How do you feel when another parent asks, or tells, you to say or do something with your child?

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03/12/2021 13:57

Subject: How do you feel when another parent asks, or tells, you to say or do something with your child?

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Anonymous

What is the subject? It matters.

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03/12/2021 14:01

Subject: How do you feel when another parent asks, or tells, you to say or do something with your child?

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Anonymous

This is a weird question, op. My friend asked me to talk to my son about his comments on her son's physical difference. I was mortified. DS was only 5 (her son was 9), and I had prepped him in the past about this (we are family friends, see them all the time). I was certainly glad she said something to me.

What exactly are we talking about here?

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03/12/2021 14:06

Subject: Re:How do you feel when another parent asks, or tells, you to say or do something with your child?

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Anonymous

It sounds like she is asking you to ask your daughter to be kind in a particular situation. And you don’t want to because...?

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03/12/2021 14:12

Subject: How do you feel when another parent asks, or tells, you to say or do something with your child?

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Anonymous

It really depends on what she's asking you to tell your kid.

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03/12/2021 19:44

Subject: How do you feel when another parent asks, or tells, you to say or do something with your child?

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Anonymous

Without more details, I think you’re being touchy and overly sensitive. It’s not a big deal.

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03/14/2021 01:01

Subject: Re:How do you feel when another parent asks, or tells, you to say or do something with your child?

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Anonymous

I agree it depends. My 8 year old made her best friend a card with a cat on it when the friend’s cat died. The mom told me her daughter was taking it really hard and could I please ask her not to bring the cat up. My 4 year old was trying to get away from a 1.5 year old at a playground who was trying to hug her. She kept saying “I need space” and “I don’t want this” and “don’t touch me”. The baby was too little to understand so I asked the dad if they could please give us some space. He called me / my kid “f’ing weirdos” grabbed his kid to leave the park, but first stopped to tell a girl watching all this “watch out for them, they’re f’ing weirdos”. It was strange / scary. I think asking a parent to step in should generally be okay. The parent can engage or decline but asking is okay.

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03/14/2021 06:56

Subject: How do you feel when another parent asks, or tells, you to say or do something with your child?

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Anonymous

Need to no more. "Could you ask Pixie not to use the word re--ard" on the playground?" No problem.

"Could you ask Pixie not to bring up dogs or mention animals at all because it's possible Kendall could have an anxiety attack?" No way.

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03/14/2021 07:01

Subject: Re:How do you feel when another parent asks, or tells, you to say or do something with your child?

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Anonymous

We need more info OP. Based o what you’ve said I don’t see the other mom did anything wrong yet.

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03/14/2021 09:04

Subject: How do you feel when another parent asks, or tells, you to say or do something with your child?

quote

Anonymous

As said, we need more details, which really do matter here. The paragraph that starts "Second" is really unusual to me and I think most of us would disagree with your blanket statements therein.

"I believe that inserting yourself into someone's relationship with their child (by asking you to talk to them) is completely inappropriate and overstepping boundaries"

Really?

What stood out to me is that you seem to think no one should approach a parent to even *ask* them to talk with their child about anything.

"I'm perfectly capable of determining whether my child should be approached about something."

Are you, though? I mean, are absolutely all of us, at all times? Sometimes there are things we miss, as parents.

The more I reread that paragraph, the more I think maybe I understand your position? You think it's okay for another parent to say "I noticed your Larla said XYZ to Larlina. You might not know that XYZ is a sensitive subject for Larlina because ABC." Or "Larlina really doesn't like XYZ." (Or maybe XYZ is an obvious obnoxious no-no so you don't even need a second sentence.)

So that's maybe okay with you... But it's NOT okay with you if they say "I saw that your Larla did whatever to Larlina. Larlina has a fear of that thing. Could you do me a favor and ask Larla not to do that?"

If that last sentence is the issue, then absent other context I think you're oversensitive to being criticized or redirected. Like yeah, you'd probably talk to your kid about whatever it is under some circumstances, but how dare they tell you to do that! I get it-- I think it's often unnecessary or suboptimal phrasing. I try not to command or direct people to do anything if I can help it. Like if I saw some danger presented by construction near a playground, I'd tell a fellow parent, "There's some broken glass over there near the swings," and not add "So you should keep your kids away from it," because: no kidding. I get a little annoyed when people tell me what to do in that way.

AND

It's my issue, and it's just not serious enough to spend more than 10 minutes being annoyed over it.

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03/14/2021 09:18

Subject: How do you feel when another parent asks, or tells, you to say or do something with your child?

quote

Anonymous

Anonymous wrote:Need to no more. "Could you ask Pixie not to use the word re--ard" on the playground?" No problem.

"Could you ask Pixie not to bring up dogs or mention animals at all because it's possible Kendall could have an anxiety attack?" No way.

I would talk to my child about the dog issue. It's compassionate to be considerate of people's mental health issues and really no big deal. The sort of thing I would find off putting is, say, if another parent asked that my child not wear a certain outfit because her child would be jealous or if another parent asked that my son, who beats to his own drum and likes to dress in a combination of traditional boy and girl clothing, not wear what people consider traditional girl clothing because that is compromising who he is.

Anyway, yes, it really depends on what the issue is as to how I would feel or react. And, in my examples, for the former, I would listen and internally roll my eyes. For the latter, I would openly say that I found the request offensive.

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03/14/2021 09:51

Subject: How do you feel when another parent asks, or tells, you to say or do something with your child?

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Anonymous

Anonymous wrote:Seeing your current parenting approach isn't working, the neighbor mom is getting annoyed with you and has stepped in to straight up tell you that your kid is doing XYZ and it is upsetting her kid.

Not OP but sounds like neighbor mom is the one with a parenting approach that isn't working.

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03/14/2021 09:54

Subject: Re:How do you feel when another parent asks, or tells, you to say or do something with your child?

quote

Anonymous

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like she is asking you to ask your daughter to be kind in a particular situation. And you don’t want to because...?

Or maybe expects OP's DC to put up with neighbors little Karen thinking the world revolves around her.

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03/14/2021 09:57

Subject: How do you feel when another parent asks, or tells, you to say or do something with your child?

quote

Anonymous

Anonymous wrote:Your kid is obviously an asshole. She doesn't make to make her child stop their friendship with your kid. You're waaayyyyy overthinking this. She did the right thing by talking to you.

Or her kid is a snowflake who runs to mommy every time things don't go her way. And mommy can't stand snowflake not having things her way.

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03/14/2021 12:42

Subject: How do you feel when another parent asks, or tells, you to say or do something with your child?

quote

Anonymous

I think it completely depends on what it is. The way you said “stops their growth” makes me think you know it would be pretty bad for them though and maybe you and your child are the problem.

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03/14/2021 12:51

Subject: How do you feel when another parent asks, or tells, you to say or do something with your child?

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Anonymous

Totally depends on the context.

"Could you please ask Larla to stop talking about going to visit her grandma at her beach house? It makes Carla jealous she can't go to the beach ".

That's very different from

"Can you please ask Larla to stop talking about going to visit her grandma at her beach house? Carla just lost her grandmother last week and it's really hard on her hearing about it right now".