What has a lack of sex done to you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Not having it is not good for a person. I truly believe people who are healthy all through their lives are having plenty of sex. It’s good for you.

Why don’t you speak for yourself and stop condemning a significant portion of the human population that doesn’t require regular sex to be healthy both mentally and physically?

DP, but the PP has a point that there are people who do require regular sex to be mentally/emotionally/physically healthy. For them, sex is a need.

NP, I might put it this way: exercise is not really a need per se but we are all
aware that the human body and mental health are better with exercise.

Exercise doesnt bring mommy wounds and sti’s. Pleasing yourself brings the physiological release. And after many years, some people just prefer the company of friends (which is the most sustaining kind of love anyway, as studies are finding).

What is "mommy wounds"?

Imagine if this was everyone’s thought process. “I’m too afraid of Sti’s to ever have sex.”

Also just like the other commenter-what the heck is a mommy wound?

Men are so incredibly myopic and selfish. That's why there are so many out there who try to cajole their wives and girlfriends into having sex just days or weeks after pushing a freaking watermelon out of her vagina. :roll:

I’m so tired of this. As a woman-I wouldn’t just accept my husband saying he didn’t want to try solve his ED with medication. So why should a man accept if a woman says she is going through menopause/some other hormonal thing and that’s that? Without ever taking any steps to make it better? It’s so one sided and unfair. In a marriage you don’t just get to decide you are done with something without considering the other person-that’s simply not how a marriage works.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We had marriage problems for awhile and DH declined to have sex with me.

It made me insane. I was late 30s and couldn’t imagine that this was the end of my sex life. I cried a lot. I eventually engaged in an emotional affair but cut it off because I realized I would rather divorce my husband than lose my integrity. The other man made me feel alive again. My husband and I eventually worked things out. Years ago I would have been very judgmental of someone who committed adultery but having been through the experience I had I don’t judge anyone who makes a bad decision when they have that kind of lonely desperation. It makes you nuts.

I wrote this and I also just realized… the “bad period” made me fall out of love with my husband. Before, he was the only man in the world to me. After he rejected me for a number of years, that was no longer the case. After we reconciled, I still love him, but it is not the same. I can see myself moving on and living my life without him, and having a positive life too. It is sort of sad, to lose that, and I would warn anyone who feels depriving their spouse of sex is not a big deal. It could destroy their love for you.

I could have written this, except I did not cut the EA, the AP cut it off and moved jobs. It was not just sex I was deprived. I needed someone to desire me, someone to be kind to me, someone to remember my preferences. It was not my love that was destroyed, but my sense of loyalty. If the opportunity arises, I will engage in EA again, not sure about the physical.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We had marriage problems for awhile and DH declined to have sex with me.

It made me insane. I was late 30s and couldn’t imagine that this was the end of my sex life. I cried a lot. I eventually engaged in an emotional affair but cut it off because I realized I would rather divorce my husband than lose my integrity. The other man made me feel alive again. My husband and I eventually worked things out. Years ago I would have been very judgmental of someone who committed adultery but having been through the experience I had I don’t judge anyone who makes a bad decision when they have that kind of lonely desperation. It makes you nuts.

I wrote this and I also just realized… the “bad period” made me fall out of love with my husband. Before, he was the only man in the world to me. After he rejected me for a number of years, that was no longer the case. After we reconciled, I still love him, but it is not the same. I can see myself moving on and living my life without him, and having a positive life too. It is sort of sad, to lose that, and I would warn anyone who feels depriving their spouse of sex is not a big deal. It could destroy their love for you.

I could have written this, except I did not cut the EA, the AP cut it off and moved jobs. It was not just sex I was deprived. I needed someone to desire me, someone to be kind to me, someone to remember my preferences. It was not my love that was destroyed, but my sense of loyalty. If the opportunity arises, I will engage in EA again, not sure about the physical.

Gross.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We had marriage problems for awhile and DH declined to have sex with me.

It made me insane. I was late 30s and couldn’t imagine that this was the end of my sex life. I cried a lot. I eventually engaged in an emotional affair but cut it off because I realized I would rather divorce my husband than lose my integrity. The other man made me feel alive again. My husband and I eventually worked things out. Years ago I would have been very judgmental of someone who committed adultery but having been through the experience I had I don’t judge anyone who makes a bad decision when they have that kind of lonely desperation. It makes you nuts.

I wrote this and I also just realized… the “bad period” made me fall out of love with my husband. Before, he was the only man in the world to me. After he rejected me for a number of years, that was no longer the case. After we reconciled, I still love him, but it is not the same. I can see myself moving on and living my life without him, and having a positive life too. It is sort of sad, to lose that, and I would warn anyone who feels depriving their spouse of sex is not a big deal. It could destroy their love for you.

I could have written this, except I did not cut the EA, the AP cut it off and moved jobs. It was not just sex I was deprived. I needed someone to desire me, someone to be kind to me, someone to remember my preferences. It was not my love that was destroyed, but my sense of loyalty. If the opportunity arises, I will engage in EA again, not sure about the physical.

Gross.

whatever

[Anonymous]

Bf I got divorced, went say 4 years wo sex. I’m glad I was faithful, but that was too much, I missed the emotional / physical attachment. I should have done sooner.

In my 50s, had sex twice yesterday w my gf, so yes, I think it is very important/ bonding.

[Anonymous]

It's deadened a part of me that I won't get back. I'm very sad about that. And every attractive woman I see is a reminder of the loss.

[Anonymous]

I'm blind now...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Not having it is not good for a person. I truly believe people who are healthy all through their lives are having plenty of sex. It’s good for you.

Why don’t you speak for yourself and stop condemning a significant portion of the human population that doesn’t require regular sex to be healthy both mentally and physically?

DP, but the PP has a point that there are people who do require regular sex to be mentally/emotionally/physically healthy. For them, sex is a need.

NP, I might put it this way: exercise is not really a need per se but we are all
aware that the human body and mental health are better with exercise.

Exercise doesnt bring mommy wounds and sti’s. Pleasing yourself brings the physiological release. And after many years, some people just prefer the company of friends (which is the most sustaining kind of love anyway, as studies are finding).

What is "mommy wounds"?

Imagine if this was everyone’s thought process. “I’m too afraid of Sti’s to ever have sex.”

Also just like the other commenter-what the heck is a mommy wound?

Men are so incredibly myopic and selfish. That's why there are so many out there who try to cajole their wives and girlfriends into having sex just days or weeks after pushing a freaking watermelon out of her vagina. :roll:

I’m so tired of this. As a woman-I wouldn’t just accept my husband saying he didn’t want to try solve his ED with medication. So why should a man accept if a woman says she is going through menopause/some other hormonal thing and that’s that? Without ever taking any steps to make it better? It’s so one sided and unfair. In a marriage you don’t just get to decide you are done with something without considering the other person-that’s simply not how a marriage works.

+1

[Anonymous]

Exw was more interested in yoga and bottles of Chardonnay. I left.

[Anonymous]

Makes me resentful and feel rejected. Also contributing is the fact that when it does happen, my wife does it out of obligation. I tell that I want it to be her. I asked about what she likes, I ordered massage oils, purchased books, bought her lingerie, etc… However, those efforts haven’t helped.

Any suggestions?

[Anonymous]

I didn't have sex between 45 and 49. Shortly after my divorce I went through serious health issues that last years. The lack of sex and dating honestly didn't affect me at all. I am healthy now and dating again and I am having consistent sex. It just feels like where I left off.

I am not sure I understand OP's question. Sex is important, but the lack of it isn't going to make you depressed or crazy or insane.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I haven't had sex in 13 years. I pleasure myself when I'm in the mood and I'm fine with that, just like I was for years before I ever had sex - which, by the way, I liked very much. I just didn't like dealing with all the other baggage that came attached to a penis.

Overall I'm very grateful for having had the freedom to experience perimenopause and menopause without someone nagging me and guilting me and even possibly being mentally abuse over the issue of sexual demands. I spent time on menopause support groups online and it made me sad to see so many posts from so many wives and girlfriends whose male partners tormented them over the issue of painful sex during this time of life. So many men are so selfish - starting with a failure to give a hoot about pleasuring their female partners in the first place, and carrying over into their disgusting attitudes when women experience the change of life and reduced sex drive + painful sex issues.

Not all men, sure, but . . . FAR too many!

You are an extreme outlier on this forum. The women on this forum cannot live without sex. They will attack other women even for not seeking a penis. Even the women going through menopause on this forum act as if they are as horny and sexually active as when they were in their 20s.

I am a man and I have to admit I agree with what you said.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Makes me resentful and feel rejected. Also contributing is the fact that when it does happen, my wife does it out of obligation. I tell that I want it to be her. I asked about what she likes, I ordered massage oils, purchased books, bought her lingerie, etc… However, those efforts haven’t helped.

Any suggestions?

Reverse the roles and start a thread then a bunch of sympathetic women will pour in with advice. I hate it to break to you but they will most likely blame YOU. There must be something you are not doing right, or you are hiding something, or she asked for sex for years and you said no, they will go through the entire laundry of excuses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I didn't have sex between 45 and 49. Shortly after my divorce I went through serious health issues that last years. The lack of sex and dating honestly didn't affect me at all. I am healthy now and dating again and I am having consistent sex. It just feels like where I left off.

I am not sure I understand OP's question. Sex is important, but the lack of it isn't going to make you depressed or crazy or insane.

I get extremely depressed if I don’t have regular sex. You stopped because of heath issues, right? I think it’s different if it’s that your body doesn’t want to because of health issues, vs you are in a relationship, very much want sex, keep getting rejected over and over, and you can’t go seek it elsewhere. That’s very depressing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Makes me resentful and feel rejected. Also contributing is the fact that when it does happen, my wife does it out of obligation. I tell that I want it to be her. I asked about what she likes, I ordered massage oils, purchased books, bought her lingerie, etc… However, those efforts haven’t helped.

Any suggestions?

What does your wife say?

I’m a woman and sometimes it takes me awhile to figure out why I lost interest. Sometimes it’s because I’m overwhelmed with life stuff and I need it taken off my plate. Sometimes it’s because I’m not feeling romantically connected to H and I need him to meet my love language needs. Sometimes I feel fat and disgusted with my body and I need a couple weeks of hitting the gym.