5 1/2 year old niece only eats hot dogs…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a child with restricted eating. I think the kind way to interpret op’s post is that she is concerned about her niece and whether her sibling has sufficient information. I’m sympathetic to that—I had a sibling with a child that could not speak at 3, and he legitimately did not realize how far behind his child was, and that they should be receiving therapy for it. It’s very likely that OP’s niece is autistic or has an anxiety disorder or OCD. They should be working with medical professionals. That’s a really hard conversation to have in a productive and tactful way. I would start with something like “so how’s everything going with Larla?” And maybe progress from there to “how long has she been on the hotdog kick?” One of my kids had an issue that no one flagged for me — I do wish someone had educated me that this condition even existed so I could have sought treatment for it when she was young. There’s a way to express concern and help potentially educate but it has to be done from a place of kindness, not condemnation.

You know it’s common for children, especially autistic children, who don’t speak until later to start talking in full sentences when they are 5. There is nothing wrong with that. Don’t assume you as an outsider know what is best for a child.

I’m not an outsider—it’s my brother! And I have a child on the spectrum. Why would I not share information that might help my nephew with my brother? If I saw a large tumor growing on my nephew’s leg, would I say nothing, or would I ask my brother if he’d had it checked? When people love and care about each other, there is a way to have these conversations. I really appreciate the neighbor that gently flagged for me issues with SPD. I understand many people on this board are getting help and don’t want to share that information, but can they entertain the possibility that there are parents who are not knowledgeable about these things and might not know that there is help out there? I’d rather be slightly offended than be in a situation where my child is not getting the help they need because I’m not familiar with the issue and people are too afraid to say anything to me.

Yes, you are so open and honest about your child "on the spectrum" and with "SPD" (not a diagnosis). Your child has autism.
You have an autistic child. Can't even bring uour self to type it.

DP. Since you're being such an assh@ole, please note the PP does not have 'an autistic child'. She has 'a child with autism'. People first language, please. Sheesh.

NP.

Assh@le is "people first" language? Learn something new every day.

[Anonymous]

If true, the child will be in the hospital with scurvy soon.

At which point they will have all the interventions available to them

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Okay, I get that there are children with neurological and genetic eating issues. And I get fixating on bread or potatoes, noodles or something that would be realistically served with some frequency in your home as part of a balanced meal. But hot dogs? Let’s face the fact this family has some trashy eating habits for a child this young to have the degree of exposure that would result in a preference. Someone is purchasing those hot dogs again and again. It find it very sad and I am not above the occasional Costco dog.

What if it weren’t hot dogs? What if it were boiled eggs? What if it were plain oatmeal?

What if the kid who only ate boiled eggs was with you at Costco, and the parents had been trying everything they could think of to get them to try something else, anything else, even if it’s not the healthiest item? You tried to get them to sample all the foods but they wouldn’t even try the juice or the cookie samples. Then, on your way out, they smelled the hot dogs and said that smelled good, and you’re feeling stressed out from all the food rejection, and you think, “I’m not above a costco hot dog, and I’d love for this kid to eat something besides a boiled egg,” so you get one. Guess what that kid wants for dinner. And breakfast. And lunch. Why do you think it took several exposures to a food for them to love it? It was the right food at the right time. It tasted good, it felt good to eat it. It’s consistent and they don’t have to wait long for it to cook. It’s plentiful so they never have to worry about running out. It doesn’t matter if it’s hot dogs or boiled eggs or steamed broccoli or Boston cream pie flavored yoplait. The problem isn’t the parenting or the single food of choice, it’s the anxiety and whatever else is the underlying cause of the restrictive diet (in our case, autism among other things), and judgmental know it’s alls like you. Every comment about food to a kid like that is going to spark that fight, flight or freeze response. None of those responses promote eating. Not only is it counterproductive to the kid’s problem, but it makes the parent feel judged, and that’s the opposite of helpful. Grow up and worry about your own plate, and maybe quit eating hot dogs at Costco if you’re going to judge other people’s eating habits.

Our friends with an autistic DS catered to his tantrums and gave him chicken nuggets for every meal. He was 350 pounds by the time he finished high school and now they must institutionalize him because physically, they can't handle him. Anecdotes aren't universally applicable. Once that parent bought the Costco hotdog, they didn't need to go back and provide that again and again, because the job of parents is to do the hard thing when it is in the best interest of the child, even when they are throwing tantrums about food.

You clearly have NO CLUE what some people go through. GTFO with your “I have all the answers” BS.

Ps - you’re not nearly amazing as you think you are

Signed,
Parent of two really good eaters who has no skin in this game but can’t stand people like you

Thank you

Signed,

Parent of an autistic 6yo who weighs 35 pounds and has been to multiple nutritionists, Children's National, etc.

ps to those who think these kids and their "tantrums" are being "catered" to. YOU.DO.NOT.HAVE.A.CLUE. The terror of your child literally not eating is real and, btw, the nutritionists, etc all say the same thing-get them to eat anything and go from there. This process takes YEARS and it is so isolating to feel that kind of pressure. OP is likely not privy to any details regarding the niece's situation because the parent's can FEEL the sneering judgement emanating from her.

Yes, we've read your multiple posts and understand. But YOU and your child are not representative of the vast majority of children with disordered eating.

You do realize there are multiple parents on here responding, right? I wrote this and don't have multiple posts. A lot of kids with autism struggle with this and see numerous specialists. This simply hits home for many of us because people like the OP and others in this thread get on their high horse spewing judgemental nonsense without a clue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a child with restricted eating. I think the kind way to interpret op’s post is that she is concerned about her niece and whether her sibling has sufficient information. I’m sympathetic to that—I had a sibling with a child that could not speak at 3, and he legitimately did not realize how far behind his child was, and that they should be receiving therapy for it. It’s very likely that OP’s niece is autistic or has an anxiety disorder or OCD. They should be working with medical professionals. That’s a really hard conversation to have in a productive and tactful way. I would start with something like “so how’s everything going with Larla?” And maybe progress from there to “how long has she been on the hotdog kick?” One of my kids had an issue that no one flagged for me — I do wish someone had educated me that this condition even existed so I could have sought treatment for it when she was young. There’s a way to express concern and help potentially educate but it has to be done from a place of kindness, not condemnation.

You know it’s common for children, especially autistic children, who don’t speak until later to start talking in full sentences when they are 5. There is nothing wrong with that. Don’t assume you as an outsider know what is best for a child.

I’m not an outsider—it’s my brother! And I have a child on the spectrum. Why would I not share information that might help my nephew with my brother? If I saw a large tumor growing on my nephew’s leg, would I say nothing, or would I ask my brother if he’d had it checked? When people love and care about each other, there is a way to have these conversations. I really appreciate the neighbor that gently flagged for me issues with SPD. I understand many people on this board are getting help and don’t want to share that information, but can they entertain the possibility that there are parents who are not knowledgeable about these things and might not know that there is help out there? I’d rather be slightly offended than be in a situation where my child is not getting the help they need because I’m not familiar with the issue and people are too afraid to say anything to me.

Yes, you are so open and honest about your child "on the spectrum" and with "SPD" (not a diagnosis). Your child has autism.
You have an autistic child. Can't even bring uour self to type it.

DP. Since you're being such an assh@ole, please note the PP does not have 'an autistic child'. She has 'a child with autism'. People first language, please. Sheesh.

There’s actually a huge rift in the autism community about person first language vs identity first language. Many autistic people (including my son and husband) prefer identity first language. A lot of people feel that person first language compares autism to something negative, like a disease, and it prefer not to be identified that way. They see it more as part of who they are, part of their identity, much like you’d say Italian American or Muslim person, not person who is Muslim. Many advocates and family members prefer person first language, but it’s hard to say if that’s because they’re trying to be polite and don’t know autistic people’s preferences, they actually view it as something more akin to a disease, or if they’re simply in the habit of using person first language to describe neurodiversities.

While I don’t think you’re wrong to point out that some people prefer person first language, absolutely wrong to call out someone for using identity first language to reference autistic people, considering such a large portion of the autistic community prefers it, and PP may very well be in the habit of saying that because someone she’s close to prefers it (much like I’m used to that because of my DS and DH).

You should probably apologize for calling them such a terrible name. If you’d like to educate yourself more about ASD, you can Google it and find great resources. If you’d like a more personal reference to helpful tools, there are many parents of autistic children, partners of autistic adults, and of course actual autistic posters on this forum. I’m sure they’d be happy to post links if you’d like some.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If true, the child will be in the hospital with scurvy soon.

At which point they will have all the interventions available to them

This is true.

If all the child is eating is hot dogs, and the family has not talked to any doctors, eventually, the child will end up in the hospital. And that family will get a visit from child protective services

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a child with restricted eating. I think the kind way to interpret op’s post is that she is concerned about her niece and whether her sibling has sufficient information. I’m sympathetic to that—I had a sibling with a child that could not speak at 3, and he legitimately did not realize how far behind his child was, and that they should be receiving therapy for it. It’s very likely that OP’s niece is autistic or has an anxiety disorder or OCD. They should be working with medical professionals. That’s a really hard conversation to have in a productive and tactful way. I would start with something like “so how’s everything going with Larla?” And maybe progress from there to “how long has she been on the hotdog kick?” One of my kids had an issue that no one flagged for me — I do wish someone had educated me that this condition even existed so I could have sought treatment for it when she was young. There’s a way to express concern and help potentially educate but it has to be done from a place of kindness, not condemnation.

You know it’s common for children, especially autistic children, who don’t speak until later to start talking in full sentences when they are 5. There is nothing wrong with that. Don’t assume you as an outsider know what is best for a child.

I’m not an outsider—it’s my brother! And I have a child on the spectrum. Why would I not share information that might help my nephew with my brother? If I saw a large tumor growing on my nephew’s leg, would I say nothing, or would I ask my brother if he’d had it checked? When people love and care about each other, there is a way to have these conversations. I really appreciate the neighbor that gently flagged for me issues with SPD. I understand many people on this board are getting help and don’t want to share that information, but can they entertain the possibility that there are parents who are not knowledgeable about these things and might not know that there is help out there? I’d rather be slightly offended than be in a situation where my child is not getting the help they need because I’m not familiar with the issue and people are too afraid to say anything to me.

Yes, you are so open and honest about your child "on the spectrum" and with "SPD" (not a diagnosis). Your child has autism.
You have an autistic child. Can't even bring uour self to type it.

DP. Since you're being such an assh@ole, please note the PP does not have 'an autistic child'. She has 'a child with autism'. People first language, please. Sheesh.

There’s actually a huge rift in the autism community about person first language vs identity first language. Many autistic people (including my son and husband) prefer identity first language. A lot of people feel that person first language compares autism to something negative, like a disease, and it prefer not to be identified that way. They see it more as part of who they are, part of their identity, much like you’d say Italian American or Muslim person, not person who is Muslim. Many advocates and family members prefer person first language, but it’s hard to say if that’s because they’re trying to be polite and don’t know autistic people’s preferences, they actually view it as something more akin to a disease, or if they’re simply in the habit of using person first language to describe neurodiversities.

While I don’t think you’re wrong to point out that some people prefer person first language, absolutely wrong to call out someone for using identity first language to reference autistic people, considering such a large portion of the autistic community prefers it, and PP may very well be in the habit of saying that because someone she’s close to prefers it (much like I’m used to that because of my DS and DH).

You should probably apologize for calling them such a terrible name. If you’d like to educate yourself more about ASD, you can Google it and find great resources. If you’d like a more personal reference to helpful tools, there are many parents of autistic children, partners of autistic adults, and of course actual autistic posters on this forum. I’m sure they’d be happy to post links if you’d like some.

I don't need to educate myself on this as I was diagnosed with ASD after my oldest child was diagnosed. I am not my diagnosis, neither is my DC. There is no 'huge' rift in the autism community and I don't know why you think there is other than saying so supports your pedantic bent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My son is very picky specific to protein sources and anything not plain. He loves hot dogs, but wouldn't touch even chicken nuggets for years. Or when he would eat them, only microwaved so they were soft, not crunchy, if they were crunchy he would gag. Would not eat pizza. No beans. Specific kind of cheese such as cheese sticks. Any "real" meat like homemade chicken or steak or even meatballs, hamburger, might come back out if the texture bothers him and/or taste is surprising. I've constantly worried about if he's getting enough protein and iron. Thankfully, inexplicably, is ok with plain vegetables and most fruit.

He's gotten a little better, but it's still tough. He has a sensitive gag reflex and it gets overactive with food that is unfamiliar.

I grew up with a strict single, widowed mom who was born in the 1930s (adopted me so I had a much older parent than others my age) who did the whole eat what's on your plate or go hungry, and eat enough of it or you'll sit at the table for hours. So I tried that, I was used to that. However, my son will starve. Or you can push him to take a bite and he might start to retch and has even vomited on the table. He's had a referral to a nutritionist for small growth year on year and picky eating. Now that he's older, he is better at verbalizing what is happening or what he is feeling when he starts to retch/gag. This is helping us to take steps to work past it because we can talk about figuring out how to get past that sensation and he is becoming slightly more willing to try some new things.

DHs parents are very picky and I think he gets it from his side. My FIL who is in his early 70s will only eat meat and potatoes and white wonderbread and balks at any vegetable that isn't a potato. If he takes a bite to be polite, he has the exact same look on his face as my son of trying to sort of force himself to swallow it. My MIL is OCD and bothered if different food touches on her plate.

If I hadn't had my son, I just wouldn't understand it as an outsider. I have a 2nd child who is slightly picky, but it's not the same at all. Please don't judge, it's just some kids are different.

Vomiting at the table can be more than a problem for the nutritionist. It can be a control issue that would better be dealt with by a therapist.

Why? DS is perfectly normal, happy, lots of friends, so this is specific to eating only and how certain foods feel and tastes. DS now old enough to verbalize that he cannot seem to make the food move to his throat or initiate swallowing for that kind of texture. If forced, gagging commences. It's absolutely a sensory issue. It has happened on a few other occasions with unexpected textures/tastes and is specific only to eating.

His MD and the nutritionist he's seen also believe its a sensory issue so I'll trust their opinion more than a DCUM poster anyways.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a child with restricted eating. I think the kind way to interpret op’s post is that she is concerned about her niece and whether her sibling has sufficient information. I’m sympathetic to that—I had a sibling with a child that could not speak at 3, and he legitimately did not realize how far behind his child was, and that they should be receiving therapy for it. It’s very likely that OP’s niece is autistic or has an anxiety disorder or OCD. They should be working with medical professionals. That’s a really hard conversation to have in a productive and tactful way. I would start with something like “so how’s everything going with Larla?” And maybe progress from there to “how long has she been on the hotdog kick?” One of my kids had an issue that no one flagged for me — I do wish someone had educated me that this condition even existed so I could have sought treatment for it when she was young. There’s a way to express concern and help potentially educate but it has to be done from a place of kindness, not condemnation.

You know it’s common for children, especially autistic children, who don’t speak until later to start talking in full sentences when they are 5. There is nothing wrong with that. Don’t assume you as an outsider know what is best for a child.

I’m not an outsider—it’s my brother! And I have a child on the spectrum. Why would I not share information that might help my nephew with my brother? If I saw a large tumor growing on my nephew’s leg, would I say nothing, or would I ask my brother if he’d had it checked? When people love and care about each other, there is a way to have these conversations. I really appreciate the neighbor that gently flagged for me issues with SPD. I understand many people on this board are getting help and don’t want to share that information, but can they entertain the possibility that there are parents who are not knowledgeable about these things and might not know that there is help out there? I’d rather be slightly offended than be in a situation where my child is not getting the help they need because I’m not familiar with the issue and people are too afraid to say anything to me.

Yes, you are so open and honest about your child "on the spectrum" and with "SPD" (not a diagnosis). Your child has autism.
You have an autistic child. Can't even bring uour self to type it.

DP. Since you're being such an assh@ole, please note the PP does not have 'an autistic child'. She has 'a child with autism'. People first language, please. Sheesh.

There’s actually a huge rift in the autism community about person first language vs identity first language. Many autistic people (including my son and husband) prefer identity first language. A lot of people feel that person first language compares autism to something negative, like a disease, and it prefer not to be identified that way. They see it more as part of who they are, part of their identity, much like you’d say Italian American or Muslim person, not person who is Muslim. Many advocates and family members prefer person first language, but it’s hard to say if that’s because they’re trying to be polite and don’t know autistic people’s preferences, they actually view it as something more akin to a disease, or if they’re simply in the habit of using person first language to describe neurodiversities.

While I don’t think you’re wrong to point out that some people prefer person first language, absolutely wrong to call out someone for using identity first language to reference autistic people, considering such a large portion of the autistic community prefers it, and PP may very well be in the habit of saying that because someone she’s close to prefers it (much like I’m used to that because of my DS and DH).

You should probably apologize for calling them such a terrible name. If you’d like to educate yourself more about ASD, you can Google it and find great resources. If you’d like a more personal reference to helpful tools, there are many parents of autistic children, partners of autistic adults, and of course actual autistic posters on this forum. I’m sure they’d be happy to post links if you’d like some.

I don't need to educate myself on this as I was diagnosed with ASD after my oldest child was diagnosed. I am not my diagnosis, neither is my DC. There is no 'huge' rift in the autism community and I don't know why you think there is other than saying so supports your pedantic bent.

Rift might not be the right word but a lot of people with autism prefer identity first language. It’s a thing. Not everyone feels the way you do about person first language. Most autistic people I know prefer to be called autistic people rather than people with autism, when it’s relevant to the conversation. That you’re correcting people without knowing why they chose identity first language and calling them names shows you have room to grow. People first isn’t the only right way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a child with restricted eating. I think the kind way to interpret op’s post is that she is concerned about her niece and whether her sibling has sufficient information. I’m sympathetic to that—I had a sibling with a child that could not speak at 3, and he legitimately did not realize how far behind his child was, and that they should be receiving therapy for it. It’s very likely that OP’s niece is autistic or has an anxiety disorder or OCD. They should be working with medical professionals. That’s a really hard conversation to have in a productive and tactful way. I would start with something like “so how’s everything going with Larla?” And maybe progress from there to “how long has she been on the hotdog kick?” One of my kids had an issue that no one flagged for me — I do wish someone had educated me that this condition even existed so I could have sought treatment for it when she was young. There’s a way to express concern and help potentially educate but it has to be done from a place of kindness, not condemnation.

You know it’s common for children, especially autistic children, who don’t speak until later to start talking in full sentences when they are 5. There is nothing wrong with that. Don’t assume you as an outsider know what is best for a child.

I’m not an outsider—it’s my brother! And I have a child on the spectrum. Why would I not share information that might help my nephew with my brother? If I saw a large tumor growing on my nephew’s leg, would I say nothing, or would I ask my brother if he’d had it checked? When people love and care about each other, there is a way to have these conversations. I really appreciate the neighbor that gently flagged for me issues with SPD. I understand many people on this board are getting help and don’t want to share that information, but can they entertain the possibility that there are parents who are not knowledgeable about these things and might not know that there is help out there? I’d rather be slightly offended than be in a situation where my child is not getting the help they need because I’m not familiar with the issue and people are too afraid to say anything to me.

Yes, you are so open and honest about your child "on the spectrum" and with "SPD" (not a diagnosis). Your child has autism.
You have an autistic child. Can't even bring uour self to type it.

DP. Since you're being such an assh@ole, please note the PP does not have 'an autistic child'. She has 'a child with autism'. People first language, please. Sheesh.

There’s actually a huge rift in the autism community about person first language vs identity first language. Many autistic people (including my son and husband) prefer identity first language. A lot of people feel that person first language compares autism to something negative, like a disease, and it prefer not to be identified that way. They see it more as part of who they are, part of their identity, much like you’d say Italian American or Muslim person, not person who is Muslim. Many advocates and family members prefer person first language, but it’s hard to say if that’s because they’re trying to be polite and don’t know autistic people’s preferences, they actually view it as something more akin to a disease, or if they’re simply in the habit of using person first language to describe neurodiversities.

While I don’t think you’re wrong to point out that some people prefer person first language, absolutely wrong to call out someone for using identity first language to reference autistic people, considering such a large portion of the autistic community prefers it, and PP may very well be in the habit of saying that because someone she’s close to prefers it (much like I’m used to that because of my DS and DH).

You should probably apologize for calling them such a terrible name. If you’d like to educate yourself more about ASD, you can Google it and find great resources. If you’d like a more personal reference to helpful tools, there are many parents of autistic children, partners of autistic adults, and of course actual autistic posters on this forum. I’m sure they’d be happy to post links if you’d like some.

I don't need to educate myself on this as I was diagnosed with ASD after my oldest child was diagnosed. I am not my diagnosis, neither is my DC. There is no 'huge' rift in the autism community and I don't know why you think there is other than saying so supports your pedantic bent.

Rift might not be the right word but a lot of people with autism prefer identity first language. It’s a thing. Not everyone feels the way you do about person first language. Most autistic people I know prefer to be called autistic people rather than people with autism, when it’s relevant to the conversation. That you’re correcting people without knowing why they chose identity first language and calling them names shows you have room to grow. People first isn’t the only right way.

Wait. You are trying to school a person with autism about what people with the disorder want to be called. And, you're bent out of shape because she, rightly, called some one an a$$hole because that person, with snark, condescension and rudeness, tried to school another parent on what her DC with autism should be called - a child the parent referred to as being "on the spectrum" which is another "people first" convention. You must be the same person!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If true, the child will be in the hospital with scurvy soon.

At which point they will have all the interventions available to them

This is true.

If all the child is eating is hot dogs, and the family has not talked to any doctors, eventually, the child will end up in the hospital. And that family will get a visit from child protective services

I think it’s likely that the child is getting a multivitamin too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If true, the child will be in the hospital with scurvy soon.

At which point they will have all the interventions available to them

This is true.

If all the child is eating is hot dogs, and the family has not talked to any doctors, eventually, the child will end up in the hospital. And that family will get a visit from child protective services

I think it’s likely that the child is getting a multivitamin too.

Do they hide it in the hotdog?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a child with restricted eating. I think the kind way to interpret op’s post is that she is concerned about her niece and whether her sibling has sufficient information. I’m sympathetic to that—I had a sibling with a child that could not speak at 3, and he legitimately did not realize how far behind his child was, and that they should be receiving therapy for it. It’s very likely that OP’s niece is autistic or has an anxiety disorder or OCD. They should be working with medical professionals. That’s a really hard conversation to have in a productive and tactful way. I would start with something like “so how’s everything going with Larla?” And maybe progress from there to “how long has she been on the hotdog kick?” One of my kids had an issue that no one flagged for me — I do wish someone had educated me that this condition even existed so I could have sought treatment for it when she was young. There’s a way to express concern and help potentially educate but it has to be done from a place of kindness, not condemnation.

You know it’s common for children, especially autistic children, who don’t speak until later to start talking in full sentences when they are 5. There is nothing wrong with that. Don’t assume you as an outsider know what is best for a child.

I’m not an outsider—it’s my brother! And I have a child on the spectrum. Why would I not share information that might help my nephew with my brother? If I saw a large tumor growing on my nephew’s leg, would I say nothing, or would I ask my brother if he’d had it checked? When people love and care about each other, there is a way to have these conversations. I really appreciate the neighbor that gently flagged for me issues with SPD. I understand many people on this board are getting help and don’t want to share that information, but can they entertain the possibility that there are parents who are not knowledgeable about these things and might not know that there is help out there? I’d rather be slightly offended than be in a situation where my child is not getting the help they need because I’m not familiar with the issue and people are too afraid to say anything to me.

Yes, you are so open and honest about your child "on the spectrum" and with "SPD" (not a diagnosis). Your child has autism.
You have an autistic child. Can't even bring uour self to type it.

DP. Since you're being such an assh@ole, please note the PP does not have 'an autistic child'. She has 'a child with autism'. People first language, please. Sheesh.

There’s actually a huge rift in the autism community about person first language vs identity first language. Many autistic people (including my son and husband) prefer identity first language. A lot of people feel that person first language compares autism to something negative, like a disease, and it prefer not to be identified that way. They see it more as part of who they are, part of their identity, much like you’d say Italian American or Muslim person, not person who is Muslim. Many advocates and family members prefer person first language, but it’s hard to say if that’s because they’re trying to be polite and don’t know autistic people’s preferences, they actually view it as something more akin to a disease, or if they’re simply in the habit of using person first language to describe neurodiversities.

While I don’t think you’re wrong to point out that some people prefer person first language, absolutely wrong to call out someone for using identity first language to reference autistic people, considering such a large portion of the autistic community prefers it, and PP may very well be in the habit of saying that because someone she’s close to prefers it (much like I’m used to that because of my DS and DH).

You should probably apologize for calling them such a terrible name. If you’d like to educate yourself more about ASD, you can Google it and find great resources. If you’d like a more personal reference to helpful tools, there are many parents of autistic children, partners of autistic adults, and of course actual autistic posters on this forum. I’m sure they’d be happy to post links if you’d like some.

I don't need to educate myself on this as I was diagnosed with ASD after my oldest child was diagnosed. I am not my diagnosis, neither is my DC. There is no 'huge' rift in the autism community and I don't know why you think there is other than saying so supports your pedantic bent.

Rift might not be the right word but a lot of people with autism prefer identity first language. It’s a thing. Not everyone feels the way you do about person first language. Most autistic people I know prefer to be called autistic people rather than people with autism, when it’s relevant to the conversation. That you’re correcting people without knowing why they chose identity first language and calling them names shows you have room to grow. People first isn’t the only right way.

Wait. You are trying to school a person with autism about what people with the disorder want to be called. And, you're bent out of shape because she, rightly, called some one an a$$hole because that person, with snark, condescension and rudeness, tried to school another parent on what her DC with autism should be called - a child the parent referred to as being "on the spectrum" which is another "people first" convention. You must be the same person!

Nope. A different parent of an autistic child and spouse of an autistic person who both prefer identity first language. I’m not saying she can’t use the language she prefers, but I am saying that a lot of people have a different preference and that’s okay too.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I have a child with restricted eating. I think the kind way to interpret op’s post is that she is concerned about her niece and whether her sibling has sufficient information. I’m sympathetic to that—I had a sibling with a child that could not speak at 3, and he legitimately did not realize how far behind his child was, and that they should be receiving therapy for it. It’s very likely that OP’s niece is autistic or has an anxiety disorder or OCD. They should be working with medical professionals. That’s a really hard conversation to have in a productive and tactful way. I would start with something like “so how’s everything going with Larla?” And maybe progress from there to “how long has she been on the hotdog kick?” One of my kids had an issue that no one flagged for me — I do wish someone had educated me that this condition even existed so I could have sought treatment for it when she was young. There’s a way to express concern and help potentially educate but it has to be done from a place of kindness, not condemnation.

You know it’s common for children, especially autistic children, who don’t speak until later to start talking in full sentences when they are 5. There is nothing wrong with that. Don’t assume you as an outsider know what is best for a child.

I’m not an outsider—it’s my brother! And I have a child on the spectrum. Why would I not share information that might help my nephew with my brother? If I saw a large tumor growing on my nephew’s leg, would I say nothing, or would I ask my brother if he’d had it checked? When people love and care about each other, there is a way to have these conversations. I really appreciate the neighbor that gently flagged for me issues with SPD. I understand many people on this board are getting help and don’t want to share that information, but can they entertain the possibility that there are parents who are not knowledgeable about these things and might not know that there is help out there? I’d rather be slightly offended than be in a situation where my child is not getting the help they need because I’m not familiar with the issue and people are too afraid to say anything to me.

Yes, you are so open and honest about your child "on the spectrum" and with "SPD" (not a diagnosis). Your child has autism.
You have an autistic child. Can't even bring uour self to type it.

DP. Since you're being such an assh@ole, please note the PP does not have 'an autistic child'. She has 'a child with autism'. People first language, please. Sheesh.

There’s actually a huge rift in the autism community about person first language vs identity first language. Many autistic people (including my son and husband) prefer identity first language. A lot of people feel that person first language compares autism to something negative, like a disease, and it prefer not to be identified that way. They see it more as part of who they are, part of their identity, much like you’d say Italian American or Muslim person, not person who is Muslim. Many advocates and family members prefer person first language, but it’s hard to say if that’s because they’re trying to be polite and don’t know autistic people’s preferences, they actually view it as something more akin to a disease, or if they’re simply in the habit of using person first language to describe neurodiversities.

While I don’t think you’re wrong to point out that some people prefer person first language, absolutely wrong to call out someone for using identity first language to reference autistic people, considering such a large portion of the autistic community prefers it, and PP may very well be in the habit of saying that because someone she’s close to prefers it (much like I’m used to that because of my DS and DH).

You should probably apologize for calling them such a terrible name. If you’d like to educate yourself more about ASD, you can Google it and find great resources. If you’d like a more personal reference to helpful tools, there are many parents of autistic children, partners of autistic adults, and of course actual autistic posters on this forum. I’m sure they’d be happy to post links if you’d like some.

I don't need to educate myself on this as I was diagnosed with ASD after my oldest child was diagnosed. I am not my diagnosis, neither is my DC. There is no 'huge' rift in the autism community and I don't know why you think there is other than saying so supports your pedantic bent.

Rift might not be the right word but a lot of people with autism prefer identity first language. It’s a thing. Not everyone feels the way you do about person first language. Most autistic people I know prefer to be called autistic people rather than people with autism, when it’s relevant to the conversation. That you’re correcting people without knowing why they chose identity first language and calling them names shows you have room to grow. People first isn’t the only right way.

Wait. You are trying to school a person with autism about what people with the disorder want to be called. And, you're bent out of shape because she, rightly, called some one an a$$hole because that person, with snark, condescension and rudeness, tried to school another parent on what her DC with autism should be called - a child the parent referred to as being "on the spectrum" which is another "people first" convention. You must be the same person!

Nope. A different parent of an autistic child and spouse of an autistic person who both prefer identity first language. I’m not saying she can’t use the language she prefers, but I am saying that a lot of people have a different preference and that’s okay too.

You need to go back and read the thread because you totally missed the point. The a$$hole poster was responding to a parent who unequivocally used person first language. The a$$hole poster basically rejects the parent's preference of people first language and also said the parent 'couldn't bring' herself to call her DC 'autistic' - which is untrue and insulting. Your response is that it's okay because other people don't like people first language. Clearly, there's no point in engaging further. smh

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Okay, I get that there are children with neurological and genetic eating issues. And I get fixating on bread or potatoes, noodles or something that would be realistically served with some frequency in your home as part of a balanced meal. But hot dogs? Let’s face the fact this family has some trashy eating habits for a child this young to have the degree of exposure that would result in a preference. Someone is purchasing those hot dogs again and again. It find it very sad and I am not above the occasional Costco dog.

What if it weren’t hot dogs? What if it were boiled eggs? What if it were plain oatmeal?

What if the kid who only ate boiled eggs was with you at Costco, and the parents had been trying everything they could think of to get them to try something else, anything else, even if it’s not the healthiest item? You tried to get them to sample all the foods but they wouldn’t even try the juice or the cookie samples. Then, on your way out, they smelled the hot dogs and said that smelled good, and you’re feeling stressed out from all the food rejection, and you think, “I’m not above a costco hot dog, and I’d love for this kid to eat something besides a boiled egg,” so you get one. Guess what that kid wants for dinner. And breakfast. And lunch. Why do you think it took several exposures to a food for them to love it? It was the right food at the right time. It tasted good, it felt good to eat it. It’s consistent and they don’t have to wait long for it to cook. It’s plentiful so they never have to worry about running out. It doesn’t matter if it’s hot dogs or boiled eggs or steamed broccoli or Boston cream pie flavored yoplait. The problem isn’t the parenting or the single food of choice, it’s the anxiety and whatever else is the underlying cause of the restrictive diet (in our case, autism among other things), and judgmental know it’s alls like you. Every comment about food to a kid like that is going to spark that fight, flight or freeze response. None of those responses promote eating. Not only is it counterproductive to the kid’s problem, but it makes the parent feel judged, and that’s the opposite of helpful. Grow up and worry about your own plate, and maybe quit eating hot dogs at Costco if you’re going to judge other people’s eating habits.

Our friends with an autistic DS catered to his tantrums and gave him chicken nuggets for every meal. He was 350 pounds by the time he finished high school and now they must institutionalize him because physically, they can't handle him. Anecdotes aren't universally applicable. Once that parent bought the Costco hotdog, they didn't need to go back and provide that again and again, because the job of parents is to do the hard thing when it is in the best interest of the child, even when they are throwing tantrums about food.

You clearly have NO CLUE what some people go through. GTFO with your “I have all the answers” BS.

Ps - you’re not nearly amazing as you think you are

Signed,
Parent of two really good eaters who has no skin in this game but can’t stand people like you

Wow... amazing argumentation there. Yes, I am a health professional, and the number of kids who really, truly can't tolerate a wide variety of foods is much smaller than the posters on this thread would lead us to believe.

No argument. Just calling you out.

[Anonymous]

A lot of parents say their child has SPD when that is not a thing. A kid with SPD is a child with ASD. Its a soft-landing diagnosis for people coming to terms with the fact that their kid is not NT. Its like people calling mental illness in kids "anxiety". "Anxiety" is a lot more socially acceptable than other kinds of mental illness.