Cons of private school?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not typically mentioned on dcum or IRL, but private schools are often the haven for public school students who’ve had repeated discipline problems. Sending to a private school then is akin to an old fashioned reform school.

This is flat out false for any major private. The reverse is true. Any discipline problems and the kids are out. Privates have almost no discipline issues.

Unless you go to Flint Hill. The school is filled with UMC/LUP kids with behavioral problems that would not be tolerated at the top privates.

+1. At our school, kids of big donors and kids in families with 3+ kids (paying 3x tuition) got cut a lot of slack.

[Anonymous]

Parent volunteer events (auction planning, campaigns, etc) are scheduled in the middle of the day. If you work FT and your office isn’t close to the school, you can’t ever get involved. It’s sad to be disengaged from your kid’s school except for showing up at occasional evening events. But also, the HOS and other school administrators can’t pick you out of a lineup, and this may or may not disadvantage your kid when it’s time for recs to the next school or college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Holidays that aren't on my radar screen... Diwali, Eid, etc

This is in public school as well. My kids have been celebrating so many holidays from the time that they were in a Montessori school and then in their public school - Diwali, Eid, Hannukah, Navroz, Easter, Chinese New Year etc. I think it is normal in DMV. Where did you grow up?

[Anonymous]

It’s Nowruz (persian new year) lol

[Anonymous]

You shouldn't LOL. You don't understand transliteration.

[Anonymous]

OP private school is for kids that can not cut it in public

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You shouldn't LOL. You don't understand transliteration.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP private school is for kids that can not cut it in public

LOL! Just admit you are too poor + unsuccessful to send your kids to private.

[Anonymous]

It all depends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:More spread out geographically

This. You are much better able to get to know your neighbors and your kids can meet other friends more easily when everyone lives close by. It makes a huge difference.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have done both private and public, they both have pluses and minuses.

The Cons of private schools are as follow:
-Gatekeeping of advance classes and where you apply.
-Influence some kids that there course work is too rigorous and others that it isn't rigorous enough
-You don't know what the school is teaching or helping students to accomplish vs. the parents tutoring. Lots of kids tutored in academics and coached in sports
-Attitude that they no what is best, perfect or can do no wrong
-Teachers who are only there so their kid can get free tuition
-Teachers who attended private schools growing up and have zero real experience dealing with diverse cultures
-Paying for textbooks on top of tuition. Often to find out you don't need it or your teacher gives you a digital copy
-Only one teacher who teaches a class/level so you may not be able to avoid the teacher
-Although they have a lot of APs, there is usually only one or two sessions leading to scheduling conflicts
-Treating your kid like a statistic versus an individual
-Not keeping up with changing times - dual enrollment, online course. Kids should be able to take almost any class.
-If you aren't a high donor, gifted athlete, or some hook for attending top schools then you are somehow not as important
-Find the best fit school for college but mainly feature and celebrate Ivy League attendees
-How much they have APs but showcase scores / AP scholars, AP scores and 3+ pass rates
-Clique students and parents
-Parents maneuvering to have their keep become friends with key, well off or influential families
-Parents making 200K, driving high end cards, visiting their parents second home on the beach while getting financial aide from the school. A lot of financial aid goes to wealth family and doesn't really help with economic or racial equity
-If you are a minority assuming you are from another country or if you are Black or Hispanic that you are on scholarship
-Insensitive faculty and families that aren't inclusive of (insert any group you want here)
-0 diversity of staff but talk a lot about diversity and claim to be diverse
-If you can't attend all of your kids events then you are an unfit parent
-Giving beyond tuition and then extra giving events beyond that
-Course in their books that only happen every other year or not at all
-Long term sub issues, the school may not have other teachers to teach the subject area

Wow, this is pretty comprehensive. However, I would submit that a lot of this applies to public schools, too.

Wow, this list is spot-on.
We were a long-term public family and did not find these cons to be true at public.
Very much true at our Big3 private.

Advanced classes are definitely gate-kept---even if your kid has an A in a prior course. It may not be "a high enough A" and other such BS. I wish I had known this before.

Can any student take advanced-level / AP classes in public?

Yes.
Any kid can sign up for any AP class at any time. There is zero barrier to entry except for room in the class. However, at places like Wilson/Jackson Reed they will run AP classes of 40+ kids so space is not usually an issue either.

No prerequisites for anything, either? Anyone can sign up for AP Calculus BC out of the blue, for example, without any required prerequisites?

Correct.

At least in FCPS, that's not wholly true. My 12th grader signed up for a class out of sequence and he got an email telling him he needed to pivot. What is true is that there isn't the gatekeeping like you see in some privates, but if a kid tries to sign up for Cal BC and they haven't taken Algebra 2 - someone is going to figure that out at some point and say something. Their current year teachers talk to them about what follows when it's time to choose classes and at Langley they review the choices in Langley Links or with a counselor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:More spread out geographically

This. You are much better able to get to know your neighbors and your kids can meet other friends more easily when everyone lives close by. It makes a huge difference.

For us this is absolutely the biggest con of private school. My kids were in our neighborhood school and the community was great.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Conspicuous consumption competition. The other kids have designer this and limited edition that and all the latest tech. It’s impossible to keep up. We preach non-materialism at home and our kids are mostly believers, but having constant conversations about reigning in jealousy and us always having to say no really drains me. And it drains the kids.

I could have written this exact statement. I have noticed this too at our child's private middle school. It pains me bc I grew up in a family that struggled to make ends meet, and I worked very hard to get to where we are today. Our child thinks we are poor, whereas we have no trouble paying for food, shelter, and discretionary expenses within reason. Our teaching of non-materialism isn't sticking the way we had hoped, though maybe this is just a phase.

Also, the kids live throughout the DC area so it's really hard to get together outside school.

We might switch back to public - each has its pros and cons.

Conspicuous consumption depend on the school and your child's group of friends. I have experience with 3 of the top schools. I see this behavior at all of them, but not from my older DCs group of friends. They are actually very down to earth even though they come from wealthy families. My younger one has some annoying friends in this regard. We don't materially spoil our kids. Period. When I hear comments about what so and so has I usually respond with something like yes those are all very nice things indeed and if you save your pocket money.... or yes, they do have a very large bueatiful home don't they... ours is perfect for our family. The truth is we can afford all those things, we (parents) don't want them. If you don't value materialism, your kids won't either (eventually). That said we still have fantastic vacations and experiences. These are not conspicuous though as very few people see these things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Conspicuous consumption competition. The other kids have designer this and limited edition that and all the latest tech. It’s impossible to keep up. We preach non-materialism at home and our kids are mostly believers, but having constant conversations about reigning in jealousy and us always having to say no really drains me. And it drains the kids.

I could have written this exact statement. I have noticed this too at our child's private middle school. It pains me bc I grew up in a family that struggled to make ends meet, and I worked very hard to get to where we are today. Our child thinks we are poor, whereas we have no trouble paying for food, shelter, and discretionary expenses within reason. Our teaching of non-materialism isn't sticking the way we had hoped, though maybe this is just a phase.

Also, the kids live throughout the DC area so it's really hard to get together outside school.

We might switch back to public - each has its pros and cons.

Conspicuous consumption depend on the school and your child's group of friends. I have experience with 3 of the top schools. I see this behavior at all of them, but not from my older DCs group of friends. They are actually very down to earth even though they come from wealthy families. My younger one has some annoying friends in this regard. We don't materially spoil our kids. Period. When I hear comments about what so and so has I usually respond with something like yes those are all very nice things indeed and if you save your pocket money.... or yes, they do have a very large bueatiful home don't they... ours is perfect for our family. The truth is we can afford all those things, we (parents) don't want them. If you don't value materialism, your kids won't either (eventually). That said we still have fantastic vacations and experiences. These are not conspicuous though as very few people see these things.

Except when vacations are posted on Insta or FB.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not typically mentioned on dcum or IRL, but private schools are often the haven for public school students who’ve had repeated discipline problems. Sending to a private school then is akin to an old fashioned reform school.

This is flat out false for any major private. The reverse is true. Any discipline problems and the kids are out. Privates have almost no discipline issues.

Unless you go to Flint Hill. The school is filled with UMC/LUP kids with behavioral problems that would not be tolerated at the top privates.

+1. At our school, kids of big donors and kids in families with 3+ kids (paying 3x tuition) got cut a lot of slack.

We are new to Flint Hill this year and can't believe some of the student behavior. My DC was at an academically strong PK - 8. Behavioral expectations were upheld there.