To ask for no gifts, or not to ask for no gifts... that is the question

[Anonymous]

DS is turning 4. Last year, we asked for no gifts, didn't get many, and it was great. But this year, I think he'd actually like a few gifts. He will almost certainly get some from us and our families. I'm trying to decide whether we still keep the no gift request for preschool friends this year. We are inviting 10-15 kids altogether.

I remember my generation's birthday parties with school friends and the gifts were always big deal. I had some of the books for many years, and they always made me think of the gifter. On the other hand, like most people these days, we do have a lot of stuff. Most of his toys by this point are pretty old and well loved, though...

As someone attending a birthday party, do you have a preference for whether or not the party is a "no gifts" one?

[Anonymous]

Just don’t say anything about gifts on the invite. That’s the polite thing to do. Don’t overthink.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just don’t say anything about gifts on the invite. That’s the polite thing to do. Don’t overthink.

But then people will feel obligated to bring one, won't they? I know I would. Although I will admit to actually enjoying giving gifts...

[Anonymous]

We’re having the same discussion. We did a no gifts party last year and family didn’t bring gifts either so she really didn’t get any gifts at all (our gift was the big party). I was thinking of doing no gifts again and not sending the invite to the grandparents and just telling them when the party is.

I actually think people are annoyed by gift parties and don’t attend. My youngest is turning one and that for sure will be a no gifts party. We have too many baby toys already

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I actually think people are annoyed by gift parties and don’t attend. My youngest is turning one and that for sure will be a no gifts party. We have too many baby toys already

I’ve never not gone to a child’s party over “having” to give a gift. Same with everyone I know.

Grow ups celebrate their 36th birthday with a party...that’s another story. Somehow I’m always busy.

[Anonymous]

Say nothing. Its tacky to mention gifts for a party. If you get gifts, great, enjoy them and help write a thank you note and if not, then enjoy the party.

People are NOT bothered by giving gifts. People are bothered by the mention of gifts, location - far distance or bad times (kids have other activities and when they get older with sports it becomes an issue), no food, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Say nothing. Its tacky to mention gifts for a party. If you get gifts, great, enjoy them and help write a thank you note and if not, then enjoy the party.

People are NOT bothered by giving gifts. People are bothered by the mention of gifts, location - far distance or bad times (kids have other activities and when they get older with sports it becomes an issue), no food, etc.

Do you also think it’s tacky to include gift registry information in a shower or wedding invite? Because that’s also tacky according to passé etiquette and even the most old money WASPy weddings I’ve been to include registry info. Ettiquette evolves over time, it’s no longer tacky to say “no gifts” unless you are a DCUM dinosaur.

[Anonymous]

i will be honest but only because it's an anonymous board:

i prefer no gifts parties because i don't need to buy gifts. it's not about the money, it's another thing to think about. i had amazon toys come in damaged packaging the night before the party and had a last minute scramble to buy a gift. so no gift parties are a win in my book. yes i could stack up on gift cards but that just doesn't feel like a gift to a child which bring me to the fact that...

i would never do a no gift party myself. i hate the crap (and most gifts are total crap and much worse than what we give) but kids love it and it's big part of the appeal of the whole thing. i can't imagine taking that from them, it really sucks the fun out of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:i will be honest but only because it's an anonymous board:

i prefer no gifts parties because i don't need to buy gifts. it's not about the money, it's another thing to think about. i had amazon toys come in damaged packaging the night before the party and had a last minute scramble to buy a gift. so no gift parties are a win in my book. yes i could stack up on gift cards but that just doesn't feel like a gift to a child which bring me to the fact that...

i would never do a no gift party myself. i hate the crap (and most gifts are total crap and much worse than what we give) but kids love it and it's big part of the appeal of the whole thing. i can't imagine taking that from them, it really sucks the fun out of it.

We love the gifts as some people choose great gifts we would not think of. Usually you get a week or two notice so how hard is it to pick something up or order in advanced. That sounds like a failure on your part. If you go to that many parties, put up a few gifts in advanced and you have them available.

When kids are older, gift cards (and presents) are good. My child has specific hobbies so they were great to combine them to get what he really wanted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Say nothing. Its tacky to mention gifts for a party. If you get gifts, great, enjoy them and help write a thank you note and if not, then enjoy the party.

People are NOT bothered by giving gifts. People are bothered by the mention of gifts, location - far distance or bad times (kids have other activities and when they get older with sports it becomes an issue), no food, etc.

Do you also think it’s tacky to include gift registry information in a shower or wedding invite? Because that’s also tacky according to passé etiquette and even the most old money WASPy weddings I’ve been to include registry info. Ettiquette evolves over time, it’s no longer tacky to say “no gifts” unless you are a DCUM dinosaur.

I think its very tacky to include a registry on an invitation as well as no gifts. You say nothing. Its usually easy to find a registry and if not, you can contact them for the information. We have a family member - distant that we have no contact with (haven't seen in 25+ years as parents don't get along) and every year they are sending us announcements - engagement, wedding, and recently child with the registry information to send a gift. No contact, no thank you cards, nothing.. just send us a gift. Tacky (I sent one for the child only).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:i will be honest but only because it's an anonymous board:

i prefer no gifts parties because i don't need to buy gifts. it's not about the money, it's another thing to think about. i had amazon toys come in damaged packaging the night before the party and had a last minute scramble to buy a gift. so no gift parties are a win in my book. yes i could stack up on gift cards but that just doesn't feel like a gift to a child which bring me to the fact that...

i would never do a no gift party myself. i hate the crap (and most gifts are total crap and much worse than what we give) but kids love it and it's big part of the appeal of the whole thing. i can't imagine taking that from them, it really sucks the fun out of it.

We love the gifts as some people choose great gifts we would not think of. Usually you get a week or two notice so how hard is it to pick something up or order in advanced. That sounds like a failure on your part. If you go to that many parties, put up a few gifts in advanced and you have them available.

When kids are older, gift cards (and presents) are good. My child has specific hobbies so they were great to combine them to get what he really wanted.

we have 3 kids and two full time jobs with no help. not having gifts at hand with two weeks is a failure on my part sure, but I have much more important things to think about than some rando kid’s gift. which is why I prefer no gifts parties as a guest.

[Anonymous]

At that age, let him get the gifts. If he gets stuff you think he doesn't want or need, either exchange it or regift it or donate it. But sometimes guests have fun ideas for presents, and my DC has gotten things that would never have occurred to me but that were big hits. So, say nothing on the invitation about gifts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:i will be honest but only because it's an anonymous board:

i prefer no gifts parties because i don't need to buy gifts. it's not about the money, it's another thing to think about. i had amazon toys come in damaged packaging the night before the party and had a last minute scramble to buy a gift. so no gift parties are a win in my book. yes i could stack up on gift cards but that just doesn't feel like a gift to a child which bring me to the fact that...

i would never do a no gift party myself. i hate the crap (and most gifts are total crap and much worse than what we give) but kids love it and it's big part of the appeal of the whole thing. i can't imagine taking that from them, it really sucks the fun out of it.

We love the gifts as some people choose great gifts we would not think of. Usually you get a week or two notice so how hard is it to pick something up or order in advanced. That sounds like a failure on your part. If you go to that many parties, put up a few gifts in advanced and you have them available.

When kids are older, gift cards (and presents) are good. My child has specific hobbies so they were great to combine them to get what he really wanted.

we have 3 kids and two full time jobs with no help. not having gifts at hand with two weeks is a failure on my part sure, but I have much more important things to think about than some rando kid’s gift. which is why I prefer no gifts parties as a guest.

Just get something from Amazon. Pick out something your own kid has gotten and liked. It takes 5 minutes or less.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:i will be honest but only because it's an anonymous board:

i prefer no gifts parties because i don't need to buy gifts. it's not about the money, it's another thing to think about. i had amazon toys come in damaged packaging the night before the party and had a last minute scramble to buy a gift. so no gift parties are a win in my book. yes i could stack up on gift cards but that just doesn't feel like a gift to a child which bring me to the fact that...

i would never do a no gift party myself. i hate the crap (and most gifts are total crap and much worse than what we give) but kids love it and it's big part of the appeal of the whole thing. i can't imagine taking that from them, it really sucks the fun out of it.

We love the gifts as some people choose great gifts we would not think of. Usually you get a week or two notice so how hard is it to pick something up or order in advanced. That sounds like a failure on your part. If you go to that many parties, put up a few gifts in advanced and you have them available.

When kids are older, gift cards (and presents) are good. My child has specific hobbies so they were great to combine them to get what he really wanted.

we have 3 kids and two full time jobs with no help. not having gifts at hand with two weeks is a failure on my part sure, but I have much more important things to think about than some rando kid’s gift. which is why I prefer no gifts parties as a guest.

Ok.. so you are one of those parents who wants a prize for 3 kids. I don't get having 3 kids when you cannot handle it. You do it for status but forget all the needs each kid has.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:i will be honest but only because it's an anonymous board:

i prefer no gifts parties because i don't need to buy gifts. it's not about the money, it's another thing to think about. i had amazon toys come in damaged packaging the night before the party and had a last minute scramble to buy a gift. so no gift parties are a win in my book. yes i could stack up on gift cards but that just doesn't feel like a gift to a child which bring me to the fact that...

i would never do a no gift party myself. i hate the crap (and most gifts are total crap and much worse than what we give) but kids love it and it's big part of the appeal of the whole thing. i can't imagine taking that from them, it really sucks the fun out of it.

We love the gifts as some people choose great gifts we would not think of. Usually you get a week or two notice so how hard is it to pick something up or order in advanced. That sounds like a failure on your part. If you go to that many parties, put up a few gifts in advanced and you have them available.

When kids are older, gift cards (and presents) are good. My child has specific hobbies so they were great to combine them to get what he really wanted.

we have 3 kids and two full time jobs with no help. not having gifts at hand with two weeks is a failure on my part sure, but I have much more important things to think about than some rando kid’s gift. which is why I prefer no gifts parties as a guest.

Ok.. so you are one of those parents who wants a prize for 3 kids. I don't get having 3 kids when you cannot handle it. You do it for status but forget all the needs each kid has.

yeah... preferring no gift parties doesn’t quite qualify as “can’t handle my children’s needs” in my book. in fact we have never gone without a gift to a no “no gift’ party and we give much nicer and more expensive gifts than anything my kids have ever gotten. but yeah when I see “no gifts” on an invitation it makes me smile. sue me!