I HATE the suburbs and have a chance to leave. This is long..more experienced parents help?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Chicago?
I’d move in a heartbeat. We had moved to a more suburban part of NW dc and hated it. Moved back to the city and life is easy again. We walk everywhere and now that my kids are getting older, they have so much independence.
One suggestion would be to keep your house and rent it out. Then you’d still keep your mortgage and keep building equity. Otherwise you’ll pay so many transactional fees to sell and then would pay capital gains.

+1 plus you have free daycare and food. Rent your house even at a loss you could save money

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op sitting here reading every response and literally tearing up. I hate it here so much. Thanks to all the Chicagoans for chiming in.

honestly, this doesn't look that bad:

https://www.mountprospect.org/community/about-mount-prospect

your reaction suggests that you have some other issues going on. i say that as life-long (50 years old now) city person, and a psychologist. it's ok to move to a place that suits you better, and not all places are the same. but moving 20 miles is unlikely to be a major fix for anything.

A 20 mile move can be a major fix for someone who’s unhappy.

+1! 20 miles is neighborhoods apart. And the “psychologist” is really trying to diagnose that OP has something else going on based on their posts on a message board? Lol.

I myself was thinking is this girl pregnant again? That’s the only time I ever cried over housing/nesting options

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand what is wrong with chain restaurants and coffee shops. They have all grown to be chains because what they offered was good.

It’s a lot of the same food - Chili’s is not that different than Applebee’s. But neither has Thai food or (as I ordered tonight from my city home) Pho. If you want fine dining or a menu that doesn’t have a chicken finger option you can’t go to a chain.

Good grief. The best Pho you can get (delivered or pick it up yourself) is in the suburbs of DC. Some of you are insufferable.

I didn't say you can't get Pho in the suburbs. I was responding to someone who asked why people are always knocking on chain restaurants. I think the knock is that they are very similar, not that they are bad, but if you want something different you don't go to a chain.

OP here- as I go through all these comments I realize I just REALLY like being part of my community. Living in the city for the first 26 years of my life I knew our butcher, the local diner owner, the bartenders at the pubs, the neighborhood grandma that owns the Italian deli, the ramen shop owner whose kids were always helping around the restaurant, the owner of the independent book store who gives back SO much to the local kids. I still go back and pop in those places and they ask about my kids, how my parents are, say they remember when I was first allowed to walk to those places with friends, etc. It's nothing like walking into a Chilis, having a bored teen as your waitress, and eating crappy deep fried food.

Yeah this is clearly a factor of being a DINK who ate out all the time if the community you most miss are bartenders, deli owners, and a ramen shopkeeper. I thought you meant friends you grew up with, relatives, even old school teachers and priests. You were just a regular at Cheers, you don’t blow up your life because you miss Sam

A lot of folks are missing that she rented this place as a twenty something. This isn’t where she grew up necessarily. Op could have been a weekend grandkid who grew up in the suburbs with her mom and dad. She hasn’t said anything about where she grew up just that she rented a spot for 4 years

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I understand how you're feeling OP, I kind of feel the same way (moved from DC to a small town in NE) but I have to say my god I cannot imagine downsizing to that level with those age kids. Like 1400 sq ft is SMALL for that situation. It concerns me that you listed that in neutral, like you may not fully be thinking through what that means.

But I agree with others that you clearly should do SOMETHING if you're this unhappy. I will say I have gotten really involved in my community and that has helped. But I'm not going to try to convince you suburbs are better than the city, I can't wait to move back one day! I will say though echoing another poster, I really do feel like the childhood I'm giving my kids is much better for them, and that helps me be a bit more at peace with the whole thing.

Yup.

My oldest DD had just turned 9 when we moved to the burbs (it's now been 1.5 years). She doesn't miss restaurants, pastries, museums, plays, or walking places in the slightest (although we have seen some productions at suburban theatre that have been wonderful). Because she's 10 What does she love/care about ? Riding her bike and roller blading with her new neighborhood friends in our safe (no busy streets) neighborhood, the amazing ice skating program we found for her at a rink that is an easy-peasy 7 minute drive away, her rec soccer team, her own room free of her little sister, the pool we belong to in the summer and swim team, her new school friends. She looooooooves her school where the class sizes are a full 1/3 smaller than at her city school and where her teachers are for the first time able to give her some individualized attention.

I miss a lot about MY city life, and making new friends has been slow (although things have starting sticking/clicking in the last 4 months), but seeing her happy and thriving does do a lot to fill up my cup.

You said your 5 yr old is in kinder, right? That's a great age for getting involved in the schools.

There are TONS OF HAPPY FAMILIES living in less than 1400sf! I am one of them! It's great that your 9 year old adjusted well to suburban living. That's not even the question here -- the question is will the kids be upset by the move to the city. I haven't heard anyone say a move to the city was bad for their kids. Are you suggesting yours would not have been happy staying in the city? Great that your cup is filled seeing her happy, but you think that wouldn't have happened if you had stayed?

There are of course tradeoffs. In both directions.

Yes but it’s less than ideal. I know because I also lived in 1,400 square feet. You think it’s fine until you move in to a large suburban home with a huge kitchen, storage, a yard for kids, basement for storage, space for kids to play away from the adults and you can finally breathe. To voluntarily move back into that square footage is kind of foolish.

You mention storage a lot. Why do you have so much stuff? I don't get it. My family of 4 and a dog live in 1,100 sqft and we have more than enough space.

We enjoy the outdoors and have skiis for every family member, bikes, sports equipment etc. we like to entertain and have a nice butlers pantry for our china and glassware. we actually have empty closets so we don’t have too much stuff. You don’t get it because you’re living in 1,100 square feet. I once was too and the diapers had to be stored in the kid’s bedroom closet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I understand how you're feeling OP, I kind of feel the same way (moved from DC to a small town in NE) but I have to say my god I cannot imagine downsizing to that level with those age kids. Like 1400 sq ft is SMALL for that situation. It concerns me that you listed that in neutral, like you may not fully be thinking through what that means.

But I agree with others that you clearly should do SOMETHING if you're this unhappy. I will say I have gotten really involved in my community and that has helped. But I'm not going to try to convince you suburbs are better than the city, I can't wait to move back one day! I will say though echoing another poster, I really do feel like the childhood I'm giving my kids is much better for them, and that helps me be a bit more at peace with the whole thing.

Yup.

My oldest DD had just turned 9 when we moved to the burbs (it's now been 1.5 years). She doesn't miss restaurants, pastries, museums, plays, or walking places in the slightest (although we have seen some productions at suburban theatre that have been wonderful). Because she's 10 What does she love/care about ? Riding her bike and roller blading with her new neighborhood friends in our safe (no busy streets) neighborhood, the amazing ice skating program we found for her at a rink that is an easy-peasy 7 minute drive away, her rec soccer team, her own room free of her little sister, the pool we belong to in the summer and swim team, her new school friends. She looooooooves her school where the class sizes are a full 1/3 smaller than at her city school and where her teachers are for the first time able to give her some individualized attention.

I miss a lot about MY city life, and making new friends has been slow (although things have starting sticking/clicking in the last 4 months), but seeing her happy and thriving does do a lot to fill up my cup.

You said your 5 yr old is in kinder, right? That's a great age for getting involved in the schools.

There are TONS OF HAPPY FAMILIES living in less than 1400sf! I am one of them! It's great that your 9 year old adjusted well to suburban living. That's not even the question here -- the question is will the kids be upset by the move to the city. I haven't heard anyone say a move to the city was bad for their kids. Are you suggesting yours would not have been happy staying in the city? Great that your cup is filled seeing her happy, but you think that wouldn't have happened if you had stayed?

There are of course tradeoffs. In both directions.

Yes but it’s less than ideal. I know because I also lived in 1,400 square feet. You think it’s fine until you move in to a large suburban home with a huge kitchen, storage, a yard for kids, basement for storage, space for kids to play away from the adults and you can finally breathe. To voluntarily move back into that square footage is kind of foolish.

I don't know what to tell you. I made the move to the smaller space and we're happier. Aware of the tradeoffs but on balance, happier.

If I could have 2000sf in city I'd probably take it, but less space is a tradeoff I'm ok with. I'm here to tell op that she's not crazy for thinking she might be happier, too.

Plus with her grandparents downstairs it’s like a big sfh with plenty of storage, either instantly or gradually as they help the grandparents edit their possessions.

Go for it, OP! Worst case it will be an unforgettable chapter in your family history. (And you’re making me feel guilty I’m not in my LP condo near my grandchildren right now.)

Also, maybe you can eventually buy out your family for the two flat if you rent out the upstairs. But since both gp’s are alive, odds are decent that with lots of family support and modern medicine at least one will get close to or past 100.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I understand how you're feeling OP, I kind of feel the same way (moved from DC to a small town in NE) but I have to say my god I cannot imagine downsizing to that level with those age kids. Like 1400 sq ft is SMALL for that situation. It concerns me that you listed that in neutral, like you may not fully be thinking through what that means.

But I agree with others that you clearly should do SOMETHING if you're this unhappy. I will say I have gotten really involved in my community and that has helped. But I'm not going to try to convince you suburbs are better than the city, I can't wait to move back one day! I will say though echoing another poster, I really do feel like the childhood I'm giving my kids is much better for them, and that helps me be a bit more at peace with the whole thing.

Yup.

My oldest DD had just turned 9 when we moved to the burbs (it's now been 1.5 years). She doesn't miss restaurants, pastries, museums, plays, or walking places in the slightest (although we have seen some productions at suburban theatre that have been wonderful). Because she's 10 What does she love/care about ? Riding her bike and roller blading with her new neighborhood friends in our safe (no busy streets) neighborhood, the amazing ice skating program we found for her at a rink that is an easy-peasy 7 minute drive away, her rec soccer team, her own room free of her little sister, the pool we belong to in the summer and swim team, her new school friends. She looooooooves her school where the class sizes are a full 1/3 smaller than at her city school and where her teachers are for the first time able to give her some individualized attention.

I miss a lot about MY city life, and making new friends has been slow (although things have starting sticking/clicking in the last 4 months), but seeing her happy and thriving does do a lot to fill up my cup.

You said your 5 yr old is in kinder, right? That's a great age for getting involved in the schools.

There are TONS OF HAPPY FAMILIES living in less than 1400sf! I am one of them! It's great that your 9 year old adjusted well to suburban living. That's not even the question here -- the question is will the kids be upset by the move to the city. I haven't heard anyone say a move to the city was bad for their kids. Are you suggesting yours would not have been happy staying in the city? Great that your cup is filled seeing her happy, but you think that wouldn't have happened if you had stayed?

There are of course tradeoffs. In both directions.

Yes but it’s less than ideal. I know because I also lived in 1,400 square feet. You think it’s fine until you move in to a large suburban home with a huge kitchen, storage, a yard for kids, basement for storage, space for kids to play away from the adults and you can finally breathe. To voluntarily move back into that square footage is kind of foolish.

I don't know what to tell you. I made the move to the smaller space and we're happier. Aware of the tradeoffs but on balance, happier.

If I could have 2000sf in city I'd probably take it, but less space is a tradeoff I'm ok with. I'm here to tell op that she's not crazy for thinking she might be happier, too.

Plus with her grandparents downstairs it’s like a big sfh with plenty of storage, either instantly or gradually as they help the grandparents edit their possessions.

Go for it, OP! Worst case it will be an unforgettable chapter in your family history. (And you’re making me feel guilty I’m not in my LP condo near my grandchildren right now.)

Also, maybe you can eventually buy out your family for the two flat if you rent out the upstairs. But since both gp’s are alive, odds are decent that with lots of family support and modern medicine at least one will get close to or past 100.

Yes go for it, OP! Cram your kids in 1,400 square feet and give up your low rate mortgage. You’ll be able to walk to a bakery! You’re going to make so many friends who will all hang out with you in your 1,400 square foot apartment with two kids and a husband.

[Anonymous]

OP, you posed this question: "Would it be insanely selfish towards my kids to actually consider doing that?"

Sorry, but my honest answer is, yes, it would. What your kids need right now, and even more so in the next few years, are schools, space, and safety, and you would be seriously downgrading all three. The fact that you are also planning yet another move in a couple years or at high school time is an additional detriment to them. Your "pro's" are about you, and filling up your cup. So, yes, it is "selfish".

If you told me that you were planning to move to Chicago, buy a 3 to 4 bedroom condo, put your kids in parochial or private schools, and be there for the long haul, I would have a different answer.

Nothing is stopping you from continuing with your weekend trips into the city. Metra is wonderful! The answer here is to really keep working on building friendships and a network in your community. And perhaps therapy as well. Start renovating your house. Is your 5 yr old in any EC's? Something like rec soccer? Does her school have a PTO? Offer to host playdates for both your kids...eventually I bet you click with some of the parents, even if several are strike outs first. That's normal. What is DH doing to make friends?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Chicagoan here who lives in the city with my DH and 11-year-old who is in sixth grade. I could tell from your post (2 flat!) you were from this area.

We lived in a 2B/2BA condo (8 unit building/about 1200 sq feet/Lincoln Square neighborhood) until she was in second grade and then moved to Old Irving Park, which is a neighborhood on the NW side with primarily single family homes but is close to the blue line/metra/highway so is easy to get all over the city.

Do it but make a plan to move to a bigger living area once your kids get older. That space will work with them now but unless you are all prepared to do it for the long haul it's going to be tight quarters, particularly if you and your partner work from home. You may or may not be able to stay at you CPS school, some of the principals will let kids stay even if they are out of neighborhood boundaries. Or try the lottery for magnet now to see what you get for next year and then you can stay as long as you stay in Chicago.

The high school situation is complicated. We are willing to pay for Catholic school but she will still need to test, and I would love if she tested into a public. Our neighborhood HS is not an option but plenty of her friends' siblings are at SEHS.

City kids move and switch schools I think more frequently than other kids. We saw a big influx of kids before fourth and fifth grade at my DD's large Catholic school, and then about 6-8 left before middle schools, many of those for the suburbs or moving out of state because they didn't want to deal with the high school situation.

This is rambling, and I'm happy to answer questions, but long story short - I write as a person with a 606 zip code who loves living in the city. We are friends with so many city families and it's a really wonderful place to live.

Take note of this post, OP. This PP has an only and felt her 2bed/2 bath was untenable! Also note what she describes: kids from her DD's K-8 catholic switching to CPS for high school, but only it it's SEHS. Better-prepared and more-privileged private school kids taking spots from CPS kids at CPS' SEHSs is sh*t. So many former Latin and Parker kids at Walter Payton, Whitney Young, etc. Just a tangential vent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I understand how you're feeling OP, I kind of feel the same way (moved from DC to a small town in NE) but I have to say my god I cannot imagine downsizing to that level with those age kids. Like 1400 sq ft is SMALL for that situation. It concerns me that you listed that in neutral, like you may not fully be thinking through what that means.

But I agree with others that you clearly should do SOMETHING if you're this unhappy. I will say I have gotten really involved in my community and that has helped. But I'm not going to try to convince you suburbs are better than the city, I can't wait to move back one day! I will say though echoing another poster, I really do feel like the childhood I'm giving my kids is much better for them, and that helps me be a bit more at peace with the whole thing.

Yup.

My oldest DD had just turned 9 when we moved to the burbs (it's now been 1.5 years). She doesn't miss restaurants, pastries, museums, plays, or walking places in the slightest (although we have seen some productions at suburban theatre that have been wonderful). Because she's 10 What does she love/care about ? Riding her bike and roller blading with her new neighborhood friends in our safe (no busy streets) neighborhood, the amazing ice skating program we found for her at a rink that is an easy-peasy 7 minute drive away, her rec soccer team, her own room free of her little sister, the pool we belong to in the summer and swim team, her new school friends. She looooooooves her school where the class sizes are a full 1/3 smaller than at her city school and where her teachers are for the first time able to give her some individualized attention.

I miss a lot about MY city life, and making new friends has been slow (although things have starting sticking/clicking in the last 4 months), but seeing her happy and thriving does do a lot to fill up my cup.

You said your 5 yr old is in kinder, right? That's a great age for getting involved in the schools.

There are TONS OF HAPPY FAMILIES living in less than 1400sf! I am one of them! It's great that your 9 year old adjusted well to suburban living. That's not even the question here -- the question is will the kids be upset by the move to the city. I haven't heard anyone say a move to the city was bad for their kids. Are you suggesting yours would not have been happy staying in the city? Great that your cup is filled seeing her happy, but you think that wouldn't have happened if you had stayed?

There are of course tradeoffs. In both directions.

Yes but it’s less than ideal. I know because I also lived in 1,400 square feet. You think it’s fine until you move in to a large suburban home with a huge kitchen, storage, a yard for kids, basement for storage, space for kids to play away from the adults and you can finally breathe. To voluntarily move back into that square footage is kind of foolish.

I don't know what to tell you. I made the move to the smaller space and we're happier. Aware of the tradeoffs but on balance, happier.

If I could have 2000sf in city I'd probably take it, but less space is a tradeoff I'm ok with. I'm here to tell op that she's not crazy for thinking she might be happier, too.

Plus with her grandparents downstairs it’s like a big sfh with plenty of storage, either instantly or gradually as they help the grandparents edit their possessions.

Go for it, OP! Worst case it will be an unforgettable chapter in your family history. (And you’re making me feel guilty I’m not in my LP condo near my grandchildren right now.)

Also, maybe you can eventually buy out your family for the two flat if you rent out the upstairs. But since both gp’s are alive, odds are decent that with lots of family support and modern medicine at least one will get close to or past 100.

How incredibly obnoxious to even suggest that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Chicagoan here who lives in the city with my DH and 11-year-old who is in sixth grade. I could tell from your post (2 flat!) you were from this area.

We lived in a 2B/2BA condo (8 unit building/about 1200 sq feet/Lincoln Square neighborhood) until she was in second grade and then moved to Old Irving Park, which is a neighborhood on the NW side with primarily single family homes but is close to the blue line/metra/highway so is easy to get all over the city.

Do it but make a plan to move to a bigger living area once your kids get older. That space will work with them now but unless you are all prepared to do it for the long haul it's going to be tight quarters, particularly if you and your partner work from home. You may or may not be able to stay at you CPS school, some of the principals will let kids stay even if they are out of neighborhood boundaries. Or try the lottery for magnet now to see what you get for next year and then you can stay as long as you stay in Chicago.

The high school situation is complicated. We are willing to pay for Catholic school but she will still need to test, and I would love if she tested into a public. Our neighborhood HS is not an option but plenty of her friends' siblings are at SEHS.

City kids move and switch schools I think more frequently than other kids. We saw a big influx of kids before fourth and fifth grade at my DD's large Catholic school, and then about 6-8 left before middle schools, many of those for the suburbs or moving out of state because they didn't want to deal with the high school situation.

This is rambling, and I'm happy to answer questions, but long story short - I write as a person with a 606 zip code who loves living in the city. We are friends with so many city families and it's a really wonderful place to live.

Take note of this post, OP. This PP has an only and felt her 2bed/2 bath was untenable! Also note what she describes: kids from her DD's K-8 catholic switching to CPS for high school, but only it it's SEHS. Better-prepared and more-privileged private school kids taking spots from CPS kids at CPS' SEHSs is sh*t. So many former Latin and Parker kids at Walter Payton, Whitney Young, etc. Just a tangential vent.

🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄

[Anonymous]

Its a no brainer. Move. Rent out your house. When grandparental building comes on sale, sell yours and buy it. Sacrificing so much to give kid a perceived advantage of a suburban school isn't worth it.

[Anonymous]

Time with grandparents sounds amazing. We live in a city with much less than 1400 sq ft and it is fine. There is a lot of diversity in a city, which is also kids for kids to experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Chicago?
I’d move in a heartbeat. We had moved to a more suburban part of NW dc and hated it. Moved back to the city and life is easy again. We walk everywhere and now that my kids are getting older, they have so much independence.
One suggestion would be to keep your house and rent it out. Then you’d still keep your mortgage and keep building equity. Otherwise you’ll pay so many transactional fees to sell and then would pay capital gains.

Yes, Chicago. I thought about trying to rent our house, but it's so outdated I'm not sure how that would pan out. Everything is in good working condition and there's no gross carpeting or anything, but the kitchen is from the 70s and the bathrooms are from the 90s.

This is the best way to rent a home, are you kidding? Clean it up, make a few cosmetic and appliance updates, rent it out out a reasonable rate. People can't afford to buy right now.

This! Rent out your home and do it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:(1) How's the middle school in the city? You're right that many urban elementaries are good to great, and there are many application options for high school, but the choke point is often middle school. That said, if you're saving money, private may be an option for middle and high school.

(2) How small is SMALL? Under 1,000sq or over? If you're comparing it to a sprawling 5 bedroom suburban house, then it may feel small but actually be a perfectly livable size for many city dwellers. 2 bedrooms + den sounds like it would be big enough for me, particularly since you have the den to use as a second kid bedroom if they don't like sharing and because you have your grandparents' unit to spill into.

(3) Instead of selling, could you rent out your current house? That way you hold onto your interest rate and have the ability to move back if the city life doesn't work out. I would tell you to sell and go if rates were lower, but you are absolutely right that you may be shooting yourself in the foot if you'll have to move in the next 5-10 years because of schools or the house being sold.

Do not worry about moving your older child more than once. She's still SO young that she'll forget in a few months max (mine switched between pre-K4 and K, and by 1st grade could not remember any of the kids she went to two years of pre-K with even though we ran into them occasionally). And it's totally different to switch school locations with your entire grade than move school districts.

Thanks so much for all the thoughts! The school across the street is actually PreK through 8th grade so no worrying about middle school.

I think the apartment is 1400sqft. It was actually the butler and maids quarters in the original house

1400 sq ft is fine! - Written from the 1436 sq ft house where we raised two kids

[Anonymous]

You should do it. Clearly you have an attachment to the area and giving your kids time with grandparents is priceless. Don’t let the defensive suburban types change your mind. We live in a city not dc or Chicago and love our urban community. My kid actually complains about riding in cars. Our house is small but our world is big.