DH is not the person I married :(

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So no one is seeing this from OP's point of view? Not OP. But I'm reading that she mommy tracked when the kids were little and required all the work, and H was never around. Now that they're self-sufficient teens, he wants to switch roles and for OP to step up at work. So she gets the short end of the stick in the beginning *and* the end? I'd be resentful too! And before anyone mentions how the H was busting his butt working in the early years, I'm a single mom with sole custody so I've done all the work and all the parenting, and FT work is much less demanding than FT parenting/PT working.

OPs husband wanted it his way then, and now, and she's pissed. I get it!

OP was never a FT parent. So not really relevant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh, now he wants to be Mr Mom, when they are 12 and 15 and almost completely self sufficient. Fascinating.

+1.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Oh, now he wants to be Mr Mom, when they are 12 and 15 and almost completely self sufficient. Fascinating.

Yes - this also gets me.. He was so absent when I needed him. He went to the office before they went to school and came home after dinner. He never made an effort to help on a daily basis with the kids.

You mean he was working long hours being the person you wanted him to be and providing you the life you wanted? You can't both complain that he's unattractive when he's present and that he was absent when he was acting the way you find attractive.

He burned himself out being the kind of man you're attracted to and now he wants out. I don't blame him; that life is miserable.

But he is not present. He sleeps in, works out and golfs. It would be one thing if he was helping with the kids and the house but he is not. Also, why have kids if you're not going to raise them? Simply going to work and earning the money doesn't cut it. Everyone does that.

You make no sense. It doesn’t sound like me makes less money now, and is able to do it working less. Great! What’s your problem? You were OK when he was working long hours.

Your kids are older, they don’t need a lot of care at this age.

Don’t go back to work, though. Continue to do your normal stuff you’ve been doing for 15 years and be glad your DH doesn’t have to work so hard any more.

So as long as the man makes enough money that's all he needs to do. Did you see OP's post where she said he sleeps in, stays up late, works out and is done with work by 4?

Did you also miss where he is telling her to work more and make more money?

Yes, I saw that. I don’t see a problem and I’m a working wife. Her kids are well old enough to get themselves off to school, why would he need to get up early? Her job is talking care of family and house, she should continue doing that or get a paying one.

OP here - You are missing a major piece here - I have been working while raising the kids. I've sacrificed comp for flexibility for the past 15 yrs. He's telling me he can pick up the house duties and kid shuttling now, so I should get a different job with a higher income.

My point is this is - not who I married, income level aside, I never would have chosen a "Mr Mom" to spend my life with. To each their own but this is how I feel.

Got it. You just wanted a sperm donor and a paycheck.

Are you missing the fact that OP has worked FT throughout the marriage?! She said nothing about being a SAHM. What about women who work in lower paid fields (teachers, for example)? Are they all just looking for sperm donors too?

I wouldn’t have any interest in being married to a “Mr. Mom” type either. Most women don’t.

I’m married to a Mr. Mom type. My children are doing great. But honestly I do worry that they will unprepared to deal with all of your children who grew up in such sexist households. They might think the shared responsibility in our house is the norm.

You out children are too good for ours 😊

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Oh, now he wants to be Mr Mom, when they are 12 and 15 and almost completely self sufficient. Fascinating.

Yes - this also gets me.. He was so absent when I needed him. He went to the office before they went to school and came home after dinner. He never made an effort to help on a daily basis with the kids.

You mean he was working long hours being the person you wanted him to be and providing you the life you wanted? You can't both complain that he's unattractive when he's present and that he was absent when he was acting the way you find attractive.

He burned himself out being the kind of man you're attracted to and now he wants out. I don't blame him; that life is miserable.

But he is not present. He sleeps in, works out and golfs. It would be one thing if he was helping with the kids and the house but he is not. Also, why have kids if you're not going to raise them? Simply going to work and earning the money doesn't cut it. Everyone does that.

You make no sense. It doesn’t sound like me makes less money now, and is able to do it working less. Great! What’s your problem? You were OK when he was working long hours.

Your kids are older, they don’t need a lot of care at this age.

Don’t go back to work, though. Continue to do your normal stuff you’ve been doing for 15 years and be glad your DH doesn’t have to work so hard any more.

So as long as the man makes enough money that's all he needs to do. Did you see OP's post where she said he sleeps in, stays up late, works out and is done with work by 4?

Did you also miss where he is telling her to work more and make more money?

Yes, I saw that. I don’t see a problem and I’m a working wife. Her kids are well old enough to get themselves off to school, why would he need to get up early? Her job is talking care of family and house, she should continue doing that or get a paying one.

OP here - You are missing a major piece here - I have been working while raising the kids. I've sacrificed comp for flexibility for the past 15 yrs. He's telling me he can pick up the house duties and kid shuttling now, so I should get a different job with a higher income.

My point is this is - not who I married, income level aside, I never would have chosen a "Mr Mom" to spend my life with. To each their own but this is how I feel.

Got it. You just wanted a sperm donor and a paycheck.

Are you missing the fact that OP has worked FT throughout the marriage?! She said nothing about being a SAHM. What about women who work in lower paid fields (teachers, for example)? Are they all just looking for sperm donors too?

I wouldn’t have any interest in being married to a “Mr. Mom” type either. Most women don’t.

If you don’t have the potential to earn a lot of money, then I can see why you need to find a provider rather than a husband who wants to be a real dad to his kids.

I have lots of friends who are teachers and don’t earn a lot of $- are their DH’s not “real dads”?

Well if your response is that they are turned off by a “Mr Mom” type I wonder.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Oh, now he wants to be Mr Mom, when they are 12 and 15 and almost completely self sufficient. Fascinating.

Yes - this also gets me.. He was so absent when I needed him. He went to the office before they went to school and came home after dinner. He never made an effort to help on a daily basis with the kids.

You mean he was working long hours being the person you wanted him to be and providing you the life you wanted? You can't both complain that he's unattractive when he's present and that he was absent when he was acting the way you find attractive.

He burned himself out being the kind of man you're attracted to and now he wants out. I don't blame him; that life is miserable.

But he is not present. He sleeps in, works out and golfs. It would be one thing if he was helping with the kids and the house but he is not. Also, why have kids if you're not going to raise them? Simply going to work and earning the money doesn't cut it. Everyone does that.

You make no sense. It doesn’t sound like me makes less money now, and is able to do it working less. Great! What’s your problem? You were OK when he was working long hours.

Your kids are older, they don’t need a lot of care at this age.

Don’t go back to work, though. Continue to do your normal stuff you’ve been doing for 15 years and be glad your DH doesn’t have to work so hard any more.

So as long as the man makes enough money that's all he needs to do. Did you see OP's post where she said he sleeps in, stays up late, works out and is done with work by 4?

Did you also miss where he is telling her to work more and make more money?

Yes, I saw that. I don’t see a problem and I’m a working wife. Her kids are well old enough to get themselves off to school, why would he need to get up early? Her job is talking care of family and house, she should continue doing that or get a paying one.

OP here - You are missing a major piece here - I have been working while raising the kids. I've sacrificed comp for flexibility for the past 15 yrs. He's telling me he can pick up the house duties and kid shuttling now, so I should get a different job with a higher income.

My point is this is - not who I married, income level aside, I never would have chosen a "Mr Mom" to spend my life with. To each their own but this is how I feel.

Got it. You just wanted a sperm donor and a paycheck.

Are you missing the fact that OP has worked FT throughout the marriage?! She said nothing about being a SAHM. What about women who work in lower paid fields (teachers, for example)? Are they all just looking for sperm donors too?

I wouldn’t have any interest in being married to a “Mr. Mom” type either. Most women don’t.

I’m married to a Mr. Mom type. My children are doing great. But honestly I do worry that they will unprepared to deal with all of your children who grew up in such sexist households. They might think the shared responsibility in our house is the norm.

You out children are too good for ours 😊

If you are raising your child to follow sexiest norrms, then yes, that’s absolutely true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So no one is seeing this from OP's point of view? Not OP. But I'm reading that she mommy tracked when the kids were little and required all the work, and H was never around. Now that they're self-sufficient teens, he wants to switch roles and for OP to step up at work. So she gets the short end of the stick in the beginning *and* the end? I'd be resentful too! And before anyone mentions how the H was busting his butt working in the early years, I'm a single mom with sole custody so I've done all the work and all the parenting, and FT work is much less demanding than FT parenting/PT working.

OPs husband wanted it his way then, and now, and she's pissed. I get it!

Nope don’t see this at all. She wanted to take care of the house and kids and make it part of her job. Now that part of her job is dwindling, she gets to sit back and keep working a low pay, flexible job for the next 20 years? While she thinks he’s going to hustle? Why does she continue to get the low stress, low pay side of their relationship?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So no one is seeing this from OP's point of view? Not OP. But I'm reading that she mommy tracked when the kids were little and required all the work, and H was never around. Now that they're self-sufficient teens, he wants to switch roles and for OP to step up at work. So she gets the short end of the stick in the beginning *and* the end? I'd be resentful too! And before anyone mentions how the H was busting his butt working in the early years, I'm a single mom with sole custody so I've done all the work and all the parenting, and FT work is much less demanding than FT parenting/PT working.

OPs husband wanted it his way then, and now, and she's pissed. I get it!

OP was never a FT parent. So not really relevant.

Read her OP. He was up and out before these kids were awake, and home by 6. That's every pickup/drop off, meal, prep, on her plate. Plus she worked.

Honestly is there like 2 trolls sockpuppeting this entire thread? Again, I work full time and I know exactly how exhausting it is to bring in the money. When someone else is doing the kid stuff it's cake. He also wants the cake job now. "Mr. Mom" to two kids over 12? Lol. Also the "now he deserves to kick back" folks...why doesn't OP deserve the same thing? Because he made money? Gtfo.

[Anonymous]

Looks like the DH just wants a sugar mommy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:So no one is seeing this from OP's point of view? Not OP. But I'm reading that she mommy tracked when the kids were little and required all the work, and H was never around. Now that they're self-sufficient teens, he wants to switch roles and for OP to step up at work. So she gets the short end of the stick in the beginning *and* the end? I'd be resentful too! And before anyone mentions how the H was busting his butt working in the early years, I'm a single mom with sole custody so I've done all the work and all the parenting, and FT work is much less demanding than FT parenting/PT working.

OPs husband wanted it his way then, and now, and she's pissed. I get it!

OP was never a FT parent. So not really relevant.

Read her OP. He was up and out before these kids were awake, and home by 6. That's every pickup/drop off, meal, prep, on her plate. Plus she worked.

Honestly is there like 2 trolls sockpuppeting this entire thread? Again, I work full time and I know exactly how exhausting it is to bring in the money. When someone else is doing the kid stuff it's cake. He also wants the cake job now. "Mr. Mom" to two kids over 12? Lol. Also the "now he deserves to kick back" folks...why doesn't OP deserve the same thing? Because he made money? Gtfo.

I have read the OP. Yes, he was gone a lot. OP resented him for it. OP also resents him for being around too much now.

No one is saying OP doesnt deserve that. She likely has that right now. If she doesnt want to get a different job that's fine, but her bitterness towards her husband supporting her for 15+ years is misplaced.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Looks like the DH just wants a sugar mommy.

Maybe you got the genders mixed up - OP is the one who wants a sugar daddy. Someone to support her but she never has to see him or interact with him.

[Anonymous]

Title: DH is not the person I married

OP: He used to be a hard-worker who worked in an office during the day. He was up and out before the kids woke when they were little (now 12/15) and home around 6... drive/motivation was one of the main reasons I fell in love with him.

Also OP: I like being the mom and the one that is taking care of the kids/house etc

Also OP: He was so absent when I needed him. He went to the office before they went to school and came home after dinner. He never made an effort to help on a daily basis with the kids.

Also OP: He's telling me he can pick up the house duties and kid shuttling now... I never would have chosen a "Mr Mom" to spend my life with

So OP is pissed he spends too much time working at the office. But she fell in love with him because he was such a hard worker at the office.
OP is pissed he didn't help out enough, but she would have never wanted an involved father for her children.

This guy really cant win.

[Anonymous]

I mean he has always been home by 6, according to OP. That is hardly absentee dad level. She has had help with dinner/bedtime always.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:So no one is seeing this from OP's point of view? Not OP. But I'm reading that she mommy tracked when the kids were little and required all the work, and H was never around. Now that they're self-sufficient teens, he wants to switch roles and for OP to step up at work. So she gets the short end of the stick in the beginning *and* the end? I'd be resentful too! And before anyone mentions how the H was busting his butt working in the early years, I'm a single mom with sole custody so I've done all the work and all the parenting, and FT work is much less demanding than FT parenting/PT working.

OPs husband wanted it his way then, and now, and she's pissed. I get it!

OP was never a FT parent. So not really relevant.

Read her OP. He was up and out before these kids were awake, and home by 6. That's every pickup/drop off, meal, prep, on her plate. Plus she worked.

Honestly is there like 2 trolls sockpuppeting this entire thread? Again, I work full time and I know exactly how exhausting it is to bring in the money. When someone else is doing the kid stuff it's cake. He also wants the cake job now. "Mr. Mom" to two kids over 12? Lol. Also the "now he deserves to kick back" folks...why doesn't OP deserve the same thing? Because he made money? Gtfo.

Her job is low stress and she enjoys the kid/house stuff and doesn’t want to give it. I honestly think the people supporting her are trolling.

[Anonymous]

WFH makes people a bit lazy and slobbish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I mean he has always been home by 6, according to OP. That is hardly absentee dad level. She has had help with dinner/bedtime always.

In one post she says he's home by 6 and another says he's never home for dinner. OP is full of contradictions and probably a troll.