Reply to 5 1/2 year old niece only eats hot dogs…

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I have a child with restricted eating.  I think the kind way to interpret op’s post is that she is concerned about her niece and whether her sibling has sufficient information.  I’m sympathetic to that—I had a sibling with a child that could not speak at 3, and he legitimately did not realize how far behind his child was, and that they should be receiving therapy for it.  It’s very likely that OP’s niece is autistic or has an anxiety disorder or OCD.  They should be working with medical professionals.  That’s a really hard conversation to have in a productive and tactful way.  I would start with something like “so how’s everything going with Larla?”  And maybe progress from there to “how long has she been on the hotdog kick?”  One of my kids had an issue that no one flagged for me — I do wish someone had educated me that this condition even existed so I could have sought treatment for it when she was young.  There’s a way to express concern and help potentially educate but it has to be done from a place of kindness, not condemnation.[/quote]

You know it’s common for children, especially autistic children, who don’t speak until later to start talking in full sentences when they are 5. There is nothing wrong with that. Don’t assume you as an outsider know what is best for a child. [/quote]

I’m not an outsider—it’s my brother!  And I have a child on the spectrum.  Why would I not share information that might help my nephew with my brother?  If I saw a large tumor growing on my nephew’s leg, would I say nothing, or would I ask my brother if he’d had it checked?  When people love and care about each other, there is a way to have these conversations.  I really appreciate the neighbor that gently flagged for me issues with SPD.   I understand many people on this board are getting help and don’t want to share that information, but can they entertain the possibility that there are parents who are not knowledgeable about these things and might not know that there is help out there?  I’d rather be slightly offended than be in a situation where my child is not getting the help they need because I’m not familiar with the issue and people are too afraid to say anything to me.  [/quote]

Yes, you are so open and honest about your child "on the spectrum" and with "SPD" (not a diagnosis). Your child has autism.
You have an autistic child. Can't even bring uour self to type it.[/quote]

DP.  Since you're being such an assh@ole, please note the PP does not have 'an autistic child'.  She has 'a child with autism'.  People first language, please.  Sheesh.  :roll: [/quote]

There’s actually a huge rift in the autism community about person first language vs identity first language. Many autistic people (including my son and husband) prefer identity first language. A lot of people feel that person first language compares autism to something negative, like a disease, and it prefer not to be identified that way. They see it more as part of who they are, part of their identity, much like you’d say Italian American or Muslim person, not person who is Muslim. Many advocates and family members prefer person first language, but it’s hard to say if that’s because they’re trying to be polite and don’t know autistic people’s preferences, they actually view it as something more akin to a disease, or if they’re simply in the habit of using person first language to describe neurodiversities.

While I don’t think you’re wrong to point out that some people prefer person first language, absolutely wrong to call out someone for using identity first language to reference autistic people, considering such a large portion of the autistic community prefers it, and PP may very well be in the habit of saying that because someone she’s close to prefers it (much like I’m used to that because of my DS and DH).

You should probably apologize for calling them such a terrible name. If you’d like to educate yourself more about ASD, you can Google it and find great resources. If you’d like a more personal reference to helpful tools, there are many parents of autistic children, partners of autistic adults, and of course actual autistic posters on this forum. I’m sure they’d be happy to post links if you’d like some. [/quote]

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