How do you feel when another parent asks, or tells, you to say or do something with your child?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP... clearly her request is not the issue, or it's a small symptom of the much larger one.

I think most of us would agree this mom is way out of line in general and with all of her specific requests and grievances.

I DO NOT think most of us would agree *per se* that other parents should never ask you to talk to your kid about anything-- or at least not that such a request is terribly rude on its face or worth getting upset over.

Ugh fixed typo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP... clearly her request is not the issue, or it's a small symptom of the much larger one.

I think most of us would agree this mom is way out of line in general and with all of her specific requests and grievances.

I don't not think most of us would agree *per se* that other parents should never ask you to talk to your kid about anything-- or at least not that such a request is terribly rude on its face or worth getting upset over.

OP here. Agreed. If it it's reasonable request, then I see no issue. But, honestly, I 'm actually having a really hard time remembering any other parent ever asking me to talk to my child about ANYTHING.

[Anonymous]

Gen X mom here. It would depend on what the mom asked of me. Could you ask your child to stop poking mine with a stick? Sure, no question I will do that. Could you ask your child to stop telling my child the sky is blue when I tell her it's red? Uh.

You will encounter mothers who drag their feet of being developmentally appropriate. Their child's peers are watching Harry Potter at age 10 but their kid is still watching Paw Patrol. In this case, your child is being developmentally appropriate to their age. It may be better to not hang out with this mother if she can't accept that her 10 year old is no longer 4.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Gen X mom here. It would depend on what the mom asked of me. Could you ask your child to stop poking mine with a stick? Sure, no question I will do that. Could you ask your child to stop telling my child the sky is blue when I tell her it's red? Uh.

You will encounter mothers who drag their feet of being developmentally appropriate. Their child's peers are watching Harry Potter at age 10 but their kid is still watching Paw Patrol. In this case, your child is being developmentally appropriate to their age. It may be better to not hang out with this mother if she can't accept that her 10 year old is no longer 4.

OP here. That's part of the problem here - I don't hang out with this mom and wish her child would stop playing with mine (but they are 8 and outside in the neighborhood with other kids so I don't have much choice on that).

BTW, I finally told the mom to stop texting me about her "requests for favors". Not surprisingly, she got very upset. I hate making people upset but, in this instance, I'm hoping she remembers my response the next time she reaches for her phone to text me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Gen X mom here. It would depend on what the mom asked of me. Could you ask your child to stop poking mine with a stick? Sure, no question I will do that. Could you ask your child to stop telling my child the sky is blue when I tell her it's red? Uh.

You will encounter mothers who drag their feet of being developmentally appropriate. Their child's peers are watching Harry Potter at age 10 but their kid is still watching Paw Patrol. In this case, your child is being developmentally appropriate to their age. It may be better to not hang out with this mother if she can't accept that her 10 year old is no longer 4.

OP here. That's part of the problem here - I don't hang out with this mom and wish her child would stop playing with mine (but they are 8 and outside in the neighborhood with other kids so I don't have much choice on that).

BTW, I finally told the mom to stop texting me about her "requests for favors". Not surprisingly, she got very upset. I hate making people upset but, in this instance, I'm hoping she remembers my response the next time she reaches for her phone to text me.

I think you need to decide that it is not your job to protect her from feeling upset. You need to be kind and reasonable, which you have been, and whatever she feels is on her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. The ask had nothing to do with my child's behavior. Also, there is a history that I think colors my view of this mom and "Susie".

This involves "Susie" being very mean to my child when they were in the same class last year. Although when my child initially mentioned Susie's behavior, I chalked it up to immaturity but, later, when the class teacher raised it with me, I became concerned and put a stop to the play dates outside of school- which, up until that point, I had been very supportive of despite Susie's near-constant attention seeking behavior. Her mom became very irate and emotional, without even acknowledging (even though the teacher had also met with her separately) that it was my child who had been suffering because her Susie was bullying my daughter by saying mean things about her to other kids and getting very angry with my daughter every time she tried to play with someone other than Susie. Susie also tried to get my daughter to be mean to other kids. I learned all of this from the teacher, and eventually my daughter, when I approached her about it. Bottom line is that Susie was doing her best to isolate my daughter. Susie has been in therapy for a few years for behavioral issues that I didn't think would affect my daughter. I was wrong.

It was draining dealing with Susie and her mom last year (who never thought twice about sending me lengthy texts and emails to "express" her feelings. I eventually put a stop to that by telling her that a phone call was fine but her texts were intrusive and inappropriate, particularly when sent at 10:00PM) ). and it's been a breathe of fresh air having them more or less out of our lives. Now Susie wants to confide in my daughter like they are best friends, which they are not. And now her mom is back to texting me again (to tell me that my daughter needs to keep Susie's confidence). I just want them both to have happy lives, away from me and my daughter. No ill will. I just want them to go away.

It's been somewhat helpful seeing the comments here, although the self-righteousness is always more humorous than helpful!!

This is completely different from what you initially stated as your question/problem. So either they are psychos, and then your initial question is weird, if they are psychos and you want to stay away you would just ignore the request for a "favor" to talk to your kid about x. Or, they are not such psychos, but you want to see them as such to be in the right on this one. Either way, you do you.

OP here. My husband says they are psycho and told me to ignore her but it's hard when her mom brings Susie to my alley for playdates with a mutual friend and they all end up playing in my backyard. I'd love to tell Susie to go away but unless I see or hear her about her behaving inappropriately again, I think that would be awfully harsh. She is a child, after all, so maybe she has changed? I guess what really bothers me is that Susie came to my house uninvited which has led her mom to start texting again.

Wait, wha? There are people on your property whom you don't want to be there? Is it so important to curry favor with the mutual friend to keep up "nice" appearances?
I would tell the mom in the neutral terms over texts, that you received her text, but no, you won't be talking to your child about it. No explanations. Then, maybe you won't be finding Susie in the backyard. You can't have it both ways - either you want to get rid of this friend, or you want to appear nice. Something's gotta give.

[Anonymous]

OP, you’re good at setting boundaries which is something many people have a hard time with. Stick with them. I appreciate you giving that child many chances. You seem nice. Nicer than me, that’s for sure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. The ask had nothing to do with my child's behavior. Also, there is a history that I think colors my view of this mom and "Susie".

This involves "Susie" being very mean to my child when they were in the same class last year. Although when my child initially mentioned Susie's behavior, I chalked it up to immaturity but, later, when the class teacher raised it with me, I became concerned and put a stop to the play dates outside of school- which, up until that point, I had been very supportive of despite Susie's near-constant attention seeking behavior. Her mom became very irate and emotional, without even acknowledging (even though the teacher had also met with her separately) that it was my child who had been suffering because her Susie was bullying my daughter by saying mean things about her to other kids and getting very angry with my daughter every time she tried to play with someone other than Susie. Susie also tried to get my daughter to be mean to other kids. I learned all of this from the teacher, and eventually my daughter, when I approached her about it. Bottom line is that Susie was doing her best to isolate my daughter. Susie has been in therapy for a few years for behavioral issues that I didn't think would affect my daughter. I was wrong.

It was draining dealing with Susie and her mom last year (who never thought twice about sending me lengthy texts and emails to "express" her feelings. I eventually put a stop to that by telling her that a phone call was fine but her texts were intrusive and inappropriate, particularly when sent at 10:00PM) ). and it's been a breathe of fresh air having them more or less out of our lives. Now Susie wants to confide in my daughter like they are best friends, which they are not. And now her mom is back to texting me again (to tell me that my daughter needs to keep Susie's confidence). I just want them both to have happy lives, away from me and my daughter. No ill will. I just want them to go away.

It's been somewhat helpful seeing the comments here, although the self-righteousness is always more humorous than helpful!!

This is completely different from what you initially stated as your question/problem. So either they are psychos, and then your initial question is weird, if they are psychos and you want to stay away you would just ignore the request for a "favor" to talk to your kid about x. Or, they are not such psychos, but you want to see them as such to be in the right on this one. Either way, you do you.

OP here. My husband says they are psycho and told me to ignore her but it's hard when her mom brings Susie to my alley for playdates with a mutual friend and they all end up playing in my backyard. I'd love to tell Susie to go away but unless I see or hear her about her behaving inappropriately again, I think that would be awfully harsh. She is a child, after all, so maybe she has changed? I guess what really bothers me is that Susie came to my house uninvited which has led her mom to start texting again.

Wait, wha? There are people on your property whom you don't want to be there? Is it so important to curry favor with the mutual friend to keep up "nice" appearances?
I would tell the mom in the neutral terms over texts, that you received her text, but no, you won't be talking to your child about it. No explanations. Then, maybe you won't be finding Susie in the backyard. You can't have it both ways - either you want to get rid of this friend, or you want to appear nice. Something's gotta give.

OP here. Its a group of neighborhood kids that play together. They go between my backyard, the alley and other backyards (though not Susie's because her house is a block away ). I'm not going to say "Everyone but Susie can come in my backyard". I have no interest in making their mutual friends pick sides - which is what would happen if I told Susie she had to stay away. Susie creates drama on some level all the time so I'm pretty sure my kids would keep their mutual friends. But I don't want to go there. Yet. If her crazy mom texts me again I may just change my mind.

[Anonymous]

JFC, I am glad that I have one son and a full time job that keeps me pretty busy. Block her texts, let the kids decide whether to play outside in the neighborhood as long as they are not antagonizing each other and getting into physical altercations, and move on with your life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:JFC, I am glad that I have one son and a full time job that keeps me pretty busy. Block her texts, let the kids decide whether to play outside in the neighborhood as long as they are not antagonizing each other and getting into physical altercations, and move on with your life.

OP here. I don't need your judgment. I work full time as well and have two children and an elderly mom who lives with us. But news flash, this isn't about who has it harder or easier. I like seeking advice on this forum. Why are you on here? To pass judgment on people? Perhaps you need more kids and an extra job.