MIL pissed we didn't acknowledge/remember her wedding anniversary

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In my family, anniversaries are between spouses.

Agreed

[Anonymous]

We forget our own anniversary sometimes and remember a few days later. I know some people consider it a very big deal, and they aren't wrong, but it's also not wrong to not care that much.

I actually have no idea what the exact date of my in laws' anniversary is, just the month. Sometimes I remember my parents' anniversary and text my mom.

[Anonymous]

DH always called to say Happy Anniversary to his parents. I do with mine.

Make it your DH's responsibility. It isn't a big deal to text "Happy Anniversary ".

[Anonymous]

Why are you even thinking about this? Don't make this an "us" issue when this is your husband's issue.

Husband training starts early especially if you married a Mama's boy.

[Anonymous]

Did your husband acknowledge and/or do something for his parents’ anniversary before you married him? Or is this something your MIL now expects after you married him? I find some in-laws expect things of their daughters in law that they never expected from their sons. To which I say: eff off.

[Anonymous]

Who cares? It's just not your problem. She can be pissed about whatever. Tell her she can take it up with the son she raised, and keep it moving.

[Anonymous]

Is your MIL generally a narcissist? Does DH usually do something beyond text or card? I think I’m sorry flowers is overkill if he doesn’t usually send anniversary flowers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Yes, newlywed and not a big milestone anniversary either. My husband's thinking about sending "I'm sorry" flowers but I really don't want to. I would never expect anyone to remember my wedding anniversary.

This should be between him and his parents. If he wants to send flowers, don't interfere.

[Anonymous]

I actually would just let her be pissed. If you give in, I feel like you might be giving her power to think she can control more things in your life. Just send a text, "I'm sorry we forgot your anniversary."

FWIW when I got married, DH didn't know anyone's birthdays or anniversaries. I had to figure it all out and now it's on our iphone calendar. So we missed a lot of them. We dated for years before marriage and never received a Christmas card either. Our first married Christmas, I think we got about 40 from his side. I hadn't even ordered enough Christmas cards to send them back to all those people. Dating to married is a huge change. Suddenly all those people who ignored you for years want to be involved in your life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This was on your husband to remember. But I would set a boundary from the beginning. I don't believe in gifts on anniversaries other than the milestone ones (25/50). I also don't expect anyone to remember mine. We received gifts on our first anniversary, but nothing after that.

I think I would set a boundary here too, but mine would be that you're responsible for remembering your family's important dates. Let that slip and you'll be responsible for MiL's birthday, SiL's Christmas gifts, niece's graduation...

[Anonymous]

I have to acknowledge my dad's anniversary (to Wife #2) but they do not acknowledge mine.

[Anonymous]

It depends on the dynamic. In our family, we wish - message, call, or facetime everyone on their anniversaries. It's like a reason to touch base with each other, cousins, aunts, uncles, etc, so immediate family siblings' and parents' anniversaries are important to us. We don't send gifts but always acknowledge. But this didn't happen in one day, that's how it has always been but if someone forgets it's not a big deal either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I actually would just let her be pissed. If you give in, I feel like you might be giving her power to think she can control more things in your life. Just send a text, "I'm sorry we forgot your anniversary.".

This. It’s possible she’s feeling...competitive or neglected or something now that you are officially your DH’s Number One woman in his life? Regardless, just say sorry and wish them a belated Happy Anniversary, and let that message come from your husband. Then put a reminder on your phone’s family calendar so every year from now in you remember to wish them. And you’d better talk to your DH now about Mother’s Day both this year and once you have any kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Yes, newlywed and not a big milestone anniversary either. My husband's thinking about sending "I'm sorry" flowers but I really don't want to. I would never expect anyone to remember my wedding anniversary.

Has he always done something before?

Why should OP care, or do anything, even if he has?

-My mom's best friend lost her only son when I was in my early 20s. Every year, I send her "International Jane Day" flowers a few weeks ahead of Mother's Day.

-I have an aunt who is big into cards, and her adult sons do not send her birthday cards; she is also widowed. She loves that she gets cards from me for her birthday, Valentine's Day, Christmas, and pretty much any holiday or occasion I can come up with. I've been doing this for her since high school.

Once I got married, did these suddenly become my husband's "thing," or his responsibility?

NOPE!

[Anonymous]

My MIL sprung this on me a few years ago as well and basically told me that she expects a big party when she and FIL reach a wedding anniversary milestone. I was pretty shocked too. I honestly don't even remember the date or year