings a child into this.

Eh, I bullied my DH into two kids and he is the best dad (and husband) ever and fully admits I was right and he’s glad I forced him.

This is different from OP's situation. He lied to her and she married him with the understanding he did want kids.