Cons of private school?

[Anonymous]

My twins probably got a better education at their top private, but their college admissions suffered compared to our local public.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Gate keeping on advanced classes. My 7th grader likes math and always gets As but wasn't allowed to take pre-Algebra this year because her end-of-year standardized test scores from last year didn't meet their threshold.

Interesting. This exact thing happened to DS in public school. We moved him to private and, as consumers, requested he be placed in pre-algebra in 7th. No problem. And he did well- moved right into Algebra in 8th.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Important to find a private school that isn't tiny. It's just not a good way to go socially to have a tiny crowd - kids need that diversity and ability to find their tribe. Once we changed out to a school with 80 kids per grade, they and us are so much happier. The limited population means that it's all a clique - if you don't get along with one, you aren't going to get along with any. It really is not conducive to a happy environment. Even if you do get joy out it, as the years progress, life changes and you have to be able to adapt and get a long with a wider group of people.

Important to find a school that is not going to baby the kids. We moved from a school that constantly gave additional make up chances for papers/exams to upper elementary and it's not doing our kids any good. Public won't do that and there's something to be said for needing to learn from your mistakes upfront - you have to take responsibility for doing the work.

Definitely the long long summers and many days off but honestly depending on the school and public school zone, it could be a wash. Typically speaking though, the summers are going longer in private. 13 weeks is a LONG summer!

I don't feel that the money thing is a huge deal nor the bullying/snobbery. I think you find good, nice, bad, difficult people everywhere. As long as you have a diverse population. You are obviously more likely to find well-to -do families in private settings but again, good and nice people who have money are still good and nice We have several very well to do families we know in public - I mean - you will find them throughout DMV area cause we all live in a bubble.

We did K-2 in private and it was a great experience. We did the rest of elementary in pubic and it was terrible. Middle school public has been much better. It really just depends on the teachers.

Public is good for the regular kid who is fine with everything. Good student, strong identity and can make friends easily, strong academic aptitude ie they like school/learning/responsible. My kids love their private school - they say they learn in an innovative, interesting way and it's just more in depth. You really have to find that right school though - NOT ALL privates are as good as a public school and not all public schools suck. The biggest difference however is that the public school mandate of Common Core and teaching for tests is really tough for true critical thinking. You basically are learning how to take tests. That's not a bad thing I guess but in the long term, having a life as an adult, I'm not sure how that really helps you.

Having gone from public to private and back to private - this posts says it best. We thought our kid was getting a stellar in-depth education and she probably was - but the public school kids are easily ahead of her. So we are now paying catch up.

NP. This is just so school-dependent. We had the opposite experience. Our kid who was in the supposedly hardest classes in his public middle school was shockingly behind when entering competitive private high school. He went from advanced math in public to remedial math in private. I hadn’t realized how far behind he was.

I just don’t think things can be generalized, people need to look hard at the exact schools they are comparing. There are excellent private schools and excellent public schools. I wish my kid had been lucky enough to experience an excellent public middle school, I could have saved a lot of money.

I totally agree with PP. This is so school dependent that there's no point in making these broad generalizations when making specific decisions. I now wish we had bought a house in a better school district for middle and high school. But at this point, moving probably an even more expensive option than private for high school, so unfortunately we have to do private school for academic rigor.

Depending on the school there is far more rigor in public as most offer honors and AP classes and more options as they have a larger school population. Better means richer which isn't always better.

Definitely not the case for our zoned school. It really does depend on the school. I would say that people on this forum are usually lucky to have good, high-performing public school options. This just isn't the case for us. There are a lot of so-called "AP" classes but most kids who they push into the AP courses so that their AP enrollment stats look good are not actually able to pass the exam. There are also disruptive behavior issues at our MS and HS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you are a private school parent, what are the cons of being at a private school? Aside from money Either something you knew going in, or something that surprised you? (Specifically interested in high school/middle school experience, but lower school info good too.) Thanks!

You think you know what rich is but you really only have a vague sense of it until your kid is surrounded by really, really rich peers and it's all in your family's face. Not that they're tacky and showy, it's just you can't help but notice. Pretty eye-opening. But everyone is really nice. There really aren't cons.

[Anonymous]

thanks for this thoughtful post - very helpful and level-headed!

Anonymous wrote:Important to find a private school that isn't tiny. It's just not a good way to go socially to have a tiny crowd - kids need that diversity and ability to find their tribe. Once we changed out to a school with 80 kids per grade, they and us are so much happier. The limited population means that it's all a clique - if you don't get along with one, you aren't going to get along with any. It really is not conducive to a happy environment. Even if you do get joy out it, as the years progress, life changes and you have to be able to adapt and get a long with a wider group of people.

Important to find a school that is not going to baby the kids. We moved from a school that constantly gave additional make up chances for papers/exams to upper elementary and it's not doing our kids any good. Public won't do that and there's something to be said for needing to learn from your mistakes upfront - you have to take responsibility for doing the work.

Definitely the long long summers and many days off but honestly depending on the school and public school zone, it could be a wash. Typically speaking though, the summers are going longer in private. 13 weeks is a LONG summer!

I don't feel that the money thing is a huge deal nor the bullying/snobbery. I think you find good, nice, bad, difficult people everywhere. As long as you have a diverse population. You are obviously more likely to find well-to -do families in private settings but again, good and nice people who have money are still good and nice We have several very well to do families we know in public - I mean - you will find them throughout DMV area cause we all live in a bubble.

Public is good for the regular kid who is fine with everything. Good student, strong identity and can make friends easily, strong academic aptitude ie they like school/learning/responsible. My kids love their private school - they say they learn in an innovative, interesting way and it's just more in depth. You really have to find that right school though - NOT ALL privates are as good as a public school and not all public schools suck. The biggest difference however is that the public school mandate of Common Core and teaching for tests is really tough for true critical thinking. You basically are learning how to take tests. That's not a bad thing I guess but in the long term, having a life as an adult, I'm not sure how that really helps you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My twins probably got a better education at their top private, but their college admissions suffered compared to our local public.

How do you know if that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My twins probably got a better education at their top private, but their college admissions suffered compared to our local public.

+I graduated from a top NE boarding school. I had straight As, but was nowhere near the top of my class, with kids doing NASA level math, etc. I went to a fine university (NYU, though I got into UPenn, Michigan, Berkeley extension, it was my choice to go to New York), but know I would have had even better options from my public school… Still, I don't regret going. It was an amazing experience. But my husband doesn't want to send our kids, and I cant justify the cost based on the outcomes. If you can easily afford it and aren't focused on Ivy League or bust, then go for it. I especially think boarding school can be worth it for many other reasons. But if your kids are happy and thriving in public, no need to switch to private.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Gate keeping on advanced classes. My 7th grader likes math and always gets As but wasn't allowed to take pre-Algebra this year because her end-of-year standardized test scores from last year didn't meet their threshold.

Interesting. This exact thing happened to DS in public school. We moved him to private and, as consumers, requested he be placed in pre-algebra in 7th. No problem. And he did well- moved right into Algebra in 8th.

This isn't generally an advanced track.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My twins probably got a better education at their top private, but their college admissions suffered compared to our local public.

How do you know if that?

Colleges will only offer so many slots to each school. If you have only smart kids and there are 100 kids per grade, its a lot of competition and they are only going to offer so many slots.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Gate keeping on advanced classes. My 7th grader likes math and always gets As but wasn't allowed to take pre-Algebra this year because her end-of-year standardized test scores from last year didn't meet their threshold.

Sweetie, nobody is gatekeeping, there's no conspiracy to hold your kid down. You're just one of many in denial about your special snowflake's math acuity. Publics let anyone take anything because all the As are fake and most kids don't sit for or bomb the official AP exams and don't get college credit. Publics are full of deluded parents in complete denial about their children's real world achievement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Gate keeping on advanced classes. My 7th grader likes math and always gets As but wasn't allowed to take pre-Algebra this year because her end-of-year standardized test scores from last year didn't meet their threshold.

Sweetie, nobody is gatekeeping, there's no conspiracy to hold your kid down. You're just one of many in denial about your special snowflake's math acuity. Publics let anyone take anything because all the As are fake and most kids don't sit for or bomb the official AP exams and don't get college credit. Publics are full of deluded parents in complete denial about their children's real world achievement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My twins probably got a better education at their top private, but their college admissions suffered compared to our local public.

How do you know if that?

Colleges will only offer so many slots to each school. If you have only smart kids and there are 100 kids per grade, its a lot of competition and they are only going to offer so many slots.

If you don't get into an Ivy, you go to Vandy or Duke. If you don't get into Duke, you go to Boston College, Georgetown, UVA or Michigan and you're at the very top of the academic and social (top tier fraternity/sorority) pecking order. Georgetown Prep and Sta boys are not "mixing" with low born peers in Charlottesville. This notion that smart private school kids end up at crummy colleges with the unwashed masses because there is a harsh private school quota is a public school old wives' tale. Complete nonsense you trolls wish was true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Important to find a private school that isn't tiny. It's just not a good way to go socially to have a tiny crowd - kids need that diversity and ability to find their tribe. Once we changed out to a school with 80 kids per grade, they and us are so much happier. The limited population means that it's all a clique - if you don't get along with one, you aren't going to get along with any. It really is not conducive to a happy environment. Even if you do get joy out it, as the years progress, life changes and you have to be able to adapt and get a long with a wider group of people.

Important to find a school that is not going to baby the kids. We moved from a school that constantly gave additional make up chances for papers/exams to upper elementary and it's not doing our kids any good. Public won't do that and there's something to be said for needing to learn from your mistakes upfront - you have to take responsibility for doing the work.

Definitely the long long summers and many days off but honestly depending on the school and public school zone, it could be a wash. Typically speaking though, the summers are going longer in private. 13 weeks is a LONG summer!

I don't feel that the money thing is a huge deal nor the bullying/snobbery. I think you find good, nice, bad, difficult people everywhere. As long as you have a diverse population. You are obviously more likely to find well-to -do families in private settings but again, good and nice people who have money are still good and nice We have several very well to do families we know in public - I mean - you will find them throughout DMV area cause we all live in a bubble.

We did K-2 in private and it was a great experience. We did the rest of elementary in pubic and it was terrible. Middle school public has been much better. It really just depends on the teachers.

Public is good for the regular kid who is fine with everything. Good student, strong identity and can make friends easily, strong academic aptitude ie they like school/learning/responsible. My kids love their private school - they say they learn in an innovative, interesting way and it's just more in depth. You really have to find that right school though - NOT ALL privates are as good as a public school and not all public schools suck. The biggest difference however is that the public school mandate of Common Core and teaching for tests is really tough for true critical thinking. You basically are learning how to take tests. That's not a bad thing I guess but in the long term, having a life as an adult, I'm not sure how that really helps you.

Having gone from public to private and back to private - this posts says it best. We thought our kid was getting a stellar in-depth education and she probably was - but the public school kids are easily ahead of her. So we are now paying catch up.

NP. This is just so school-dependent. We had the opposite experience. Our kid who was in the supposedly hardest classes in his public middle school was shockingly behind when entering competitive private high school. He went from advanced math in public to remedial math in private. I hadn’t realized how far behind he was.

I just don’t think things can be generalized, people need to look hard at the exact schools they are comparing. There are excellent private schools and excellent public schools. I wish my kid had been lucky enough to experience an excellent public middle school, I could have saved a lot of money.

I totally agree with PP. This is so school dependent that there's no point in making these broad generalizations when making specific decisions. I now wish we had bought a house in a better school district for middle and high school. But at this point, moving probably an even more expensive option than private for high school, so unfortunately we have to do private school for academic rigor.

Depending on the school there is far more rigor in public as most offer honors and AP classes and more options as they have a larger school population. Better means richer which isn't always better.

Well, my kid with As and in the most advanced math in a “good” public school barely missed being placed in remedial math classes when he moved to a competitive private high school. He struggled enormously in the 9th grade classes and was not remotely prepared for the rigor.

Seeing his experience, we moved my younger kids to private for middle school and they were far better prepared for the rigor of private high school.

I would not generalize beyond the specific schools my kids attended but our experience with a “good” public middle school was not positive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:thanks for this thoughtful post - very helpful and level-headed!

Anonymous wrote:Important to find a private school that isn't tiny. It's just not a good way to go socially to have a tiny crowd - kids need that diversity and ability to find their tribe. Once we changed out to a school with 80 kids per grade, they and us are so much happier. The limited population means that it's all a clique - if you don't get along with one, you aren't going to get along with any. It really is not conducive to a happy environment. Even if you do get joy out it, as the years progress, life changes and you have to be able to adapt and get a long with a wider group of people.

Important to find a school that is not going to baby the kids. We moved from a school that constantly gave additional make up chances for papers/exams to upper elementary and it's not doing our kids any good. Public won't do that and there's something to be said for needing to learn from your mistakes upfront - you have to take responsibility for doing the work.

Definitely the long long summers and many days off but honestly depending on the school and public school zone, it could be a wash. Typically speaking though, the summers are going longer in private. 13 weeks is a LONG summer!

I don't feel that the money thing is a huge deal nor the bullying/snobbery. I think you find good, nice, bad, difficult people everywhere. As long as you have a diverse population. You are obviously more likely to find well-to -do families in private settings but again, good and nice people who have money are still good and nice We have several very well to do families we know in public - I mean - you will find them throughout DMV area cause we all live in a bubble.

Public is good for the regular kid who is fine with everything. Good student, strong identity and can make friends easily, strong academic aptitude ie they like school/learning/responsible. My kids love their private school - they say they learn in an innovative, interesting way and it's just more in depth. You really have to find that right school though - NOT ALL privates are as good as a public school and not all public schools suck. The biggest difference however is that the public school mandate of Common Core and teaching for tests is really tough for true critical thinking. You basically are learning how to take tests. That's not a bad thing I guess but in the long term, having a life as an adult, I'm not sure how that really helps you.

FYI, the publics are allowing retakes regularly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
NP. This is just so school-dependent. We had the opposite experience. Our kid who was in the supposedly hardest classes in his public middle school was shockingly behind when entering competitive private high school. He went from advanced math in public to remedial math in private. I hadn’t realized how far behind he was.

Same here. DD was advanced in public, at least a year ahead of the curve. In public she was at best average and had to work to catch up.