Is a cell phone essential in middle school?

[Anonymous]

We waited to get my daughter a cell phone until the end of 8th grade. Since we gave her the phone, 99% of our arguments are about the phone. I'm grateful everyday that we waited as long as we did because it is such a pain in the ass.

+1

[Anonymous]

In middle school they tend to communicate via text and chat groups. Kids have school, neighborhood, and sports chat groups. That’s how they meet up. For example a kid will text “who wants to meet at x park to practice (sport)? And they’ll arrange times. Same to inviting each other to a pool or to someone’s house. The groups are super helpful for school questions like “did Mr. A change the deadline to Mon or Tuesday?” It isn’t obviously a necessity but it is a social and communication tool for middle school.

[Anonymous]

My 5th grader has a phone as do most of his friends. For those of you who don't allow your kids to have phones, how do they make plans to meet up with their friends? We have 3 pools in our neighborhood and it's already started, them deciding which pool (among themselves) to go to and then they meet up. Do you all still "schedule play dates for your middle schoolers? Isn't that weird? My son is out the door every day that it's nice outside and has planned for himself to meet at the basketball courts, pool, or run around in the creek/woods that run through my neighborhood. None of this (thankfully!!) Is orchestrated by me. I'm not sure how my kid would have a social life without a phone and I'm sure as hell glad he's not sitting around the house all day.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't say essential but it is helpful. But we do have strict rules about them. They leave them downstairs when they're doing homework. They're not in their rooms with them at night. They can't be checking their phone throughout family dinner. They don't really complain about it because it's just the way it is and always has been.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parent who got their kids a brick in 6th here. Meaning, they had unlimited talk and text, but no internet. Not even with wifi.

NP here and OP we are in the same situation as you. We know a number of families who held out this year. Would like to hear about good talk/text phones from anyone who has given them to their kids.

I am the one who got her MS kids a brick, and they are now in HS, so don't know if it exists anymore, but it was an ATT Go-Phone. Had to make sure the one with no internet when on wi-fi, but it did exist circa 2015

[Anonymous]

Just don't give them a smart phone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parent who got their kids a brick in 6th here. Meaning, they had unlimited talk and text, but no internet. Not even with wifi.

NP here and OP we are in the same situation as you. We know a number of families who held out this year. Would like to hear about good talk/text phones from anyone who has given them to their kids.

I am the one who got her MS kids a brick, and they are now in HS, so don't know if it exists anymore, but it was an ATT Go-Phone. Had to make sure the one with no internet when on wi-fi, but it did exist circa 2015

I think there's a company that makes kid-safe phones that look cool. Gabb wireless or something like that.

[Anonymous]

Sure one or two can deal without it, but it’s socially isolating in a way like not having a phone at all or living in wrong side of tracks from when we were kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In middle school they tend to communicate via text and chat groups. Kids have school, neighborhood, and sports chat groups. That’s how they meet up. For example a kid will text “who wants to meet at x park to practice (sport)? And they’ll arrange times. Same to inviting each other to a pool or to someone’s house. The groups are super helpful for school questions like “did Mr. A change the deadline to Mon or Tuesday?” It isn’t obviously a necessity but it is a social and communication tool for middle school.

And that's exactly how my middle schooler and high schooler use their phones.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 5th grader has a phone as do most of his friends. For those of you who don't allow your kids to have phones, how do they make plans to meet up with their friends? We have 3 pools in our neighborhood and it's already started, them deciding which pool (among themselves) to go to and then they meet up. Do you all still "schedule play dates for your middle schoolers? Isn't that weird? My son is out the door every day that it's nice outside and has planned for himself to meet at the basketball courts, pool, or run around in the creek/woods that run through my neighborhood. None of this (thankfully!!) Is orchestrated by me. I'm not sure how my kid would have a social life without a phone and I'm sure as hell glad he's not sitting around the house all day.

They go knock on their friends door. Or sometimes arrange by Google chat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 5th grader has a phone as do most of his friends. For those of you who don't allow your kids to have phones, how do they make plans to meet up with their friends? We have 3 pools in our neighborhood and it's already started, them deciding which pool (among themselves) to go to and then they meet up. Do you all still "schedule play dates for your middle schoolers? Isn't that weird? My son is out the door every day that it's nice outside and has planned for himself to meet at the basketball courts, pool, or run around in the creek/woods that run through my neighborhood. None of this (thankfully!!) Is orchestrated by me. I'm not sure how my kid would have a social life without a phone and I'm sure as hell glad he's not sitting around the house all day.

They go knock on their friends door. Or sometimes arrange by Google chat.

Google chat in middle school, are you sure? My daughter used it in 5th and 6th grade, but not in middle school when so many kids have phones. In her soccer team, only two girls don't have phones (7th grade girls). My son is an 8th grader and they all have phones on his team, same all his friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 5th grader has a phone as do most of his friends. For those of you who don't allow your kids to have phones, how do they make plans to meet up with their friends? We have 3 pools in our neighborhood and it's already started, them deciding which pool (among themselves) to go to and then they meet up. Do you all still "schedule play dates for your middle schoolers? Isn't that weird? My son is out the door every day that it's nice outside and has planned for himself to meet at the basketball courts, pool, or run around in the creek/woods that run through my neighborhood. None of this (thankfully!!) Is orchestrated by me. I'm not sure how my kid would have a social life without a phone and I'm sure as hell glad he's not sitting around the house all day.

They go knock on their friends door. Or sometimes arrange by Google chat.

But if your friends live further? My 3 kids have friends all over, particularly from their lacrosse teams. Yes, then can knock on doors of friends in our neighborhood (they won't though, it is all via phone) but all the other friends?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In middle school they tend to communicate via text and chat groups. Kids have school, neighborhood, and sports chat groups. That’s how they meet up. For example a kid will text “who wants to meet at x park to practice (sport)? And they’ll arrange times. Same to inviting each other to a pool or to someone’s house. The groups are super helpful for school questions like “did Mr. A change the deadline to Mon or Tuesday?” It isn’t obviously a necessity but it is a social and communication tool for middle school.

I agree with this. At least get them something where they can talk/text. Doesn’t have to be an expensive smartphone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes. They are essential for social reasons.

+1
My 7th grader doesn't have the best phone but it is a smart phone with limited data. All but one of their friends has one, and that friend misses out on a lot of social stuff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 5th grader has a phone as do most of his friends. For those of you who don't allow your kids to have phones, how do they make plans to meet up with their friends? We have 3 pools in our neighborhood and it's already started, them deciding which pool (among themselves) to go to and then they meet up. Do you all still "schedule play dates for your middle schoolers? Isn't that weird? My son is out the door every day that it's nice outside and has planned for himself to meet at the basketball courts, pool, or run around in the creek/woods that run through my neighborhood. None of this (thankfully!!) Is orchestrated by me. I'm not sure how my kid would have a social life without a phone and I'm sure as hell glad he's not sitting around the house all day.

They go knock on their friends door. Or sometimes arrange by Google chat.

Huh.

My son is actually at the pool now with his friends. Nobody knocked on each other's door nor are they on a computer all day to wait for a Google chat to pop up. Most definitely the kids without phones are probably sitting at home.

I'm guessing quite honestly the kids without phones are really socially connected.