Husband left two-year-old twins home alone

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where did he go?

He didn't notice your car was gone when he left?

If you had your door CLOSED wouldn't someone need to be watching two year old twins? - this is the part that's confusing to me. If I left the house with two year old twins roaming around, i would (1) put them in their cribs or bumbos or whatever and (2) find the other adult to say "he larlo and barlo are in the bumbos" - be back in 15...

something about this story is very off.

I never had a bumbo but aren’t they like chairs, not 2 year old traps?

you're right - i'm thinking about when they were 6 months old, not walking yet - i have twins and if i had to pee i'd pop them in the bumbos for a minute

[Anonymous]

Op my parents forgot me when I was released after school in DC at 4 or 5 yrs old. Dad was a drunk and mom worked all day. I remember holding the hand of a cop who took me home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where did he go?

He didn't notice your car was gone when he left?

If you had your door CLOSED wouldn't someone need to be watching two year old twins? - this is the part that's confusing to me. If I left the house with two year old twins roaming around, i would (1) put them in their cribs or bumbos or whatever and (2) find the other adult to say "he larlo and barlo are in the bumbos" - be back in 15...

something about this story is very off.

It’s pretty straightforward: OP screwed up by leaving her twins to go pick up Her other children. She didn’t let anyone know she left and is now trying to blame her husband for the outcome of her poor parenting decisions.

No you can't let 2 year old twins wander around and just leave the house because you "think" someone is in a room with the door closed. You have to watch 2 year olds ALLLLL the time.

So where were the twins when OP left? Seems she didn’t check in with her husband either. She left the home first and just assumed her husband should know where she is at. That’s irresponsible. She takes 0 responsibility and for that reason I would probably trust the husband with the children more than her.

You're comparing apples to oranges. OP was not watching any kids at the time she left the house to get a kid from school. She did not check in with DH who was watching kids to say "I'm leaving the house."

DH was watching the kids, then stood up and left them alone and went somewhere all by himself without handing the kids off to another adult. He walked out of a room with two toddlers in it, didn't say "come take over", and left the premises.

One wasn't supervising any kids, and didn't check in with another adult to confirm typical comings and goings. Maybe that would be a problem in your marriage, maybe it wouldn't. But it's not child endangerment. The other didn't check in with another adult to make sure there was someone watching the kids, and in fact actively walked away from two toddlers and left them alone and unsupervised. Checking in in that situation is not about making sure your spouse knows where you are, it's about making sure they know they're on duty. You might think she should have shouted "I'm heading out" to him, but it's a bad faith argument to treat those two scenarios as equivalent.

Sounds like nobody in this family is responsible enough to watch them

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I left the house this morning to take preschooler to school. Typically, I am home during the day but today I was out all day and he knew this. He said he was tired from working from home and taking care of the twins all day and he assumed I was back. Even if I had not been out all day, I am never home at that time because I am always at school at that time doing pick up. I am still probably too emotional to talk to him rationally at this point so I proposed discussing it tomorrow.

Sadly, I do not have a time machine to go back and divorce him after the bathtub incident. At the time, everyone said I was overreacting, everyone makes mistakes.

In your gut, what do you think is really going on? Is he a flake? Is he self-absorbed and struggles to think of others? Does he have ADHD?
What’s his response—remorse? defensive? Share how he reacted.

He has ADHD and anger issues. Response defensive but he eventually did apologize. And yes, very self-absorbed. I feel like I can't trust him alone with the kids. I very rarely leave him with them but sometimes I have no choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I left the house this morning to take preschooler to school. Typically, I am home during the day but today I was out all day and he knew this. He said he was tired from working from home and taking care of the twins all day and he assumed I was back. Even if I had not been out all day, I am never home at that time because I am always at school at that time doing pick up. I am still probably too emotional to talk to him rationally at this point so I proposed discussing it tomorrow.

Sadly, I do not have a time machine to go back and divorce him after the bathtub incident. At the time, everyone said I was overreacting, everyone makes mistakes.

Your story isn’t making sense. You said they were left alone for half an hour? How do you know this if you’re claiming to have been out all day? Things don’t add up.

Because I asked him how long were they alone and he told me when he left. I have no idea whether he is telling the truth. But he has admitted to leaving a half hour before I got back.

does his text message confirm that they were alone for 30 minutes? how is HE REACTING TO ALL THIS????

[Anonymous]

Your husband effed up. Calmly, but firmly reinforce your expectations of how to hand off responsibility of children. Face to face. Never by text while walking out the door.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I left the house this morning to take preschooler to school. Typically, I am home during the day but today I was out all day and he knew this. He said he was tired from working from home and taking care of the twins all day and he assumed I was back. Even if I had not been out all day, I am never home at that time because I am always at school at that time doing pick up. I am still probably too emotional to talk to him rationally at this point so I proposed discussing it tomorrow.

Sadly, I do not have a time machine to go back and divorce him after the bathtub incident. At the time, everyone said I was overreacting, everyone makes mistakes.

In your gut, what do you think is really going on? Is he a flake? Is he self-absorbed and struggles to think of others? Does he have ADHD?
What’s his response—remorse? defensive? Share how he reacted.

He has ADHD and anger issues. Response defensive but he eventually did apologize. And yes, very self-absorbed. I feel like I can't trust him alone with the kids. I very rarely leave him with them but sometimes I have no choice.

OP - talk to a good lawyer. Start documenting the "anger issues". This guy is a mess. And everyone on here trying to blame you in just some idiot dad that's done the exact same thing and probably didn't get caught...or did and blamed their wife. Wait for it "I'm a DW and my husband is perfect blah blah blah"

[Anonymous]

And document the bathtub incident, and this incident. If or when you've had enough of this bs. He doesn't get to risk their lives AND be a defensive a-hole about it.

[Anonymous]

Ok just so I'm clear about how things went- times are approximate:
9AM- you leave with the preschooler for the day. He knows you will he gone all day.
He's at home alone with the twins while he works.
2:30PM- he sends you a text saying he's leaving
3:00PM - you arrive home with the preschooler to find no adult

Is that correct?
If so- those of you blaming OP are way way way off base. He left children in the house without double checking if she had gotten home. He's the one who didn't make the handoff.

He drove down the driveway presumably without noticing that her car wasn't there. Makes me really wonder if he's paying attention to these twins at all while he's working.

I wouldn't ever trust him with the kids alone again esp after the infant near drowning incident

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. this is not the first time. When eldest was six months old he left the then infant alone in the baby bathtub because I had just been in the bathroom and he thought I was paying attention to what he was doing. I wasn't. I walked in to find baby fully submerged. Grabbed her and spent the next 24 hours watching her every move to make sure she was okay. She was fine but I almost left him then.

16:28 here. I didn’t see this. I said I’d reduce my H to a sobbing mess… if I also knew my H almost drowned our child, I would literally make him fear for his life. I’d demand to know exactly what is going through his head when he does these things. And also see an attorney about what you can do to protect your children.

Yup. Op has every right to OVERREACT given his past transgression. Sadly, I wouldn’t divorce bc 50/50. He should fund his own therapy and a nanny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ok just so I'm clear about how things went- times are approximate:
9AM- you leave with the preschooler for the day. He knows you will he gone all day.
He's at home alone with the twins while he works.
2:30PM- he sends you a text saying he's leaving
3:00PM - you arrive home with the preschooler to find no adult

Is that correct?
If so- those of you blaming OP are way way way off base. He left children in the house without double checking if she had gotten home. He's the one who didn't make the handoff.

He drove down the driveway presumably without noticing that her car wasn't there. Makes me really wonder if he's paying attention to these twins at all while he's working.

I wouldn't ever trust him with the kids alone again esp after the infant near drowning incident

Yes, this is exactly what happened.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I left the house this morning to take preschooler to school. Typically, I am home during the day but today I was out all day and he knew this. He said he was tired from working from home and taking care of the twins all day and he assumed I was back. Even if I had not been out all day, I am never home at that time because I am always at school at that time doing pick up. I am still probably too emotional to talk to him rationally at this point so I proposed discussing it tomorrow.

Sadly, I do not have a time machine to go back and divorce him after the bathtub incident. At the time, everyone said I was overreacting, everyone makes mistakes.

In your gut, what do you think is really going on? Is he a flake? Is he self-absorbed and struggles to think of others? Does he have ADHD?
What’s his response—remorse? defensive? Share how he reacted.

He has ADHD and anger issues. Response defensive but he eventually did apologize. And yes, very self-absorbed. I feel like I can't trust him alone with the kids. I very rarely leave him with them but sometimes I have no choice.

OP - talk to a good lawyer. Start documenting the "anger issues". This guy is a mess. And everyone on here trying to blame you in just some idiot dad that's done the exact same thing and probably didn't get caught...or did and blamed their wife. Wait for it "I'm a DW and my husband is perfect blah blah blah"

I know DCUM thinks it’s fun to turn the tables on OP but this is so upsetting. I can only imagine how sick I would feel to come home and realize my 2 year olds were left alone. I really would try to not leave him alone with the kids until they are older.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok just so I'm clear about how things went- times are approximate:
9AM- you leave with the preschooler for the day. He knows you will he gone all day.
He's at home alone with the twins while he works.
2:30PM- he sends you a text saying he's leaving
3:00PM - you arrive home with the preschooler to find no adult

Is that correct?
If so- those of you blaming OP are way way way off base. He left children in the house without double checking if she had gotten home. He's the one who didn't make the handoff.

He drove down the driveway presumably without noticing that her car wasn't there. Makes me really wonder if he's paying attention to these twins at all while he's working.

I wouldn't ever trust him with the kids alone again esp after the infant near drowning incident

Yes, this is exactly what happened.

Did you ask him what he was DOING WITH THE TWINS when he decided to leave the house with them roaming around? I mean he's an idiot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok just so I'm clear about how things went- times are approximate:
9AM- you leave with the preschooler for the day. He knows you will he gone all day.
He's at home alone with the twins while he works.
2:30PM- he sends you a text saying he's leaving
3:00PM - you arrive home with the preschooler to find no adult

Is that correct?
If so- those of you blaming OP are way way way off base. He left children in the house without double checking if she had gotten home. He's the one who didn't make the handoff.

He drove down the driveway presumably without noticing that her car wasn't there. Makes me really wonder if he's paying attention to these twins at all while he's working.

I wouldn't ever trust him with the kids alone again esp after the infant near drowning incident

Yes, this is exactly what happened.

Why didn’t you answer your text messages to tell him you weren’t home?

[Anonymous]

for all the DCUM lawyers out there - WHAT DOES IT TAKE for a parent to get less than 50/50 custody? i mean do you have to actively try to murder your kids multiple times?