husband and daughter missing christening due to sports

[Anonymous]

In our church if the priest found out that the father of the baby being baptized was not there because he was at a sports tournament for another child there would be no baptism. Part of the ceremony is you as parents pledging to raise your child in the church. You are demonstrating that you have no intention of doing so. Full stop. No baptism.

OP, you asked the question so I'm telling you that you need to convince your husband to come to the baptism. In our family the older sibling would come as well but I can understand them not coming. But as the father of the child being baptized he is REQUIRED to be there. In our parish if a parent is not going to be there this needs to be cleared with the priest ahead of time and the acceptable reasons are along the lines of: deployed military, in the hospital, caring for a dying family member out of state/country.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are baptizing our young son in a few weeks. My older son has an important soccer tournament that weekend and my husband will be taking him. They will both miss the baptism. we are unable to reschedule since my parents are flying in from another country. They are furious that the father will miss this important milestone.
They asked if someone else can take my son to play and although that is logistically possible, my husband declined. He is very invested in my son's soccer. My parents aren't thrilled that my other son is missing this either.
I am annoyed too but nothing I say will change anything so I don't bother trying to convince him.
My questions are: is it that bad that they are missing this?
How do I get my parents to back off?

I coach a competitive travel team.

We instill the following hierarchy in our players and their families from day one:

God/faith > Family > country > school > sport

So there are four things we tell them are more important than the sport.

On the God/faith thing we tell them if they are observant we do expect them to worship outside game conflicts wherever possible since we play a lot on Sunday mornings. But an event like a child’s christening? The player would be 100% excused and expected to attend.

So from our priority list, your husband is violating two of the four things that more important than our sport. He is wrong, not the parents who are rightfully complaining. Put your foot down. There will be other tournaments.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In our church if the priest found out that the father of the baby being baptized was not there because he was at a sports tournament for another child there would be no baptism. Part of the ceremony is you as parents pledging to raise your child in the church. You are demonstrating that you have no intention of doing so. Full stop. No baptism.

OP, you asked the question so I'm telling you that you need to convince your husband to come to the baptism. In our family the older sibling would come as well but I can understand them not coming. But as the father of the child being baptized he is REQUIRED to be there. In our parish if a parent is not going to be there this needs to be cleared with the priest ahead of time and the acceptable reasons are along the lines of: deployed military, in the hospital, caring for a dying family member out of state/country.

This. Has the priest OK’ed the dad missing, OP? He is an integral part of the ritual, he has to be there outside extreme circumstance.

[Anonymous]

I'm not reading all 11 pages but OP clearly stated husband and DAUGHTER in the subject but in her post she refers to only sons.

Troll?

I don't see how this would happen in real life with grandparents flying in from out of the country and christening being obviously quite important for them to do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm not reading all 11 pages but OP clearly stated husband and DAUGHTER in the subject but in her post she refers to only sons.

Troll?

I don't see how this would happen in real life with grandparents flying in from out of the country and christening being obviously quite important for them to do it.

Well if you had read any of the pages, you would have seen that she has a daughter but this is about her son. I think you're the troll.

[Anonymous]

Dh sounds crazy. Missing one kids sporting even is not that important, but people in the DC area are a special kind of crazy about kids activities.

[Anonymous]

Some people are being super delusional, concluding crap about OP and her family. Get a life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not reading all 11 pages but OP clearly stated husband and DAUGHTER in the subject but in her post she refers to only sons.

Troll?

I don't see how this would happen in real life with grandparents flying in from out of the country and christening being obviously quite important for them to do it.

Well if you had read any of the pages, you would have seen that she has a daughter but this is about her son. I think you're the troll.

What parent confuses the gender of their children

DCUM is rife with bored posters making up stories to stir up a controversy. That's why I treat all such threads with caution before getting suckered into it.

[Anonymous]

Why even have a christening if you don’t take it seriously?

I’m not trying to be snarky, but I honestly don’t understand. It’s not like this a required of you. It’s completely optional. Have a family gathering with your family. Either parent skipping their child’s christening is ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are baptizing our young son in a few weeks. My older son has an important soccer tournament that weekend and my husband will be taking him. They will both miss the baptism. we are unable to reschedule since my parents are flying in from another country. They are furious that the father will miss this important milestone.
They asked if someone else can take my son to play and although that is logistically possible, my husband declined. He is very invested in my son's soccer. My parents aren't thrilled that my other son is missing this either.
I am annoyed too but nothing I say will change anything so I don't bother trying to convince him.
My questions are: is it that bad that they are missing this?
How do I get my parents to back off?

I coach a competitive travel team.

We instill the following hierarchy in our players and their families from day one:

God/faith > Family > country > school > sport

So there are four things we tell them are more important than the sport.

On the God/faith thing we tell them if they are observant we do expect them to worship outside game conflicts wherever possible since we play a lot on Sunday mornings. But an event like a child’s christening? The player would be 100% excused and expected to attend.

So from our priority list, your husband is violating two of the four things that more important than our sport. He is wrong, not the parents who are rightfully complaining. Put your foot down. There will be other tournaments.

The key thing that you said here is: “from our priority list”. While I don’t disagree with those priorities, I’m also aware, as you surely must be, that not all teams and not all leagues share these priorities.

I’m not assuming that this is true of OP and her family, but I know families whose children have had access to private : Catholic schools, travel opportunities, mentors, college scholarships, and even clothing and shoes — solely because of their athletic ability and participation in athletic events. In deeming the father “wrong” without knowing his side of the story, you really don’t know if missing one game, one tournament, one scouting opportunity will —or will not — be a priority that could change the trajectory of this kid’s life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not reading all 11 pages but OP clearly stated husband and DAUGHTER in the subject but in her post she refers to only sons.

Troll?

I don't see how this would happen in real life with grandparents flying in from out of the country and christening being obviously quite important for them to do it.

Well if you had read any of the pages, you would have seen that she has a daughter but this is about her son. I think you're the troll.

What parent confuses the gender of their children

DCUM is rife with bored posters making up stories to stir up a controversy. That's why I treat all such threads with caution before getting suckered into it.

I sometimes change the gender of my kids where it does not matter to the question so as not to be identifiable. Lots of people do. Sounds like OP responded and said she has a daughter but it is her son who is missing and she just got confused, but I think it is likely the intentional change and then failure to follow through.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The dad and son need to cancel the soccer. Be with the fam. I think everlasting life and moral upbringing trumps any sport. The kid isn’t heading to the Olympics. They should be with the fam and the grand parents.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In our church if the priest found out that the father of the baby being baptized was not there because he was at a sports tournament for another child there would be no baptism. Part of the ceremony is you as parents pledging to raise your child in the church. You are demonstrating that you have no intention of doing so. Full stop. No baptism.

OP, you asked the question so I'm telling you that you need to convince your husband to come to the baptism. In our family the older sibling would come as well but I can understand them not coming. But as the father of the child being baptized he is REQUIRED to be there. In our parish if a parent is not going to be there this needs to be cleared with the priest ahead of time and the acceptable reasons are along the lines of: deployed military, in the hospital, caring for a dying family member out of state/country.

So your priest would deny a sacrament to an innocent baby because the baby's father is a jerk. Horrible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In our church if the priest found out that the father of the baby being baptized was not there because he was at a sports tournament for another child there would be no baptism. Part of the ceremony is you as parents pledging to raise your child in the church. You are demonstrating that you have no intention of doing so. Full stop. No baptism.

OP, you asked the question so I'm telling you that you need to convince your husband to come to the baptism. In our family the older sibling would come as well but I can understand them not coming. But as the father of the child being baptized he is REQUIRED to be there. In our parish if a parent is not going to be there this needs to be cleared with the priest ahead of time and the acceptable reasons are along the lines of: deployed military, in the hospital, caring for a dying family member out of state/country.

So your priest would deny a sacrament to an innocent baby because the baby's father is a jerk. Horrible.

The sacrament includes the parents agreeing to raise the child in the faith. If both parents are not there, the sacrament cannot be accepted. Perhaps OP can have another relative stand in like military families do, but that is an unavoidable situation. Unlike this one.

[Anonymous]

OP hasn't been back. I think there are obviously big marital issues and yet we are focused on the baptism. There is definitely a much bigger picture at play!