Women (or men too I guess) did you change your last name after marriage?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. Why would I?

These are the stupidest types of posts ever. We know nothing about you- anonymous poster- so clearly no one can answer that question for you (nor are you impressing anyone with your feigned obtuseness as to why someone might make a choice that had traditionally been and remains most common among married couples.)

Just to provide a counterpoint I’ll share a few reasons why I personally chose to change my name.

1. I knew I wanted kids and wanted our family unit to all have a shared last name
2. Hyphenated names seemed overly complicated/pretentious
3. My father was a deadbeat and I had 0 desire to remain connected to him in name
4. We take multiple international flights per year (sometimes just one parent with kids) and having the same last name makes the security process less complicated
5. I objectively liked the sound of DH’s last name better
6. I’m a traditionalist at heart

Eh. I had a name at birth. I don’t want a new one to please others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. Why would I?

These are the stupidest types of posts ever. We know nothing about you- anonymous poster- so clearly no one can answer that question for you (nor are you impressing anyone with your feigned obtuseness as to why someone might make a choice that had traditionally been and remains most common among married couples.)

Just to provide a counterpoint I’ll share a few reasons why I personally chose to change my name.

1. I knew I wanted kids and wanted our family unit to all have a shared last name
2. Hyphenated names seemed overly complicated/pretentious
3. My father was a deadbeat and I had 0 desire to remain connected to him in name
4. We take multiple international flights per year (sometimes just one parent with kids) and having the same last name makes the security process less complicated
5. I objectively liked the sound of DH’s last name better
6. I’m a traditionalist at heart

Eh. I had a name at birth. I don’t want a new one to please others.

I promise you, it absolutely doesn't. I mean, you can tell yourself that but I suspect it's 6, which I always read as "because it's always like that."

[Anonymous]

I kept my maiden name. It is unique.

36 years later I am SO GLAD I did.

Still married. Unlike so many traditional friends who changed their names and now have the name of a man they despise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. Why would I?

These are the stupidest types of posts ever. We know nothing about you- anonymous poster- so clearly no one can answer that question for you (nor are you impressing anyone with your feigned obtuseness as to why someone might make a choice that had traditionally been and remains most common among married couples.)

Just to provide a counterpoint I’ll share a few reasons why I personally chose to change my name.

1. I knew I wanted kids and wanted our family unit to all have a shared last name
2. Hyphenated names seemed overly complicated/pretentious
3. My father was a deadbeat and I had 0 desire to remain connected to him in name
4. We take multiple international flights per year (sometimes just one parent with kids) and having the same last name makes the security process less complicated
5. I objectively liked the sound of DH’s last name better
6. I’m a traditionalist at heart

Eh. I had a name at birth. I don’t want a new one to please others.

Traveling having the same name doesn't make the security process less complicated. If you are taking your kids abroad without the spouse you'll still need a notarized letter. Parents with the same name still have custody disputes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. Why would I?

These are the stupidest types of posts ever. We know nothing about you- anonymous poster- so clearly no one can answer that question for you (nor are you impressing anyone with your feigned obtuseness as to why someone might make a choice that had traditionally been and remains most common among married couples.)

Just to provide a counterpoint I’ll share a few reasons why I personally chose to change my name.

1. I knew I wanted kids and wanted our family unit to all have a shared last name
2. Hyphenated names seemed overly complicated/pretentious
3. My father was a deadbeat and I had 0 desire to remain connected to him in name
4. We take multiple international flights per year (sometimes just one parent with kids) and having the same last name makes the security process less complicated
5. I objectively liked the sound of DH’s last name better
6. I’m a traditionalist at heart

Eh. I had a name at birth. I don’t want a new one to please others.

I changed my name because I wanted to, not because I cared what others thought.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn’t and somehow when my old friends send me something, noting it is from ‘THE HINKLEBOTTOMS’ rather than from how I think of them ‘Jane Maiden Name’ it strikes me as a little creepy stepford. My issue, I’m sure, but it does strike me

me too. but i think of the general tradition of women who take their husband's names as creepy stepford.

Labeling women who take their husband’s name as stepford is a bit narrow. In 2024, the real goal is having the freedom to choose what feels right—whether that’s keeping your name or sharing one. Taking a partner’s last name isn’t about losing individuality; it’s often about simplifying life and showing commitment. It’s a personal choice with meaning, and it deserves respect, not shame

I am the person you are quoting.
Women have a lot of choices and freedom in 2024.
I find the choice to change the name "because it feels right" extra weird (esp because it's usually saying 1950 "feels right," and - barring exceptional circumstances -- I don't respect rhe choice, sorry.

NP. I think it’s weird to think people who make different choices than you would make are weird and creepy.

We can do better and treat all people with respect, even when we don’t agree with them or their choices.

Well, you have to admit it’s not just a ‘different choice’. It’s a choice made on a history of women being men’s property. It’s like people who getting married on a plantation off putting. Sure, they might look pretty, but there is a dark underbelly that you can understand why people would want to avoid.

[Anonymous]

^ find

[Anonymous]

I'm 42, married at 29, took his name. I'm glad I did. I like the tradition and the idea of joining his family in that way, and I'm glad we all have the same last name. I'm progressive, feminist, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I did not change my name. Like the other poster above, I find it bizarre that people do -- mostly in an existential way.

20 years later, I don't care so much about people sending stuff with the wrong name. Those who really know us have mostly self corrected over the years; the remaining stuff is from randoms who don't know me (like work colleagues of DH).

The thing I find most bizarre is what OP mentioned: When a woman gets married and immediately starts slapping "The Hinkeldorks" on everything - wedding thank yous, first xmas cards, etc. My take away is that the new bride sees being married as the ultimate accomplishment. Women who think that just aren't my people.

fwiw all the women I was good friends with through having kids -- none (literally none) ever changed their names. After having babies and moving to the suburbs, it's probably 80% women who changed their names. These friends are lovely women, but probably not the kind of kindred spirits I would gravitate towards if given an unlimited pool of friends from which to choose. I don't care that they changed their names, but the name changing does track with their overall package of who they are.

You sound insufferable.

I think she sounds great!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm 42, married at 29, took his name. I'm glad I did. I like the tradition and the idea of joining his family in that way, and I'm glad we all have the same last name. I'm progressive, feminist, etc.

Why couldn’t he raid your last name then?

[Anonymous]

^ take

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. Why would I?

These are the stupidest types of posts ever. We know nothing about you- anonymous poster- so clearly no one can answer that question for you (nor are you impressing anyone with your feigned obtuseness as to why someone might make a choice that had traditionally been and remains most common among married couples.)

Just to provide a counterpoint I’ll share a few reasons why I personally chose to change my name.

1. I knew I wanted kids and wanted our family unit to all have a shared last name
2. Hyphenated names seemed overly complicated/pretentious
3. My father was a deadbeat and I had 0 desire to remain connected to him in name
4. We take multiple international flights per year (sometimes just one parent with kids) and having the same last name makes the security process less complicated
5. I objectively liked the sound of DH’s last name better
6. I’m a traditionalist at heart

Eh. I had a name at birth. I don’t want a new one to please others.

Traveling having the same name doesn't make the security process less complicated. If you are taking your kids abroad without the spouse you'll still need a notarized letter. Parents with the same name still have custody disputes.

I have a blended family. 3 last names across our passports. No issues ever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn't change my name (20.years ago) but I am ok being called "Mrs. Married Name."

I hate the phrase "the Smiths" or whatever because it sounds like it's from a 1950s stepford wife Christmas card.

Op, this is what I mean. It strikes me as so stepford. Like I recently asked for my friends address to send (just her) something and she replied, ‘send it to THE ROTHSCHILDS, 236 Park Avenue, NY NY (made up obviously)’ and it struck me as so icky.

Where is my friend in that?

I'm in my 50s and assume they are just spouting things like their parents used to say, by calling people "The Rothschilds." It's really dated.

So you'd never ask your husband if the Smiths were coming to your BBQ? Instead you'd say are John, Ellen, Same and Elliot coming to the BBQ? Really?

Such a strange post. ‘Ask your ‘husband? Snort.

I’d ask the wife- ‘hey, are you and Bob coming? Kids too?’ Simple.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I didn’t and somehow when my old friends send me something, noting it is from ‘THE HINKLEBOTTOMS’ rather than from how I think of them ‘Jane Maiden Name’ it strikes me as a little creepy stepford. My issue, I’m sure, but it does strike me

Why would anyone change their name? If tradition was for both bride and groom to make up or select a completely new family name at birth of their first child, which all would take, it would make sense.

[Anonymous]

I didn't change my name, nor did my husband.

The kids have his name, and I can't imagine what complications people are imagining, but I would have been thrilled if daycare and schools had called him when a kid needed to be picked up.

Nope. They called me, the one with the different last name.

PS I find the term "maiden name" patriarchal