DH is not the person I married :(
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Anonymous
You make no sense. It doesn’t sound like me makes less money now, and is able to do it working less. Great! What’s your problem? You were OK when he was working long hours. Your kids are older, they don’t need a lot of care at this age. Don’t go back to work, though. Continue to do your normal stuff you’ve been doing for 15 years and be glad your DH doesn’t have to work so hard any more. |
Anonymous
NP. But he’s expressed an interest in taking on the shuttling of the kids and the household, no? Is it just that he’s not capable of following through on that or are you blocking him from doing those things because you don’t want him to? |
Anonymous
I'm not (wasn't OP) but are you incapable of reading? He wasn't like this when they married and had children. He was working hard and earning a high income. And I'm assuming OP was willing and happy for her career to stagnate because he was doing what needed to be done. He is no longer doing that. If he is sleeping in, staying up late, working out and playing golf, he has plenty of time to take on my household responsibilities. He just chooses to prioritize his comfort. And not that the kids are grown he wants to do all that and have her work more. GTFOH. |
Anonymous
So as long as the man makes enough money that's all he needs to do. Did you see OP's post where she said he sleeps in, stays up late, works out and is done with work by 4? Did you also miss where he is telling her to work more and make more money? |
Anonymous
| I would get out. Question is how much you would have to sacrifice to do this. Do the kids sense anything off between the two of you? Your oldest will be out in 3 years. Your youngest will be 15 then. I would say consult a lawyer and plan your exit in the near future. He is not going to turn this around. |
Anonymous
Doesn’t OP’s husband still make high income? So basically OP and the rest of you place value on the pointless hustle? Who in their right mind would chose to work more for the same money? |
Anonymous
It's a lot easier to find someone else's hard work attractive than it is to work hard yourself. |
Anonymous
I’m a middle age women who is the breadwinner. I absolutely prioritize my comfort these days. |
Anonymous
It’s also a lot easier to assume someone is ambitious and hard-working when they’re gone all day. |
Anonymous
Yes, I saw that. I don’t see a problem and I’m a working wife. Her kids are well old enough to get themselves off to school, why would he need to get up early? Her job is talking care of family and house, she should continue doing that or get a paying one. |
Anonymous
OK but do you have your husband pick up your slack? I'm a single mom (always had custody 100% of the time) and don't have the luxury of simply doing less because I feel like it. Must be nice. |
Anonymous
This also stands out to me. People are allowed to change their priorities. It sounds like he still has the same job but now has more personal time and OP resents that. I don’t think OP should go and get a more difficult job though. If they have enough income, why not both of them enjoy their flexibility? |
Anonymous
Yes, my husband will pick up the slack. That comes with being the person whose job is more flexible. Yes it is nice to cut yourself slack. I encourage everyone do so and stop acting like a martyr. |
Anonymous
NP. She actually never said he made a high income, just that he was a hard worker and had drive. But let's assume for the sake of argument he made a high income. So when the kids were young he had a hard, high-income job that brought in most of the HHI. Big contribution, big effort. She took a more flexible job and handled 100% of child/house care. Big contribution, big effort. Now he has a very easy job that (maybe?) pays the same as before, but does still does nothing for the kids. Good contribution, no effort. She is doing what she's always done, job + still handles all of the work around the house/kids, but the kids are older now so probably not as hands-on as when they were 5/2. Big contribution, somewhat less effort on the kid front (but still all the effort on the house front). He wants her to change jobs, find something that pays more, and if she does he will help out more around the house and with "kid shuttling" - strangely the same year that the oldest will be able to drive themselves. So in his mind, he will be back to big contribution, big effort, which isn't crazy. But he's starting from the position that she owes him more money to justify him pitching in more around the house, when he has more free time than anyone in the household right now. That's what's messed up. She hasn't slacked off in any respect, but he's telling her to step her game up to convince him to put in any effort on the kids/home front. I would not take that kind of direction well from a husband who sleeps in every morning, golfs twice a week, and works less than 40 hours. Income isn't really the sole issue (remember, she never even said he was high income, just a hard worker). He's slacking and still acting like she isn't putting in the effort that would justify him being a partner. |
Anonymous
Stop acting like a martyr? Stop acting like a selfish ass! |