I HATE the suburbs and have a chance to leave. This is long..more experienced parents help?

[Anonymous]

Chicagoan here who moved last year from Lakeview to the northshore. CPS high school situation with the high stress testing for middle schoolers, bizarre GoCPS system, the SES schools and the tier system, and on and on is the biggest nightmare. Don't underestimate! I didn't want to do all that to my kid... Even if your neighborhood K-8 is good (ours was), the class sizes are large, they are underfunded, and the CTU stuff is rough...

I'm a city person too so not skiddish, but even our wonderful Lakeview neighborhood was starting to have problems with safety...car jackings, etc...

My kids are upper elementary. Here's something to consider since yours are still little...I think the suburb benefits are much greater as your kids get older. The importance of good schools increases and all the opportunities for ECs. And your kids will get busy with all their stuff that you won't have as much opportunity to take advantage of all the city stuff anyways. Having space in your home also becomes much more important as kids get older. Your kids will start to make friendships through school...maybe that will help you in that regard too. You'll be done with car seats soon enough. Etc. I loved having little ones in the city; now I'm glad we are where we are.

But, man oh man, don't get me started on how much I miss the food

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:(1) How's the middle school in the city? You're right that many urban elementaries are good to great, and there are many application options for high school, but the choke point is often middle school. That said, if you're saving money, private may be an option for middle and high school.

(2) How small is SMALL? Under 1,000sq or over? If you're comparing it to a sprawling 5 bedroom suburban house, then it may feel small but actually be a perfectly livable size for many city dwellers. 2 bedrooms + den sounds like it would be big enough for me, particularly since you have the den to use as a second kid bedroom if they don't like sharing and because you have your grandparents' unit to spill into.

(3) Instead of selling, could you rent out your current house? That way you hold onto your interest rate and have the ability to move back if the city life doesn't work out. I would tell you to sell and go if rates were lower, but you are absolutely right that you may be shooting yourself in the foot if you'll have to move in the next 5-10 years because of schools or the house being sold.

Do not worry about moving your older child more than once. She's still SO young that she'll forget in a few months max (mine switched between pre-K4 and K, and by 1st grade could not remember any of the kids she went to two years of pre-K with even though we ran into them occasionally). And it's totally different to switch school locations with your entire grade than move school districts.

Thanks so much for all the thoughts! The school across the street is actually PreK through 8th grade so no worrying about middle school.

I think the apartment is 1400sqft. It was actually the butler and maids quarters in the original house

Move! My DC rowhouse is 1,400sq and it's not tiny at all (for the city). And a strong pre-K to 8th is all you need. You'll have magnet options or the savings for private by high school. If I were you, I'd rent out your current house, save the difference, and buy your grandparents out when they have to leave. Then you can decide whether to move back to the suburbs for high school and rent out the city house, or stay and continue renting (or sell later) the suburban house. I'd love to have this dilemma!

[Anonymous]

I would really only move if I had the plans of buying my grandparents house..... I would rent out the one in the suburbs for a year or two and then sell it and use that money to buy the building for my grandma and grandpa.... Not to be morbid but is there any way that they would leave it to you in the will?? If you were already living there and they knew you wanted it? If not, I would definitely be putting money aside and ask if you can purchase it from them. You can then turn it into a single family home or rent out the other side when they pass for extra income. This kind of seems like a no-brainer to me.....

[Anonymous]

Move now because once your kids are tweens they will consider it a fate akin to death to move. Now is your window.
I think you can squeeze into the 2 br for a few years but my goal would be to buy grandparents out, not be moving again (unless you could stay in same neighborhood). I’d be realistic about where you’ll just need to move back to the suburbs for HS …. I wouldn’t want all that disruption again in 8 years.

I might also consider a move to a hipper closer in suburb. We live in the DC suburbs and have almost no chains here, very friendly neighborhood, bike trails and walking to at least some things. isn’t there similar in Chicago? Evanston or Highland Park too far?

I know it’s though to give up that mortgage but if you’re really miserable it’s not worth it.

One other random thing which you’ll have to ask Chicago people about. We were happy with our close in suburbs house when the kids were little. I’ve found that most things for teens are actually in outer suburbs as that’s where the practice space is …. So I spend tons of time driving iinto the outer suburbs which I hate to do. I don’t know if Chicago has the same dynamic for older kids’ activities.

[Anonymous]

I couldn't imagine children over the age of eight being opposite genders and really wanting to share a room unless they absolutely had to..... So nice to have them each in their own space and have room to spread out their items.... My kids are tweens. I don't know what we would do if we didn't have the space that we do.

[Anonymous]

you should rent out your house, and live in the apartment for as long as your grandparents are alive/you get to HS - whichever comes first. then move back to your house. it's not that complicated.

[Anonymous]

I adore Chicago, so am biased, but that's a move I would definitely make. If buying your grandparents' place is at all feasible, I might make that my ultimate goal, however you can work it out to do so.

Renting a house can be a good source of income, but it can also be a righteous PITA. Which suburb is it in?

[Anonymous]

Fellow Chicagoan. I would move and rent out the house in the burbs. Life is short and you're unhappy now. Being in the city and near family is a huge win! Schools are tough but you can figure it out.

[Anonymous]

I just posted, but also wanted to address the comment that suburbs are better for older kids. That may be true if you value a lot of suburban activities and are skittish about urban school systems. But for tweens/teens, the independence that comes with city life is a huge plus. They need that freedom and it's much easier to get in the city than suburbs, generally. There are plenty of extracurriculars kids can do in cities, too, even if they look a bit different than weekends at the soccerplex or whatever. In the suburbs it's so much driving to the various activities and that gets old, frankly (as a suburb-dweller).

[Anonymous]

Yeah, I mean, don't spend your life living somewhere you hate when you have a reasonable path not to?

Don't worry about high school. That's 10+ years away. A lot could change by then. And even in "bad" high schools, there are often groups of strong kids who excel. Bad doesn't mean bad for your kid necessarily.

+1 to rent out your place with the 2.75% mortgage. Even if you have to rent at a loss, remember that the amount you're paying on principal should come back to you in equity, so you really only need the renter to cover taxes/insurance. This is how we are handling our pandemic-property that we moved out of.

We currently live in a quasi-urban area, and it's incredible. I agree with you about the suburbs being unfriendly. It's nothing you did wrong; some people just aren't suburb people. Move on now. It doesn't sound like it's going to get better, and once you do end up moving, you'll ask yourself, why didn't we do this sooner?

Also, for your kids, moving in early elementary is prime time. So you're not there yet, but I'd say by the time your oldest is 7-8, it's "now or never." And you don't sound like you'd be happy with "never."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just posted, but also wanted to address the comment that suburbs are better for older kids. That may be true if you value a lot of suburban activities and are skittish about urban school systems. But for tweens/teens, the independence that comes with city life is a huge plus. They need that freedom and it's much easier to get in the city than suburbs, generally. There are plenty of extracurriculars kids can do in cities, too, even if they look a bit different than weekends at the soccerplex or whatever. In the suburbs it's so much driving to the various activities and that gets old, frankly (as a suburb-dweller).

I'm the PP who posted about older kids and CPS' high school system. I realize that all this stuff is personal...I just wanted OP to think about the future, and not just what life is like with a 3 and 5 yr old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just posted, but also wanted to address the comment that suburbs are better for older kids. That may be true if you value a lot of suburban activities and are skittish about urban school systems. But for tweens/teens, the independence that comes with city life is a huge plus. They need that freedom and it's much easier to get in the city than suburbs, generally. There are plenty of extracurriculars kids can do in cities, too, even if they look a bit different than weekends at the soccerplex or whatever. In the suburbs it's so much driving to the various activities and that gets old, frankly (as a suburb-dweller).

Could you elaborate on what are typical extracurriculars for city kids?

[Anonymous]

I agree with the PP who said only do it if you can afford to rent our your house and move back into it when you have to or when the schools get challenging.

Suburbs are different for older kids and parents of older kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, I mean, don't spend your life living somewhere you hate when you have a reasonable path not to?

Don't worry about high school. That's 10+ years away. A lot could change by then. And even in "bad" high schools, there are often groups of strong kids who excel. Bad doesn't mean bad for your kid necessarily.

+1 to rent out your place with the 2.75% mortgage. Even if you have to rent at a loss, remember that the amount you're paying on principal should come back to you in equity, so you really only need the renter to cover taxes/insurance. This is how we are handling our pandemic-property that we moved out of.

We currently live in a quasi-urban area, and it's incredible. I agree with you about the suburbs being unfriendly. It's nothing you did wrong; some people just aren't suburb people. Move on now. It doesn't sound like it's going to get better, and once you do end up moving, you'll ask yourself, why didn't we do this sooner?

Also, for your kids, moving in early elementary is prime time. So you're not there yet, but I'd say by the time your oldest is 7-8, it's "now or never." And you don't sound like you'd be happy with "never."

Lots of people say this but I disagree. TONS of families move with kids of all ages. TONS. Pre-high school it's pretty easy to move. Once you get in HS you have consistency and college recommendations to consider.

I think it's just a vocal minority of parents with very un-resilient kids (no shade, just honest) who say this. And still some more who are so kid-centric they project this, when in reality, kids adapt. They do fine. In many ways, it's a gift to show them they can make new friends and keep the old. Not saying you have to move yearly, but once or twice during childhood? It's fine!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just posted, but also wanted to address the comment that suburbs are better for older kids. That may be true if you value a lot of suburban activities and are skittish about urban school systems. But for tweens/teens, the independence that comes with city life is a huge plus. They need that freedom and it's much easier to get in the city than suburbs, generally. There are plenty of extracurriculars kids can do in cities, too, even if they look a bit different than weekends at the soccerplex or whatever. In the suburbs it's so much driving to the various activities and that gets old, frankly (as a suburb-dweller).

I'm the PP who posted about older kids and CPS' high school system. I realize that all this stuff is personal...I just wanted OP to think about the future, and not just what life is like with a 3 and 5 yr old.

Fair - and you're absolutely right, the considerations do change as kids get older. As the parent of tweens/almost teens, being able to get around independently (with friends, at this age we don't let them go alone) has been really helpful developmentally. Hence my post.