Rising college freshman invited on trip with friend's family

[Anonymous]

Let her go or don't, but for goodness sakes don't be "peeved" at another family that invited your dd on something fun before she heads to school. I get it, mine is about to start her freshman year as well and I know it's a new life chapter and we'll be less of a home base for our kids (well, here's hoping) in the years to come. But if don't let her go, or try and make her feel guilty for wanting to do this, you lose her so much faster.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The issue is that the mom didn't want her to go with the other family as "not worth it" in terms of time away from home right now whereas a trip to see family is "worth it" I get it. I think she characterized it as time away from home being the problem, but really she just didn't think this was a good use of her time. I can see that if she isn't really friends with the girl anymore.

But why be mad at the other family for their kind invitation? They aren't mind readers and you can just kindly say no thank you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People are being mean as usual OP. You can decline this invitation. My DD went to a nearby college. I thought she would be home weekends occasionally. No. So this is a very precious time. I regret letting my DD go on last Spring break with another family. I wouldn’t do it again. Once they are in college they are. Very busy.

It isn't OP's invitation to decline.

Op, your daughter is ready for college. This is her decision to make. Please don't pull a guilt trip on her.

[Anonymous]

OP, totally get that you want to spend the last precious weeks with your daughter before she heads off to college.

However, the other family is not at fault for inviting her, although it's a little weird that they did if your daughter and theirs hasn't been close for a while.

I disagree that it's totally your daughter's decision. Talk it out. Let her know that you'd love for her to spend your last weeks at home. See how much she wants to go and how important to her it is. Then decide together whether she should go or not. In the ideal scenario, you take into account her needs and wants, and she takes into account your needs and wants, and you come up with a decision together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, totally get that you want to spend the last precious weeks with your daughter before she heads off to college.

However, the other family is not at fault for inviting her, although it's a little weird that they did if your daughter and theirs hasn't been close for a while.

I disagree that it's totally your daughter's decision. Talk it out. Let her know that you'd love for her to spend your last weeks at home. See how much she wants to go and how important to her it is. Then decide together whether she should go or not. In the ideal scenario, you take into account her needs and wants, and she takes into account your needs and wants, and you come up with a decision together.

It is her daughter's decision to make. She's 18! Why do OP's "needs and wants" come into this? OP, let your kid decide and enjoy her summer. And why would you be mad at the other family?

[Anonymous]

I know a freshman who wanted to spend his whole first Christmas break in another part of the country with his girlfriend's family. His own family said that he had to spend some time with them, so they split the difference.

[Anonymous]

Let her go if she wants to go. Be grateful to the other family for inviting your kid. At least that is what I would do.

[Anonymous]

I get it OP. You want to hang on to your kid and the kid wants to make the most of the summer before college. Other parents feel the same too. In fact, think about it, the friend's family also probably want to spend time with their kid but knows that the kid will beetch and moan if they have to spend time with family. That is the reason they are inviting the kid's friend (your DD) so that their kid is not bored. I also agree with another PP that someone else turned down the invite and your kid is the last minute fill in - but that is not relevant.

Ok. There is no way you can stop your kid without them thinking you are mean. Your kid is bored at home, doesn't want to spend more time with you and wants to go. No point in stopping her and then having a surly teen at hand. So have a sit down, show her this thread, tell her you are letting her go but then once she is back the family will be doing xyz together before she goes to college. .

[Anonymous]

Geez.

Op....I can't believe you are peeved at a family for offering your daughter a free week at the beach. Let go. She's going to college. Don't guilt your daughter into staying home with you.

You need to get used to the fact that over the next few years, assuming your daughter is a normal, well adjusted, successful burgeoning adult, you will see her less and less. She may come home for all of winter break or she may just come home for a week. She may come home for Thanksgiving, or she might go to her roommate's house closer by. She is going to get into romantic relationships and spend some of her time with his family.

In four years, she will hopefully have a job, and only a few weeks vacation. Unless she moves to your city, you will probably only see her a few days a few times a year.

This is American life. Let go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Completely disagree with every PP. "WHY would you POSSIBLY have a problem with THIS! You are RIDICULOUS"

Do you hear yourselves? Can't EVEN UNDERSTAND why someone feels the way OP does?.... okay.

Anyway, OP, I understand. It is extremely normal to want to spend time with your daughter before she leaves. August 15th will be here before you know it.

Does your daughter really want to go? Or, does she have mixed feelings because the girls have not been as close lately? Could you propose her going for a weekend or half the week?

Sigh. Wishing you could spend all your kid's remaining time with her is fine.

Being "peeved" at the other family is, in fact, ridiculous.

Are you always this dim?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Completely disagree with every PP. "WHY would you POSSIBLY have a problem with THIS! You are RIDICULOUS"

Do you hear yourselves? Can't EVEN UNDERSTAND why someone feels the way OP does?.... okay.

Anyway, OP, I understand. It is extremely normal to want to spend time with your daughter before she leaves. August 15th will be here before you know it.

Does your daughter really want to go? Or, does she have mixed feelings because the girls have not been as close lately? Could you propose her going for a weekend or half the week?

Sigh. Wishing you could spend all your kid's remaining time with her is fine.

Being "peeved" at the other family is, in fact, ridiculous.

Are you always this dim?

Yeah, I'm a total moron because I have empathy for people. I can understand parents who may look at and feel things differently than me as well as have real, imperfect human emotions. I don't think I am anyone to judge those emotions and set standards for people's feelings. But you're a genius!

A person peeved or annoyed that another family closing their last summer with a bonding vacation and pulling in another kid to make it just how they want it is just not ridiculous. Trying to make a person in that situation feel ridiculous is, in fact, ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Completely disagree with every PP. "WHY would you POSSIBLY have a problem with THIS! You are RIDICULOUS"

Do you hear yourselves? Can't EVEN UNDERSTAND why someone feels the way OP does?.... okay.

Anyway, OP, I understand. It is extremely normal to want to spend time with your daughter before she leaves. August 15th will be here before you know it.

Does your daughter really want to go? Or, does she have mixed feelings because the girls have not been as close lately? Could you propose her going for a weekend or half the week?

Sigh. Wishing you could spend all your kid's remaining time with her is fine.

Being "peeved" at the other family is, in fact, ridiculous.

Are you always this dim?

Yeah, I'm a total moron because I have empathy for people. I can understand parents who may look at and feel things differently than me as well as have real, imperfect human emotions. I don't think I am anyone to judge those emotions and set standards for people's feelings. But you're a genius!

A person peeved or annoyed that another family closing their last summer with a bonding vacation and pulling in another kid to make it just how they want it is just not ridiculous. Trying to make a person in that situation feel ridiculous is, in fact, ridiculous.

You've had 18 years with your child. Another family generously invited her on vacation. The fact that you're clinging and can't let go, AND are mad at the other family for even inviting her says a lot about your sense of self.

[Anonymous]

Why on earth would you be upset with the other family? I have three college grads. Two in college now. Of course I miss them. I love when they are home for holidays and school breaks. But they are adults. Sometimes they choose to spend time with friends and significant others. Also, two of my kids did summer college right after high school graduation. Your daughter is an adult. Time to accept that and let go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Completely disagree with every PP. "WHY would you POSSIBLY have a problem with THIS! You are RIDICULOUS"

Do you hear yourselves? Can't EVEN UNDERSTAND why someone feels the way OP does?.... okay.

Anyway, OP, I understand. It is extremely normal to want to spend time with your daughter before she leaves. August 15th will be here before you know it.

Does your daughter really want to go? Or, does she have mixed feelings because the girls have not been as close lately? Could you propose her going for a weekend or half the week?

Sigh. Wishing you could spend all your kid's remaining time with her is fine.

Being "peeved" at the other family is, in fact, ridiculous.

Are you always this dim?

Yeah, I'm a total moron because I have empathy for people. I can understand parents who may look at and feel things differently than me as well as have real, imperfect human emotions. I don't think I am anyone to judge those emotions and set standards for people's feelings. But you're a genius!

A person peeved or annoyed that another family closing their last summer with a bonding vacation and pulling in another kid to make it just how they want it is just not ridiculous. Trying to make a person in that situation feel ridiculous is, in fact, ridiculous.

DP. Being peeved at the other family actually is ridiculous! That family invited your kid. They aren't forcing her to go. You did your family vacation earlier in the summer, let this go. You will push your daughter away with this attitude. I used to be extremely close to my mom but over time we've become more distant because I couldn't deal with the guilt trips for not coming home enough. Let your daughter decide what she wants to do. By happy if she goes and has a good time. My goal in life is that my kids are happy and well adjusted. They don't need to be tethered to me.