What has a lack of sex done to you?

[Anonymous]

Not to burst the infighting battle, but I can only speak for myself.

DW and I have sex infrequently but not full dead bedroom. Sometimes it's once a week, sometimes a couple months goes by. The difference seems to be only if I do, and initiate everything. She will complain if we go without long enough, but I so little positive feedback I barely want to.

I'd like to have sex with someone who seems like they are enjoying it, and I don't get that from DW. Haven't had a blowjob in almost a decade. Not that I don't want one, but she clearly doesn't enthusiastically want to. I'm sure a half hearted blowjob is better than no blowjob. But I'm not going to beg for a reluctant blowjob.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

Not having it is not good for a person. I truly believe people who are healthy all through their lives are having plenty of sex. It’s good for you.

Why don’t you speak for yourself and stop condemning a significant portion of the human population that doesn’t require regular sex to be healthy both mentally and physically?

DP, but the PP has a point that there are people who do require regular sex to be mentally/emotionally/physically healthy. For them, sex is a need.

Nope. Words have meanings. Sorry.

Yes they do! And if you think “need” corresponds to “die without it” then please consult a dictionary.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Not having it is not good for a person. I truly believe people who are healthy all through their lives are having plenty of sex. It’s good for you.

Why don’t you speak for yourself and stop condemning a significant portion of the human population that doesn’t require regular sex to be healthy both mentally and physically?

DP, but the PP has a point that there are people who do require regular sex to be mentally/emotionally/physically healthy. For them, sex is a need.

NP, I might put it this way: exercise is not really a need per se but we are all
aware that the human body and mental health are better with exercise.

Exercise doesnt bring mommy wounds and sti’s. Pleasing yourself brings the physiological release. And after many years, some people just prefer the company of friends (which is the most sustaining kind of love anyway, as studies are finding).

What is "mommy wounds"?

Imagine if this was everyone’s thought process. “I’m too afraid of Sti’s to ever have sex.”

Also just like the other commenter-what the heck is a mommy wound?

Men are so incredibly myopic and selfish. That's why there are so many out there who try to cajole their wives and girlfriends into having sex just days or weeks after pushing a freaking watermelon out of her vagina. :roll:

I’m so tired of this. As a woman-I wouldn’t just accept my husband saying he didn’t want to try solve his ED with medication. So why should a man accept if a woman says she is going through menopause/some other hormonal thing and that’s that? Without ever taking any steps to make it better? It’s so one sided and unfair. In a marriage you don’t just get to decide you are done with something without considering the other person-that’s simply not how a marriage works.

+1

You’re both stupid. ED is a dysfunction. Menopause is a normal process of life.

As are you.
See a doctor get meds and correct the issue.

[Anonymous]

What has lack of sex done to you?

Made me get a second wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Not having it is not good for a person. I truly believe people who are healthy all through their lives are having plenty of sex. It’s good for you.

Why don’t you speak for yourself and stop condemning a significant portion of the human population that doesn’t require regular sex to be healthy both mentally and physically?

DP, but the PP has a point that there are people who do require regular sex to be mentally/emotionally/physically healthy. For them, sex is a need.

Nope. Words have meanings. Sorry.

Yes they do! And if you think “need” corresponds to “die without it” then please consult a dictionary.

Thanks for the succinct answer. The other pp is a nutcase

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Having the one person that you’re only supposed to have sex with not want to have sex with you hurts, it just does not matter the reason.

I agree. It’s basically impossible for me to feel attractive.

Good way to put it.

I tried for a long time (years). I was told it was because of X or y so I did x and y.

When I was successful I was giving and not receiving and last time I tried he couldn’t finish. Whenever I tried it wasn’t good anyway so there’s that.

When my spouse comes home and vents about work I am meant to just listen, not ask questions or give advice (even when asked) and NOT talk about my work or my day.

It is really demoralizing and you feel bad about yourself. I have a lack of self confidence I never had before. I am very lonely but feel I can’t talk about it with anyone. We have a high deductible insurance so therapy would be out of pocket and expensive.

I try to kiss him and he turns his head. Won’t even hug me. Our kids notice.

I put on some weight because of the stress. My husband also recently showed me a picture from 5 years ago and remarked how young I looked and that I look so old now. I have more anxiety than ever too.

I talked to one close friend and she told me he’s a good father and that if I divorced him he’d find someone new right away and I would not see my kids 50% of the time and another woman would help raise them. My husband is gorgeous which she also told me
I would never get anyone close to that good looking and he would have his pick. Very hurtful coming from a close friend, but I appreciated the honesty. She told me to suck it up.

I also worry because we would have to sell the house to divorce and I did slow my career for his career and our kids. I started climbing the ladder again but I work in non profits so will probably have to change careers.

If your husband is gorgeous then I don’t blame him for turning you down. It’s hard to be attracted to a fat woman. Stress is not a valid reason to gain weight…. learn how to manage stress. I have a feeling the weight you gained is more than “some”.

Btw you should hold on to and cherish the friend who gave you an Honest answer. Friends like that are hard to come by. Many friends will tell you what you want to hear and Not what you need to hear.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What has lack of sex done to you?

Made me get a second wife.

Well I’m sure your 1st wife says good riddance

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What has lack of sex done to you?

Made me get a second wife.

Well I’m sure your 1st wife says good riddance

I'm a different poster. Mine wept and wept when I decided to leave. I'm not that mad at her about cutting me off sexually because she didn't choose to stop being attracted to me. That happened but I don't think she wanted it to happen. Fortunately, other women are attracted to me. She actually predicted that I'd do well dating. By the way, lack of sex wasn't the only problem but it was a really big problem. Getting over it took years.

[Anonymous]

Lack of anything? My DH moved away a year ago for work. He found someone else. In that time period, I’ve been been alone for most of it, raising the kid, working a full
Time job, dealing with a major relocation, having a parent die, and other major life stressors.

At this point, I don’t even want sex. Well
I do, but missing human connection (other than kid) is so painful. What someone holding me while I felt any of those feels would honestly be life changing. Someone to actually me or touch me with true affection (not just a friend).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not to burst the infighting battle, but I can only speak for myself.

DW and I have sex infrequently but not full dead bedroom. Sometimes it's once a week, sometimes a couple months goes by. The difference seems to be only if I do, and initiate everything. She will complain if we go without long enough, but I so little positive feedback I barely want to.

I'd like to have sex with someone who seems like they are enjoying it, and I don't get that from DW. Haven't had a blowjob in almost a decade. Not that I don't want one, but she clearly doesn't enthusiastically want to. I'm sure a half hearted blowjob is better than no blowjob. But I'm not going to beg for a reluctant blowjob.

We've been married almost 31 years. I've received one twice, for a minute or so each.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not to burst the infighting battle, but I can only speak for myself.

DW and I have sex infrequently but not full dead bedroom. Sometimes it's once a week, sometimes a couple months goes by. The difference seems to be only if I do, and initiate everything. She will complain if we go without long enough, but I so little positive feedback I barely want to.

I'd like to have sex with someone who seems like they are enjoying it, and I don't get that from DW. Haven't had a blowjob in almost a decade. Not that I don't want one, but she clearly doesn't enthusiastically want to. I'm sure a half hearted blowjob is better than no blowjob. But I'm not going to beg for a reluctant blowjob.

We've been married almost 31 years. I've received one twice, for a minute or so each.

How do you marry someone who isn’t into it? Did you think it would get better when she didn’t do it during dating? I would never marry a man who didn’t enjoy reciprocal oral.

[Anonymous]

“ How did you marry someone who isn’t into you ?”

All of this!

[Anonymous]

I'm a different poster. The best sex I ever had was with my ex W. But she only liked receiving oral. She didn't like giving it and was terrible at it anyway. I didn't really mind that much. Eventually she lost all interest in sex. Motherhood. Psychiatric meds. Other problems in the marriage. Fortunately for her, she found her sexuality again after divorce. We didn't discuss this explicitly but it's obvious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not to burst the infighting battle, but I can only speak for myself.

DW and I have sex infrequently but not full dead bedroom. Sometimes it's once a week, sometimes a couple months goes by. The difference seems to be only if I do, and initiate everything. She will complain if we go without long enough, but I so little positive feedback I barely want to.

I'd like to have sex with someone who seems like they are enjoying it, and I don't get that from DW. Haven't had a blowjob in almost a decade. Not that I don't want one, but she clearly doesn't enthusiastically want to. I'm sure a half hearted blowjob is better than no blowjob. But I'm not going to beg for a reluctant blowjob.

We've been married almost 31 years. I've received one twice, for a minute or so each.

How do you marry someone who isn’t into it? Did you think it would get better when she didn’t do it during dating? I would never marry a man who didn’t enjoy reciprocal oral.

I guess I didn’t think about it much at the time. Maybe because I had never experienced it prior I was a bit naive. We married at age 22/23.

[Anonymous]

After over 30 years we hit a dry spell due to many reasons. We finally decided to go on vacation to Jade on St. Lucia. That resort is so beautiful and romantic that it was impossible to not feel something. We had sex every day, often twice, and we did things we had never done before. That was six years ago and while our frequency is only 1-2 times a week it continues to be very energetic. Romance can get stale so it often needs to be jump started.