DH is not the person I married :(

Anonymous
Skimmed the replies and am totally confused.

So nothing has changed in OP family situation other than the DH works from home now? No income change?

Then what currently is the problem? If OP is happy in her job then great- but if she felt family responsibilities were holding her back, she has more freedom to take a job with less flexibility now that DH can help more during the day.

Right?





Anonymous
PP here and forgot to add: why are people saying that getting from work at 6 is crazy abnormal? Or acting like the DH’s job is extremely taxing, like some crazy busy executive who was never home etc? His job sounds pretty standard/average, and quite family friendly
Anonymous
I get you, OP. The details of my situation differ, but I can relate to not being attracted to the version of my DH now that he’s working from home and lying on the couch during the day in mismatched clothes, when he’s even wearing a shirt at all. I try to remind myself that he deserves to have a break after the years of long commutes, business travel and being in office 5 days a week. I look the other way when I see him like this.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:I get you, OP. The details of my situation differ, but I can relate to not being attracted to the version of my DH now that he’s working from home and lying on the couch during the day in mismatched clothes, when he’s even wearing a shirt at all. I try to remind myself that he deserves to have a break after the years of long commutes, business travel and being in office 5 days a week. I look the other way when I see him like this.

I'm sure he would be thrilled if you got a job and left the home once in a while. Feel free to contribute to your household instead of just looking the other way!
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:I get you, OP. The details of my situation differ, but I can relate to not being attracted to the version of my DH now that he’s working from home and lying on the couch during the day in mismatched clothes, when he’s even wearing a shirt at all. I try to remind myself that he deserves to have a break after the years of long commutes, business travel and being in office 5 days a week. I look the other way when I see him like this.


I think some degree of this is more common after Covid. My husband used to wear a tie every day, but now sometimes he is on Zoom meetings I'm sweatpants.

Also, as people age, they can get happier doing less.

One thing I find useful is to have occasional dates to go out somewhere when possible. It could be a museum, or dinner, or church - just somewhere where you are motivated to get yourself together and get out of the house and away from work stuff.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Oh, now he wants to be Mr Mom, when they are 12 and 15 and almost completely self sufficient. Fascinating.


Yes - this also gets me.. He was so absent when I needed him. He went to the office before they went to school and came home after dinner. He never made an effort to help on a daily basis with the kids.


But you just said you WANTED that role.


NP: it seems to me that he dumped the difficult years of parenting onto OP (and didn’t help much at all from what she says) and of course NOW wants to switch roles and play “house dad” now that the kids are pretty much self sufficient and there isn’t much active parenting to do. I mean….seriously? LOL. Don’t get me wrong- it is great that he can now WFH and be more present. But pressuring OP to find a better paying job with longer hours that she isn’t interested in right now (sounds like they don’t need the $ but he would just LIKE more) is lame. If he wanted that, perhaps he should’ve helped more when the kids were young so she didn’t feel she needed to mommy track.


OP DID NOT WANT HIM TO PARENT IN THE BEGINNING. She doesn't want him to parent now either, apparently. But acting like the dad just peaced out in the early years against OP's wishes is disingenuous.

And where did OP say he is pressuring her to find a better paying job with longer hours?


Stated right in her original post


No, she never said he was pressuring her. You made that up.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:So no one is seeing this from OP's point of view? Not OP. But I'm reading that she mommy tracked when the kids were little and required all the work, and H was never around. Now that they're self-sufficient teens, he wants to switch roles and for OP to step up at work. So she gets the short end of the stick in the beginning *and* the end? I'd be resentful too! And before anyone mentions how the H was busting his butt working in the early years, I'm a single mom with sole custody so I've done all the work and all the parenting, and FT work is much less demanding than FT parenting/PT working.

OPs husband wanted it his way then, and now, and she's pissed. I get it!


No, OP is the one who wanted it the way she had it then. Her husband clearly hated it or he'd still be working like a dog.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I get you, OP. The details of my situation differ, but I can relate to not being attracted to the version of my DH now that he’s working from home and lying on the couch during the day in mismatched clothes, when he’s even wearing a shirt at all. I try to remind myself that he deserves to have a break after the years of long commutes, business travel and being in office 5 days a week. I look the other way when I see him like this.

I'm sure he would be thrilled if you got a job and left the home once in a while. Feel free to contribute to your household instead of just looking the other way!


I’m the PP who wrote the post above. I do work and have a hybrid schedule.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:So no one is seeing this from OP's point of view? Not OP. But I'm reading that she mommy tracked when the kids were little and required all the work, and H was never around. Now that they're self-sufficient teens, he wants to switch roles and for OP to step up at work. So she gets the short end of the stick in the beginning *and* the end? I'd be resentful too! And before anyone mentions how the H was busting his butt working in the early years, I'm a single mom with sole custody so I've done all the work and all the parenting, and FT work is much less demanding than FT parenting/PT working.

OPs husband wanted it his way then, and now, and she's pissed. I get it!




No, OP is the one who wanted it the way she had it then. Her husband clearly hated it or he'd still be working like a dog.


Why do people keep saying the DH was “working like a dog” or assuming he had some crazy busy schedule etc? I haven’t seen any indication of that. Sounds like he worked pretty standard hours and was home by 6 every night. Pretty normal.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:So no one is seeing this from OP's point of view? Not OP. But I'm reading that she mommy tracked when the kids were little and required all the work, and H was never around. Now that they're self-sufficient teens, he wants to switch roles and for OP to step up at work. So she gets the short end of the stick in the beginning *and* the end? I'd be resentful too! And before anyone mentions how the H was busting his butt working in the early years, I'm a single mom with sole custody so I've done all the work and all the parenting, and FT work is much less demanding than FT parenting/PT working.

OPs husband wanted it his way then, and now, and she's pissed. I get it!




No, OP is the one who wanted it the way she had it then. Her husband clearly hated it or he'd still be working like a dog.


Why do people keep saying the DH was “working like a dog” or assuming he had some crazy busy schedule etc? I haven’t seen any indication of that. Sounds like he worked pretty standard hours and was home by 6 every night. Pretty normal.


He left before young kids even woke up. That’s early.
Anonymous
I’d be furious, OP.
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