Do other parents yell criticisms at your kid?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Ha. I'm a 5'4", 130 pound former D1 soccer player. Female. I have told a few of the dads to 'shut the F up' when their bellowing was out of control. I got mad respect from everyone and even some of the dads later came over and apologized. It set the tone for the sidelines and people starting becoming more respectful in general. .

Wow, everyone involved in the exchange you mention sounds awful, including you. I don't like parents yelling things out at soccer games, including, but not limited to, curse words in front of kids.

Let go of your pearls

Oh please, fastest way to escalate anything is by cursing. There are many ways to tell someone to be quiet without cursing. Those who do have no interest in deescalating the issue and are just looking for a fight fueled by what they consider to be their righteous indignation.

I'm pretty sure your attempt to ask someone to be quiet on the soccer field would likely be met with a vigorous go eff yourself.

I wouldn’t tell a parent to be quiet in general. But if someone was yelling at my kid or the kids on my team, I would say something to the effect of please do not talk to our kids. If they tell me to eff myself, I wouldn’t waste my time engaging that person. I’d file a complaint with whoever I need to file a complaint with…ref, the opp. team, etc. I may also simultaneously file a restraining order against the offending person to stay away from our team.

PP I think you're missing the point, which is that the original PP not only takes care of it immediately, but also sets a tone that spreads to the rest of the parents, which you would not accomplish with your complaint-filing. I think that both of your approaches run the risk of backfiring, but original PP is telling you that it has worked multiple times. With the right person in the right situation, I would go for original PP's approach over yours every time.

You do you. I’m not in a position to be acting that way publicly. In all honesty, my husband is a muscled guy who has just given a look or said something (without curse words) and that stopped any further comments to kids. So the point is if the PP or my telling someone to stop (in our own way) doesn’t work, going the complaint way is an option too.

The problem with your way is that it doesn't nothing for the kid in the immediate moment. They don't need a restraining order served a week later, they need a parent to defend them then.

[Anonymous]

Criticizing a play is nowhere close to a threat. if you tell me to shut up or else thats a threat. Restraining orders will only deter not prevent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Ha. I'm a 5'4", 130 pound former D1 soccer player. Female. I have told a few of the dads to 'shut the F up' when their bellowing was out of control. I got mad respect from everyone and even some of the dads later came over and apologized. It set the tone for the sidelines and people starting becoming more respectful in general. .

Wow, everyone involved in the exchange you mention sounds awful, including you. I don't like parents yelling things out at soccer games, including, but not limited to, curse words in front of kids.

Let go of your pearls

Oh please, fastest way to escalate anything is by cursing. There are many ways to tell someone to be quiet without cursing. Those who do have no interest in deescalating the issue and are just looking for a fight fueled by what they consider to be their righteous indignation.

I'm pretty sure your attempt to ask someone to be quiet on the soccer field would likely be met with a vigorous go eff yourself.

I wouldn’t tell a parent to be quiet in general. But if someone was yelling at my kid or the kids on my team, I would say something to the effect of please do not talk to our kids. If they tell me to eff myself, I wouldn’t waste my time engaging that person. I’d file a complaint with whoever I need to file a complaint with…ref, the opp. team, etc. I may also simultaneously file a restraining order against the offending person to stay away from our team.

LOL!! A restraining order for what? Being told to eff off? Good luck with that.

No, for harassing kids. Presumably someone who tells me to eff off when I ask them to stop talking to my kids will continue their harassing behavior.

Good luck! You'll be the hero to your kid when that parent is never served a restraining order after your very strongly worded letter tot he authorities. HAHAHAH

It’s a civil order, not criminal. Don’t need to get authorities involved to get it. You just go to the courthouse with your petition and supporting documents/evidence. I’ll have a copy of the order in case I need it or if it’s necessary to get authorities involved. It’s not that hard. It’s just preponderance of the evidence standard, which is not a very high evidentiary standard.

LOL!!! We get it, you're a lawyer. You're also a tool. Just tell the person to STFU like any sensible adult would in the moment.

Answer me this though, what name goes on this restraining order?

Since you asked that question, you probably know the answer. Don’t get so worked up about it. I’d try the “sensible” approach first. Can’t petition for an order if no attempt has been made to tell the person to stop. Has to be harassing - meaning repetitive conduct. DC is full of lawyers, I’m 100% sure there are a peace orders related to youth soccer that have been filed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Ha. I'm a 5'4", 130 pound former D1 soccer player. Female. I have told a few of the dads to 'shut the F up' when their bellowing was out of control. I got mad respect from everyone and even some of the dads later came over and apologized. It set the tone for the sidelines and people starting becoming more respectful in general. .

Wow, everyone involved in the exchange you mention sounds awful, including you. I don't like parents yelling things out at soccer games, including, but not limited to, curse words in front of kids.

Let go of your pearls

Oh please, fastest way to escalate anything is by cursing. There are many ways to tell someone to be quiet without cursing. Those who do have no interest in deescalating the issue and are just looking for a fight fueled by what they consider to be their righteous indignation.

I'm pretty sure your attempt to ask someone to be quiet on the soccer field would likely be met with a vigorous go eff yourself.

I wouldn’t tell a parent to be quiet in general. But if someone was yelling at my kid or the kids on my team, I would say something to the effect of please do not talk to our kids. If they tell me to eff myself, I wouldn’t waste my time engaging that person. I’d file a complaint with whoever I need to file a complaint with…ref, the opp. team, etc. I may also simultaneously file a restraining order against the offending person to stay away from our team.

LOL!! A restraining order for what? Being told to eff off? Good luck with that.

No, for harassing kids. Presumably someone who tells me to eff off when I ask them to stop talking to my kids will continue their harassing behavior.

Good luck! You'll be the hero to your kid when that parent is never served a restraining order after your very strongly worded letter tot he authorities. HAHAHAH

It’s a civil order, not criminal. Don’t need to get authorities involved to get it. You just go to the courthouse with your petition and supporting documents/evidence. I’ll have a copy of the order in case I need it or if it’s necessary to get authorities involved. It’s not that hard. It’s just preponderance of the evidence standard, which is not a very high evidentiary standard.

LOL!!! We get it, you're a lawyer. You're also a tool. Just tell the person to STFU like any sensible adult would in the moment.

Answer me this though, what name goes on this restraining order?

Since you asked that question, you probably know the answer. Don’t get so worked up about it. I’d try the “sensible” approach first. Can’t petition for an order if no attempt has been made to tell the person to stop. Has to be harassing - meaning repetitive conduct. DC is full of lawyers, I’m 100% sure there are a peace orders related to youth soccer that have been filed.

And I'm sure each and every is met with a huge internal eye roll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t tell a parent to be quiet in general. But if someone was yelling at my kid or the kids on my team, I would say something to the effect of please do not talk to our kids. If they tell me to eff myself, I wouldn’t waste my time engaging that person. I’d file a complaint with whoever I need to file a complaint with…ref, the opp. team, etc. I may also simultaneously file a restraining order against the offending person to stay away from our team.

PP I think you're missing the point, which is that the original PP not only takes care of it immediately, but also sets a tone that spreads to the rest of the parents, which you would not accomplish with your complaint-filing. I think that both of your approaches run the risk of backfiring, but original PP is telling you that it has worked multiple times. With the right person in the right situation, I would go for original PP's approach over yours every time.

You do you. I’m not in a position to be acting that way publicly. In all honesty, my husband is a muscled guy who has just given a look or said something (without curse words) and that stopped any further comments to kids. So the point is if the PP or my telling someone to stop (in our own way) doesn’t work, going the complaint way is an option too.

I am PP you responded to. I appreciate that you might not be in a position to and I appreciate that you would complain. Complaints alert the league managers to the behavior, an added benefit. But I still appreciate the immediate results of the aggressive approach, when done right. Sometimes kids need protection in the moment. I hate how our culture often doesn't afford that. It's like when adults scream at, or are unjustifiably rude to teen lifeguards at a pool. I can't help but wonder how that treatment must be shaping those teens. Some situations are best nipped in the bud.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Criticizing a play is nowhere close to a threat. if you tell me to shut up or else thats a threat. Restraining orders will only deter not prevent.

Statements made to kids with the intent to harass or annoy is harassment. Doesn’t have to be a direct threat. Just need to be repetitive. And you can tell someone to stop without threatening them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t tell a parent to be quiet in general. But if someone was yelling at my kid or the kids on my team, I would say something to the effect of please do not talk to our kids. If they tell me to eff myself, I wouldn’t waste my time engaging that person. I’d file a complaint with whoever I need to file a complaint with…ref, the opp. team, etc. I may also simultaneously file a restraining order against the offending person to stay away from our team.

PP I think you're missing the point, which is that the original PP not only takes care of it immediately, but also sets a tone that spreads to the rest of the parents, which you would not accomplish with your complaint-filing. I think that both of your approaches run the risk of backfiring, but original PP is telling you that it has worked multiple times. With the right person in the right situation, I would go for original PP's approach over yours every time.

You do you. I’m not in a position to be acting that way publicly. In all honesty, my husband is a muscled guy who has just given a look or said something (without curse words) and that stopped any further comments to kids. So the point is if the PP or my telling someone to stop (in our own way) doesn’t work, going the complaint way is an option too.

I am PP you responded to. I appreciate that you might not be in a position to and I appreciate that you would complain. Complaints alert the league managers to the behavior, an added benefit. But I still appreciate the immediate results of the aggressive approach, when done right. Sometimes kids need protection in the moment. I hate how our culture often doesn't afford that. It's like when adults scream at, or are unjustifiably rude to teen lifeguards at a pool. I can't help but wonder how that treatment must be shaping those teens. Some situations are best nipped in the bud.

Pretty much this. What a colossal waste of time using the courts when a simple STFU would do in most cases.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Criticizing a play is nowhere close to a threat. if you tell me to shut up or else thats a threat. Restraining orders will only deter not prevent.

Statements made to kids with the intent to harass or annoy is harassment. Doesn’t have to be a direct threat. Just need to be repetitive. And you can tell someone to stop without threatening them.

How is STFU a threat?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t tell a parent to be quiet in general. But if someone was yelling at my kid or the kids on my team, I would say something to the effect of please do not talk to our kids. If they tell me to eff myself, I wouldn’t waste my time engaging that person. I’d file a complaint with whoever I need to file a complaint with…ref, the opp. team, etc. I may also simultaneously file a restraining order against the offending person to stay away from our team.

PP I think you're missing the point, which is that the original PP not only takes care of it immediately, but also sets a tone that spreads to the rest of the parents, which you would not accomplish with your complaint-filing. I think that both of your approaches run the risk of backfiring, but original PP is telling you that it has worked multiple times. With the right person in the right situation, I would go for original PP's approach over yours every time.

You do you. I’m not in a position to be acting that way publicly. In all honesty, my husband is a muscled guy who has just given a look or said something (without curse words) and that stopped any further comments to kids. So the point is if the PP or my telling someone to stop (in our own way) doesn’t work, going the complaint way is an option too.

I am PP you responded to. I appreciate that you might not be in a position to and I appreciate that you would complain. Complaints alert the league managers to the behavior, an added benefit. But I still appreciate the immediate results of the aggressive approach, when done right. Sometimes kids need protection in the moment. I hate how our culture often doesn't afford that. It's like when adults scream at, or are unjustifiably rude to teen lifeguards at a pool. I can't help but wonder how that treatment must be shaping those teens. Some situations are best nipped in the bud.

I hear ya on this. I guess what has been lost in this thread is that the option of a protective/peace order is a last resort for egregious behavior. I’m sure there are other avenues where complaints can be filed and solutions figured out. I would never advise anyone to file a petition for a protective order (no matter how easy it is) without exhausting other complaint mechanisms.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Criticizing a play is nowhere close to a threat. if you tell me to shut up or else thats a threat. Restraining orders will only deter not prevent.

Statements made to kids with the intent to harass or annoy is harassment. Doesn’t have to be a direct threat. Just need to be repetitive. And you can tell someone to stop without threatening them.

I think if you enter them legally in a public league as a team athlete they are subject to Cheers and applause as well as Boos and criticism. If no threat is made it would be very hard to get an arrest or court oder . In fact the legal folks might suggest you remove your kid from the public park. If said Jerk Parent follows you game after game to various locations a stalking charge may be easier to get. I know its a jerk move to boo a child but unfortunately not illeagal. To make it worse if you confront the jerk parent you can be charged with harassment or worse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Criticizing a play is nowhere close to a threat. if you tell me to shut up or else thats a threat. Restraining orders will only deter not prevent.

Statements made to kids with the intent to harass or annoy is harassment. Doesn’t have to be a direct threat. Just need to be repetitive. And you can tell someone to stop without threatening them.

I think if you enter them legally in a public league as a team athlete they are subject to Cheers and applause as well as Boos and criticism. If no threat is made it would be very hard to get an arrest or court oder . In fact the legal folks might suggest you remove your kid from the public park. If said Jerk Parent follows you game after game to various locations a stalking charge may be easier to get. I know its a jerk move to boo a child but unfortunately not illeagal. To make it worse if you confront the jerk parent you can be charged with harassment or worse.

They're kids. And the harassing parent's conduct is inconsistent with every soccer club's expected behavior/conduct. There is no expectation, when you put your kids in travel soccer, that they will be subjected to harassing comments from parents. Just because it happens doesn't mean that it's the acceptable norm or that you couldn't get an order against it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Criticizing a play is nowhere close to a threat. if you tell me to shut up or else thats a threat. Restraining orders will only deter not prevent.

Statements made to kids with the intent to harass or annoy is harassment. Doesn’t have to be a direct threat. Just need to be repetitive. And you can tell someone to stop without threatening them.

I think if you enter them legally in a public league as a team athlete they are subject to Cheers and applause as well as Boos and criticism. If no threat is made it would be very hard to get an arrest or court oder . In fact the legal folks might suggest you remove your kid from the public park. If said Jerk Parent follows you game after game to various locations a stalking charge may be easier to get. I know its a jerk move to boo a child but unfortunately not illeagal. To make it worse if you confront the jerk parent you can be charged with harassment or worse.

They're kids. And the harassing parent's conduct is inconsistent with every soccer club's expected behavior/conduct. There is no expectation, when you put your kids in travel soccer, that they will be subjected to harassing comments from parents. Just because it happens doesn't mean that it's the acceptable norm or that you couldn't get an order against it.

Club and League policies are not law.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Criticizing a play is nowhere close to a threat. if you tell me to shut up or else thats a threat. Restraining orders will only deter not prevent.

Statements made to kids with the intent to harass or annoy is harassment. Doesn’t have to be a direct threat. Just need to be repetitive. And you can tell someone to stop without threatening them.

I think if you enter them legally in a public league as a team athlete they are subject to Cheers and applause as well as Boos and criticism. If no threat is made it would be very hard to get an arrest or court oder . In fact the legal folks might suggest you remove your kid from the public park. If said Jerk Parent follows you game after game to various locations a stalking charge may be easier to get. I know its a jerk move to boo a child but unfortunately not illeagal. To make it worse if you confront the jerk parent you can be charged with harassment or worse.

They're kids. And the harassing parent's conduct is inconsistent with every soccer club's expected behavior/conduct. There is no expectation, when you put your kids in travel soccer, that they will be subjected to harassing comments from parents. Just because it happens doesn't mean that it's the acceptable norm or that you couldn't get an order against it.

Club and League policies are not law.

They're not but they set the standard in this context for acceptable behavior. Harassing behavior is conduct inconsistent with acceptable behavior with the intent to annoy, harass, etc. I know you're fixated with "threat" but no direct threat is necessary to establish harassment. I mean it wouldn't he hard for a kid to say that they feel threatened when parent's yell at them. There's the threat if you need it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Criticizing a play is nowhere close to a threat. if you tell me to shut up or else thats a threat. Restraining orders will only deter not prevent.

Statements made to kids with the intent to harass or annoy is harassment. Doesn’t have to be a direct threat. Just need to be repetitive. And you can tell someone to stop without threatening them.

I think if you enter them legally in a public league as a team athlete they are subject to Cheers and applause as well as Boos and criticism. If no threat is made it would be very hard to get an arrest or court oder . In fact the legal folks might suggest you remove your kid from the public park. If said Jerk Parent follows you game after game to various locations a stalking charge may be easier to get. I know its a jerk move to boo a child but unfortunately not illeagal. To make it worse if you confront the jerk parent you can be charged with harassment or worse.

They're kids. And the harassing parent's conduct is inconsistent with every soccer club's expected behavior/conduct. There is no expectation, when you put your kids in travel soccer, that they will be subjected to harassing comments from parents. Just because it happens doesn't mean that it's the acceptable norm or that you couldn't get an order against it.

Club and League policies are not law.

They're not but they set the standard in this context for acceptable behavior. Harassing behavior is conduct inconsistent with acceptable behavior with the intent to annoy, harass, etc. I know you're fixated with "threat" but no direct threat is necessary to establish harassment. I mean it wouldn't he hard for a kid to say that they feel threatened when parent's yell at them. There's the threat if you need it.

OMG, it isn't a threat, the dad is nothing more than a jerk and that is why your way is time consuming, overreaching and stupid.

Certainly perhaps appeal to the ref to deal with the issue more directly but if that doesn't work just tell the jerk to STFU already.

In most cases it is simply parents getting carried away and nothing more. It isn't necessarily harassing or threatening. It may very well be demoralizing and intimidating but it doesn't deserve anything more beyond the actual game. If it is an opponent you may never see them again. If it is parent on your team you have made the situation worse than telling them to STFU or "knock it off". These statements are directives, not threats.

[Anonymous]

Ha. I'm a 5'4", 130 pound former D1 soccer player. Female. I have told a few of the dads to 'shut the F up' when their bellowing was out of control. I got mad respect from everyone and even some of the dads later came over and apologized. It set the tone for the sidelines and people starting becoming more respectful in general. .


Wow, everyone involved in the exchange you mention sounds awful, including you. I don't like parents yelling things out at soccer games, including, but not limited to, curse words in front of kids.


Let go of your pearls

You are entitled to your opinion, just as I am entitled to mine that the behavior is trashy on both sides.