Rising college freshman invited on trip with friend's family

[Anonymous]

OP I also get that you are a bit peeved. Because they have grown apart but the other family has your DD. Likely they will continue to grow even more apart. So what was accomplished?

[Anonymous]

OP here -- Thanks to everyone for taking the time to offer your opinions and for helping me think this through. And special thanks to those who offered empathy and hugs. As many (most?) posters suggested, DH and I left the decision to DD. She has decided not to go and will instead visit my in-laws at their lake house, traveling with my BIL and SIL and their sons, who are close to her. Needless to say, my ILs are thrilled, and DH and I are happy that she'll see them before leaving for college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here -- Thanks to everyone for taking the time to offer your opinions and for helping me think this through. And special thanks to those who offered empathy and hugs. As many (most?) posters suggested, DH and I left the decision to DD. She has decided not to go and will instead visit my in-laws at their lake house, traveling with my BIL and SIL and their sons, who are close to her. Needless to say, my ILs are thrilled, and DH and I are happy that she'll see them before leaving for college.

Jesus Christ.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here -- Thanks to everyone for taking the time to offer your opinions and for helping me think this through. And special thanks to those who offered empathy and hugs. As many (most?) posters suggested, DH and I left the decision to DD. She has decided not to go and will instead visit my in-laws at their lake house, traveling with my BIL and SIL and their sons, who are close to her. Needless to say, my ILs are thrilled, and DH and I are happy that she'll see them before leaving for college.

Jesus Christ.

How is going on this trip different than friends?

[Anonymous]

Cut the cord.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here -- Thanks to everyone for taking the time to offer your opinions and for helping me think this through. And special thanks to those who offered empathy and hugs. As many (most?) posters suggested, DH and I left the decision to DD. She has decided not to go and will instead visit my in-laws at their lake house, traveling with my BIL and SIL and their sons, who are close to her. Needless to say, my ILs are thrilled, and DH and I are happy that she'll see them before leaving for college.

That’s just dumb. She would have had more fun with friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DD, who will be heading off to college at the end of August just left this morning for a week's vacation with a friend and her family. But it is one of her best friends, so it was a no-brainer for her to say yes.

You can tell your DD you are being a sentimental mom and will be a little sad to miss that extra time with her, but that it is totally her decision whether to go or not. And accept whatever she decides. Time to let her leave the nest.

No, don’t start with the guilt trips. Grow up, OP. I understand that you’re sad but don’t hold your daughter back if she wants to go. Let her enjoy her last summer before college the way she wants to; it’s normal for her to want to go on the vacation. She’ll be back; and is more likely to WANT to come back if she doesn’t feel like you are pressuring and pushing her. Just tonight my 50 year old husband was telling me how he loves his mom but he hates how clingy she is for his time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here -- Thanks to everyone for taking the time to offer your opinions and for helping me think this through. And special thanks to those who offered empathy and hugs. As many (most?) posters suggested, DH and I left the decision to DD. She has decided not to go and will instead visit my in-laws at their lake house, traveling with my BIL and SIL and their sons, who are close to her. Needless to say, my ILs are thrilled, and DH and I are happy that she'll see them before leaving for college.

I'm very confused with this outcome. How is this different than going away with her friend in your (totally understandable) "I'll miss her" universe? And when did this come into the picture since your original post? Was this trip conjured up to snowball the other one with her friend? (I do hope not).

OP - I TOTALLY understand your feelings about losing time with your DD. (Although, I don't understand why you'd be mad at the other family.) It's a rough transition for parents. But she's spreading her wings and you should let her decide what she'd like to do and not to hold her back. I hope you enjoy the rest of your time together this summer.

[Anonymous]

Unless you have great plans, why would this be an issue. Are you going to do more than live your day to day lives where you might have dinner together a few times a week or whatever you typically do?

[Anonymous]

I feel bad for the DD.

[Anonymous]

Me too.

[Anonymous]

The issue is that the mom didn't want her to go with the other family as "not worth it" in terms of time away from home right now whereas a trip to see family is "worth it" I get it. I think she characterized it as time away from home being the problem, but really she just didn't think this was a good use of her time. I can see that if she isn't really friends with the girl anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The issue is that the mom didn't want her to go with the other family as "not worth it" in terms of time away from home right now whereas a trip to see family is "worth it" I get it. I think she characterized it as time away from home being the problem, but really she just didn't think this was a good use of her time. I can see that if she isn't really friends with the girl anymore.

Jesus Christ.

[Anonymous]

I get it OP.

Just remember DCUM is full of posts from parents who can't wait for their kids to move out, and who book "family" vacations by how many hours the resort kids clubs are open.

[Anonymous]

Seriously. I know a two physician family who told me (pre-pandemic) that they loved going on cruises because the whole family could separate and not see each other until dinner time. She said otherwise they would all kill/aggravate each other.

I though this was SO odd?! My child and I treasure memories of our family vacations. And they are shared memories.