Rising college freshman invited on trip with friend's family

[Anonymous]

My DD, who will be heading off to college at the end of August just left this morning for a week's vacation with a friend and her family. But it is one of her best friends, so it was a no-brainer for her to say yes.

You can tell your DD you are being a sentimental mom and will be a little sad to miss that extra time with her, but that it is totally her decision whether to go or not. And accept whatever she decides. Time to let her leave the nest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My rising college freshman is about to go on her 3rd beach vacation with various friends. I would never think to keep her home! You sound crazy, OP!

What is wrong with you? OP is not crazy, it’s entirely normal. I would feel the same OP. You likely have been wanting these last few weeks to help your daughter get ready or just plain enjoy her company. It makes sense. Is there any way, she can go for a shorter time period? A long weekend? That seems like a good compromise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I completely get it, OP, but I think you just need to suck it up and cheerfully tell her you want her to do as she wishes. If she's grown apart from the friend, you may luck out and she may decide on her own not to go. However, if you pressure her to stay, those precious extra days are liable to be spent with her hurt, angry, and resentful, sending her off to college with this hanging between you. Make the most of whatever time you have with her and hope that she wants to come home for breaks.

Ugh, I have to agree, this post is true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’d feel sad about it, too. You’re counting down the time.

She's going to college, not prison. Let her go if she wants. I wish my kid had friends who would take him on vacation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Completely disagree with every PP. "WHY would you POSSIBLY have a problem with THIS! You are RIDICULOUS"

Do you hear yourselves? Can't EVEN UNDERSTAND why someone feels the way OP does?.... okay.

Anyway, OP, I understand. It is extremely normal to want to spend time with your daughter before she leaves. August 15th will be here before you know it.

Does your daughter really want to go? Or, does she have mixed feelings because the girls have not been as close lately? Could you propose her going for a weekend or half the week?

NP. Yes, PP. I get it as well. Thank you for posting. There are a lot of hysterical and insulting people on here today.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our DD will leave for college in CA on August 15 (she's going early for sports practice). A friend's family just invited her to join them for a week at the beach. Our daughter and this girl have been friends since elementary school, though they've grown apart somewhat in high school as their interests have diverged. Throughout this time our two families have always been friendly. Right now, though, I'm a little peeved that this family has invited our daughter to spend a week with them when she has so little time left before going away to college. DH and I don't feel like we can tell our daughter to decline the invitation, though I've told her that we'll miss her. I'm trying to get a sense of whether I just suck this one up or say anymore than that to DD, and would appreciate hearing other perspectives. Thanks. (BTW, we did a family vacation ourselves in June after she graduated from HS and her older brother graduated from college.)

Just decline. My DD would’ve loved to have been invited to something like that.

[Anonymous]

NP. Sorry about those "you're crazy" hysterical posters above but equally sorry about the "decline/limit her to a weekend" posters. I do sympathize with your feelings, OP, and you have every right to own your feelings; it can be emotional for the parents when a kid goes away to college (been there, recently). I know! It's hard.

But in all practicality: You had a family vacation together earlier in the summer, and you also do not say how far away she's going to college.

If she were going where you won't see her until December, well, I would get your being sad, but still would not try to thwart this trip of DD's.

If she were going somewhere she likely will return from, for (possibly) a fall break; a Thanksgiving break; a winter break (which is a month or even more for some colleges)--you'll see her sooner than you think. And if it's close enough, you may be visiting her for a parents' weekend in the fall, if her college does that.

Which is it?

This one trip with the friend is a tiny, tiny blip in your time together. She might not get time with this particular friend again any time soon, or ever. You might be seeing her again, at least briefly, in a month or two.

[Anonymous]

You have limited time with her, but she also has limited time with local friends before college. I'd suck it up and let her go, knowing that if I pressured her to stay home she might be miserable. Better to enjoy less time with her happy than more time with her unhappy.

[Anonymous]

I get how you feel, I really do.

You are having anticipatory empty nest (sad just about how it will be when it begins). A week more with her seems precious right now.

BUT, this is the beginning of her next phase of life. She will get invites that don't include you and sometimes she will prefer them. It can hurt your feelings.

She might always be your first choice of who to hang out with, but you/her family of origina won't always be hers.
Accepting that reality is one of the painful parts of parenting.

(But what you are experiencing is normal, if you are close to your child. And her growth away is also normal. )

I think you can be honest with her, that you were surprised and little sad, that your summer/time with her will be shorter than you expected. But you know that she wants to spend time with friends this summer also , so you guys will support whatever she decides. And mean it (no guilt). A lot of good parenting is putting them first.

You will be surprised how much they come home, during the college year. And plan for parent's weekend, if she welcomes your visit.

[Anonymous]

Aw, OP, hugs! We feel the same way about our oldest, who is heading off late August. Like we are counting down the days! But ours is going on a beach trip to her friend's parents' condo & we are honestly just happy for all these kids, who missed out on so much in their senior year due to the pandemic. Will we miss our kid terribly every day that week? of course! But, like other PPs, I want my child to spread their wings & fly, and I bet you do, too -- you're just keenly aware of how hard the fall parting will be. Hang in there!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DD, who will be heading off to college at the end of August just left this morning for a week's vacation with a friend and her family. But it is one of her best friends, so it was a no-brainer for her to say yes.

You can tell your DD you are being a sentimental mom and will be a little sad to miss that extra time with her, but that it is totally her decision whether to go or not. And accept whatever she decides. Time to let her leave the nest.

Wrong answer. Spare your daughter the guilt trip.

[Anonymous]

You’re actually upset your daughter is growing up and it’s easier to feel annoyed with those parents.

[Anonymous]

Op, let her go. She'll have a lot of fun. You can still spend time with her and honestly, didn't you get a lot more time with her than usual, this past pandemic year? Don't make her feel bad.

[Anonymous]

Be grateful that your kid gets included instead of left out.

[Anonymous]

People are being mean as usual OP. You can decline this invitation. My DD went to a nearby college. I thought she would be home weekends occasionally. No. So this is a very precious time. I regret letting my DD go on last Spring break with another family. I wouldn’t do it again. Once they are in college they are. Very busy.