Blindsided by ER bill - DD says she was "roofied"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t have time to read through this entire thread but I will share my experience. DD, a college student, took some edibles offered by a trusted friend. It turned out they were very strong and she wound up in the ER. I am grateful she sought treatment. Like you I was shocked by the amount of the bill. I didn’t make her pay though I consider it. But here’s where the experiences diverge. DD contacted me as soon as she realized she was in trouble. We talked through getting help and then she texted me continuously from the ER. Because I knew this had happened and she found the whole experience very traumatic, I had the opportunity to use it as a teachable moment. We had a heart to heart about why even if something is legal, it isn’t safe. Had I had any suspicion she continued to use, I would have taken her car. The time to have conversations and build trusting relationships is before kids find themselves in trouble. Throughout the teen years, we need to communicate through actions and not just words that we are safe adults to talk to when in trouble. This is very different from condoning alcohol or drug use. OP you might have done the same and still find your daughter being secretive. I would take the car and tell her you know the real story. Let her know getting the car back is conditional on being evaluated for a substance use disorder.

blah, blah, wall of text

Friends don't offer drugs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Got an ER bill today that was a surprise. I asked DD why she was in the hospital three weeks ago. She said, "oh, I got roofied but I'm OK and I reported it to the cops."

She seemed surprised at the cost of the bill.

I'm a little floored, and I'm not sure what to make of this. This doesn't seem like something you'd hide from a parent, is it? She's being very cavalier, "no big deal" about it, says she wasn't sexually assaulted. And she's being very secretive -- when I asked for the name of the police officer or a copy of the report she said she didn't want me involved and would handle it. It seems more like she's hiding something, and she does have a long history of elaborate lying and obfuscation about her behavior as a teen. Apparently she posted a drunk TikTok from her hospital bed -- that isn't what being "roofied" does, right? I thought it shut you down, unable to move. She's a terrible liar and I'm getting a big whiff of bullshit on her story here...

WWYD? I realize college students do stupid shit with alcohol. But if she was actually in the hospital for alcohol poisoning or something, I'm going to make her pay the bill and there's no way she's taking the car to college next year.

Is that overkill?

You're an a$$hole. Of course you pay it. I was drugged in grad school (I had 2 drinks over dinner) by who I presume was one of the guy friends I was with (I have my suspicion). I never told my parents or really anyone. I was very, very sick and blacked out. I sort of realized their was a problem as I was NOT drunk or drinking heavily (and had a huge meal) and left all my stuff at the restaurant and (apparently, per my receipt) got home via cab. Last thing I remember was waking up in my apartment. It does happen.

Stop blaming her. Stop disbelieving her. Pay the god da---- bill.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can't be an "adult" and not provide details to your parent but still be a "dependent" on insurance. She needs to take adult responsibility.

If only your black and white rules were reasonable or made any sense. Of course you can do both. YOu don't WANT to but that's a different issue.

This is why my kid tells me things and yours likely wouldn't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do people keep insisting that her daughter sought medical care? It’s highly unlikely that the daughter did that on her own. Much more likely her friends took her to the hospital (good for them!).

OP, I think you need the health care power of attorney going forward.

OP here.

Yes, this is evidently what happened.

Bottom line is she appears to have been hospitalized for alcohol use and then invented a lie about being a victim of a crime when asked about the TikTok by one parent then the hospital bill by me. Told the parents different stories too, thinking we wouldn’t compare notes (we did, and we both agree it’s unlikely she was actually roofied).

In my book, being hospitalized for alcohol abuse and then lying about it is a pretty big red flag that needs to be addressed. Especially if she wants even more freedoms next year, including a car I pay for and insure. As far as I am concerned, it is legitimate to be worried about a combination of a history of poor judgment with alcohol and access to a car when the party scene will be five or six miles from her off campus rental.

It’s weird some of you see that as “punishment.”

Evidently some of you are shitty parents who think I should just ignore and carry on.

Don't post if you don't want contrary opinions. I think you're a SUPER sh---y parent. But an even bigger shittier person. SO . . . Carry on yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do people keep insisting that her daughter sought medical care? It’s highly unlikely that the daughter did that on her own. Much more likely her friends took her to the hospital (good for them!).

OP, I think you need the health care power of attorney going forward.

OP here.

Yes, this is evidently what happened.

Bottom line is she appears to have been hospitalized for alcohol use and then invented a lie about being a victim of a crime when asked about the TikTok by one parent then the hospital bill by me. Told the parents different stories too, thinking we wouldn’t compare notes (we did, and we both agree it’s unlikely she was actually roofied).

In my book, being hospitalized for alcohol abuse and then lying about it is a pretty big red flag that needs to be addressed. Especially if she wants even more freedoms next year, including a car I pay for and insure. As far as I am concerned, it is legitimate to be worried about a combination of a history of poor judgment with alcohol and access to a car when the party scene will be five or six miles from her off campus rental.

It’s weird some of you see that as “punishment.”

Evidently some of you are shitty parents who think I should just ignore and carry on.

Don't post if you don't want contrary opinions. I think you're a SUPER sh---y parent. But an even bigger shittier person. SO . . . Carry on yourself.

And I think you have nothing of value to offer on this thread or in the world. So, you can consider yourself excused from the rest of the discussion.

[Anonymous]

OP (unless someone is impersonating) has made several posts making it quite clear what kind of person they are and why their child would drink themself have to death and never tell OP the truth about their life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can't be an "adult" and not provide details to your parent but still be a "dependent" on insurance. She needs to take adult responsibility.

Yes you absolutely can, and the law sides with the "adult" child.

It's parents choice whether to carry the insurance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do people keep insisting that her daughter sought medical care? It’s highly unlikely that the daughter did that on her own. Much more likely her friends took her to the hospital (good for them!).

OP, I think you need the health care power of attorney going forward.

OP here.

Yes, this is evidently what happened.

Bottom line is she appears to have been hospitalized for alcohol use and then invented a lie about being a victim of a crime when asked about the TikTok by one parent then the hospital bill by me. Told the parents different stories too, thinking we wouldn’t compare notes (we did, and we both agree it’s unlikely she was actually roofied).

In my book, being hospitalized for alcohol abuse and then lying about it is a pretty big red flag that needs to be addressed. Especially if she wants even more freedoms next year, including a car I pay for and insure. As far as I am concerned, it is legitimate to be worried about a combination of a history of poor judgment with alcohol and access to a car when the party scene will be five or six miles from her off campus rental.

It’s weird some of you see that as “punishment.”

Evidently some of you are shitty parents who think I should just ignore and carry on.

Don't post if you don't want contrary opinions. I think you're a SUPER sh---y parent. But an even bigger shittier person. SO . . . Carry on yourself.

At least OP isn't ok with her underage child getting drunk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do people keep insisting that her daughter sought medical care? It’s highly unlikely that the daughter did that on her own. Much more likely her friends took her to the hospital (good for them!).

OP, I think you need the health care power of attorney going forward.

2 thumbs up for the friends. When DD comes back for spring semester and tells the friends her mom went ballistic over the ER visit, they will think twice when seeking medical care for DD again (or for other friends), potentially endangering others.

I don't think OP has stated their own gender, so we should be neutral about that, but if forced to guess I'm not getting "mom" vibes from the writing style and choice of slurs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do people keep insisting that her daughter sought medical care? It’s highly unlikely that the daughter did that on her own. Much more likely her friends took her to the hospital (good for them!).

OP, I think you need the health care power of attorney going forward.

OP here.

Yes, this is evidently what happened.

Bottom line is she appears to have been hospitalized for alcohol use and then invented a lie about being a victim of a crime when asked about the TikTok by one parent then the hospital bill by me. Told the parents different stories too, thinking we wouldn’t compare notes (we did, and we both agree it’s unlikely she was actually roofied).

In my book, being hospitalized for alcohol abuse and then lying about it is a pretty big red flag that needs to be addressed. Especially if she wants even more freedoms next year, including a car I pay for and insure. As far as I am concerned, it is legitimate to be worried about a combination of a history of poor judgment with alcohol and access to a car when the party scene will be five or six miles from her off campus rental.

It’s weird some of you see that as “punishment.”

Evidently some of you are shitty parents who think I should just ignore and carry on.

Do you think she wants to lie to you, or do you think she wants to have an open and honest relationship with you, but is afraid of you?

I think she has been a reflexive, habitual liar for many years. A friend taught her how to try to deceive her parents. I do think she is lying because she is afraid of consequences, not so much because she is “afraid” of me.

I'm sorry you are dealing with this. It must be very hard not to be able to trust your own kid. She really shouldn't be lying at her age.

Perhaps the "real" story is that she was not "roofied" with a date rape drug but was given more alcohol than she realized? I went out with a group when I was 23 -- old enough to know better -- and asked for a Bloody Mary. I did not realize that the buyer was purchasing triples. I knocked one back and thought, "That was good. I'll have another." Again, this person got me a triple. I thought I'd just had two drinks, but I'd really had six. By then, my judgment was impaired, and I agreed to a third (ninth). I don't remember much after that. So perhaps she was similarly "roofied" with alcohol?

I would definitely make getting a car contingent on showing more mature behavior. Nobody deserves to have a car unless they in some way earn it (in this case, she should have to earn it by earning your trust).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Got an ER bill today that was a surprise. I asked DD why she was in the hospital three weeks ago. She said, "oh, I got roofied but I'm OK and I reported it to the cops."

She seemed surprised at the cost of the bill.

I'm a little floored, and I'm not sure what to make of this. This doesn't seem like something you'd hide from a parent, is it? She's being very cavalier, "no big deal" about it, says she wasn't sexually assaulted. And she's being very secretive -- when I asked for the name of the police officer or a copy of the report she said she didn't want me involved and would handle it. It seems more like she's hiding something, and she does have a long history of elaborate lying and obfuscation about her behavior as a teen. Apparently she posted a drunk TikTok from her hospital bed -- that isn't what being "roofied" does, right? I thought it shut you down, unable to move. She's a terrible liar and I'm getting a big whiff of bullshit on her story here...

WWYD? I realize college students do stupid shit with alcohol. But if she was actually in the hospital for alcohol poisoning or something, I'm going to make her pay the bill and there's no way she's taking the car to college next year.

Is that overkill?

A drugged person can appear drunk, so the tik tok tells you nothing about what impaired her.

A person with a history of lying often continues to lie.

Since your daughter is an adult, you will only see her medical record if she chooses to share it.

If she had a history of alcohol abuse in high school, not sure why you let her have a car as a freshman.

I would be careful about punishing her for this incident, in case she was drugged without her knowledge. This sounds challenging, but I guess the key is to work on better/honest communication with her.

Glad she is okay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do people keep insisting that her daughter sought medical care? It’s highly unlikely that the daughter did that on her own. Much more likely her friends took her to the hospital (good for them!).

OP, I think you need the health care power of attorney going forward.

OP here.

Yes, this is evidently what happened.

Bottom line is she appears to have been hospitalized for alcohol use and then invented a lie about being a victim of a crime when asked about the TikTok by one parent then the hospital bill by me. Told the parents different stories too, thinking we wouldn’t compare notes (we did, and we both agree it’s unlikely she was actually roofied).

In my book, being hospitalized for alcohol abuse and then lying about it is a pretty big red flag that needs to be addressed. Especially if she wants even more freedoms next year, including a car I pay for and insure. As far as I am concerned, it is legitimate to be worried about a combination of a history of poor judgment with alcohol and access to a car when the party scene will be five or six miles from her off campus rental.

It’s weird some of you see that as “punishment.”

Evidently some of you are shitty parents who think I should just ignore and carry on.

You sound more angry than concerned. You are talking about taking things away from her, not seeking treatment for her.

We are not shitty parents. We are just trying to help you, since you asked for advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t have time to read through this entire thread but I will share my experience. DD, a college student, took some edibles offered by a trusted friend. It turned out they were very strong and she wound up in the ER. I am grateful she sought treatment. Like you I was shocked by the amount of the bill. I didn’t make her pay though I consider it. But here’s where the experiences diverge. DD contacted me as soon as she realized she was in trouble. We talked through getting help and then she texted me continuously from the ER. Because I knew this had happened and she found the whole experience very traumatic, I had the opportunity to use it as a teachable moment. We had a heart to heart about why even if something is legal, it isn’t safe. Had I had any suspicion she continued to use, I would have taken her car. The time to have conversations and build trusting relationships is before kids find themselves in trouble. Throughout the teen years, we need to communicate through actions and not just words that we are safe adults to talk to when in trouble. This is very different from condoning alcohol or drug use. OP you might have done the same and still find your daughter being secretive. I would take the car and tell her you know the real story. Let her know getting the car back is conditional on being evaluated for a substance use disorder.

blah, blah, wall of text

Friends don't offer drugs.

Caffeine is a drug.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do people keep insisting that her daughter sought medical care? It’s highly unlikely that the daughter did that on her own. Much more likely her friends took her to the hospital (good for them!).

OP, I think you need the health care power of attorney going forward.

OP here.

Yes, this is evidently what happened.

Bottom line is she appears to have been hospitalized for alcohol use and then invented a lie about being a victim of a crime when asked about the TikTok by one parent then the hospital bill by me. Told the parents different stories too, thinking we wouldn’t compare notes (we did, and we both agree it’s unlikely she was actually roofied).

In my book, being hospitalized for alcohol abuse and then lying about it is a pretty big red flag that needs to be addressed. Especially if she wants even more freedoms next year, including a car I pay for and insure. As far as I am concerned, it is legitimate to be worried about a combination of a history of poor judgment with alcohol and access to a car when the party scene will be five or six miles from her off campus rental.

It’s weird some of you see that as “punishment.”

Evidently some of you are shitty parents who think I should just ignore and carry on.

Don't post if you don't want contrary opinions. I think you're a SUPER sh---y parent. But an even bigger shittier person. SO . . . Carry on yourself.

At least OP isn't ok with her underage child getting drunk.

Your reading comprehension stinks because no one is saying that.

[Anonymous]

Title should read "Blindsided by my DAUGHTER"