How do you feel when another parent asks, or tells, you to say or do something with your child?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Seeing your current parenting approach isn't working, the neighbor mom is getting annoyed with you and has stepped in to straight up tell you that your kid is doing XYZ and it is upsetting her kid.

Not OP but sounds like neighbor mom is the one with a parenting approach that isn't working.

Without knowing the request, it’s impossible to tell who’s in the wrong.

What if OP’s daughter has targeted the little girl and tells her she can’t play whenever she sees her? What if the little girl is adopted and OP’s child keeps insisting that moms and daughters have to look alike otherwise they’re not “real” family?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Seeing your current parenting approach isn't working, the neighbor mom is getting annoyed with you and has stepped in to straight up tell you that your kid is doing XYZ and it is upsetting her kid.

This. There's a problem and you are ignoring it. She's given up on you.

[Anonymous]

The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.

[Anonymous]

Like PP said, depends on the issue.

My DD is almost always barefoot. Most of the kids at the playground aren’t allowed to go barefoot, but when they see DD is, they’ll often take their shoes off. Parents have gotten upset and asked me to put shoes on my kids to make their lives easier. Sorry, but I’m not. That’s not my responsibility.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Totally depends on the context.

"Could you please ask Larla to stop talking about going to visit her grandma at her beach house? It makes Carla jealous she can't go to the beach ".

That's very different from

"Can you please ask Larla to stop talking about going to visit her grandma at her beach house? Carla just lost her grandmother last week and it's really hard on her hearing about it right now".

This nicely describes how how the specific ask matters.

However, I think OP's actual issue is that she resents being asked to raised an issue with her kid, no matter what it is. In her mind, no one should request that she say something to her child. So telling her that Larla's friend just lost her grandmother is OK; asking her to do speak with Larla about it is not.

It's pedantic and oversensitive, and a pretty ridiculous issue to have with other parents. (And frankly, it shows that OP is perhaps *not* perfectly capable of identifying when something needs to be said to her kid.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would have no problem if a parent asked. If you don't want to do it, for whatever reason, that is fine also. No biggie.

+1

Especially since she specified that it was a "favor" - ie, she knows you don't HAVE to, but it would make her life easier, so she's asking. Now if you respond with something like "no, I prefer for Larla to navigate her own relationships. I'm sure the kids will figure it out" and then the other mom keeps pressing you or insisting, that would bother me. But just to ask? Nah.

This! Especially, since like you said it's not a biggie. Why not just be nice and neighborly and avoid another child being upset (even if you don't think she should be upset). Seems like a perfectly polite and acceptable way to approach the situation.

[Anonymous]

OP here. The ask had nothing to do with my child's behavior. Also, there is a history that I think colors my view of this mom and "Susie".

This involves "Susie" being very mean to my child when they were in the same class last year. Although when my child initially mentioned Susie's behavior, I chalked it up to immaturity but, later, when the class teacher raised it with me, I became concerned and put a stop to the play dates outside of school- which, up until that point, I had been very supportive of despite Susie's near-constant attention seeking behavior. Her mom became very irate and emotional, without even acknowledging (even though the teacher had also met with her separately) that it was my child who had been suffering because her Susie was bullying my daughter by saying mean things about her to other kids and getting very angry with my daughter every time she tried to play with someone other than Susie. Susie also tried to get my daughter to be mean to other kids. I learned all of this from the teacher, and eventually my daughter, when I approached her about it. Bottom line is that Susie was doing her best to isolate my daughter. Susie has been in therapy for a few years for behavioral issues that I didn't think would affect my daughter. I was wrong.

It was draining dealing with Susie and her mom last year (who never thought twice about sending me lengthy texts and emails to "express" her feelings. I eventually put a stop to that by telling her that a phone call was fine but her texts were intrusive and inappropriate, particularly when sent at 10:00PM) ). and it's been a breathe of fresh air having them more or less out of our lives. Now Susie wants to confide in my daughter like they are best friends, which they are not. And now her mom is back to texting me again (to tell me that my daughter needs to keep Susie's confidence). I just want them both to have happy lives, away from me and my daughter. No ill will. I just want them to go away.

It's been somewhat helpful seeing the comments here, although the self-righteousness is always more humorous than helpful!!

[Anonymous]

OP, I think you already know that this mom is nuts, and her daughter has issues. You're not going to allow playdates, and I presume you told your daughter to keep her distance from Suzie?

From your original post I thought the issue was something smaller but annoying. But your follow up indicates a much more serious problem. This girl is a bully to your daughter and you do not want to have anything to do with her or her mom. What the mom asked for is moot. The answer is no in any case.

[Anonymous]

Does your daughter like the girl? We had neighbors just like that growing up and - although I didn't say anything at the time - I wished my mom put her foot down and didn't let the mom bully her into sending me over to be her "friend".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. The ask had nothing to do with my child's behavior. Also, there is a history that I think colors my view of this mom and "Susie".

This involves "Susie" being very mean to my child when they were in the same class last year. Although when my child initially mentioned Susie's behavior, I chalked it up to immaturity but, later, when the class teacher raised it with me, I became concerned and put a stop to the play dates outside of school- which, up until that point, I had been very supportive of despite Susie's near-constant attention seeking behavior. Her mom became very irate and emotional, without even acknowledging (even though the teacher had also met with her separately) that it was my child who had been suffering because her Susie was bullying my daughter by saying mean things about her to other kids and getting very angry with my daughter every time she tried to play with someone other than Susie. Susie also tried to get my daughter to be mean to other kids. I learned all of this from the teacher, and eventually my daughter, when I approached her about it. Bottom line is that Susie was doing her best to isolate my daughter. Susie has been in therapy for a few years for behavioral issues that I didn't think would affect my daughter. I was wrong.

It was draining dealing with Susie and her mom last year (who never thought twice about sending me lengthy texts and emails to "express" her feelings. I eventually put a stop to that by telling her that a phone call was fine but her texts were intrusive and inappropriate, particularly when sent at 10:00PM) ). and it's been a breathe of fresh air having them more or less out of our lives. Now Susie wants to confide in my daughter like they are best friends, which they are not. And now her mom is back to texting me again (to tell me that my daughter needs to keep Susie's confidence). I just want them both to have happy lives, away from me and my daughter. No ill will. I just want them to go away.

It's been somewhat helpful seeing the comments here, although the self-righteousness is always more humorous than helpful!!

This is completely different from what you initially stated as your question/problem. So either they are psychos, and then your initial question is weird, if they are psychos and you want to stay away you would just ignore the request for a "favor" to talk to your kid about x. Or, they are not such psychos, but you want to see them as such to be in the right on this one. Either way, you do you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think you already know that this mom is nuts, and her daughter has issues. You're not going to allow playdates, and I presume you told your daughter to keep her distance from Suzie?

From your original post I thought the issue was something smaller but annoying. But your follow up indicates a much more serious problem. This girl is a bully to your daughter and you do not want to have anything to do with her or her mom. What the mom asked for is moot. The answer is no in any case.

The obvious answer is to avoid as much as possible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does your daughter like the girl? We had neighbors just like that growing up and - although I didn't say anything at the time - I wished my mom put her foot down and didn't let the mom bully her into sending me over to be her "friend".

OP here. Hard to say. My daughter says she likes Susie but she doesn't ask for playdates with Susie. Honestly, I think every child deserves a second chance so I have never told my daughter to stay away from Susie - but I'm also not going to arrange playdates (which have been requested many times by Susie and her mom. I just say "Sorry. We are busy")

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. The ask had nothing to do with my child's behavior. Also, there is a history that I think colors my view of this mom and "Susie".

This involves "Susie" being very mean to my child when they were in the same class last year. Although when my child initially mentioned Susie's behavior, I chalked it up to immaturity but, later, when the class teacher raised it with me, I became concerned and put a stop to the play dates outside of school- which, up until that point, I had been very supportive of despite Susie's near-constant attention seeking behavior. Her mom became very irate and emotional, without even acknowledging (even though the teacher had also met with her separately) that it was my child who had been suffering because her Susie was bullying my daughter by saying mean things about her to other kids and getting very angry with my daughter every time she tried to play with someone other than Susie. Susie also tried to get my daughter to be mean to other kids. I learned all of this from the teacher, and eventually my daughter, when I approached her about it. Bottom line is that Susie was doing her best to isolate my daughter. Susie has been in therapy for a few years for behavioral issues that I didn't think would affect my daughter. I was wrong.

It was draining dealing with Susie and her mom last year (who never thought twice about sending me lengthy texts and emails to "express" her feelings. I eventually put a stop to that by telling her that a phone call was fine but her texts were intrusive and inappropriate, particularly when sent at 10:00PM) ). and it's been a breathe of fresh air having them more or less out of our lives. Now Susie wants to confide in my daughter like they are best friends, which they are not. And now her mom is back to texting me again (to tell me that my daughter needs to keep Susie's confidence). I just want them both to have happy lives, away from me and my daughter. No ill will. I just want them to go away.

It's been somewhat helpful seeing the comments here, although the self-righteousness is always more humorous than helpful!!

This is completely different from what you initially stated as your question/problem. So either they are psychos, and then your initial question is weird, if they are psychos and you want to stay away you would just ignore the request for a "favor" to talk to your kid about x. Or, they are not such psychos, but you want to see them as such to be in the right on this one. Either way, you do you.

OP here. My husband says they are psycho and told me to ignore her but it's hard when her mom brings Susie to my alley for playdates with a mutual friend and they all end up playing in my backyard. I'd love to tell Susie to go away but unless I see or hear her about her behaving inappropriately again, I think that would be awfully harsh. She is a child, after all, so maybe she has changed? I guess what really bothers me is that Susie came to my house uninvited which has led her mom to start texting again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why don't you actually describe what she is asking? Its really hard to answer this in the abstract.

Agree.

[Anonymous]

OP... clearly her request is not the issue, or it's a small symptom of the much larger one.

I think most of us would agree this mom is way out of line in general and with all of her specific requests and grievances.

I don't not think most of us would agree *per se* that other parents should never ask you to talk to your kid about anything-- or at least not that such a request is terribly rude on its face or worth getting upset over.