Women (or men too I guess) did you change your last name after marriage?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I did not change my name. Like the other poster above, I find it bizarre that people do -- mostly in an existential way.

20 years later, I don't care so much about people sending stuff with the wrong name. Those who really know us have mostly self corrected over the years; the remaining stuff is from randoms who don't know me (like work colleagues of DH).

The thing I find most bizarre is what OP mentioned: When a woman gets married and immediately starts slapping "The Hinkeldorks" on everything - wedding thank yous, first xmas cards, etc. My take away is that the new bride sees being married as the ultimate accomplishment. Women who think that just aren't my people.

fwiw all the women I was good friends with through having kids -- none (literally none) ever changed their names. After having babies and moving to the suburbs, it's probably 80% women who changed their names. These friends are lovely women, but probably not the kind of kindred spirits I would gravitate towards if given an unlimited pool of friends from which to choose. I don't care that they changed their names, but the name changing does track with their overall package of who they are.

You sound insufferable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a woman and I did not change my last name to my husbands last name because I am not his property. Such an outdated and disgusting tradition.

+1000

I would be interested to ask this question along with a whole bunch of other questions...

For example, do you work? Who earns more? Do you have kids? Does your husband do 50/50 with them? Do you handle buying presents for in-laws? I could go on and on. It just strikes me as funny that some of you probably say things like this and then also post the threads like my husband only does 80% and then leaves the rest for me and it makes me laugh that you think you "won" something by taking a stand with your name.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn't change my name (20.years ago) but I am ok being called "Mrs. Married Name."

I hate the phrase "the Smiths" or whatever because it sounds like it's from a 1950s stepford wife Christmas card.

Op, this is what I mean. It strikes me as so stepford. Like I recently asked for my friends address to send (just her) something and she replied, ‘send it to THE ROTHSCHILDS, 236 Park Avenue, NY NY (made up obviously)’ and it struck me as so icky.

Where is my friend in that?

She's a Rothchild now. She and her husband have created a family together with the same last name. Simmer down.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn't change my name (20.years ago) but I am ok being called "Mrs. Married Name."

I hate the phrase "the Smiths" or whatever because it sounds like it's from a 1950s stepford wife Christmas card.

Op, this is what I mean. It strikes me as so stepford. Like I recently asked for my friends address to send (just her) something and she replied, ‘send it to THE ROTHSCHILDS, 236 Park Avenue, NY NY (made up obviously)’ and it struck me as so icky.

Where is my friend in that?

I'm in my 50s and assume they are just spouting things like their parents used to say, by calling people "The Rothschilds." It's really dated.

So you'd never ask your husband if the Smiths were coming to your BBQ? Instead you'd say are John, Ellen, Same and Elliot coming to the BBQ? Really?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
No, I would have lost all the publications before marriage.

How old are you? I'm mid-40's and it's really not that hard to direct anyone to stuff published under my maiden name. Maybe back before the internet...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes! I did it to make things easier. It doesn’t!! Women do not do it unless you always wanted to change your name. Number one, the concept is completely stupid and outdated. Number two there is a ton of paperwork and it’s extremely obnoxious. Number three, my name specifically is a part of who I am and I loved it and even changing my last name doesn’t change my identity from who I was on the day he met me, which is the day we fell in love. it turns out that having a last name doesn’t make a family and if I changed my name, it would not make me more or less of my children’s mother and my husband‘s life partner.

It's really not that hard. I wonder how you function in real life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn't change my name (20.years ago) but I am ok being called "Mrs. Married Name."

I hate the phrase "the Smiths" or whatever because it sounds like it's from a 1950s stepford wife Christmas card.

Op, this is what I mean. It strikes me as so stepford. Like I recently asked for my friends address to send (just her) something and she replied, ‘send it to THE ROTHSCHILDS, 236 Park Avenue, NY NY (made up obviously)’ and it struck me as so icky.

Where is my friend in that?

I'm in my 50s and assume they are just spouting things like their parents used to say, by calling people "The Rothschilds." It's really dated.

So you'd never ask your husband if the Smiths were coming to your BBQ? Instead you'd say are John, Ellen, Same and Elliot coming to the BBQ? Really?

np No, I would say John and Ellen with the kids are coming.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn’t change my name, honestly it seems antiquated to me.

If anything, I regret not giving my daughters my name or at least a double last name name- (not hyphenated)

I’m tired of living in a patriarchy, can you tell?

Sad for you and family

Dp how is it sad?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn’t and somehow when my old friends send me something, noting it is from ‘THE HINKLEBOTTOMS’ rather than from how I think of them ‘Jane Maiden Name’ it strikes me as a little creepy stepford. My issue, I’m sure, but it does strike me

Yes. Spouses and children having the same last name is part of being a family.

You are still a family

[Anonymous]

I changed my name like an idiot. I got divorced and remarried. It's a nightmare to do anything - change to new husband or maiden name. I wish I had just kept my maiden name.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I changed my name when I married for reasons most of you wouldn't understand. Getting married is the easiest opportunity a person has to change their name. To change your name in other circumstances requires money, time and public notification. I am happy with the decision.

What? I did not do these things when I changed my name in college. .

I picked up a packet of papers at the stationary store. I filled then out, indicating I was 21 years old. I took the packet to the courthouse and the clerk checked them over. The clerk led me into the judge's courtroom. The judge asked if I was doing this to avoid creditors. I said no, I am a college student and do not have creditors or a credit card. The judge banged the gavel, the clerk took me back to office, he stamped the papers and handed them to me. Voila, I had a new last name.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: It’s definitely a personal choice, but changing to a shared last name can simplify things a lot in daily life—whether it’s paperwork, travel, or even how others see you as a family.

To give some perspective, about 70% of college-educated women and 80% of non-college-educated women in the U.S. take their spouse's last name. Even high-profile professional women like Hillary Clinton and Michelle Obama made the change, and they’re known for being pretty liberal.

Having a shared last name also shows commitment and can help avoid misunderstandings, like assumptions about being recently divorced, a new mom, or even just difficult. And if you’re considering hyphenation, just a heads-up: it can get really confusing! It’s tough enough for daily things, but think about when your kids marry—how many hyphens are they going to have to carry? It can quickly get out of hand and becomes more complex with each generation.

In the end, it’s all about what works best for you both, but there’s a lot to be said for the simplicity and unity that come with sharing a family name

Dude, Hillary is old. So is Michelle really. These are not contemporary examples.

I kept my name. Kids have their dads. I do regret that tbh but that’s another issue. No one bats an eye. It’s not less simple. In a way, far more because there’s no gap in my career achievements- eg publications before marriage. Its 2024. Teachers etc understand different last names. I’ll let you in on a secret - many of them aren’t changing their names either.

Keeping separate last names might be more accepted now, but it still creates avoidable complications. The majority of women—over 70% of college-educated and 80% of non-college-educated—still choose to take their spouse’s name, and it’s not just about tradition. A shared name simplifies everything from legal documents to social interactions, clearly showing family unity.

Yes, teachers may recognize different last names, but a single family name prevents misunderstandings and assumptions about family dynamics. And hyphenating? That’s a short-term fix. Future generations face the hassle of multiple hyphens, which just isn’t sustainable.

Career identity can be preserved through other means, so let’s not pretend that keeping separate names is the only progressive choice—it often adds more complexity than it’s worth

Many of my kids' teachers kept their names. I think they can deal with it for their students' parents. Most of my kids' friends' mothers kept their names. My son was shocked when he learned that many women change their names. "Why do that?" he asked.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I changed my name when I married for reasons most of you wouldn't understand. Getting married is the easiest opportunity a person has to change their name. To change your name in other circumstances requires money, time and public notification. I am happy with the decision.

What? I did not do these things when I changed my name in college. .

I picked up a packet of papers at the stationary store. I filled then out, indicating I was 21 years old. I took the packet to the courthouse and the clerk checked them over. The clerk led me into the judge's courtroom. The judge asked if I was doing this to avoid creditors. I said no, I am a college student and do not have creditors or a credit card. The judge banged the gavel, the clerk took me back to office, he stamped the papers and handed them to me. Voila, I had a new last name.

It’s state by state and may have changed since you were in college. In my state, you need background clearance with fingerprints from FBI and stateBI, newspaper publication, court appearance. If it’s for DV reasons, you can skip the publication.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: It’s definitely a personal choice, but changing to a shared last name can simplify things a lot in daily life—whether it’s paperwork, travel, or even how others see you as a family.

To give some perspective, about 70% of college-educated women and 80% of non-college-educated women in the U.S. take their spouse's last name. Even high-profile professional women like Hillary Clinton and Michelle Obama made the change, and they’re known for being pretty liberal.

Having a shared last name also shows commitment and can help avoid misunderstandings, like assumptions about being recently divorced, a new mom, or even just difficult. And if you’re considering hyphenation, just a heads-up: it can get really confusing! It’s tough enough for daily things, but think about when your kids marry—how many hyphens are they going to have to carry? It can quickly get out of hand and becomes more complex with each generation.

In the end, it’s all about what works best for you both, but there’s a lot to be said for the simplicity and unity that come with sharing a family name

Why? I didn't change my last name, have three children (girls) i am modeling modernity to, and it's been zero hassle.
It even has the (and I mean this sincerely) benefit of filtering out dumb and/or backwards people who judge it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: It’s definitely a personal choice, but changing to a shared last name can simplify things a lot in daily life—whether it’s paperwork, travel, or even how others see you as a family.

To give some perspective, about 70% of college-educated women and 80% of non-college-educated women in the U.S. take their spouse's last name. Even high-profile professional women like Hillary Clinton and Michelle Obama made the change, and they’re known for being pretty liberal.

Having a shared last name also shows commitment and can help avoid misunderstandings, like assumptions about being recently divorced, a new mom, or even just difficult. And if you’re considering hyphenation, just a heads-up: it can get really confusing! It’s tough enough for daily things, but think about when your kids marry—how many hyphens are they going to have to carry? It can quickly get out of hand and becomes more complex with each generation.

In the end, it’s all about what works best for you both, but there’s a lot to be said for the simplicity and unity that come with sharing a family name

Dude, Hillary is old. So is Michelle really. These are not contemporary examples.

I kept my name. Kids have their dads. I do regret that tbh but that’s another issue. No one bats an eye. It’s not less simple. In a way, far more because there’s no gap in my career achievements- eg publications before marriage. Its 2024. Teachers etc understand different last names. I’ll let you in on a secret - many of them aren’t changing their names either.

Keeping separate last names might be more accepted now, but it still creates avoidable complications. The majority of women—over 70% of college-educated and 80% of non-college-educated—still choose to take their spouse’s name, and it’s not just about tradition. A shared name simplifies everything from legal documents to social interactions, clearly showing family unity.

Yes, teachers may recognize different last names, but a single family name prevents misunderstandings and assumptions about family dynamics. And hyphenating? That’s a short-term fix. Future generations face the hassle of multiple hyphens, which just isn’t sustainable.

Career identity can be preserved through other means, so let’s not pretend that keeping separate names is the only progressive choice—it often adds more complexity than it’s worth

What complications are avoided? I fill out plenty of legal documents and keeping my maiden name has never made anything more complicated. I would love actual examples of all these alleged situations that can be simplified. Schools are pretty adept at navigating family dynamics so the idea that sharing a family name somehow prevents "misunderstands and assumptions" ignores what families actually look like today. Kids might have two moms or dads, or are being raised by their grandparents or other family members. Schools are much more sensitive to family dynamics and specifically DON'T make assumptions about any of it. Whether everyone shares a name doesn't even matter.

And if a family needs to share a single name to show unity (to themselves or the outside world), they have bigger problems.

+10000 to all of this