Blindsided by ER bill - DD says she was "roofied"
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Anonymous
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Got an ER bill today that was a surprise. I asked DD why she was in the hospital three weeks ago. She said, "oh, I got roofied but I'm OK and I reported it to the cops."
She seemed surprised at the cost of the bill. I'm a little floored, and I'm not sure what to make of this. This doesn't seem like something you'd hide from a parent, is it? She's being very cavalier, "no big deal" about it, says she wasn't sexually assaulted. And she's being very secretive -- when I asked for the name of the police officer or a copy of the report she said she didn't want me involved and would handle it. It seems more like she's hiding something, and she does have a long history of elaborate lying and obfuscation about her behavior as a teen. Apparently she posted a drunk TikTok from her hospital bed -- that isn't what being "roofied" does, right? I thought it shut you down, unable to move. She's a terrible liar and I'm getting a big whiff of bullshit on her story here... WWYD? I realize college students do stupid shit with alcohol. But if she was actually in the hospital for alcohol poisoning or something, I'm going to make her pay the bill and there's no way she's taking the car to college next year. Is that overkill? |
Anonymous
| Jesus, file a claim with your insurance. Don't make her pay it just because she sought medical care. Even if it wasn't a roofie, and she chose to over indulge, you pay the bill. Talk to her about safety and moderation. |
Anonymous
| Make her pay for it and go get the car. |
Anonymous
| Not in my book. She should have called you from the hospital. |
Anonymous
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She probably took something on purpose or had alcohol poisoning. But unless she gave you permission to have access to her medical info, you're not going to be able to get many details. Given the other details you provide, I wouldn't let her take the car to school even if she's telling the truth. She's not responsible or mature enough.
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Anonymous
| That doesn't sound like alcohol or rookie. That sounds like narcotics. |
Anonymous
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My kids have been told that if police show or they go to the hospital they are to call me as soon as possible. This is a family law.
You're never going to get the full truth. BTW, my friend was roofied and she apparently went to an ATM, took out money, made it home and fell asleep on the floor. Wasn't assaulted or jumped. |
Anonymous
| Leave a punishment out of it for now. You should be able to see the details of the visit via your insurance. |
Anonymous
That isn't the issue. The bill was like $1,200 and the coinsurance payment is $120. Obviously, if she's the victim of a crime, holy shit. Of course she's not to blame. I'm just wondering how much of it rings true. |
Anonymous
But you cannot. She's an adult. The hospital only sent a bill, not an itemized list and I can't request one since she's an adult. I guess I could ask her to get an itemized list of services and send. She says it's all for labs and stuff. |
Anonymous
| She's obviously lying, but you don't want her not to go next time, so I probably wouldn't make a big deal out of it. I'd try to get all of the info I could from the insurance company. (My guess: alcohol poisoning or mixing alcohol & drugs.) That said, no, I wouldn't let her have the car. |
Anonymous
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Let's say for a minute it was alcohol poisoning...if you make her pay the bill, the next time she's in need of a hospital, will she go?
Personally, I couldn't live with myself if I made is less likely my kid wouldn't seek medical help in an emergency (and alcohol poisoning is an emergency). So, I'd pay it and move on. |
Anonymous
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DD’s roommate last year was drinking a lot, vaping marijuana in their room and just generally hanging out with a hard partying crowd. 1st semester of freshmen year. It wasn’t unusual for her to stay out all night. One morning after she didn’t come back to the dorm room the previous night, DD received bunch of texts from the roommates friends saying she was in the ER. When roommate came back she told DD she’d been roofied. The roommates friends said it had just been the 4 of them drinking in their neighboring dorm room. Roommate had a very rocky year and didn’t return in the Fall.
OP pay the bill but don’t let her take the car next year. Experimenting and partying too much every once in awhile is one thing. This sounds like it could be something else. |
Anonymous
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I also called the police department directly and was told I couldn't get a copy of any police report if she's a victim of a crime. So that's a dead end.
Let me be clear: If she was roofied, I want to talk to the police because I think they'll take me/a parent more seriously than they'll take a college student victim. Also, if they arrest someone, I want to know who it is and sue them for the bill. If she's lying, there's a whole other set of issues. But I like what PP said about family law. I can't believe this had to be stated, but yeah, arrests and hospitalizations are immediate parental notifications. She doesn't have a car on campus this year. She plans to live off campus next year. If she's legitimately a victim, I might let her keep it. But if this is something else, probably not. The risk is just too high. |
Anonymous
This. Sounds like alcohol poisoning. Like PPs have said, you’re probably not going to get the full story from her. I’d give her exactly one chance to come clean and then let her know the car will not be going back to school with her. As for covering it, I’d submit to insurance and see what’s left over and let her know that if she doesn’t tell you what really happened, she’s responsible for the remainder of the bill. If this was a matter of assault, I would handle it very differently, but it seems like you are pretty sure her story is BS. |