Strictly ranting: my kid is so average it hurts :(

[Anonymous]

Haven’t read everything, but two separate issues. Being average is fine. He sounds like a nice, good looking and socially successful kid. That all goes a long way.

Not doing assignments is not fine. That’s the line I would draw and possibly get him some help to execute on staying on task. If he puts forth reasonable effort and gets Bs or even a C, that’s ok. I would also expect heading into HS several out of school activities. Nothing crazy but a club or two, rec soccer, volunteer at a food bank, that kind of thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know I know I should be grateful he is healthy and reasonably good looking , and he actually reads for pleasure, and tries to eat healthy. However, this is about all of his accomplishments.

He is just so perfectly average, at least for our area, that it hurts. I was a good student, top of the class, elementary through college. I didn’t live in such a competitive area with great talent but still. I don’t earn a ton of money, nor do I have a high powered job, but I am quite often the smartest in the room, I know what I want and I usually achieve whatever I put my mind to. He, however, is always somewhere in the middle of the pack.

He is bright but I think he lacks focus and motivation. He also isn’t super likeable or charming, more on the shy side (also not like me).

I will never ever show my disappointment to him but I just feel very sad sometimes. They had an award ceremony at school today and a kid whom I knew as very average had a 4.0 GPA, while my kid has a 2.9. He also didn’t get a single award in any subject or area. It’s middle school but still.

That is all. I don’t think there’s anything to do about it but I wanted to get it off my chest.

You were top of the class but didn't live in a competitive area. You don't earn a ton of money or have a high powered job. Are you sure you're the smartest person in the room? You are average and that's how your kid is being raised.

[Anonymous]

OP my middle school boy is the same but I consider it my fault. My fault for not giving him more stability earlier. My fault for not getting him into a more rigorous school with stronger peer group at an earlier age. My fault for not having him grow up in an UMC bubble where he would be exposed to excellence. My fault for not being more successful at my career and making more money. My fault for not getting him into lessons for things he might have excelled at earlier.

[Anonymous]

OP I think a lot of this is male/female differences. Girls are more conscientious at a younger age and boys are just not until they decide to make an effort and then rise more rapidly on strategic action and male privilege.

[Anonymous]

I get it that you’re a little bummed that he’s not an overachiever, but count your blessings. People lose their loved ones every day and, if you lost him, you would be devastated. Remind yourself of this when you’re not feeling grateful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He sounds very sweet, OP, and he will come into his own and shine.

If his GPA is low, and he's "shy" and not focused, have you thought that he may have inattentive ADHD? My son has that (along with other issues) and ADHD meds were a lifesaver in middle and high school while he caught up. Graduated high school with a 4.67 GPA. Now he's in college and doesn't use his meds except for exam days.

Just making a suggestion.

Not everything is a diagnosis or requires medication.

It's possible the kid is just average.

And after all:

Ewe. I HATE that reference sooo much. It’s so gross! OP: your son is in MS. Hardly formed yet in any way. It’s like taking 2 tomato plants and comparing them. Yours has leaves and is green and is growing. You are too obsessed with what your neighbor’s tomato plant is doing. Of course you are -it’s producing large, red, juicy award winning tomatoes. But the thing you are missing is that yours is still growing! It might not have bared fruit yet, but everyone develops at different speeds and everyone has different gifts and talents. He’ll have his day in the sun! And one last thing…I know a TON of ‘average” ppl who are wildly WILDLY successful. So buck up and keep on tending that garden!

[Anonymous]

Volunteer and get deeper perspective on life. There are parents who would love to have an average kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The fact that he likes to read for pleasure as an MS boy makes him very not average. He does need to get his grades up to have options for college. But having an inner world and not swayed by external things is not a bad thing. There are great, kind, hard working, smart but not too intense men out there who are good partners and fathers, volunteer in their community or do EMT stuff, teach soccer and are generally good people. Raise one of those.

Amen.

[Anonymous]

I have an “average” kid and it doesn’t hurt. She is kind, empathetic, follows the golden rule and never gets in trouble.

She is actually pretty smart. She is probably above average in every course, except math. Where she is really below average is her effort and focus. It’s a struggle, but short of chaining her to her desk, not sure what to do? She has plans for college, but unless her initiative and effort increases, she will have limited options. She doesn’t like it, but she might have to go to community college. There is nothing wrong with this, but it has a stigma in her world.

[Anonymous]

I don’t earn a ton of money, nor do I have a high powered job, but I am quite often the smartest in the room

Your words above- no one cares about the last part.. they care about the other two.
so, get over it. He will still do well and have a bright future.