Destination Birthday Trip for Parent - Do I Have to Go?

[Anonymous]

I would totally go alone if it was affordable! A week with my mom and an opportunity to check out some European cities?

I actually do like cruises with my nuclear family (little kids, pool, beach, flexible dining). Though Europe wouldn't be my first choice for a cruise becuase you don't really get enough time to even see highlights.

But a nice adult family trip sitting in a European cafe, spending time poside, and getting a taste of a new city..... It does sound like a lot with little kids, but a grown up trip celebrating mom sound fantastic.

[Anonymous]

A European cruise with little kids plus my mother plus some of her friends sounds like a bonafide nightmare. No. That is an enormous ask and you are well within reason to say you will not be in attendance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A European cruise with little kids plus my mother plus some of her friends sounds like a bonafide nightmare. No. That is an enormous ask and you are well within reason to say you will not be in attendance.

+1. Tell mom to go party with her friends. You and the kids will hold them back. That won’t be fun for anyone.

And it’s okay to say no to family. Mine wanted us to travel across the country for their 50th anniversary. It didn’t make sense with time or money for my family of four to go so we didn’t. We didn’t offer an alternative trip but wished them a happy anniversary and said we were sorry we couldn’t celebrate in person with them.

[Anonymous]

Definitely no with small unvaccinated children. I wouldn't go on a cruise at all, but if I did, and I was vaccinated, I'd go alone.

[Anonymous]

I think that is great of her! You mom is getting old, she doesn't care if she ends up spending the amount for anything. The trip will happen. After last year, some older folks are thinking they could lose everything in a matter of minutes. It is possible that could be her last far away trip. You neve know when you are that old.
If she doesn't do it then, who knows when she will be able to. The following year, in 2 years?? When you are a senior, you don't of anything further an a year or two.

In my opinion, you go and you bring the grandkids if she wants you to. Many seniors like their grandkids with them. It's her way to enjoying the final years of life. Who knows how many more years they have. She may even help you pay, who knows.

[Anonymous]

If it were my mom, I would go alone. I'm not huge on cruises but I'd like to spend time with my mom (I don't live near her) and I like her friends. But, I think it is perfectly reasonable to decline. It is a lot of money and its not worth it to you. Make plans to do something else with your mom (like a nice dinner) to celebrate her birthday at another time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would go with her alone, not with your family, if you plan to go at all.

Getting your own room on a cruise is $$$, it wouldn't save any money

Yes, it would. 4 flights to Europe are expensive too. As are 3 extra cruises. Not to mention the hassle of wrangling 2 little kids on a cruise. Besides maybe OP could split a room with her mom to save money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think that is great of her! You mom is getting old, she doesn't care if she ends up spending the amount for anything. The trip will happen. After last year, some older folks are thinking they could lose everything in a matter of minutes. It is possible that could be her last far away trip. You neve know when you are that old.
If she doesn't do it then, who knows when she will be able to. The following year, in 2 years?? When you are a senior, you don't of anything further an a year or two.

In my opinion, you go and you bring the grandkids if she wants you to. Many seniors like their grandkids with them. It's her way to enjoying the final years of life. Who knows how many more years they have. She may even help you pay, who knows.

Please.

She’s 70. She could easily live another 20+ years.

OP, don’t light yourself on fire to keep others warm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Any chance the kids could stay with the other grandparents? That is kind of a long time though.

Her husband already said she could go alone (and he'd presumably watch the kids). If I were him, no freakin' way I'd join this.

[Anonymous]

Peope are right- confirm that she is not offering to pay. (My parents are generously taking my entire family of 4 on a European river cruise to celebrate their joint 70th and we are excited!)

If she is not offering to pay, that is a different thing. Depending on your personal financial situation and your closeness with your mother, I would try to make it happen. But only you can judge that. It really could be a great experience for your whole family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think that is great of her! You mom is getting old, she doesn't care if she ends up spending the amount for anything. The trip will happen. After last year, some older folks are thinking they could lose everything in a matter of minutes. It is possible that could be her last far away trip. You neve know when you are that old.
If she doesn't do it then, who knows when she will be able to. The following year, in 2 years?? When you are a senior, you don't of anything further an a year or two.

In my opinion, you go and you bring the grandkids if she wants you to. Many seniors like their grandkids with them. It's her way to enjoying the final years of life. Who knows how many more years they have. She may even help you pay, who knows.

Please.

She’s 70. She could easily live another 20+ years.

OP, don’t light yourself on fire to keep others warm.

This. Op, if she actually cares about spending time with her grandkids, she would plan something that would be easy for them to attend.

That's great she wants to go. She doesn't get to force anyone else to come with her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think that is great of her! You mom is getting old, she doesn't care if she ends up spending the amount for anything. The trip will happen. After last year, some older folks are thinking they could lose everything in a matter of minutes. It is possible that could be her last far away trip. You neve know when you are that old.
If she doesn't do it then, who knows when she will be able to. The following year, in 2 years?? When you are a senior, you don't of anything further an a year or two.

In my opinion, you go and you bring the grandkids if she wants you to. Many seniors like their grandkids with them. It's her way to enjoying the final years of life. Who knows how many more years they have. She may even help you pay, who knows.

Please.

She’s 70. She could easily live another 20+ years.

OP, don’t light yourself on fire to keep others warm.

This. Op, if she actually cares about spending time with her grandkids, she would plan something that would be easy for them to attend.

That's great she wants to go. She doesn't get to force anyone else to come with her.

Is there not a middle ground here? The woman is excited to celebrate her milestone birthday, would love to have a lot of loved ones around, so she invited. There is nothing at all objectionable about that. She isn't forcing anybody to do anything, and nothing in OP's post said she was.

OP gets to decide what she wants to do for her family. That includes weighing cost, potential enjoyment of the experience, potential inconvenience downside of the experience, and YES also how much she wants to make her mother happy and celebrate with her.

The right answer depends on a lot of things specific to the people involved. But nobody is in the wrong here. And taking a trip that you would not plan on your own is not "lighting yourself on fire." It is taking life as it comes, saying yes to opportunities, and doing things to make loved ones happy.

Of course it would also be fine for OP to graciously decline, say it isn't right for her family at this time. (And hopefully also propose an alternate celebration later.)

[Anonymous]

My Mother in law believe it or not tracks things like this and adjusts will. So if one family went and one didn’t she would adjust will.

[Anonymous]

I agree it is possible she is willing to pay, but you know your mom. I’d suggest you consider whether you’d be willing to go if she were paying. If not, you should tell her that you can’t do a cruise at this stage in your lives but ... and insert some other ideas not for trips but for something special for her birthday. If you are willing to go if she’s paying, then ask. Say that you want to go but the cost is prohibitive and see what she says.

My fathers wanted to take my family on a cruise with him and honestly it wasn’t a vacation I wanted to take. I was honest that I didn’t like big cruise ships because I was an introvert and asked if we could do something else together. I’ve really been enjoying meeting up with him for things we both enjoy and visiting him at his vacation home. We are all happy. But my dad is reasonable, so I don’t expect this would always end well. Good luck OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My Mother in law believe it or not tracks things like this and adjusts will. So if one family went and one didn’t she would adjust will.